(no subject)
We all know that my father has not been much of a father to me the past few years. Well, on Fathers Day I was debating on calling him and wishing him a Happy Father's Day. I decided to be the bigger person and call him. Even though he didnt so much as acknowledge my birthday last year. He seemed genuinely happy that I had called him. But my mom told me later the he had called to talk to her and during their conversation he said that I am dead to him. I didn't believe her, or rather I didn't want to believe her. I wanted to believe that my father loved and cared about me even though he never showed it. I found out tonight that he really did tell my mom that I'm dead to him. What the hell?! How can a father say that about their daughter?? What did I ever do to him? He's an asshole. I can't believe that I have his genes in me. I don't understand what happened. When I was younger I used to be at his house every other weekend and he'd take my sister and I to all kinds of places. But now since I dont go and visit him anymore I am dead to him?! It's not like he takes time to call me or visit me. He doesn't bother to find out what is going on in my life. The only time he calls is to wish me a Merry Christmas or a Happy Birthday. That is if I'm lucky enough for him to think about me. He is too busy flying to Mississippi every 2 weeks to see his girlfriend, whom he met on my 16th birthday. That's right, he was too busy meeting his new girlfriend to pick up the phone and call me on my 16th birthday, much less visit me. I was only 20 minutes away. But he has no problem driving 1 hour to an airport to pick her up, or fly to Mississippi every 2 weeks. He claims that he's poor and has no money to give me or buy me presents with, but he can afford to fly twice a month. Cheap bastard. The only money that I "see" out of him is the child support he is forced to pay for my sister and I. And I don't even technically see that. The last time I saw him he came to my house in Quakertown to get my brothers stuff and all I got out of him was a "Hi, how are you?" and then a "take care Kate" as he was leaving. How can someone have no heart? I would call him but everytime I do he tries to make me feel like shit for not calling or visiting him more often (like tonight). Well it works both ways asshole, you never visit me either. My stepdad has been more of a father to me then my biological father since I was four years old. Even when all that stuff happened when I was younger it was my stepdad that was there for me every step of the way. My father could care less what happened, and I was only 8 years old then! If I had it my way, my father would no longer be a part of my life. It hurts too much to have him in it. But, I can't do that to my mom. She depends on the little bit of money we get out of him for child support. If I were to have my stepdad adopt me, my mom would lose that money. I just can't understand how someone could be such a cold hearted bastard.