Decisions have been made
I'm not letting him make me worry anymore. I'm so sick of worrying about shit I can't change, and I don't even know if I want to change. I hate her. I have no right, and I love her as a person, but she makes my life living hell and she doesn't even know it. I never know what he wants or what he is thinking about me because she is there, and the are so "sprung" off eachother. Its all she can talk about. SHE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT GOES ON WHEN SHE ISN'T WATCHING!. All I want to do is tell everyone what is going on and to have it all out in the open. I don't know whether to be happy because I have him sometimes, or whether to feel like a complete shit about it, which I do. Next time I get the chance, I'm going to fuck his brains out. I've been waiting six months for it and she isn't gonna get in my way. Why else would he cheat on her? I hate being here and hearing about how great things have been going for them. Doesn't my friend who tells me all this shit about them realize what she is saying. For a perosn who tried on numerous occasion to keep the two of us off each other, she has no idea how much it hurts every time I hear he's with her. I want to be the one he's having such a great time wioth her. Have some fucking sensitivity for a change! How the hell am I supposed to figure this out? I want him as a friend and for the sex, but not as a boyfriend. I can't say why. He wants me for the same things and I doubt he could explain it any better. If my friend thinks she's gonna stop it then she has another thing coming. She has work, and school, she can't babysit me 24-7. We're both fucking older then she is anyways, why the fuck does she think she has any right to say what we can and can't do?!?! And I can't even yell at her! I have to keep my fucking mouth shut so she won't open her's to his GF! And I worry that every time I leave, he will decide I'm shit and not worth it. Maybe I'm not.
I'm sorry this made no sense.