{BtVS} Safe in Green Eyes - Standalone
Story Name: Safe in Green Eyes
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Author: Rebekah Davenport
Rating: 18
Pairing: Oz/Willow/Xander at start changing to Oz/Xander
Words: 7,070
Summary: A response to the November challenge on dirty_fic. This is a Xander/Oz fic involving suspension and elements of BDSM. Caution is advised. Post Lovers Walk fiction, where instead of keeping apart, Willow manoeuvers Xander and Oz together so she can have both her men close to her at all times but then she meets Tara and starts to neglect her existing relationship, leaving Oz to mop up behind her. This fic has had so many false starts and mental blocks surrounding it. I just hope that it reads okay. It is one of the singlemost demanding fics I've written in a very long time. Enjoy.
~#~#~
The chains clinked as they curled around the body of the winch. His hands clenched, palms starting to sweat slightly as his legs were raised inch by inch off the ground, slowly followed by the rest of him until he hung upside-down, held only by the chains wrapped tightly around his bound ankles. He could already feel the strain on his feet, his knees, his back as he stared at the concrete below his head. His hands hung loose, fingers stretching for the ground but falling short. Hands traced down his sides, his arms. They felt strong and sure against his skin. He looked up into caring green eyes and smiled, trusting completely as the redhead in front of him bound his hands together with a long strip of leather.
That familiar feeling of helplessness started to crawl through him as his situation sank in, helped along by the heavy feeling of blood rushing towards his head. He closed his eyes, letting himself revel in the feeling. Losing himself in them. He knew that his face would be flushed and not only from his position. He’d been in this situation a multitude of times. Well… Not exactly this situation but similar enough. It didn’t stop the embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. Hanging there. Naked. Vulnerable. Unable to hide anything of himself. Available completely to his owners. And that was what they were now, no longer lovers, but owners who could do whatever they wanted with him.
His usual façade was completely forgotten as need took him and possessed him totally. It was something he had never gotten over… And part of him hoped he never would.
He was brought back to reality as soft leather caressed his skin, trailing lazily in strands over his stomach and chest. A single stray strand brushed past his nipple making him moan. The strands teased over his skin from his throat to his half hard cock, barely touching him. A flick of wrist and the leather strands hit him a little harder making him gasp. The sting was soothed again by the brush of the strands over his skin. Another flick followed by another sensual stroke. Then another and another until his entire chest was sensitized. His nipples stood pebble hard as he struggled to keep from panting.
Behind him, he could feel a tickle of breath on the back of his thigh as someone leaned in to place feather light kisses on the backs of his legs, dropping lower with each kiss. Each touch of lips to skin left a tiny amount of moisture, just enough to cause a tingle with each exhale of warm breath over his skin. He felt fingernails trailing just behind his knees, making him tense the muscles and bit his lip as an attempt to keep the girlish giggle inside. The kisses changed to tiny bites, trailing from his thighs down over the cheeks of his ass, alternating sides at random until he couldn’t tell what was coming next.
Giving into the sensations, he allowed himself to hang there, eyes closed and let his owners have their way with him. After all, he was powerless to do anything to stop them at this precise moment in time. But as soon as that thought entered his head, he found himself tensing up. His eyes opened and stared at the concrete below his head. Horrific images flooded his mind in that instant. Of his head cracked open on the concrete. Of chains straining and snapping. Of his own stupidity coming back to haunt him. In that instant, he knew the moment was lost but still, he struggled to find it again. His mind’s eye saw the look of disappointment on his lovers’ faces and he bit back anything he tried to say, closing his eyes again and trying to retreat back into his mind. Trying to find the good feelings that he had experienced just moments before. But it was useless. He could already feel the prickling feeling of tears gathering behind his closed eyes. Knowing he had to do something, say something, he opened his mouth, mind scrambling frantically for what to say to minimize the disappointment that he knew they would feel at him. But it was too late.
The first proper strike of the flogger fell on his skin. It was burning hot and painful as it fell, robbing the breath from him. He could feel himself spinning. Literally spinning as he hung from the ceiling. Panicked he let his eyes open. The ground beneath his feet spun as the momentum carried him around and around. Another strike, this one on the other side, sent him spinning rapidly the other way. The gruesome images passed before his eyes again, but more horrific this time. Nausea filled him. His mind furiously tried to grasp his safe word from the back of his mind. He needed to stop this. He needed to be free. He needed…
“Elephant! Elephant! ELEPHANT!” He screamed the last word, tears running freely from his eyes and disappearing into his hairline.
He felt strong hands catch him, hold him still, steady and then he was being lowered to the ground, carefully, slowly. Strong arms pulled him closer to a warm body, holding him there while whispering comforting noises in his ear. He looked up into the green eyes, reading the concern in them. No disappointment. Not yet.
“Shhh. You’re safe now. Safe. It’s alright.”
The soft voice whispered in his ear. He relaxed for a moment, letting himself believe it. Suddenly, the wave of nausea washed over him again and he was scrambling to his feet. The warm arms didn’t seem to understand, wouldn’t let him go. He pushed harder. Finally getting free, he ran to the bathroom and emptied his stomach into the white porcelain toilet. His stomach heaved hard, not even content when it was empty. Reaching up, he fumbled for the handle and pulled it. Clean water rushed in, erasing everything while he turned and sat on the cold hard floor, eyes closed, panting hard. A hand brushed through his hair. Startled slightly, he opened his eyes. His lovers sat beside him, worried about their pet, and, more importantly, their friend. A glass of water was held out for him. He took it and sipped some of the water from it.
“Xander? Oh my God! What happened? You okay?”
The words seemed to run into each other as she spoke. Xander forced a smile as he looked over at his oldest friend.
“I’m fine, Will. Just got a bit dizzy and well…” He pointed towards the toilet.
She seemed happy with the explanation and proceeded to dab his forehead with a damp towel. Xander didn’t exactly know what that was supposed to accomplish but it seemed to make her feel better. He turned a little and looked at his other lover. Oz sat on the floor with him, not much out of touching distance as if poised to offer comfort as he had earlier. He had an odd look on his face as he met Xander’s eyes. Xander looked away before Oz figured out the truth of the situation, hiding behind the glass of water again.
“You sure you’re okay?” Willow asked again.
“Yeah, Wills. I’m fine. You know me!” He smiled again, trying to reassure her.
“Yeah!”
The one word sentence came from Oz. Xander’s eyes flashed to Oz’s green ones before dropping to the floor. There was always something hiding behind those eyes that Xander could never work out. Of course, he usually put it down to Oz being way smarter than him, but there was something else hiding behind those clear green eyes as well.
The primal side of Xander seemed to put it down to a growing disappointment. How could it be anything else given that he'd just flaked during a scene, and not a particularly heavy scene? Xander sighed and drew in on himself. He had to get out of here. He had to leave before the disappointment grew. His mind travelled back to the eighteen years spent under his parent's roof and pictured the look in his father's eye before he turned the belt on Xander. He could see the disappointment clearly. Shit, he'd thought that he'd worked through most of these issues.
Pulling away from his lovers, Xander got to his feet and made a show of looking at the clock. "Wow, is that the time? Working the late shift tonight. I should get going."
Willow stood and pulled him close and hugged him. "Okay, mister, but we're still going to talk about this!"
Xander said nothing as he hugged back, hoping that if he left it alone that it would all die away. But a look at Oz told him that it might be asking too much.
"Sure..." He forced a smile. "We'll talk."
Without saying anything more, Xander turned and walked out the door trying desperately to remember to breathe and to forget that he'd just lied to his best friends.
#~#~#
Oz sat in his favourite chair, plucking at the strings of his guitar as his mind churned away, trying to solve the problem of Xander. Cutting out of a scene suddenly wasn't Xander's style, although brushing it off as insignificant definately was. Xander had been conspicuously absent from their apartment recently, claiming that he had been given extra shifts and needed to sleep, not play. He'd even gone back to sleeping in his parent's basement, which only added to Oz's worry. He could understand the need for sleep but that didn't mean that he didn't miss having Xander curled up between himself and Willow at night.
Oz sighed and put the guitar to one side as he got to his feet. It wasn't hard to see that something was going on with Xander. He just didn't know what... yet. Maybe Willow would have a clue?
He walked towards her room and knocked on the door. He could hear her voice inside, chatting and giggling with someone else but there was no answer. He tried again. This time, he heard footsteps inside and the door opened.
"Oh, hey Oz!" Willow smiled at him.
"Um... Hey! You gotta minute?"
He didn't want to pull her away from what she was doing, but this was important.
"Sure, I was just talking to Tara about spells and stuff. Turns out she's a Wiccan too. Isn't that great?" Willow was practically bubbly as she spoke.
Oz looked over her shoulder to the tall blonde sitting on his girlfriend's bed.
"Hey!" He said, neutrally.
"H...h..hi!" She stuttered to get the words out.
Oz turned his attention back to Willow, who seemed to be preoccupied with the woman on the bed. He coughed lightly.
"I was just wondering. Did you ever have that talk with Xander?" Oz asked, trying to be as subtle as possible given that they weren't alone.
"Um, no." Willow answered. "He's been busy this week. Why?"
"Just a bit worried, I guess."
"About Xander?" Willow looked puzzled. "It's Xander, he'll be okay."
Oz just looked at her. Part of him couldn't believe what she was saying. Xander had pulled out of a scene suddenly and basically run off and Willow didn't seem to understand why that was a bad thing. Didn't seem to think that Xander screaming out his safeword and running off was in any way unusual or something that needed to be discussed. Oz shook his head and turned to walk off.
"Oz..." Willow reached out to touch his arm.
"Did you see his face when he safeworded?" Oz asked, his back still towards Willow. "He was afraid, Will."
He slowly turned to look Willow in the eye.
"It's not a game. It's real. He was completely helpless, Willow. He needed us to be there for him and we let him run off without helping him to ground himself again. He's probably out there somewhere thinking that he's blown it. You've known him for years but you keep missing how insecure he can be." Oz's voice rose as he spoke, anger creeping in.
"But Xander..." Willow cut in.
"'But Xander' nothing. I'm going to go out and find him, see if I can figure out what happened." Oz turned and walked away, leaving Willow standing there watching after him.
#~#~#
"And if you see him, tell him he's fired!"
Oz nodded and backed out of the fast food joint. He couldn't say that he was surprised that Xander hadn't showed up to work but it did leave the gaping question of where Xander was. Oz sat back into his van and started to drive around. His 'kinda worried' had turned into full blown worry. He'd called Buffy, Giles, everyone he could think of, but no one had seen Xander all week. Oz sighed. There was one place left on his list, and he really hoped that Xander wasn't there.
He pulled up outside Xander's parents house and climbed out of the van. He made his way around to the side entrance of the house, to the door to the basement and knocked on the wood. There was no sound on the other side. On impulse, Oz tried the handle and was surprised with the door opened. Oz eased himself in slowly. The place was a mess. There wasn't one piece of floor visible under the mounds of dirty clothing. Empty bottles were piled up on the surfaces around the room.
"Ugh!"
The sound seemed to be coming from roughly where Oz remembered the bed to be. Oz watched his step as he made his way over. He leaned down and pulled back the covers and clothes on the bed to reveal a dishevelled Xander. From the smell, it seemed like he hadn't seen the inside of a shower all week. He hadn't shaved and the clothes he wore were sweat stained. Oz looked around the basement. Seeing what he wanted, he walked over and picked up the bucket. He filled it with cold water and walked back to the bed. Pausing for a second, he tipped the bucket over the sleeping figure.
"What the..." Xander woke up spluttering and disorientated.
It took him a minute or two to figure out where he was and why he was wet, and another minute to notice Oz standing there with the empty bucket.
"Oz?" Xander pulled himself up and off the bed, hand rubbing over his wet face.
"Van's outside. I'm taking you home." Oz dropped the bucket on the floor and made for the door.
"I am home!" Xander argued, pulling off his shirt.
Oz turned to look at Xander and gestured to the mess that was the room. "This is home? Xander, look around. This is a dump. You've already moved your important stuff to our apartment."
Xander collapsed on the bed again, his eyes on the shirt in his hands. "I... I can't!"
Oz moved back to Xander and lifted his chin up until Xander was looking him in the eye. "Xander, whatever it is... We can talk about it. At least come back to the apartment and grab a shower, some clean clothes and a cup of coffee."
Xander struggled to hold Oz's gaze. He couldn't quite bring himself to see anything but the imagined disappointment in the other man's eyes. He tried to shake his head but something inside stopped him. Part of him wanted to say yes, to go with Oz and let everything be forgotten, but his guilt told him it was impossible. He tried to pull back from Oz's hand but the red head wasn't letting him go.
"Xander. Get in the van!"
He forced himself to look into Oz's eyes. The green eyes were hard but still caring. He found himself thinking that it might not be as bad as he thought it was going to be. Or at least he was hoping that it wouldn't be. Picking up one of his better smelling shirts, Xander followed Oz out to the van. Nothing was said on the trip to the apartment. Nothing was said as they walked up the steps or into the apartment. If fact, nothing was said until Xander was sitting in the kitchen, hair still wet and with a cup of coffee in his hand.
"What happened?" Oz asked quietly.
Xander curled his hands around the cup, staring into the dark liquid. An eternity passed before he spoke.
"I don't know."
Oz watched Xander carefully. There was a lost look in Xander's eye that worried him. Xander had hidden away from the world for a week, retreating into whatever little world his head had spun. He needed to figure out the root to the problem. And fix it. Standing up, he walked over to Xander and took the cup from his hand. Xander looked up, confused.
"Come with me!"
Oz walked out of the room, listening all the time to hear if Xander was following him. He opened the door to the playroom and waited for Xander to reach him.
Xander suspected where they were going the second that Oz told him to go with him. He couldn't say that he was happy with the idea but he didn't know how to say no. Oz had come looking for him. He'd cared enough. Course, it had taken him a week. Xander pushed the thought from his head. This was his friend. His lover. The person who curled into his back at night and held him through his nightmares. He shook his head. He needed to clear his thoughts.
"Look into the room, Xander." Oz directed.
Xander curled around the doorframe and looked into the room. Not knowing what he was supposed to be looking at, he looked back at Oz.
"Look around the room. What makes you nervous?"
Xander's jaw dropped as he tried to gather his wits. "W...What?"
Oz took Xander's hand and led him into the room. He was careful not to close the door, to not make Xander feel trapped.
"The last time you were in here, you safeworded and ran. And we... I let you. I should have chased after you. I shouldn't have let you go out there, not until we talked it out." Oz apologized. "I'm sorry. I should have come for you sooner."
Xander gaped at Oz's confession. Of all the things that he'd expected Oz to say, that wasn't one of them. Without thinking, Xander leaned in and pressed his lips to Oz's. Oz seemed startled for a second but then he started kissing back, deepening the kiss and letting his arms wrap around Xander's waist.
When they broke the kiss, they were panting hard. One of Oz'a arms stayed around Xander's waist as he led him deeper into the room. Turning to face Xander, he looked him in the eye.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
There was no hesitation in Xander's voice.
"No, Xan. I really need you to think about this. Do you trust me? Completely?" Oz asked, still looking in Xander's chocolatey eyes.
Xander nodded. "Yeah. I do."
"Then I need you to tell me what happened last week. Okay?" Oz's voice was calm.
Xander swallowed hard, pulling away from Oz.
"I... The spinning... I had to... Dizzy." Xander had trouble getting the words out.
"It wasn't just that, was it?" Oz asked.
"Yeah... Yeah..." Xander tried to keep up the lie but he couldn't. "No... It was the hanging there. Upside down." Xander turned his back to Oz, walking over to where the chains hung on the walls. "And then you tied my hands and I was helpless. Couldn't do anything. Couldn't even catch myself if the chains broke. Couldn't..."
Oz pulled Xander into his arms as the first of the tears start to fall and held him close.
"It's okay now. I have you. Never going to let you fall." Oz whispered reassurances in his ear as his hand snaked up into Xander's hair, brushing it gently.
Xander curled around the slightly shorter man as he let the hurt and pain of the last week drain out of him. He felt safe, surrounded by Oz's arms. But something still niggled at the back of his mind.
"Never gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. Never make you do that again." Oz whispered in his ear.
"No... No... I..." Xander started, still sobbing. "I think I need to... I think I need you to..." He gestured to the chains on the walls.
"What?" Oz was confused.
"I... I... " Xander stopped and tried to get his thoughts together. "I don't want to feel like this. Not anymore. It's been a week and I can't.. I can't do it. I think... I need to do this, Oz. Please?"
Oz looked into Xander's eyes, the green eyes looking deep inside him, searching for something.
Finally, Oz pulled back a little. "Okay... But we do this my way. You tell me what you're feeling and if you're uncomfortable we stop. If I think you're starting to freak, I'm stopping the whole thing. Understood?"
Xander nodded, tears replaced now by a smile.
Oz took a deep breath, closed his eyes and tried to center himself. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world with all the emotion flying around the room but he managed. He pulled back from Xander and opened his eyes again, drawing slightly on his inner beast. Finally, he opened his eyes. He was Alpha. He was in charge. Xander was his.
Xander watched as Oz dropped into his headspace, the dominant personality coming to the fore. He looked into Oz's green eyes as he opened them and found the familiar hardness that came out when they played.
"Strip!" Oz's voice was soft, but held a note of steel with it.
Xander didn't hesitated. The t-shirt and jeans he had hastily grabbed after his shower were disguarded and put to one side. Head bent and hands joined behind his back, he came to stand in front of Oz again, already starting to fall into that familiar feeling of submission, of giving up control.
Oz walked around him, eyes crawling over the pale skin possessively.
"Go to the equipment that we used the last day and examine it." Oz ordered.
Xander took a deep breath before he started moving, his mind cataloguing all the equipment they had used and deciding which to examine first. It took a second but he decided to look at the restraints first. He walked over to the cupboard where they were kept and opened the door. He closed his eyes again, picturing which restraints had been used. He picked up a pair of ankle cuffs and turned them over in his hands, looking at the stitching, the multiple d-rings, each bolted in place and reinforced, perfect for suspension. Turning, he walked over to where Oz still stood and placed them gently on the ground before Oz's feet.
Without waiting for Oz to say anything, he turned and walked to where the chains rested against the wall. With shaking hands he unclipped them from the hook that kept them neatly held out of the way. They clinked as they moved. Xander picked them up and moved them to the center of the room, letting them hang freely from the loop on the ceiling. Xander traced as much of the chains as he was able, checking them for strains, stretched links, rust spots. They were clean. He knew that they were only about three weeks old. Installed after the big discussion about suspension.
His next stop was the winch on the wall. He walked over to it and quickly checked it, winding it a little and locking it off. Then he walked back to the chain and taking hold of the chain, he pulled as hard as he could. The winch didn't release even a link of the chain.
There were only two things left. Xander moved towards another wall, this one holding a variety of crops and whips and other vicious looking instruments and picked down the flogger that had been used a week ago. He took a moment to caress the hundreds of soft strands before lifting it to his nose and breathing in that wonderful scent of leather. He could feel his cock start to fill just from the smell. Again, he moved to where Oz was standing, watching him, and placed the flogger at his feet.
One thing left. Just one. Xander moved back to the cupboard that held the restraints and picked out the long piece of leather that had been used to tie his hands. He stretched it slightly, feeling how much the material gave, feeling the smooth texture on one side and the slightly softer, rougher feeling on the other. His hands were trembling again as he moved back to Oz and placed the final item on the floor before taking his own place, kneeling beside the equipment.
Oz finally moved, walking until he was in front of Xander. Hunching down, he hooked a finger under Xander's chin and lifted his face up until he was looking down into those chocolate eyes.
"You've examined the equipment?" Oz asked.
Xander nodded, or tried to. "Yes, Sir."
"Did you discover any faults?"
"No, Sir."
"Are you satisfied that the chains will take your weight without breaking?" Oz persisted, needing Xander's answer.
Xander took a deep breath before he answered, going over everything he had seen in his mind. "Yes, Sir."
Oz smiled down at him. "Good, pet."
Xander smiled at the praise, feeling his cheeks start to redden.
Oz released his chin and moved to the equipment on the ground. Xander watched him pick up one of the restraints before moving behind him and fastening it to one of Xander's ankles. Xander felt it tight, but not too tight. There was still play between the leather and his skin. It would allow some movement when he was being raised. Oz picked up the second and quickly fastened it.
"Stand." Oz ordered.
Xander stood, glad to be off the cold concrete floor.
"I'm going to thread the chain through the rings now. How are you feeling?" Oz's voice was soft again, caring.
"Fine, Sir. I'm fine." Xander answered.
He was feeling a little anxious but so far it was under control.
Oz picked up on of the chains, letting it run though his hands until he found the end before walking back to Xander. Kneeling in front of Xander, he started running the chain through the D rings, making sure that it was looped around both ankles but still comfortable enough that it wouldn't chafe too badly. Satisfied with the result, he looked up at Xander or rather, at Xander's cock that was right in front of him. Reaching out, he gently took the organ in his hand and caressed it gently.
Xander's breath caught in his throat as Oz took him in hand and pumped his cock. The anxiety faded to the background as desire took over. Xander closed his eyes, letting the feelings take him over. His hips started thrusting to deepen the strokes, but as soon as he had started doing that, Oz pulled away. Xander moaned at the loss only to find himself drawn into a kiss. He returned it with fervour.
Oz let his hands run over Xander's body as they kissed. His thumb brushed over a nipple, causing it to peak at the contact. Xander gasped into his mouth. Oz smirked as he caught the nub between finger and thumb and started to roll it back and forth. Xander broke off the kiss as he moaned out loud. Oz leaned down, taking the other nipple in his mouth and gently sucked on it, before taking it between his teeth and carefully nipping it.
Xander fought to keep his hands behind his back and clasped, even though all he wanted was to run his fingers through Oz's hair and hold him in place. Finally, Oz pulled back, leaving a panting Xander behind.
"I'm going to start now, pet!" Oz said quietly.
Xander nodded. The anxiety was back but the need to do his best was pushing past the worry.
Xander almost tripped in his effort to comply. He'd forgotten that his feet were now chained together, he was so caught up in the moment. But Oz was there to steady him and help him lie on the ground. Xander closed his eyes as the coldness of the concrete started to spread to his skin, and deeper. He knew it wouldn’t last long. Soon, he would feel the pull of the chains picking him up and pulling him until he was completely upside down. Until he was staring at the concrete. He took some deep breaths. He’d checked the chains. He knew they were strong. He knew they wouldn’t break. So why wasn’t that stopping the worry that was eating at his insides?
Oz watched Xander carefully, noting the increase in his breathing and the crinkling around his eyes.
“Xander. I need you to listen to me. Just focus on my voice.” Oz spoke clearly, just loud enough to be heard. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You’re safe here. You know that, right?”
Xander nodded slightly.
“I need you to talk to me, Xander. Tell me how you’re doing.”
Xander took a moment before answering. “Nervous.”
Oz paused with his hand on the winch crank. Thoughts flew through his mind. Was this the right thing to be doing? Should he have said no? What if Xander freaked out again? Shit! But he’d asked him for this. Said he needed it. Oz took a deep breath and started turning the crank, picking up the slack.
Xander could hear the crank turning and the metal clinking as it wrapped around the core of the winch. He could start to feel the pull on his ankles, raising slightly off the ground. The chains tightened in the restraints, bringing his feet closer together than they were before. He could hear Oz’s voice in the background as he kept talking to him, giving him something to focus on, keeping him grounded.
His knees were next leaving the ground as the chains pulled him up. He watched, trying to minimize the stress on his body, shifting on the floor to find the best angle. Up and up, pulling him vertical until he was only touching the floor with his arms. And then nothing. He was completely suspended and Oz was beside him, touching him, comforting him, just being there to make sure that he was safe, that he was alright. And he was. Mostly. He could remember the horrible visions that he’d seen the last time but he had pushed them to the back of his mind. He wouldn’t think of them. Wouldn’t give into them any more. Wouldn’t!
Oz locked off the winch and moved to Xander’s side, touching him, letting his hands run over the stretched figure of his lover. Xander was breathing slowly now, his eyes still closed. Strong regular breaths. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. He knew that Xander was losing himself in that place he usually went to during a scene. He was proud, so proud of his lover. And he told him so. Again and again.
Oz had no real idea what he was saying, just that his lips was moving as he tried to reassure Xander. He moved to pick up the long piece of leather, letting his thumb rub over the smooth surface. This had been the start of Xander’s breakdown. Tieing his hands. What if it happened again? Could he get him down in time? Oz felt his palms start to sweat. This wouldn’t do Xander any good. He needed to be strong, be in control… Not just for him, but for Xander too. He’d told him that he would keep him safe and he would. No matter the cost.
He wiped his palms on his jeans and moved back to Xander. He smiled as he watched Xander’s chest rising and falling, the muscles rippling as he breathed. Oz let his hand run over the taut flesh, teasing, tickling, feeling. Over his chest, his ribs, his collarbone, those hard broad shoulders and down those strong arms.
“I’m going to tie your hands now.” Oz whispered the words in Xander’s ear. “You have any problems, just let me know, okay?”
Xander moved his head in what was probably a nod. Oz took both wrists in one hand and slowly started to loop the leather cord around them, making sure they were comfortable. Last thing he wanted was to cut off Xander’s circulation. He tied the leather off in an easy to undo knot. One tug and it would be undone. Xander would be free.
Xander could feel the soft leather against his wrists and loved the feeling. He’d always had a thing for being tied up. Just the idea of it was enough to get him hard. He pulled on the bonds, not really trying to break free, just testing.
Oz bent down to pick up the flogger. It was cold from the floor, but that only added to the appeal. He ran the strands over his hands as he stood, letting the leather caress his fingers. Turning to Xander, he let the soft strands brush over his lover’s skin.
Xander gasped as the cold strands brushed his skin. They were softer than hands but no less insistent. He bit his lip as they brushed over his nipples, making the nubs stand out on his chest. Over his stomach, making him pull the muscles tight. Over his cock, filling it with all the blood that had been rushing towards his head. Xander gave himself over to the feelings, not letting his mind concentrate on anything else. It was just him and the brush of leather. His breath caught in his chest as Oz ran the flogger down his sensitive sides and he moaned.
Then, there was nothing. A sudden stop in the sensations. But it didn’t last long. Oz brought the flogger down with a solid crack. His skin burned with the strike. He could already start to feel the heat rising off it. But then Oz’s hand was there, soothing the skin. Another strike landed, curling around his side to catch the tip of a nipple. And immediately it was soothed by the soft hand. Another and another fell, each followed by a tender caress.
Oz watched the skin change from white to red, his fingers tracing the patterns of the flogger strands. It was amazing to watch and feel. The instant heat rising from Xander’s skin. It was addictive. He left the flogger fall twice this time before letting his fingers soothe the abused flesh. Xander was starting to moan now, the sound going straight to his own cock. Shit, he had to get out of these jeans. Putting the flogger to one side, he quickly stripped, flinging his clothes out of the way.
Xander heard the rustling and opened his eyes. He saw Oz almost comically trying to get his jeans off over his shoes. But he didn’t laugh. His attention was riveted on the bulge that tented Oz’s jeans. He licked his lips as he imagined taking it into his mouth, swallowing it down.
Finally, Oz was naked and hard as anything. All he could think about was Xander. He needed him. Needed him now. He walked over to the suspended man and knelt beside him, pulling his head up slightly until he could kiss him freely. Their tongues met in an explosion of passion. It was awkward but that didn’t stop them.
Xander lifted his hands to run them over Oz’s now bare skin, needing to touch his lover as Oz’s hands touched him, reaching up to touch his cock. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t thrust into the hand. Couldn’t move his hips.
“Need you!”
The words were panted. Oz looked around, trying to see anything that could help them, eyes finally settling on a small table in the corner of the room. In a moment, he was on his feet and running towards it. He pushed everything on it onto the floor, not caring if he broke something. He dragged it back to Xander and half lifting, half pulling, managed to get Xander’s torso onto the table. Next, he went over to the winch on the wall and released the brake, knowing that it wouldn’t end up dropping Xander head-first onto the floor. He pulled a tube of lube from one of the presses in the room and brought it with him.
Oz finally returned to the table and struggled with the chains. It seemed to take an eternity before he could get them loose but finally his lover was chain free. He pulled Xander up until he was sitting on the table and kissed him again. Xander’s hand came up to bury itself in Oz’s hair, holding him close. Finally having the contact that he needed.
Spreading his legs, he pulled Oz closer until they were skin to skin. Oz’s hand was wrapped around his cock, pumping as Xander kissed him hard. Xander moaned into his mouth.
“Need you now!” Oz panted.
Xander nodded and leaned back, leaving himself open for Oz. Oz wasted no time in spreading some of the lube on his fingers and starting the process of readying Xander. Oz slowly slid one finger inside, moving back and forth gently. He couldn’t rush this. Couldn’t do anything that would hurt Xander. Gently he added another finger, before starting to scissor them, stretching Xander for him.
Xander clung to the table as he leaned back to give Oz access. He needed this as much as Oz did. Needed to feel Oz inside him, pumping hard. Needed that feeling of fullness. Needed.
“Now. Oz. Please!” Xander begged.
Oz pulled back his fingers and moved in close. He pumped his cock before lining it up with Xander’s ready hole. He watched the ring expand as he pushed into it, before slowly closing around his shaft. He pushed in a little before drawing out and pushing in again, deeper this time.
Oh God! Xander moaned out loud as Oz slid in, his legs coming up to wrap around Oz’s waist pulling him deeper. His hand wrapped around his own cock, pumping in time with Oz’s thrusts until Oz knocked it aside. He reached out, needing to touch Oz. His hand settled on his arm, holding on tight enough to ensure that the man would have bruises later, but neither noticed in the heat of the moment.
The pace they set was frantic and it wasn’t long before Oz buried himself deep inside Xander and held still, coming hard. All tension gone, he almost collapsed on Xander, panting hard. Xander held him close, trying to ignore the throbbing between his legs and the need still demanding to be sated.
Oz, finally, pulled himself together and stood, withdrawing from Xander. He could see Xander’s cock still hard between his legs and bent down, licking over the surface. Xander groaned and clung hard to the table. Oz nibbled gently down the shaft before licking his way back up, only to engulf the entire length in his mouth. He could feel the muscles protesting in Xander’s legs through his hands and he knew how difficult it was for Xander to keep still. Oz sucked and licked and teased the shaft in his mouth, flicking the tip with his tongue before running it along the vein on the underside of the shaft.
“Oz….”
The word was choked out but Oz didn’t relent. Xander jerked his hips upwards as he finally released his seed. Oz swallowed it all down, taking a moment to clean the last drops from Xander’s shaft before standing up.
Xander lay back against the table, breathing hard. He could vaguely hear Oz pottering around somewhere but couldn’t gather the energy to look up and see what he was doing.
Oz grabbed a cloth and wet it in the small sink in the room before crossing back to Xander. Gently, he spread Xander’s legs and started cleaning him off. When he finished, he flung the cloth back towards the sink, not caring that he missed. He could clean up later.
Xander forced himself to sit up, even though all his muscles felt like rubber. Oz was waiting for him, holding out a hand to help him off the table.
“Come on. Bed!”
Xander simply nodded and followed Oz to one of the rooms. Oz pulled down the comforter letting Xander crawl in first before crawling in behind him and curling around him. Oz’s arm snaked around Xander’s waist, holding him close. Xander let his hand rest on the arm, feeling the warmth of the touch.
“You did it!” Oz said, as he nuzzled the back of Xander’s neck.
“There were a few moments when I almost gave in, but I didn’t.” Xander’s voice was soft, almost sad. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed again.”
Oz went still for a minute, before pulling on Xander’s shoulder until he could look into Xander’s face.
“I was never disappointed, Xander. Worried and scared, but never disappointed.” Oz spoke softly, looking Xander in the eyes. “How could I ever be disappointed in you?”
Oz smiled and pulled Xander close as they kissed again and snuggled back into each other. He watched the chocolatey eyes close as sleep took his lover. He leaned in and kissed the tip of Xander’s nose.
“Love you.”
Oz heard Xander mumble something back as he closed his eyes and fell asleep, smile still on his face.
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Author: Rebekah Davenport
Rating: 18
Pairing: Oz/Willow/Xander at start changing to Oz/Xander
Words: 7,070
Summary: A response to the November challenge on dirty_fic. This is a Xander/Oz fic involving suspension and elements of BDSM. Caution is advised. Post Lovers Walk fiction, where instead of keeping apart, Willow manoeuvers Xander and Oz together so she can have both her men close to her at all times but then she meets Tara and starts to neglect her existing relationship, leaving Oz to mop up behind her. This fic has had so many false starts and mental blocks surrounding it. I just hope that it reads okay. It is one of the singlemost demanding fics I've written in a very long time. Enjoy.
~#~#~
The chains clinked as they curled around the body of the winch. His hands clenched, palms starting to sweat slightly as his legs were raised inch by inch off the ground, slowly followed by the rest of him until he hung upside-down, held only by the chains wrapped tightly around his bound ankles. He could already feel the strain on his feet, his knees, his back as he stared at the concrete below his head. His hands hung loose, fingers stretching for the ground but falling short. Hands traced down his sides, his arms. They felt strong and sure against his skin. He looked up into caring green eyes and smiled, trusting completely as the redhead in front of him bound his hands together with a long strip of leather.
That familiar feeling of helplessness started to crawl through him as his situation sank in, helped along by the heavy feeling of blood rushing towards his head. He closed his eyes, letting himself revel in the feeling. Losing himself in them. He knew that his face would be flushed and not only from his position. He’d been in this situation a multitude of times. Well… Not exactly this situation but similar enough. It didn’t stop the embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. Hanging there. Naked. Vulnerable. Unable to hide anything of himself. Available completely to his owners. And that was what they were now, no longer lovers, but owners who could do whatever they wanted with him.
His usual façade was completely forgotten as need took him and possessed him totally. It was something he had never gotten over… And part of him hoped he never would.
He was brought back to reality as soft leather caressed his skin, trailing lazily in strands over his stomach and chest. A single stray strand brushed past his nipple making him moan. The strands teased over his skin from his throat to his half hard cock, barely touching him. A flick of wrist and the leather strands hit him a little harder making him gasp. The sting was soothed again by the brush of the strands over his skin. Another flick followed by another sensual stroke. Then another and another until his entire chest was sensitized. His nipples stood pebble hard as he struggled to keep from panting.
Behind him, he could feel a tickle of breath on the back of his thigh as someone leaned in to place feather light kisses on the backs of his legs, dropping lower with each kiss. Each touch of lips to skin left a tiny amount of moisture, just enough to cause a tingle with each exhale of warm breath over his skin. He felt fingernails trailing just behind his knees, making him tense the muscles and bit his lip as an attempt to keep the girlish giggle inside. The kisses changed to tiny bites, trailing from his thighs down over the cheeks of his ass, alternating sides at random until he couldn’t tell what was coming next.
Giving into the sensations, he allowed himself to hang there, eyes closed and let his owners have their way with him. After all, he was powerless to do anything to stop them at this precise moment in time. But as soon as that thought entered his head, he found himself tensing up. His eyes opened and stared at the concrete below his head. Horrific images flooded his mind in that instant. Of his head cracked open on the concrete. Of chains straining and snapping. Of his own stupidity coming back to haunt him. In that instant, he knew the moment was lost but still, he struggled to find it again. His mind’s eye saw the look of disappointment on his lovers’ faces and he bit back anything he tried to say, closing his eyes again and trying to retreat back into his mind. Trying to find the good feelings that he had experienced just moments before. But it was useless. He could already feel the prickling feeling of tears gathering behind his closed eyes. Knowing he had to do something, say something, he opened his mouth, mind scrambling frantically for what to say to minimize the disappointment that he knew they would feel at him. But it was too late.
The first proper strike of the flogger fell on his skin. It was burning hot and painful as it fell, robbing the breath from him. He could feel himself spinning. Literally spinning as he hung from the ceiling. Panicked he let his eyes open. The ground beneath his feet spun as the momentum carried him around and around. Another strike, this one on the other side, sent him spinning rapidly the other way. The gruesome images passed before his eyes again, but more horrific this time. Nausea filled him. His mind furiously tried to grasp his safe word from the back of his mind. He needed to stop this. He needed to be free. He needed…
“Elephant! Elephant! ELEPHANT!” He screamed the last word, tears running freely from his eyes and disappearing into his hairline.
He felt strong hands catch him, hold him still, steady and then he was being lowered to the ground, carefully, slowly. Strong arms pulled him closer to a warm body, holding him there while whispering comforting noises in his ear. He looked up into the green eyes, reading the concern in them. No disappointment. Not yet.
“Shhh. You’re safe now. Safe. It’s alright.”
The soft voice whispered in his ear. He relaxed for a moment, letting himself believe it. Suddenly, the wave of nausea washed over him again and he was scrambling to his feet. The warm arms didn’t seem to understand, wouldn’t let him go. He pushed harder. Finally getting free, he ran to the bathroom and emptied his stomach into the white porcelain toilet. His stomach heaved hard, not even content when it was empty. Reaching up, he fumbled for the handle and pulled it. Clean water rushed in, erasing everything while he turned and sat on the cold hard floor, eyes closed, panting hard. A hand brushed through his hair. Startled slightly, he opened his eyes. His lovers sat beside him, worried about their pet, and, more importantly, their friend. A glass of water was held out for him. He took it and sipped some of the water from it.
“Xander? Oh my God! What happened? You okay?”
The words seemed to run into each other as she spoke. Xander forced a smile as he looked over at his oldest friend.
“I’m fine, Will. Just got a bit dizzy and well…” He pointed towards the toilet.
She seemed happy with the explanation and proceeded to dab his forehead with a damp towel. Xander didn’t exactly know what that was supposed to accomplish but it seemed to make her feel better. He turned a little and looked at his other lover. Oz sat on the floor with him, not much out of touching distance as if poised to offer comfort as he had earlier. He had an odd look on his face as he met Xander’s eyes. Xander looked away before Oz figured out the truth of the situation, hiding behind the glass of water again.
“You sure you’re okay?” Willow asked again.
“Yeah, Wills. I’m fine. You know me!” He smiled again, trying to reassure her.
“Yeah!”
The one word sentence came from Oz. Xander’s eyes flashed to Oz’s green ones before dropping to the floor. There was always something hiding behind those eyes that Xander could never work out. Of course, he usually put it down to Oz being way smarter than him, but there was something else hiding behind those clear green eyes as well.
The primal side of Xander seemed to put it down to a growing disappointment. How could it be anything else given that he'd just flaked during a scene, and not a particularly heavy scene? Xander sighed and drew in on himself. He had to get out of here. He had to leave before the disappointment grew. His mind travelled back to the eighteen years spent under his parent's roof and pictured the look in his father's eye before he turned the belt on Xander. He could see the disappointment clearly. Shit, he'd thought that he'd worked through most of these issues.
Pulling away from his lovers, Xander got to his feet and made a show of looking at the clock. "Wow, is that the time? Working the late shift tonight. I should get going."
Willow stood and pulled him close and hugged him. "Okay, mister, but we're still going to talk about this!"
Xander said nothing as he hugged back, hoping that if he left it alone that it would all die away. But a look at Oz told him that it might be asking too much.
"Sure..." He forced a smile. "We'll talk."
Without saying anything more, Xander turned and walked out the door trying desperately to remember to breathe and to forget that he'd just lied to his best friends.
#~#~#
Oz sat in his favourite chair, plucking at the strings of his guitar as his mind churned away, trying to solve the problem of Xander. Cutting out of a scene suddenly wasn't Xander's style, although brushing it off as insignificant definately was. Xander had been conspicuously absent from their apartment recently, claiming that he had been given extra shifts and needed to sleep, not play. He'd even gone back to sleeping in his parent's basement, which only added to Oz's worry. He could understand the need for sleep but that didn't mean that he didn't miss having Xander curled up between himself and Willow at night.
Oz sighed and put the guitar to one side as he got to his feet. It wasn't hard to see that something was going on with Xander. He just didn't know what... yet. Maybe Willow would have a clue?
He walked towards her room and knocked on the door. He could hear her voice inside, chatting and giggling with someone else but there was no answer. He tried again. This time, he heard footsteps inside and the door opened.
"Oh, hey Oz!" Willow smiled at him.
"Um... Hey! You gotta minute?"
He didn't want to pull her away from what she was doing, but this was important.
"Sure, I was just talking to Tara about spells and stuff. Turns out she's a Wiccan too. Isn't that great?" Willow was practically bubbly as she spoke.
Oz looked over her shoulder to the tall blonde sitting on his girlfriend's bed.
"Hey!" He said, neutrally.
"H...h..hi!" She stuttered to get the words out.
Oz turned his attention back to Willow, who seemed to be preoccupied with the woman on the bed. He coughed lightly.
"I was just wondering. Did you ever have that talk with Xander?" Oz asked, trying to be as subtle as possible given that they weren't alone.
"Um, no." Willow answered. "He's been busy this week. Why?"
"Just a bit worried, I guess."
"About Xander?" Willow looked puzzled. "It's Xander, he'll be okay."
Oz just looked at her. Part of him couldn't believe what she was saying. Xander had pulled out of a scene suddenly and basically run off and Willow didn't seem to understand why that was a bad thing. Didn't seem to think that Xander screaming out his safeword and running off was in any way unusual or something that needed to be discussed. Oz shook his head and turned to walk off.
"Oz..." Willow reached out to touch his arm.
"Did you see his face when he safeworded?" Oz asked, his back still towards Willow. "He was afraid, Will."
He slowly turned to look Willow in the eye.
"It's not a game. It's real. He was completely helpless, Willow. He needed us to be there for him and we let him run off without helping him to ground himself again. He's probably out there somewhere thinking that he's blown it. You've known him for years but you keep missing how insecure he can be." Oz's voice rose as he spoke, anger creeping in.
"But Xander..." Willow cut in.
"'But Xander' nothing. I'm going to go out and find him, see if I can figure out what happened." Oz turned and walked away, leaving Willow standing there watching after him.
#~#~#
"And if you see him, tell him he's fired!"
Oz nodded and backed out of the fast food joint. He couldn't say that he was surprised that Xander hadn't showed up to work but it did leave the gaping question of where Xander was. Oz sat back into his van and started to drive around. His 'kinda worried' had turned into full blown worry. He'd called Buffy, Giles, everyone he could think of, but no one had seen Xander all week. Oz sighed. There was one place left on his list, and he really hoped that Xander wasn't there.
He pulled up outside Xander's parents house and climbed out of the van. He made his way around to the side entrance of the house, to the door to the basement and knocked on the wood. There was no sound on the other side. On impulse, Oz tried the handle and was surprised with the door opened. Oz eased himself in slowly. The place was a mess. There wasn't one piece of floor visible under the mounds of dirty clothing. Empty bottles were piled up on the surfaces around the room.
"Ugh!"
The sound seemed to be coming from roughly where Oz remembered the bed to be. Oz watched his step as he made his way over. He leaned down and pulled back the covers and clothes on the bed to reveal a dishevelled Xander. From the smell, it seemed like he hadn't seen the inside of a shower all week. He hadn't shaved and the clothes he wore were sweat stained. Oz looked around the basement. Seeing what he wanted, he walked over and picked up the bucket. He filled it with cold water and walked back to the bed. Pausing for a second, he tipped the bucket over the sleeping figure.
"What the..." Xander woke up spluttering and disorientated.
It took him a minute or two to figure out where he was and why he was wet, and another minute to notice Oz standing there with the empty bucket.
"Oz?" Xander pulled himself up and off the bed, hand rubbing over his wet face.
"Van's outside. I'm taking you home." Oz dropped the bucket on the floor and made for the door.
"I am home!" Xander argued, pulling off his shirt.
Oz turned to look at Xander and gestured to the mess that was the room. "This is home? Xander, look around. This is a dump. You've already moved your important stuff to our apartment."
Xander collapsed on the bed again, his eyes on the shirt in his hands. "I... I can't!"
Oz moved back to Xander and lifted his chin up until Xander was looking him in the eye. "Xander, whatever it is... We can talk about it. At least come back to the apartment and grab a shower, some clean clothes and a cup of coffee."
Xander struggled to hold Oz's gaze. He couldn't quite bring himself to see anything but the imagined disappointment in the other man's eyes. He tried to shake his head but something inside stopped him. Part of him wanted to say yes, to go with Oz and let everything be forgotten, but his guilt told him it was impossible. He tried to pull back from Oz's hand but the red head wasn't letting him go.
"Xander. Get in the van!"
He forced himself to look into Oz's eyes. The green eyes were hard but still caring. He found himself thinking that it might not be as bad as he thought it was going to be. Or at least he was hoping that it wouldn't be. Picking up one of his better smelling shirts, Xander followed Oz out to the van. Nothing was said on the trip to the apartment. Nothing was said as they walked up the steps or into the apartment. If fact, nothing was said until Xander was sitting in the kitchen, hair still wet and with a cup of coffee in his hand.
"What happened?" Oz asked quietly.
Xander curled his hands around the cup, staring into the dark liquid. An eternity passed before he spoke.
"I don't know."
Oz watched Xander carefully. There was a lost look in Xander's eye that worried him. Xander had hidden away from the world for a week, retreating into whatever little world his head had spun. He needed to figure out the root to the problem. And fix it. Standing up, he walked over to Xander and took the cup from his hand. Xander looked up, confused.
"Come with me!"
Oz walked out of the room, listening all the time to hear if Xander was following him. He opened the door to the playroom and waited for Xander to reach him.
Xander suspected where they were going the second that Oz told him to go with him. He couldn't say that he was happy with the idea but he didn't know how to say no. Oz had come looking for him. He'd cared enough. Course, it had taken him a week. Xander pushed the thought from his head. This was his friend. His lover. The person who curled into his back at night and held him through his nightmares. He shook his head. He needed to clear his thoughts.
"Look into the room, Xander." Oz directed.
Xander curled around the doorframe and looked into the room. Not knowing what he was supposed to be looking at, he looked back at Oz.
"Look around the room. What makes you nervous?"
Xander's jaw dropped as he tried to gather his wits. "W...What?"
Oz took Xander's hand and led him into the room. He was careful not to close the door, to not make Xander feel trapped.
"The last time you were in here, you safeworded and ran. And we... I let you. I should have chased after you. I shouldn't have let you go out there, not until we talked it out." Oz apologized. "I'm sorry. I should have come for you sooner."
Xander gaped at Oz's confession. Of all the things that he'd expected Oz to say, that wasn't one of them. Without thinking, Xander leaned in and pressed his lips to Oz's. Oz seemed startled for a second but then he started kissing back, deepening the kiss and letting his arms wrap around Xander's waist.
When they broke the kiss, they were panting hard. One of Oz'a arms stayed around Xander's waist as he led him deeper into the room. Turning to face Xander, he looked him in the eye.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
There was no hesitation in Xander's voice.
"No, Xan. I really need you to think about this. Do you trust me? Completely?" Oz asked, still looking in Xander's chocolatey eyes.
Xander nodded. "Yeah. I do."
"Then I need you to tell me what happened last week. Okay?" Oz's voice was calm.
Xander swallowed hard, pulling away from Oz.
"I... The spinning... I had to... Dizzy." Xander had trouble getting the words out.
"It wasn't just that, was it?" Oz asked.
"Yeah... Yeah..." Xander tried to keep up the lie but he couldn't. "No... It was the hanging there. Upside down." Xander turned his back to Oz, walking over to where the chains hung on the walls. "And then you tied my hands and I was helpless. Couldn't do anything. Couldn't even catch myself if the chains broke. Couldn't..."
Oz pulled Xander into his arms as the first of the tears start to fall and held him close.
"It's okay now. I have you. Never going to let you fall." Oz whispered reassurances in his ear as his hand snaked up into Xander's hair, brushing it gently.
Xander curled around the slightly shorter man as he let the hurt and pain of the last week drain out of him. He felt safe, surrounded by Oz's arms. But something still niggled at the back of his mind.
"Never gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. Never make you do that again." Oz whispered in his ear.
"No... No... I..." Xander started, still sobbing. "I think I need to... I think I need you to..." He gestured to the chains on the walls.
"What?" Oz was confused.
"I... I... " Xander stopped and tried to get his thoughts together. "I don't want to feel like this. Not anymore. It's been a week and I can't.. I can't do it. I think... I need to do this, Oz. Please?"
Oz looked into Xander's eyes, the green eyes looking deep inside him, searching for something.
Finally, Oz pulled back a little. "Okay... But we do this my way. You tell me what you're feeling and if you're uncomfortable we stop. If I think you're starting to freak, I'm stopping the whole thing. Understood?"
Xander nodded, tears replaced now by a smile.
Oz took a deep breath, closed his eyes and tried to center himself. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world with all the emotion flying around the room but he managed. He pulled back from Xander and opened his eyes again, drawing slightly on his inner beast. Finally, he opened his eyes. He was Alpha. He was in charge. Xander was his.
Xander watched as Oz dropped into his headspace, the dominant personality coming to the fore. He looked into Oz's green eyes as he opened them and found the familiar hardness that came out when they played.
"Strip!" Oz's voice was soft, but held a note of steel with it.
Xander didn't hesitated. The t-shirt and jeans he had hastily grabbed after his shower were disguarded and put to one side. Head bent and hands joined behind his back, he came to stand in front of Oz again, already starting to fall into that familiar feeling of submission, of giving up control.
Oz walked around him, eyes crawling over the pale skin possessively.
"Go to the equipment that we used the last day and examine it." Oz ordered.
Xander took a deep breath before he started moving, his mind cataloguing all the equipment they had used and deciding which to examine first. It took a second but he decided to look at the restraints first. He walked over to the cupboard where they were kept and opened the door. He closed his eyes again, picturing which restraints had been used. He picked up a pair of ankle cuffs and turned them over in his hands, looking at the stitching, the multiple d-rings, each bolted in place and reinforced, perfect for suspension. Turning, he walked over to where Oz still stood and placed them gently on the ground before Oz's feet.
Without waiting for Oz to say anything, he turned and walked to where the chains rested against the wall. With shaking hands he unclipped them from the hook that kept them neatly held out of the way. They clinked as they moved. Xander picked them up and moved them to the center of the room, letting them hang freely from the loop on the ceiling. Xander traced as much of the chains as he was able, checking them for strains, stretched links, rust spots. They were clean. He knew that they were only about three weeks old. Installed after the big discussion about suspension.
His next stop was the winch on the wall. He walked over to it and quickly checked it, winding it a little and locking it off. Then he walked back to the chain and taking hold of the chain, he pulled as hard as he could. The winch didn't release even a link of the chain.
There were only two things left. Xander moved towards another wall, this one holding a variety of crops and whips and other vicious looking instruments and picked down the flogger that had been used a week ago. He took a moment to caress the hundreds of soft strands before lifting it to his nose and breathing in that wonderful scent of leather. He could feel his cock start to fill just from the smell. Again, he moved to where Oz was standing, watching him, and placed the flogger at his feet.
One thing left. Just one. Xander moved back to the cupboard that held the restraints and picked out the long piece of leather that had been used to tie his hands. He stretched it slightly, feeling how much the material gave, feeling the smooth texture on one side and the slightly softer, rougher feeling on the other. His hands were trembling again as he moved back to Oz and placed the final item on the floor before taking his own place, kneeling beside the equipment.
Oz finally moved, walking until he was in front of Xander. Hunching down, he hooked a finger under Xander's chin and lifted his face up until he was looking down into those chocolate eyes.
"You've examined the equipment?" Oz asked.
Xander nodded, or tried to. "Yes, Sir."
"Did you discover any faults?"
"No, Sir."
"Are you satisfied that the chains will take your weight without breaking?" Oz persisted, needing Xander's answer.
Xander took a deep breath before he answered, going over everything he had seen in his mind. "Yes, Sir."
Oz smiled down at him. "Good, pet."
Xander smiled at the praise, feeling his cheeks start to redden.
Oz released his chin and moved to the equipment on the ground. Xander watched him pick up one of the restraints before moving behind him and fastening it to one of Xander's ankles. Xander felt it tight, but not too tight. There was still play between the leather and his skin. It would allow some movement when he was being raised. Oz picked up the second and quickly fastened it.
"Stand." Oz ordered.
Xander stood, glad to be off the cold concrete floor.
"I'm going to thread the chain through the rings now. How are you feeling?" Oz's voice was soft again, caring.
"Fine, Sir. I'm fine." Xander answered.
He was feeling a little anxious but so far it was under control.
Oz picked up on of the chains, letting it run though his hands until he found the end before walking back to Xander. Kneeling in front of Xander, he started running the chain through the D rings, making sure that it was looped around both ankles but still comfortable enough that it wouldn't chafe too badly. Satisfied with the result, he looked up at Xander or rather, at Xander's cock that was right in front of him. Reaching out, he gently took the organ in his hand and caressed it gently.
Xander's breath caught in his throat as Oz took him in hand and pumped his cock. The anxiety faded to the background as desire took over. Xander closed his eyes, letting the feelings take him over. His hips started thrusting to deepen the strokes, but as soon as he had started doing that, Oz pulled away. Xander moaned at the loss only to find himself drawn into a kiss. He returned it with fervour.
Oz let his hands run over Xander's body as they kissed. His thumb brushed over a nipple, causing it to peak at the contact. Xander gasped into his mouth. Oz smirked as he caught the nub between finger and thumb and started to roll it back and forth. Xander broke off the kiss as he moaned out loud. Oz leaned down, taking the other nipple in his mouth and gently sucked on it, before taking it between his teeth and carefully nipping it.
Xander fought to keep his hands behind his back and clasped, even though all he wanted was to run his fingers through Oz's hair and hold him in place. Finally, Oz pulled back, leaving a panting Xander behind.
"I'm going to start now, pet!" Oz said quietly.
Xander nodded. The anxiety was back but the need to do his best was pushing past the worry.
Xander almost tripped in his effort to comply. He'd forgotten that his feet were now chained together, he was so caught up in the moment. But Oz was there to steady him and help him lie on the ground. Xander closed his eyes as the coldness of the concrete started to spread to his skin, and deeper. He knew it wouldn’t last long. Soon, he would feel the pull of the chains picking him up and pulling him until he was completely upside down. Until he was staring at the concrete. He took some deep breaths. He’d checked the chains. He knew they were strong. He knew they wouldn’t break. So why wasn’t that stopping the worry that was eating at his insides?
Oz watched Xander carefully, noting the increase in his breathing and the crinkling around his eyes.
“Xander. I need you to listen to me. Just focus on my voice.” Oz spoke clearly, just loud enough to be heard. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You’re safe here. You know that, right?”
Xander nodded slightly.
“I need you to talk to me, Xander. Tell me how you’re doing.”
Xander took a moment before answering. “Nervous.”
Oz paused with his hand on the winch crank. Thoughts flew through his mind. Was this the right thing to be doing? Should he have said no? What if Xander freaked out again? Shit! But he’d asked him for this. Said he needed it. Oz took a deep breath and started turning the crank, picking up the slack.
Xander could hear the crank turning and the metal clinking as it wrapped around the core of the winch. He could start to feel the pull on his ankles, raising slightly off the ground. The chains tightened in the restraints, bringing his feet closer together than they were before. He could hear Oz’s voice in the background as he kept talking to him, giving him something to focus on, keeping him grounded.
His knees were next leaving the ground as the chains pulled him up. He watched, trying to minimize the stress on his body, shifting on the floor to find the best angle. Up and up, pulling him vertical until he was only touching the floor with his arms. And then nothing. He was completely suspended and Oz was beside him, touching him, comforting him, just being there to make sure that he was safe, that he was alright. And he was. Mostly. He could remember the horrible visions that he’d seen the last time but he had pushed them to the back of his mind. He wouldn’t think of them. Wouldn’t give into them any more. Wouldn’t!
Oz locked off the winch and moved to Xander’s side, touching him, letting his hands run over the stretched figure of his lover. Xander was breathing slowly now, his eyes still closed. Strong regular breaths. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. He knew that Xander was losing himself in that place he usually went to during a scene. He was proud, so proud of his lover. And he told him so. Again and again.
Oz had no real idea what he was saying, just that his lips was moving as he tried to reassure Xander. He moved to pick up the long piece of leather, letting his thumb rub over the smooth surface. This had been the start of Xander’s breakdown. Tieing his hands. What if it happened again? Could he get him down in time? Oz felt his palms start to sweat. This wouldn’t do Xander any good. He needed to be strong, be in control… Not just for him, but for Xander too. He’d told him that he would keep him safe and he would. No matter the cost.
He wiped his palms on his jeans and moved back to Xander. He smiled as he watched Xander’s chest rising and falling, the muscles rippling as he breathed. Oz let his hand run over the taut flesh, teasing, tickling, feeling. Over his chest, his ribs, his collarbone, those hard broad shoulders and down those strong arms.
“I’m going to tie your hands now.” Oz whispered the words in Xander’s ear. “You have any problems, just let me know, okay?”
Xander moved his head in what was probably a nod. Oz took both wrists in one hand and slowly started to loop the leather cord around them, making sure they were comfortable. Last thing he wanted was to cut off Xander’s circulation. He tied the leather off in an easy to undo knot. One tug and it would be undone. Xander would be free.
Xander could feel the soft leather against his wrists and loved the feeling. He’d always had a thing for being tied up. Just the idea of it was enough to get him hard. He pulled on the bonds, not really trying to break free, just testing.
Oz bent down to pick up the flogger. It was cold from the floor, but that only added to the appeal. He ran the strands over his hands as he stood, letting the leather caress his fingers. Turning to Xander, he let the soft strands brush over his lover’s skin.
Xander gasped as the cold strands brushed his skin. They were softer than hands but no less insistent. He bit his lip as they brushed over his nipples, making the nubs stand out on his chest. Over his stomach, making him pull the muscles tight. Over his cock, filling it with all the blood that had been rushing towards his head. Xander gave himself over to the feelings, not letting his mind concentrate on anything else. It was just him and the brush of leather. His breath caught in his chest as Oz ran the flogger down his sensitive sides and he moaned.
Then, there was nothing. A sudden stop in the sensations. But it didn’t last long. Oz brought the flogger down with a solid crack. His skin burned with the strike. He could already start to feel the heat rising off it. But then Oz’s hand was there, soothing the skin. Another strike landed, curling around his side to catch the tip of a nipple. And immediately it was soothed by the soft hand. Another and another fell, each followed by a tender caress.
Oz watched the skin change from white to red, his fingers tracing the patterns of the flogger strands. It was amazing to watch and feel. The instant heat rising from Xander’s skin. It was addictive. He left the flogger fall twice this time before letting his fingers soothe the abused flesh. Xander was starting to moan now, the sound going straight to his own cock. Shit, he had to get out of these jeans. Putting the flogger to one side, he quickly stripped, flinging his clothes out of the way.
Xander heard the rustling and opened his eyes. He saw Oz almost comically trying to get his jeans off over his shoes. But he didn’t laugh. His attention was riveted on the bulge that tented Oz’s jeans. He licked his lips as he imagined taking it into his mouth, swallowing it down.
Finally, Oz was naked and hard as anything. All he could think about was Xander. He needed him. Needed him now. He walked over to the suspended man and knelt beside him, pulling his head up slightly until he could kiss him freely. Their tongues met in an explosion of passion. It was awkward but that didn’t stop them.
Xander lifted his hands to run them over Oz’s now bare skin, needing to touch his lover as Oz’s hands touched him, reaching up to touch his cock. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t thrust into the hand. Couldn’t move his hips.
“Need you!”
The words were panted. Oz looked around, trying to see anything that could help them, eyes finally settling on a small table in the corner of the room. In a moment, he was on his feet and running towards it. He pushed everything on it onto the floor, not caring if he broke something. He dragged it back to Xander and half lifting, half pulling, managed to get Xander’s torso onto the table. Next, he went over to the winch on the wall and released the brake, knowing that it wouldn’t end up dropping Xander head-first onto the floor. He pulled a tube of lube from one of the presses in the room and brought it with him.
Oz finally returned to the table and struggled with the chains. It seemed to take an eternity before he could get them loose but finally his lover was chain free. He pulled Xander up until he was sitting on the table and kissed him again. Xander’s hand came up to bury itself in Oz’s hair, holding him close. Finally having the contact that he needed.
Spreading his legs, he pulled Oz closer until they were skin to skin. Oz’s hand was wrapped around his cock, pumping as Xander kissed him hard. Xander moaned into his mouth.
“Need you now!” Oz panted.
Xander nodded and leaned back, leaving himself open for Oz. Oz wasted no time in spreading some of the lube on his fingers and starting the process of readying Xander. Oz slowly slid one finger inside, moving back and forth gently. He couldn’t rush this. Couldn’t do anything that would hurt Xander. Gently he added another finger, before starting to scissor them, stretching Xander for him.
Xander clung to the table as he leaned back to give Oz access. He needed this as much as Oz did. Needed to feel Oz inside him, pumping hard. Needed that feeling of fullness. Needed.
“Now. Oz. Please!” Xander begged.
Oz pulled back his fingers and moved in close. He pumped his cock before lining it up with Xander’s ready hole. He watched the ring expand as he pushed into it, before slowly closing around his shaft. He pushed in a little before drawing out and pushing in again, deeper this time.
Oh God! Xander moaned out loud as Oz slid in, his legs coming up to wrap around Oz’s waist pulling him deeper. His hand wrapped around his own cock, pumping in time with Oz’s thrusts until Oz knocked it aside. He reached out, needing to touch Oz. His hand settled on his arm, holding on tight enough to ensure that the man would have bruises later, but neither noticed in the heat of the moment.
The pace they set was frantic and it wasn’t long before Oz buried himself deep inside Xander and held still, coming hard. All tension gone, he almost collapsed on Xander, panting hard. Xander held him close, trying to ignore the throbbing between his legs and the need still demanding to be sated.
Oz, finally, pulled himself together and stood, withdrawing from Xander. He could see Xander’s cock still hard between his legs and bent down, licking over the surface. Xander groaned and clung hard to the table. Oz nibbled gently down the shaft before licking his way back up, only to engulf the entire length in his mouth. He could feel the muscles protesting in Xander’s legs through his hands and he knew how difficult it was for Xander to keep still. Oz sucked and licked and teased the shaft in his mouth, flicking the tip with his tongue before running it along the vein on the underside of the shaft.
“Oz….”
The word was choked out but Oz didn’t relent. Xander jerked his hips upwards as he finally released his seed. Oz swallowed it all down, taking a moment to clean the last drops from Xander’s shaft before standing up.
Xander lay back against the table, breathing hard. He could vaguely hear Oz pottering around somewhere but couldn’t gather the energy to look up and see what he was doing.
Oz grabbed a cloth and wet it in the small sink in the room before crossing back to Xander. Gently, he spread Xander’s legs and started cleaning him off. When he finished, he flung the cloth back towards the sink, not caring that he missed. He could clean up later.
Xander forced himself to sit up, even though all his muscles felt like rubber. Oz was waiting for him, holding out a hand to help him off the table.
“Come on. Bed!”
Xander simply nodded and followed Oz to one of the rooms. Oz pulled down the comforter letting Xander crawl in first before crawling in behind him and curling around him. Oz’s arm snaked around Xander’s waist, holding him close. Xander let his hand rest on the arm, feeling the warmth of the touch.
“You did it!” Oz said, as he nuzzled the back of Xander’s neck.
“There were a few moments when I almost gave in, but I didn’t.” Xander’s voice was soft, almost sad. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed again.”
Oz went still for a minute, before pulling on Xander’s shoulder until he could look into Xander’s face.
“I was never disappointed, Xander. Worried and scared, but never disappointed.” Oz spoke softly, looking Xander in the eyes. “How could I ever be disappointed in you?”
Oz smiled and pulled Xander close as they kissed again and snuggled back into each other. He watched the chocolatey eyes close as sleep took his lover. He leaned in and kissed the tip of Xander’s nose.
“Love you.”
Oz heard Xander mumble something back as he closed his eyes and fell asleep, smile still on his face.