Jan 30, 2009 07:22
I tried
The relationship between my father and I.
Jun. 19, 2008
I also tried to please you
It was the only way I would see your love
However I think I have disappointed you more than anything
Like when I cut my hair when I was 4
When I won the gold fish by myself (that you never saw)
You used to call me Pumpkin
That's when I knew everything was alright
When I hit puberty it stopped
And I think I needed it then the most
My mom and stepmother both saw a side of you
I needed to see
Your emotional side
I believe there is a cold side of me
Because that how I saw you
There is a side of me that is a horrible monster
I hate that side
That side with the hot, terrifying temper
The side that I am afraid of
I got it from you
All of my life I lived in fear
It wasn't until I left did I figure out who I am
And why all of my attempts to please you failed
I am NOT supposed to please you!
You should love me no matter what!
I am not who you want me to be,
But I am who I am.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a smart woman.
I am a writer.
I am me,
and I am still your pumpkin.
But I tried to please you
I have tried to impress you
I realize that I don't need to impress you
To live my life
I will live my life for myself.
That is a promise I made for me.
If you still love me,
Thank you.
life,
father,
family,
me