December Updates: Too Low for a Title
Front Page
Top Headlines: Depression. . . it's like :-/ blah
Picture this: a deflated balloon with an unseen hole in it, so it can be flatted it it wanted to. It's wrapped up in a sticky messy of ugly gray duct tape sinking in a muddy puddle. That is how I feel.
My thoughts are like a tangled ball of yarn that even the cat has given up on. I will write more about the depression on another blog. It has been taking over my entire life and it sucks.
Health News
This is funny. . . my health is down the drain. I am on an antibiotic for a kidney infection and anti-inflammatory for a swollen painful ankle. I cannot talk (lack of voice, sore throat), and I have a horrible cough and runny nose. I hate this congestion in my chest as well; it's been really hard to sleep without waking up to a choking session.
I went to the hospital; they said that the cold is viral and there is nothing they can give me. (you would think that my anti-inflammatory would help, but nope.)
I have also been fighting a depression and headaches. There are some days where I barely make out of the couch.
Writing and Arts
I haven't written anything except a few author interviews since I had worked on NaNoWriMo. (My depression started the last week of November.) You can see the interviews http://RebekahWolveire.wordpress.com
I plan to write and edit in January. January-June I have three projects to edit and post on createspace so I can get my 5 free copies:
Crimson Shadow Collection: Melzela (Book1),
Driving Lies,
Tom's book Karrick.
It's been really hard to pull my ideas from my head and get them on paper or screen. ( I feel drained typing now.)
Local Fun
I went out to a BBQ place called Famous Dave's for my birthday. It was really fun and then we playing a Final Fantasy RPG and had ice cream cake. It was nice, but I was not completely myself.
Most of December, we didn't do much, between lack of money and depression most things were not in our ability.
When I do have a little energy, I am either making dinner, playing a mindless game on facebook or playing Sims 3: Pets. However even those activities would drain me fast.
Dear Me
Dear Me
You will get over this depression. You will get out of the valley of despair. You will be and feel like yourself before you know. Just relax; it will all work out.
Sincerely
Myself and I
Laughter is the best medicine
Depression
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. They've got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I'm absolutely healthy... The voices in my head agreed as well.
The difference between a crazy person and a writer is a writer will use the voices in their head for inspiration.
Q What’s good about depression?
A You always have your funeral planned in advance,
Q What’s good about being depressed?
A Nothing. But it’s no worse than anything else since life sucks anyhow.
Q What’s good about Treatment Resistant Depression?
A You qualify for all the Clinical Trials!
Q What’s an advantage to Major Depression?
A You never have to make your bed, since you’re always in it.
Soap Operas
Well, I didn't go to my father's wedding, but I didn't get out of bed that much during that weekend. I felt like something was holding me down. I'm pretty sure I disappointed a bunch of people, because I wasn't there tell something else that they hated about me.
I redyed my hair bright red again, but I did not get the shocked reaction I was looking for. I thought I was going to get more drama on facebook, but I think that my father's side of the family is afraid to tell me anything. I think they are waiting for me to explode.
I know right now I am not sure of myself, but I feel that I fit in that side of the family. I'm into a stable job with an expensive house and 2.5 kids working my ass off to barely make all of the bills. I just hope my writing eventually pays off financially even 1/10th of what it has with my happiness level.
Spiritual Edge
I have been trying to keep positive, but it hard to just think straight. . . I'm not sure where I am finding positivity.
5 Things I am grateful for. . .
1. nbsp; My mom, uncle, brothers (TJ, Matthew, Daniel, Matt, Darren, Billy), Tom, Matt, and anyone who had complimented me about my hair.
2. nbsp; Caffeine: It was one of the few things that has kept me moving
3. nbsp; BBQ ribs and an ice cream cake for my birthday
4. nbsp; My red hair, I like being different
5. nbsp; My stubborn and strong will
Rebekah’s News © December 2012