The Center of the Black Hole: One main cause of my Stress
I have finally figured out that my father is one of the biggest reasons for my stress.
I have had motion sickness, cramps, migraines, exhaustion, and over all stress just traveling and communicating with this man over that last two months.
I feel I have to be a certain way with my father or he might snap. He has a very hot temper, and he wants to control everything (including my life now that I have a phone. . . grrr.) About ten years ago, he got into religion and now he thinks he all high and mighty.
I just wish he would leave Tom and I alone, but of course he feels he is doing what is best for me. . . in all honesty, I think he is insecure that he didn't teach me enough while I was living under his roof. I understand how to budget, I understand to use my P's and Q's. . . to be honest, fair and polite, to treat others as I want to be treated. I also understand the value of an earned dollar and how important saving money is (if, with this economy, it is ever possible.) I have learned a lot from all three of my parents, now can please get off my back and allow to apply all that I have learned. . . I need to make mistakes.
I fear my father ever since I was kid and even now, I am afraid to face my father, because I look like my mother (and act a little like her. . .)
My father doesn't know about my beliefs, my lifestyle, my thoughts of marriage, my passion for writing (I tried to show him this once, but he bregged about my friend's play as he basically ignored mine.) I am afraid if I faced him that he might snap, go back to his own ways, and actually hit me.
My stomach hurts and my eyes are full of tears as I think about this now.
My father called me last night telling me he was going to visit my brother on Monday. I had told my father several times, on many different days that May 17th I was going to the dentist and I was probably going to be sore so I wasn't going to visit my brother that day. My brother, my mom and I all had understanding. I have told my father and he said that he understood, but he wasn't had really listened to me, because last night he told me that I was going to visit my brother with him. The dentist isn't going to be that bad. . . he really doesn't understand that I have close to a zero pain tolerance. I know I am going to get x-rays, gag on the piece I have to place between my teeth and then the dentist is going to check my teeth with the thing that looks like a hook and poke around at my impacted wisdom teeth, and I am going to be extremely sore.
I also don't want to go with my father if my father and step-mother just got over having the flu. . . I am trying to stay healthy, not sick again. I really don't want to go tomorrow, if I could be sore and have a possiblity of getting sick. . .
Why can't my father just listen to me and accept my decision?
(By the way my brother also had a few doctor appointments tomorrow, how do we even know if he will be up for guests?)
My father is making want to rip this phone he got me out of the damn computer. (Now I understand why Tom liked having no phone, no family to tell you want to do or sak you for something. . . I haven't had any time for me since I got the damn thing.)
I am so stressed over my father trying to control my life that I know it is affecting my health, but I don't know what to do? I can't afford a shrink.