(no subject)
gah. i feel like i can't even concentrate. like i can't just be my own person and brush off how they feel about me. i can't be like "if you don't like me for who i am then suck it" because i'm not like that. i want them to like me. and i want them to treat me better. i want them to treat me better. but i can't tell if i'm just paranoid.
since i feel it with grace (ohh big deal that she has other friends and didnt express a huge desire to meet up, BIG DEAL!) i feel like it's just my propensity, and that i would feel it with them too because it's just my propensity.
me and carley: we laughed on the plane flight on the way over (smalltalk and she was outgoing and laughing and happy), we took that walk one of the first nights, we went to the atom bomb museum together, we got breakfast together in tokyo that one time and it was okay
me and mai: we went to the aquarium together, we went to chinatown ish area together (the night i got no sleep,) we went to glover garden and dejima together, we had good nights where she talked about herself a lot watching hoarders and extreme makeover and national geographic documentaries, we laughed about furby and other things
i feel like we have good moments.
so what has this disintegrated into?
why do i feel so awkward all of a sudden now. it's like straining me. stressing me out. i want them to act like normal people. I want to act like a normal person. why can't do i this. i want it to be fixed.
i literally do not think carley has smiled or laughed anything i've said, or shown cheeriness to me at all, since the very first airplane ride.
GAH THIS STRESSES ME OUT :(
since i feel it with grace (ohh big deal that she has other friends and didnt express a huge desire to meet up, BIG DEAL!) i feel like it's just my propensity, and that i would feel it with them too because it's just my propensity.
me and carley: we laughed on the plane flight on the way over (smalltalk and she was outgoing and laughing and happy), we took that walk one of the first nights, we went to the atom bomb museum together, we got breakfast together in tokyo that one time and it was okay
me and mai: we went to the aquarium together, we went to chinatown ish area together (the night i got no sleep,) we went to glover garden and dejima together, we had good nights where she talked about herself a lot watching hoarders and extreme makeover and national geographic documentaries, we laughed about furby and other things
i feel like we have good moments.
so what has this disintegrated into?
why do i feel so awkward all of a sudden now. it's like straining me. stressing me out. i want them to act like normal people. I want to act like a normal person. why can't do i this. i want it to be fixed.
i literally do not think carley has smiled or laughed anything i've said, or shown cheeriness to me at all, since the very first airplane ride.
GAH THIS STRESSES ME OUT :(