Update since I had to get a new LJ

[rebeccamilk]

So, about a week ago William says he loves me and wants so desperately for things to work out between us, yet he wont stop talking to her.  I mean, I admit, he's not talking to her nearly as much but I think that has to do with the fact that his phone is shut off.  I don't know what to think anymore.  Here I was getting over him, starting to see a bright side to all this bullshit happening, then he pulls this crap.  I know I shouldn't give him another chance but that's just who I am.  And what makes it worse is that I had started to have feelings for someone else which is obviously not going to happen now because I'm not going to do what William did by saying that I'm going to give it 100% all the while thinking about being with someone else.  And he's been being nice.  A lot of the time he's just like he used to be... which is who I fell in love with in the first place.  But what if it's not real?  What if he's just playing me or really does still have feelings for that cunt(yes, she's a cunt and the only person in the world that I truly hate)?  Half of me says to run and find out what life is like without him and possibly with a certain guy.  But the other half says, no, that other guy doesn't know me, who knows if he even likes me much less could handle me and all my crazy issues.  That half of me says it's silly to throw away my relationship that I've worked so hard for these past years.  But do I still want to be in a relationship with him if this is what I'm going to have to deal with?  I mean, his track record is not so glamorous.  But I've spent almost my whole dating life getting to know him and love him.  I don't know if I could open myself up to another like I have with him, it seems almost impossible, not to mention scary.  It's like I want it to be better... but he's done this before, the whole lets make this work, but then two days later he backs out.  I mean, so far it's been a week of him not backing out and I admit he's not acting like he used to, but he refuses to stop talking to her.  I just don't get it.  I'm supposed to stop talking to two of my best guy friends that live in different States(GA and IL) which are just friends and he knows that.  And if I talk to them too much when I do get to talk to them he gets angry and violent, yet he can't stop talking to someone that he works with, has had feelings for, history with, and not to mention I don't trust that bitch.  I think I'm going to just keep letting him prove to me that he's for real but not really let my heart get too involved(like I can stop that from happening).  I donno, I just don't feel like I have it in me to keep trying to be okay with him talking to her.  Supposedly she's moving to New York but I don't really believe it.  We shall see what happens.  I just don't know what to believe anymore....

Well, it's sunny outside and he's still at work, so I believe the pool and I have a date.  =]

Peace, I'm out.
-Bex