(no subject)
It's funny how the past comes back to haunt you. Even when you think it never will, but it always does.
An old friend called me today to tell me that they were going to be in NYC and that they had tickets to see me in Steel Magnolias tomorrow night. I'll leave this "friend" anonymous because if they read this journal they'll definitely have something to say to me, and to be honest, I don't need the crap. But anyways, usually I would be happy to hear from an old friend, and you know what? I was.
As some people may know, I started out as a model. For those of you who really know me well, they will know that being a model at first was really hard on my self esteem. I was never good enough for anyone or anything, I wasn't happy.. but you know what? It was considered a great job, and yes, it did pay well.
This person who claims to be my friend knows the hard time I had being a model, how hard it was on my self esteem and my image of myself. It isn't always as picture perfect as it seems. Constantly being told how to live your life, drop a couple of pounds more... work on this part of your body and work on that part of your body... it never sat well with me. This person knew that. Yet, they insist that I should go back to modelling and drop the acting.
Maybe it wasn't mean to be hurtful, but it really was. It's like saying, "I know you're happy doing what you're doing now.. but you should definitely go back to modelling, you know, that job that you had a while ago and you were completely miserable?" You'd rather see me miserable than happy... that's real sad. It makes me so angry.
I swear, sometimes.. I'm just never good enough for anybody. When does it all end?