(no subject)
So I'm sitting here and it's now what...11ish and I have tons of homework to finish and all I can do is sit and stare at this computer. I've had way too much on my mind lately. I miss a lot of my friends who went away to college. I hate this high school drama. I just mainly want to be happy. I realized that I really miss the way it feels to just be...I know this is going to sound dumb but, to just be over taken by the way a boy kisses me. I've only felt that once in my life...and he's gone. I don't talk to him anymore and he's just...litterally hundreds of miles away. It's sad sometimes how life works out, and honestly I think that the way that I've been acting lately has a lot to do with losing...*him*. I so desperately want to find love. I've found it in my family, with my friends...I just...want a boy who makes me feel special and who wont fuck with my mind and think it's funny to share personal things with everyone he knows. I honestly am just so sick of being used...and feeling like I've been using people. These are such tough feelings. Now that I'm thinking about it...I haven't had a real boyfriend in what...a year and some months? That sort of thing doesn't really interest me though. I just really want a boy who loves me for me....and makes me love me. This probably isn't making any sense...All I can think of is this quote I heard only God knows where, "You know you love someone when they can make your heart beat faster and slower at the same time." I really want that feeling...