(no subject)
Im at such a low in my life right now, and i hate myself and my life....there are so many things that should make me happy, but i cant help having this "the grass is always greener.." attitude. My acting for example, i hate myself for giving it up and everyone is upset at me for it, but its too late for SBTS and Rising Tide. And if i start up again, everyone will be mad at me yet again for being a drama queen and over reacting.
Then theres the fear of losing matt, hes really into this Rising Tide deal and that means he leaves for the whole summer only to leave again in September for Grenfell..... why put off the inevitable, especially when theres linger offers from other prospective guys?? Well, i DO love him and hes a great guy but if him taking off and expecting me to chase him everywhere is any indication of how our relationship is going to be, i dont want to be in it. I am really proud of how much he's accomplished, i even envy him, im just not into this whole long distance deal. Not my thing.
I am just an unhappy person lately.....i dont know what it is. Im miserble. Oh, i want to be happy again, so badly, and im trying. I want to be better, a better friend, a better girl friend, a better actress, student, daughter, person in general. *sigh* God, plaease make these feelings go away....please.....
Then theres the fear of losing matt, hes really into this Rising Tide deal and that means he leaves for the whole summer only to leave again in September for Grenfell..... why put off the inevitable, especially when theres linger offers from other prospective guys?? Well, i DO love him and hes a great guy but if him taking off and expecting me to chase him everywhere is any indication of how our relationship is going to be, i dont want to be in it. I am really proud of how much he's accomplished, i even envy him, im just not into this whole long distance deal. Not my thing.
I am just an unhappy person lately.....i dont know what it is. Im miserble. Oh, i want to be happy again, so badly, and im trying. I want to be better, a better friend, a better girl friend, a better actress, student, daughter, person in general. *sigh* God, plaease make these feelings go away....please.....