Sep 05, 2006 20:22
James told me i havent updated in awhile.
And ALAS!...I havent. Probably because the color and jazz of myspace has sucked me into its addicting world.
School makes me want to rip my face off slowly and then take a salt shaker and season myself.
I havent really been all that happy. The only time i can say that i feel really truly happy is when im with kyle. Just me and Him. We never do anything because we are nerds that fear the oustide world. Taking a nap in a moose blanket is all we need.
My trip to michigan stirred up memories that I had purpousely forgotten.
There were little things along the way that stung but for some reason the last night i was there was the hardest.
It was 11pm and I was walking with Trevor. I cant put into words what went on between the two of us my sophmore[his senior] year-but He will always be remembered as my greatest friend and my first love.
I was doing well-my emotions were kept under control. I was in control. We were one block away from my old house. I looked down onto the familar cracks of the pavement and It felt like I was still 15 and i was walking home from a night out. Like I'd walk up the patio steps and walk in to find my family sitting in the zen room talking and laughing. I didnt turn my head to look at the house. I didnt want to see it. But then I couldnt help myself. It was my house. That one glance down Bennet tore my heart apart. I saw two people sitting on my patio in my chairs thier water glasses resting on the wicker basket my dad had painted my 4th grade year. I wanted to scream. Tell them to get out of my house. That they were the ones to blame for all that had happened to me. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. Trevor pretended not to notice but he just turned around and started walking towards the house knowing that i just needed to walk by. I walked one foot in front in front of the other across the crackled white lines forming the crosswalk leading to my house. I looked up and saw a light on in my room. The two people half hidden in shadow on the patio stopped thier conversation and said hello. I tried to sound casual as i answered. It seemed odd to me that something so huge to me was nothing more than a blip in thier lives. I made it halfway down the street before falling apart. I dont know why that was so hard but it really tore me up. I could handle saying goodbye to my friends but seeing my house was something i just couldnt handle I guess.
But as for life in Indiana or as i deemed it july 16th 2005, "Land of the Corn apes."
Its ok. Family life sucks but hey im out of here in a year so who really cares.
ok im sick of this. I need myspace.
So stay good and be happy.
=Rebe=