Poll Time! What's it all about, Buffy? redux

[rebcake]

Perhaps I'm beating a dead horse, but here goes.

I was fascinated by the huge differences in how people perceive the way Buffy and Spike start their "relationship". I'm trying to find the crux of the divergence, and here is one possibility that came to mind:

Poll I give up! (The Buffy Edition)
Yes, yes, we know it was a combination of factors. But which was the primary motivator for

Comments

[lostboy_lj]

She is giving in to...herself.

Yeah, I think that's the crux of what I don't agree with, in regards to the wording of the question. I recognize there's a great deal of poetic license that goes along with that sentiment ("giving in to your desires", "submitting to the needs of the flesh", yada yada), and that might be the way you were using it. But given the sensitive nature of this particular question it seems important to more sharply define the line between what is "choice" and what is "compulsion."

Her situation seems similar to me (and, I'd bet, to the show's authors) to what's going on with Willow in this exact episode. I think Willow's problem gets misunderstood/mischaracterized in the fandom as a "magic addiction" for the same reason that Buffy's fraught relationship with Spike gets mischaracterized as non-con (or, at least, dub-con). Inner confusion or denial about why we make certain choices doesn't mean that we haven't actually made them, it just means that we are too scared or damaged to look in the mirror and figure out why. Willow's tale isn't really about "addiction" any more than that of a politician who lusts for power, even though the TV trope layer leads us by the nose there.

Likewise, I don't think Buffy's parallel tale is really about sexual "addiction" or "surrendering to desire" or what have you. It's about learning how to be alive again, which is about making choices. In "Smashed" she makes a choice to begin a (very strange, stealthy, and often mutually destructive) relationship with Spike. Then later on, in "As you Were", she makes another choice to end it.

Ironically (given the events of "Seeing Red"), it's really Spike who may have issues of dubious consent in season six, because he's such a stranger to himself and is shown to be driven by his compulsions and addictions (bloodsucking vampire and whatnot). Seeing how destructive this makes him, he kind-of makes the choice to go get his soul back, so he can begin to actually know himself. But even that choice is dubious... in "Grave", he doesn't even seem to consciously know he wants his soul back, although the Demon/doctor/priest/philosopher does.

[rebcake]

Inner confusion or denial about why we make certain choices doesn't mean that we haven't actually made them

Agreed. And, yes, neither Willow nor Buffy are facing up to what's behind their choices. I'm struggling to understand the issue that you are having with the wording, though. I may have to wait for your meta to get the nuance that I'm missing, alas. I mean, I see desires as an integral part of a person, and something we must all learn to live with, and to control when they get destructively voracious. I don't think Buffy's desire for Spike meets that criteria, even if she does. The destructive aspects that come out are the result of her refusal to face her desire honestly, IMO.

I'm not sure I've ever seen Buffy's surface problem this season characterized as "sex addiction", but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that somebody somewhere has tried to shoehorn that into the narrative. That said, the other meta I pointed out did mention gambling and sex addiction as being the kind of "behavioral" addictions (as opposed to physical ones) that Willow could use as her excuse for having done what she wanted.

I know it's common to excuse Spike for his behavior in this relationship because he was morally handicapped due to lack of soul, but I think he is in charge of his own mind, and his willingness to lose himself in Buffy is his choice. As much as Buffy or Willow, he is mischaracterizing his problem as outside of himself, seems to me. As one does.