It's An Inceptspam, Darling - Part 2 (In Which Arthur And Eames Actually Get A Scene Together)
Part 2 of the Inceptspam. With Eames, Arthur, more Eames, more Arthur, and some other characters of lesser importance. I just realised that this is going to have a lot of parts. But you try looking at a screencap of Eames' face and then deciding to delete it. It takes a stronger person than I to go through with something like that. :D
Part 1 can be found here.
Eames is busy cashing in some possibly fake poker chips. Apparently he can't spell. Don't worry, bb. There's always summer school.
The first time that Arthur is mentioned, Eames makes a noise that's something like hnnnnnggghhhh. Now that's very vague and completely open to interpretation, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that it was a desire-fuelled moan of longing.
Cobb says he's good at what he does, right? and Eames replies with oh, he's the best. I get the feeling they aren't talking about their jobs at this point.
He's eating nuts while they talk about Arthur. Perhaps he has a subconscious desire for Arthur's - well, I'm sure you can all imagine what he might have a subconscious desire for.
If you're going to perform Inception you need imagination. Am I the only one who keeps hearing conception instead of Inception? Probably. My mind is completely in the gutter.
I wonder if that guy in the back got paid to sit there drinking. I bet they had to bribe him with extra money to keep him from turning around and staring at Tom Hardy throughout the entire scene.
No amount of money in the world could convince me to sit in the same room as Eames and face away from him.
Unless he was wearing a mask or something. But putting a mask on a face like that is probably very, very illegal.
The cameraman has been slowly and sneakily zooming in on Eames' face.
Wise move, Mr Cameraman, wise move.
Why so pretty, bb?
His clothing choices scare me a little, though.
Someone needs to get those off him. I vote Arthur.
Cobb loses his tail. His hair is looking very voluminous.
Meanwhile, Eames is busy posing in doorways.
No seriously. Who stands like that? It looks like he's either:
a) modelling
b) Leaning against the doorway to balance himself so he can get something out of his pocket, because his pants are way too tight (and therefore look just perfect on him)
c) Demonstrating a strange, exotic Mombasa-ian mating call
A car pulls up. Mating call it was, then.
Arthur gets to mind the warehouse.
And babysit again.
Ariadne is back. She's all like I couldn't stay away, it's pure creation. Yeah, so's lego. I'm surprised she's so keen to experience dying at the hands of Cobb's subconscious again.
I really ought to have something more meaningful to say here than nnggghhh, sleeves. But nggghh sleeves does seem to sum up my reaction to this scene remarkably well.
I get the feeling that Eames gets to see this expression quite a lot. And if I had to show someone around a dream, I'd pick somewhere really awesome. Like Hogwarts, or Pride Rock. I wonder what would happen if they dreamt about cartoons. Would the entire dream be in cartoon?
He's all yeah baby, check out my stair. It would have been more amazing if it was inside Hogwarts, Arthur. Just remember that.
Arthur's such a smug teacher. If he had his nose any further in the air he'd probably fall over backwards.
Good lord, is that an actual smile?!
It doesn't last for long.
I can't say I mind that much, though.
We learn that Mrs Cobb is dead, and that she was actually rather lovely in real life. In all seriousness, that would suck for Cobb, being stuck with a twisted version of his dead wife every time he dreamt. Especially if he can't dream properly without the PASIV anymore.
And it would suck for Arthur, too. Getting shot by his friend's subconscious probably isn't building up their relationship at all.
YUSUF!
Cobb says that he needs great depth. I may have snickered a little at that. Oh, maturity, you're so overrated.
Eames. Jars of oil. Is anyone else's mind going where mine is right now?
Saito decides that he wants to come along for the ride. He's all so what if I've never actually done this sort of thing before, or if it's a delicate operation and it's only ever been completed successfully once before. I'm totally pro now, because I outsmarted you guys with the carpet thing. I'll barely be a hindrance at all. Oh, Saito, if only you knew.
This cap was originally meant to be all aww, Eames! but instead I'm going to have to point out Cobb's face, just because it made me laugh. He's all I'm intensifying my Srs Bsns Squint to ridiculous levels because it totally adds like, suspense and stuff. Am I right or am I right?
(But also, awww, Eames!)
The token creepy, cool-voiced elder says some deep things about waking up. The dream, it seems, is some people's reality. I have a feeling that you could substitute 'dream' for 'internet' all throughout this film and it would still make some sort of sense.
Fingers. Yes to fingers.
Face. Yes to face.
This. I just want to take Tuxedo!Arthur and this and put them in a little box and keep them safe forever (and yeah, okay, maybe I'd make it a glass box so I could see them every single second of the day, but as if you wouldn't do that too).
It's Cillian Murphy! I really don't know why Mr Nolan went to so much effort with the plot of this film. It's not as though anyone was really paying attention to it, what with all the pretty flaunting its way across the screen in every single scene.
Okay, maybe not this guy.
But young Mister Fischer definitely counts.
This is the man that Eames impersonates for half a dream level. That probably annoyed anyone who was watching the film for the pretty, though I'm sure it did wonders for the complexity of the plot.
Excuse me for a moment while I flail wildly, because THIS IS TOTALLY THE FIRST SCENE IN WHICH ARTHUR AND EAMES ARE IN THE SAME ROOM!!! Well, the first scene we know about. I'm sure there were plenty of R-rated ones left on the cutting room floor.
Okay, I'm good. Shall we continue?
Eames is doing some talking. And, judging by the look on Cobb's face, he's getting secretly admired from behind.
And blatantly admired from in front, because unless Eames shrinks whenever he's offscreen, Arthur certainly isn't looking at his face.
Arthur's all Eames, I am impressed. We all know what he's impressed with, and it definitely isn't Eames' work.
I'm sorry, what? There are other people in the room? I hadn't even noticed. It's sort of hard to see through the giant cloud of UST.
I think it's time we had an Inception Body Language Crash Course. Yusuf is all hmm, this is interesting, and Saito looks quite lovely when he's all laid out horizontally like that, Saito looks bored, and Arthur's all Eames, for the love of all that is holy, would you just get on me already!!!
Actually, I think Saito's dreaming, because he has a cord attached to his wrist. He probably sneakily connected himself as soon as he realised - what with Arthur and Eames being in the same room as each other and all - no one would be getting any work done this session.
And though I hate to draw attention away from Eames' face, that board behind him is looking rather depressing. Fear, death, disappointment, failure... if that's all they can find to work with, then Robert Fischer really needs some love in his life.
Aww!! Perhaps he should get some pointers off Eames, because that's a Face Of Love if ever I saw one.
And then we get a second Arthur/Eames scene (between this one and the first we found out that everyone thinks Cobb killed his wife. But that's not really an important part of the film, now, is it?).
Eames has a few good ideas. Everyone else in the room is oddly quiet. Either they have nothing to add, the scriptwriters thought that Eames ought to have all the good ideas (because it's Eames, and he's awesome like that) or else they're all too busy staring at Eames' face. I know I am.
He's definitely fiddling with a poker chip in this shot. I bet it's left over from that one time he and Arthur went to Las Vegas, and did a lot of sexy things that they haven't talked about since then, but they both really, really enjoyed it, and they keep objects from the trip as totems because those objects remind them of all the things that they did and how completely amazing it was when they were together. Oh, boys. You need to talk about these sorts of things.
If they were schoolboys, Arthur would be the one sitting in the front row writing down every single word the teacher said in perfect cursive, while Eames would be the bad boy rocking on his chair up the back of the classroom, throwing stuff at anyone who got too close. And we've all seen the teen movies. Those two always end up together.
And Arthur must be in love, because otherwise he'd probably have sat as far away from Eames' shirt as humanely possible.
He's all dammit, Eames, I'd totally rip that thing off you except that we both know what that would lead to, and it doesn't involve me sitting back down over here all properly dressed and dignified.
Perhaps Eames deliberately wears them to infuriate Arthur. He probably stands in front of his cupboard in the mornings and is all now, I could wear this beautiful suit and have Arthur stare at me in wonder all day, or I could wear the yellow-brown thing and have him stare at me in horror all day, and then tear it from my body as soon as we’re alone. Since we don’t get to see that, I would have preferred him picking the first option.
Arthur’s all forgive me for wanting a little specificity and Eames is all like fine, you want specificity? How about I describe the specifics of what I’m going to do to you later? But he’s secretly impressed that Arthur knows five-syllable words.
They check out the dream levels. Come on, Mr Nolan! My dreams are always filled with dinosaurs and hot air balloons and tsunamis and unicorns. Where are the unicorns in this dream? But I suppose they do need it to be practical.
Subtle, Arthur.
Faceee!!!
The guy keeps men drugged in his basement. I wouldn't be voluntarily slipping into unconsciousness while he's around, Arthur.
But then again, the team really wouldn't be complete without someone to replace Molester Guy.
Lunch breaks at the warehouse must be so fun. I bet they all hook themselves into the PASIV and take turns creating things to amuse the rest of the team. Like dreaming up Disneyland, or the moon, or the Enterprise, or Gallifrey, or the Faraway Tree. It’d be awesome.
They start talking maths, and Eames (as well as half the audience) immediately gets confused.
Confusion looks good on him.
How bad would it be if I decided to use unf as an adjective? As in Arthur’s looking very unf today.
Because attractive doesn't quite cover it.
Eames has noticed too. Arthur’s just there, all reclined and almost horizontal, with his sleeves rolled up and his tie a bit loose, so you can’t really blame Eames for trying to distract himself. Because he’s totally professional, and he knows that professionals don’t ravish their colleagues in the middle of team meetings.
Remember back in primary school when you could tell who liked who because they were always picking on each other? I don't think Arthur or Eames ever really grew up.
Aw, flaily!Arthur! And there seem to be two PASIVs in the warehouse behind them. I wonder if you could synchronise them and have the people hooked up to PASIV 1 randomly dropping in on the dreams of the people hooked up to PASIV 2 and scaring them.
This, Ariadne, would be a kick. I think that’s one of the only times we see Eames teaching Ariadne anything (it’s usually left to Arthur or Cobb). But what a lesson it is.
Eames has a tiny smile on his face, like awh yeah, that just happened, bb.
Eames is like whatcha going to do about it, hmm? And Arthur’s all oh, I know exactly what I’m going to do about it. It involves dreams, and guns, and rope, and that pretty mouth of yours, and it’ll be such fun.
Arthur is like are we going to feel a kick with that kind of sedation? And even though Yusuf is all of course! no problem! he still decides that it'd be fun to test it out. On Arthur. Because he’s nice like that.
Oh, it’s been about five seconds since someone last abused Arthur. Quick, Yusuf, get on it!
Eames is certainly enjoying it. And is it just me, or has the warehouse started looking a whole lot more high-tech since Yusuf showed up?
I wonder if he volunteers for it, or whether everyone’s all here Arthur, just hook yourself up to this and check out that building on the first level of the dream, okay? And then as soon as he’s out they’re all BAM! Total abuse.
Arthur’s Idea Face. We don’t get to see it very often.
He’s all so, I had this great thought... What about unicorns? I think they'd be really amazin- uh, I mean I think they could really help. Guys? Stop laughing, I’m serious! I feel your pain, Arthur.
I know it isn’t the pairing that I'm shipping, and it certainly isn’t my favourite pairing for Inception, but I think that if Eames (or Cobb or Saito or Fischer) hadn’t been in the film, then Arthur/Ariadne would have been sort of sweet. What can I say? I guess I’m just happy to whore Arthur out to any pairing that wants him.
Cobb doesn’t seem to do much other than ask other people to find out stuff. I know he’s the boss and all, and he has a dead-wife issue to deal with, but even Saito seems to be doing more than Cobb, and he’s the client.
Heh. They match. Isn’t mirroring a sign of attraction?
Saito bought an airline because it seemed neater. Either he’s obscenely rich, or he has some very serious OCD issues that he should see someone about.
She scares me so much in this movie.
I think it's the whole I'm-a-twisted-memory-of-a-suicidal-dead-wife-who-was-forged-by-grief-and-now-invades-your-dreams-and-kills-people thing.
And, on a side note, I really don't want to know what Cobb does with her when he's hooked up to the PASIV all night. Because when it comes down to it, it's still his own subconscious that he's touching. Freud would have a field day.
Arthur has a manpurse.
Saito isn't impressed by it. But it's okay, because Indiana Jones wears one.
This must be the biggest gathering of pretty on a plane, ever.
Eames is enjoying his seatbelt. He sort of reminds me of those little kids you see on planes who are all OH MY GOSH I’M TOTALLY FLYING, LIKE ACTUALLY FLYING IN THE AIR, AND I EVEN GET COLOURING BOOKS AND FOOD AND CARTOONS TO WATCH!!! OOH LOOK AT MY SEATBELT, ISN’T IT FANCY?!
Arthur's on baggage duty again.
They enter the dream. Now there’s a backseat party I would love to join in on.
And a frontseat one.
It’s raining because Yusuf needs to urinate. I wonder if anything else about the dreamer affects the dream. If yes, then I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for phallic symbolism in Arthur’s level. Or giant naked statues of Eames. I don’t know how subtle his subconscious is about these things.
Facccee! And just imagine if Mr Nolan had gone with unicorns instead of taxicabs. There would be a whole lot more rain-drenched Eames, for starters.
Wet Arthur is something every movie should have.
Apparently he’s on driving duty too, though I’m going to assume that that’s just because he’s a total bamf and can handle a car like nobody’s business.
Arthur realises that Kesha is on the radio.
I kid, I kid. We all know it's the Jonas Brothers (And Eames was totally behind that decision, oh yes).
Oh hai, Eames. You're looking delightfully wet.
He’s all yeah, you shut up, bitch. That’ll teach you to treat my man like a taxi driver.
Fischer's subconscious decides it doesn't like having people messing with it. If it were me I'd be welcoming them with open arms. They're just so pretty.
Eames shows off his guns.
I can just imagine Arthur in all his family photos, with his mother being all smile Arthur and Arthur being all I am smiling! And then everyone would be all uh uh, sweetie, you’re really not and Arthur would get even more frowny-faced because no one thought his smile looked smiley enough.
But Eames accepts his non-smile smile for what it is - a sign of true love.
Because he hasn’t been too varied with his expressions up until this point. He was all yeah, I’m cool and calm and collected and serious until Eames got into danger, and then BAM! We see about ten different variants of his Angry Face in as many seconds.
Eames with a suit and a gun does roughly the same thing to me that Arthur with rolled-up sleeves does. Or maybe it’s his face. He’s all nobody shoots at my Arthur.
After much careful consideration, I’ve decided that yes, his face is certainly a contributing factor.
Most definitely.
Poor Saito picked the wrong car. With Arthur and Eames protecting each other, there was no one left to protect him.
It always used to be the bad guys of the movie who would have slicked-back hair. Oh, how times have changed.
And the bottom half of Ariadne’s outfit is looking rather masculine. Though I suppose she’s spent all her time recently hanging out with five guys, and the only other girls in the movie are projections of various male minds, so it’s probably fair enough.
Arthur’s all no, Cobb. You do not blame me for not knowing that Fischer’s mind had been trained. I’ve been shot, pushed around, and put on babysitting/tutoring/driving/bag-carrying/warehouse-minding duty while you ran off to chat up your own subconscious. I warned you that if you picked Eames for this job I’d end up concentrating less on my work and more on Eames’ exquisite lips and all the things that they can do, so don’t you dare blame me.
Okay, so maybe he’s more like yeah, I should have known about that. No, bb! Stand up for yourself!
I get the feeling that he likes getting pushed around.
OH NO!
Both the audience and Arthur see Cobb’s hand around Eames’ wrist. Arthur doesn’t approve.
And Arthur and Ariadne have the same stance. And the same pants. Seriously, those trousers look so tight that Arthur probably had to be sewn into them. But I’m certainly not complaining. Tight trousers are the next best thing to no trousers, in my opinion.
And so we leave our heroes wounded and divided, with the enemy closing in and no means of escape. Will Saito survive? Will Cobb explain his sudden aversion to killing people? Will Ariadne wear a dress in the deeper levels? Will Fischer get de-blindfolded? Will Arthur shed his trousers? Will Eames do filthy things with his mouth? Find out next time.
(Or not. Because we’ve all seen the film, and therefore the answers are about as unknown as the ending of a Disney movie, I’ll give them to you now: Yes, yes, I doubt it, of course - as if they’d leave that pretty face covered, I really hope so, and always.) :D