42: The Answer to the Universe.... (6x7 is not the question)
Friday Morning ramblings:
Everyday I sort email for Wayne-Dalton Garage Door Customer Service. I read unhappy and satisfied remarks from all over the country. People from Washington and rural parts of Georgia. A lot of Midwesterners upset about their doors not working in the cold. Californians and Texans and people who live on the beach, recovering from the frenzy of hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast last summer. International requests from the UK and Middle East. Even Canadians (who always have the nicest emails). The same thread runs through them. A wife wants to surprise her husband with a new door for their anniversary. A husband calls to get an opener repaired so his wife doesn’t have to open the door manually. Sons and daughters call in requesting assistance for their elderly parents. Some people are tired and frustrated. Others grateful and polite. There are short tempers and occasional cursing. Even remarks about the “not so smart” wife who damaged a new door with her car. Or the "OCD" husband who spent hours outside figuring out how to program one remote. There are gracious thanks for quick replies and knowledgeable customer service reps. Complaints about local dealers and missing parts. All in all, after continually reading the depictions of life from this multitude of people, I start to see a pattern of an oblique nature. The many intertwining paths that humans make are unmistakable in accident and permanent in coincidence. It truly is a small world, and the little things we do and the people we meet affect us more than we think.
And it makes me wonder…. What is my life going to be like? Where am I going to “settle down?” Will I ever get married and have kids (like I desire)? How will I know that I’ve found the right place to start a family? When will that happen? I want to see so much in this world, but I am also afraid. It takes money and time and good company to have great trips. Will I ever have a friend base that fulfilling? Will I still be friends with the people I know now, ten years from now? Twenty? Will I like the fifty-year old version of myself? Will I ever find a person that will accept and love me unconditionally? Someone that will stand out in the cold to fix the garage for me? Someone I would do the same for? What am I searching for in a mate? Someone to look after me, challenge me, inspire me to grow and blossom into the woman I know I can be? Someone I can raise a family with who will be my best friend forever? What is forever? Does eternity exist? Am I doing the right things to get there? What is the point of this all? A free trip around the sun millions of times over, or a one time shot to find my niche on this planet? So many questions and we look in all the wrong places…..
Thinking about families and where they live and how they seem to interact has affected my outlook on marriage. All these couples write in and I wonder about their everyday lives. How did they meet? Are they faithful to each other? Is monogamy satisfying? I want it to be, but with so many divorces and cases of adultery it makes me question the validity of our social concepts. Life is risk. Every day. There is risk in not having a job. Having a job is a risk (you never know when you might not be needed). Security is a false mirage. Get your 41K, invest in stock, wait it out, your retirement will take care of you. We are so obsessed with building a happy utopia around us. It is the human goal, I believe. Because life is so uncertain and we can’t see into the future, we try to build this safe web of friends, family, and routine around us. So we think we have an iota of what to expect the next day. So we can plan and feel safe in knowing that everything is mapped out.
This is not to say planning and having goals are useless. I believe whole-heartedly that we must have something to work towards everyday or life becomes dull and unimaginative. That is why rates of depression (especially in this country) continue to climb. With an ever changing world full of hate and blind ignorance it is often hard to see why we all get up once again, everyday, to fight the good fight. But I understand that this world has so many things to offer that it is necessary to maintain a positive attitude. That the very questions previously asked are why I do get up everyday. I want to find out what happens in the story of my life! It’s just taken a long time to realize that I have more control over my destiny than I thought. Though life is unpredictable, I can strive for what makes me happy. The “safe” way to live mapped out by my parents is no longer enough for me. Though I love and respect them, I realize that this is MY life. That this IS life. Taking your fate by the reins and steering it in the direction you want. Being able of take care of yourself and still enjoy yourself is the secret to happiness. There is a quote hanging up on the wall in my office building describing success: Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get.
I think that sums it up.
Imagining the lives of millions of people can rust your brain sometimes. It makes you question the validity of everything you thought was the “right way.” With so many different ways of life it threatens the underlying premise of most practicing belief systems: all religions are cults except for my religion. My way or the highway. The exaggerations of politicians. The way it really is on the street. In your house. In my house. How we truly interact with people. What kind of fabric makes up our soul quilt. It is often so overwhelming that I cry aloud to the forces of the universe: What am I supposed to be doing?! What is the way? Is anything “right” or is it all relative?
And then I realize that just in questioning, I have already gotten halfway to the truth. Halfway ahead of all the poor souls who will never question how things were made or why. They will continue to get up everyday and obsess over what outfit to wear, what people will think about their new car, or how drunk they will get Saturday night. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad knowing I can not touch or affect them all. All I can do is sit at my desk, sort emails, collect my paycheck, save money for school, and eventually have the degree so I can teach. And the desire to teach does not only stem from my love for the humanities, but for humanity. I want to wake kids up when they see me. I want them to remember what it’s like to be around someone who has empathy and cares more about their brain than what their parents do for a living. I want them to surround themselves with people who strive to be more than the expectations set by conformist attitudes. We are all so afraid of what is different. We get upset when we can’t figure out how to make the door opener work. Or have to spend actual time solving a problem. Our time. That is usually spent in watching tv or in something else equally synapse-numbing. We have trouble breaking from an easy routine. Change is unsettling, new people frightening. Our insecurities should not mold our life, but push us out of our comfort zone. So we can search for answers to the meaningful questions about our existence.
-A
Everyday I sort email for Wayne-Dalton Garage Door Customer Service. I read unhappy and satisfied remarks from all over the country. People from Washington and rural parts of Georgia. A lot of Midwesterners upset about their doors not working in the cold. Californians and Texans and people who live on the beach, recovering from the frenzy of hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast last summer. International requests from the UK and Middle East. Even Canadians (who always have the nicest emails). The same thread runs through them. A wife wants to surprise her husband with a new door for their anniversary. A husband calls to get an opener repaired so his wife doesn’t have to open the door manually. Sons and daughters call in requesting assistance for their elderly parents. Some people are tired and frustrated. Others grateful and polite. There are short tempers and occasional cursing. Even remarks about the “not so smart” wife who damaged a new door with her car. Or the "OCD" husband who spent hours outside figuring out how to program one remote. There are gracious thanks for quick replies and knowledgeable customer service reps. Complaints about local dealers and missing parts. All in all, after continually reading the depictions of life from this multitude of people, I start to see a pattern of an oblique nature. The many intertwining paths that humans make are unmistakable in accident and permanent in coincidence. It truly is a small world, and the little things we do and the people we meet affect us more than we think.
And it makes me wonder…. What is my life going to be like? Where am I going to “settle down?” Will I ever get married and have kids (like I desire)? How will I know that I’ve found the right place to start a family? When will that happen? I want to see so much in this world, but I am also afraid. It takes money and time and good company to have great trips. Will I ever have a friend base that fulfilling? Will I still be friends with the people I know now, ten years from now? Twenty? Will I like the fifty-year old version of myself? Will I ever find a person that will accept and love me unconditionally? Someone that will stand out in the cold to fix the garage for me? Someone I would do the same for? What am I searching for in a mate? Someone to look after me, challenge me, inspire me to grow and blossom into the woman I know I can be? Someone I can raise a family with who will be my best friend forever? What is forever? Does eternity exist? Am I doing the right things to get there? What is the point of this all? A free trip around the sun millions of times over, or a one time shot to find my niche on this planet? So many questions and we look in all the wrong places…..
Thinking about families and where they live and how they seem to interact has affected my outlook on marriage. All these couples write in and I wonder about their everyday lives. How did they meet? Are they faithful to each other? Is monogamy satisfying? I want it to be, but with so many divorces and cases of adultery it makes me question the validity of our social concepts. Life is risk. Every day. There is risk in not having a job. Having a job is a risk (you never know when you might not be needed). Security is a false mirage. Get your 41K, invest in stock, wait it out, your retirement will take care of you. We are so obsessed with building a happy utopia around us. It is the human goal, I believe. Because life is so uncertain and we can’t see into the future, we try to build this safe web of friends, family, and routine around us. So we think we have an iota of what to expect the next day. So we can plan and feel safe in knowing that everything is mapped out.
This is not to say planning and having goals are useless. I believe whole-heartedly that we must have something to work towards everyday or life becomes dull and unimaginative. That is why rates of depression (especially in this country) continue to climb. With an ever changing world full of hate and blind ignorance it is often hard to see why we all get up once again, everyday, to fight the good fight. But I understand that this world has so many things to offer that it is necessary to maintain a positive attitude. That the very questions previously asked are why I do get up everyday. I want to find out what happens in the story of my life! It’s just taken a long time to realize that I have more control over my destiny than I thought. Though life is unpredictable, I can strive for what makes me happy. The “safe” way to live mapped out by my parents is no longer enough for me. Though I love and respect them, I realize that this is MY life. That this IS life. Taking your fate by the reins and steering it in the direction you want. Being able of take care of yourself and still enjoy yourself is the secret to happiness. There is a quote hanging up on the wall in my office building describing success: Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get.
I think that sums it up.
Imagining the lives of millions of people can rust your brain sometimes. It makes you question the validity of everything you thought was the “right way.” With so many different ways of life it threatens the underlying premise of most practicing belief systems: all religions are cults except for my religion. My way or the highway. The exaggerations of politicians. The way it really is on the street. In your house. In my house. How we truly interact with people. What kind of fabric makes up our soul quilt. It is often so overwhelming that I cry aloud to the forces of the universe: What am I supposed to be doing?! What is the way? Is anything “right” or is it all relative?
And then I realize that just in questioning, I have already gotten halfway to the truth. Halfway ahead of all the poor souls who will never question how things were made or why. They will continue to get up everyday and obsess over what outfit to wear, what people will think about their new car, or how drunk they will get Saturday night. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad knowing I can not touch or affect them all. All I can do is sit at my desk, sort emails, collect my paycheck, save money for school, and eventually have the degree so I can teach. And the desire to teach does not only stem from my love for the humanities, but for humanity. I want to wake kids up when they see me. I want them to remember what it’s like to be around someone who has empathy and cares more about their brain than what their parents do for a living. I want them to surround themselves with people who strive to be more than the expectations set by conformist attitudes. We are all so afraid of what is different. We get upset when we can’t figure out how to make the door opener work. Or have to spend actual time solving a problem. Our time. That is usually spent in watching tv or in something else equally synapse-numbing. We have trouble breaking from an easy routine. Change is unsettling, new people frightening. Our insecurities should not mold our life, but push us out of our comfort zone. So we can search for answers to the meaningful questions about our existence.
-A