But You're Killing Everything In Me
I don't want to get into the details of it. I really don't even want to dwell on it, but the constant aching of my jaw keeps reminding me. I'm focusing more on the impact all this has on me. As much as I try to distance myself from it, as much as I try to forget about it, it's still always there. I think the scariest thing is that I suppress it all. But not in the way where I don't want talk about it at all and I just sit and sulk in it. More like these huge things happen and then I honestly forget about it. I don't try to, but my brain just stores it away and I never think about it again. Theres so many details about last night that I now can't remember. I don't know if it's because of the huge adrenaline rush, or the fact that I was completely hysterical. But lately memories keep popping into my head and I really have to question the fact if it actually happened. I have all these suppressed memories that I'm going to have to deal with some day. All I can think about is I remember some really horrible stuff, I don't even want to imagine what went on that I don't remember. I'm not brave, I'm not strong. I'm just trying to get through what I've been dealt. I'm not going to whine, and I'm not going to blame.