(no subject)
it's funny what one simple conversation can do. knowing that for once in my life, something i did, didn't completely screw up everything i love in my life. im not sure exactly how it will turn out; but i dont care. the fact is, i was honest, and for that i will always be proud of myself. i hope that one day, the conversation will turn in my direction, but right now, i am fine. right now i am happy. right now, i love life more than i have in a very long time. i feel sort of bad that it didnt turn out the same for goal, but at this moment in time, i feel like i deserve to be completely happy; not having to worry about what happened in the past. i still do, and will, but do i constantly have to ruin my good mood in order to satisfy everyone else? im kinda sick of that actually. why do i have to be the stable one? why cant i just have fun and be carefree? i dont mind being there for people when they need it...but sometimes, it seems to be a hinderance. i mean, how much life experience do i really have? sure, i know what alcohol does to you, and how it takes...but do i know how to deal with being drunk, how i would act, what to do? have i ever been asked out? have i ever been on a date? been kissed? been emotionally involved in a relationship? well. if you really know me, you know the answers to all of those questions. which makes me wonder, why do people come to me for advice? it doesnt make sense.