i am apalled by life's very constant lows

[reauxbot]

I am in a supreme whipped cream dream funk. Unhappy with my job, uncomfortable at home, dreams filled with nightmares and days off filled with apathy

Comments

[sammishndahouse]

i feel very much the same. i dont really know what to do about it. sorry.

of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most

[reauxbot]

I reply to your message because it gives me the opportunity to be the caring one, not the weak needy one. Maybe we should have a suicide pact.

Dooring the club tonight I thought about running off and killing myself while all my roommates were out, but then I thought about all the reasons I can't and felt really really sorry for myself. And cried. Until Cindy, the bisexual homeless woman at the club tonight, came up and started babbling. Then I hid my tears.

God, I'm pathetic...

Re: of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most

[sammishndahouse]

that can be arranged, should be arranged. i cried six times last night but there wasnt anyone to get all up in my face and make me want to hide it or stop. i'm making an appointment with a counselor/therapist today, and also one with an m.d. i feel like i'm giving up because i dont know what to do anymore, but oh well. have you thought about seeing someone about it? i'm kind of praying for a thyroid problem (its in my family and is [in part] the cause of my dad and grandma's depression/sluggishness/tiredness), but i think it might be more (since my dad is always in some way depressed and my grandma has impressive attempted-suidice and psychiatric ward records.) my family history is not giving me hope at all.

okay reaux, there will be no killing ourselves. you cant do it cos im counting on you not to, and vice versa. i'm going to be visiting the weekend of the 8th (thats like 9 days or something). we should be miserable together or something.

not for you, but because I'm a pussy

[reauxbot]

Hey, okay...

No killing ourselves. It's agreed. Wish I had done it rather than come on this LJ and sob about it... Because I am pussy enough to have done so, okay.

Please come and visit. Let's commiserate. However its spelled. Two kinds of tears are better than one. Call me. If I'm not dead I'll pick up...

Reaux

p.s. is there something in the air or am I the only one who feels like there is this great awful cloud hanging overhead? I know you feel it... Something's in the air. Maybe its yom kippur (the jewish new year) or all the psychic shit that comes with it... But there's very little keeping me from downing that bottle of acetometephines (however that's spelled too)... I yelled out yesterday that I wasn't going to be conquered by whatever this is that's bogging me down but maybe just maybe I was wrong...

if i live through the night i could feel alright it'll make a good song or something

[reauxbot]

Hey wow....

I'm alive I'm alive. I feel like Daniel Johnston.

We were talking about putting breathalizers on cell phones to prohibit drunk calls, but what would make most sense for me is putting a depressed sensor on my hands to keep me from airing all my dirty laundry. At least I can delete all these messages... But everybody's already read them...

Ooooh well

rule 1: anything worth having is not easily achieved (sound mind included)

[sammishndahouse]

hm. about the p.s

weeeeeeird...

[reauxbot]

Woah... We must be tied in the great void. Our messages are timed together to the minute. Weird fucking world. I don't remember your e--mail address. I'm sorry. Mine's reauxbot@hotmail...

As far as religious bunk goes, I always drop it until I'm really desperate and then my heavy religious breeding sneeks back up on myself.

I know a myriad of things that could be making me depressed, but there's always a myriad of things, so I assume that when I'm depressed it must be chemicals in my brain. It's a lot easy to get a grip on...

I should get a therapist, but one of my depressors is a money/not in school so not really on my parent's insurance or anyother insurance problem. Recommend me a free counselor and I'm there.

I have to go get ready for work, but I'll call you sometime soon... And you can always call me... 8184698199 if you've never had it...

well shoot

[sammishndahouse]

i tried to email you but it didnt go through.

err.. i dunno

[reauxbot]

I have no idea why not. Hmm. Forces of evil.

lick up my tears

[reauxbot]

I wish I could say you're the only one I know who gets romantic about somebody being depressed...