"Oh well...Apparently..nothing."
I could say I stubbed myself. I fell short on many occasions. It's tough to place your feet firmly on the ground when the ground is moving.
Impact shows no sorrow. It can be a tough situation of any kind, being hard to garner what exactly happened and how you should react. Shortly after impact, is when we are at our weakest. Eliciting a response from a latter party can bring about repercussions that should not be mentioned. But are they the truth?
I sat after the aforementioned (texting that night). Adorned in nothing, but astonishment of what had just happened and how I let the situation just walk out the door. Or was I even in control the whole time?
Living on your own can be no fun at this point. I grabbed my phone to try and find the nearest person to talk to, maybe they would understand and listen? Not just any person would work and by this time it was one in the morning. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I hate disturbing people and especially anytime after 10pm. The first person I thought of was Cobie. Only because she has been there before for me. I thought surely she would still be up, but to no avail. She responded, but it was in a daze. I could tell that she had fallen asleep simply from the fact that the text hadn't made any sense.
The intense affect of mental pain, swelling in my head was becoming more and more apparent. I turned to a legal drug called Kratom to relieve some of the pain and slowly it started to work. It was never alleviated, but the pain had become numb and tolerable. I felt as if I was down on my luck when I noticed Matt was online, thank God. An old friend is always a good friend. And so we talked for an hour or so. Nothing was ever solved, nothing was ever disputed. I just wanted to claim my stance to my feelings. I knew I could be boring him so I let him go, but before I did, I figured I would at least care to know of his situations. I never see him anymore and he does cross my mind from time to time. Everyone does, I'm always thinking of everyone...
The next day could of been the hardest. The test that I told myself to prepare for - was one that I never prepared for really. And that Spanish composition had to pretty much be done on the spot due to lack of going over any vocab or personal thoughts about religion. I struggled, but I made it. My day was empty afterward.
In an alternate land, we were going to that lunch together that Thursday afternoon. The one we were suppose to have on the 14th. The one where work got in the way and killed my weekend. The one where you decided to go back home for the weekend. The one where we were going to meet half way between your home and my work to celebrate. But, it never materialized and we had to push it back to Tuesday after that weekend. And that day came and went, but we never made it there. We never even saw each other that Tuesday.
I always felt as if I worked too much. Went to class too much. I had this fear that I told you about before we started dating. The one where I was worried I was not going to have anytime for you. I was marveled by your answer, you saying that we would work it out. That it wasn't going to be a problem. In some regards, it never was a problem.
That afternoon I didn't go to lunch. Instead I sat around and didn't eat. I was too depressed to think of my stomach. My thoughts were of what I was feeling and the muscle in my chest and its reaction to all of this. Her clothes still laid folded in my bedroom from a time where she decided to keep them over at my place for spending the night. Some of my immediate reactions to her were that of being cold. After we talked on Wednesday night, we just about said nothing to each other on Thursday. I asked sometime that afternoon if she wanted her stuff. I never got a reply. My feelings were hurt once again. I wanted to see her and then again I did not. I fell asleep that afternoon waiting for her to reply. She said she was at school and wouldn't be by to pick them up. My response was of plain stupidity, "Yea.". I felt as if I was being alienated by her. As if she was just over it already. I've never felt so down. So I started to drink.
Too tired once again. More later...
I can still hope can I?...
Impact shows no sorrow. It can be a tough situation of any kind, being hard to garner what exactly happened and how you should react. Shortly after impact, is when we are at our weakest. Eliciting a response from a latter party can bring about repercussions that should not be mentioned. But are they the truth?
I sat after the aforementioned (texting that night). Adorned in nothing, but astonishment of what had just happened and how I let the situation just walk out the door. Or was I even in control the whole time?
Living on your own can be no fun at this point. I grabbed my phone to try and find the nearest person to talk to, maybe they would understand and listen? Not just any person would work and by this time it was one in the morning. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I hate disturbing people and especially anytime after 10pm. The first person I thought of was Cobie. Only because she has been there before for me. I thought surely she would still be up, but to no avail. She responded, but it was in a daze. I could tell that she had fallen asleep simply from the fact that the text hadn't made any sense.
The intense affect of mental pain, swelling in my head was becoming more and more apparent. I turned to a legal drug called Kratom to relieve some of the pain and slowly it started to work. It was never alleviated, but the pain had become numb and tolerable. I felt as if I was down on my luck when I noticed Matt was online, thank God. An old friend is always a good friend. And so we talked for an hour or so. Nothing was ever solved, nothing was ever disputed. I just wanted to claim my stance to my feelings. I knew I could be boring him so I let him go, but before I did, I figured I would at least care to know of his situations. I never see him anymore and he does cross my mind from time to time. Everyone does, I'm always thinking of everyone...
The next day could of been the hardest. The test that I told myself to prepare for - was one that I never prepared for really. And that Spanish composition had to pretty much be done on the spot due to lack of going over any vocab or personal thoughts about religion. I struggled, but I made it. My day was empty afterward.
In an alternate land, we were going to that lunch together that Thursday afternoon. The one we were suppose to have on the 14th. The one where work got in the way and killed my weekend. The one where you decided to go back home for the weekend. The one where we were going to meet half way between your home and my work to celebrate. But, it never materialized and we had to push it back to Tuesday after that weekend. And that day came and went, but we never made it there. We never even saw each other that Tuesday.
I always felt as if I worked too much. Went to class too much. I had this fear that I told you about before we started dating. The one where I was worried I was not going to have anytime for you. I was marveled by your answer, you saying that we would work it out. That it wasn't going to be a problem. In some regards, it never was a problem.
That afternoon I didn't go to lunch. Instead I sat around and didn't eat. I was too depressed to think of my stomach. My thoughts were of what I was feeling and the muscle in my chest and its reaction to all of this. Her clothes still laid folded in my bedroom from a time where she decided to keep them over at my place for spending the night. Some of my immediate reactions to her were that of being cold. After we talked on Wednesday night, we just about said nothing to each other on Thursday. I asked sometime that afternoon if she wanted her stuff. I never got a reply. My feelings were hurt once again. I wanted to see her and then again I did not. I fell asleep that afternoon waiting for her to reply. She said she was at school and wouldn't be by to pick them up. My response was of plain stupidity, "Yea.". I felt as if I was being alienated by her. As if she was just over it already. I've never felt so down. So I started to drink.
Too tired once again. More later...
I can still hope can I?...