the benefit of the doubt
its nights like these that make me want to give up, and days like these that bring me here.
how can there exist such a severe dichotomy in me? its unnerving to think of the range of emotion i can feel in a day.
yesterday morning i had convinced myself (and am still- for the most part- convinced) that the mere act of existing was proof that something is beautiful, or at the least- just cause to assume so. i spent the better part of the morning looking at the sky and thinking to myself, 'the sky is beautiful, not because it is big or blue, but because it is the sky.' and 'that building is beautiful, not because it is square, or beige, or took many hours to construct... but because it is that building.' it is a glorious way to spend a morning.
but then.
then, i spend most of the day or two since then becoming frustrated with people for not understanding me, or things i have said. it is so terribly absurd, for me- ME! of all people- a person who is at this very moment struggling to explain feelings and contradictions in himself- to expect others to really understand me. it is not so much that i am a hard person to understand, or that there are so very many facets of me that it is hard to comprehend them all. its a simple matter of misunderstanding, miscommunication, mis-whatever.
at any rate, it feels like the pendulum is swinging back again, like maybe its time.
how can there exist such a severe dichotomy in me? its unnerving to think of the range of emotion i can feel in a day.
yesterday morning i had convinced myself (and am still- for the most part- convinced) that the mere act of existing was proof that something is beautiful, or at the least- just cause to assume so. i spent the better part of the morning looking at the sky and thinking to myself, 'the sky is beautiful, not because it is big or blue, but because it is the sky.' and 'that building is beautiful, not because it is square, or beige, or took many hours to construct... but because it is that building.' it is a glorious way to spend a morning.
but then.
then, i spend most of the day or two since then becoming frustrated with people for not understanding me, or things i have said. it is so terribly absurd, for me- ME! of all people- a person who is at this very moment struggling to explain feelings and contradictions in himself- to expect others to really understand me. it is not so much that i am a hard person to understand, or that there are so very many facets of me that it is hard to comprehend them all. its a simple matter of misunderstanding, miscommunication, mis-whatever.
at any rate, it feels like the pendulum is swinging back again, like maybe its time.