until the end of time
Friday was probably one of the best, most fun days of 2010.
280510 will be a day I'll remember.
Thanks for making it fun for me, everyone.
If only all good things can last longer.
But all good things come to an end.
From Saturday onwards, all I felt was fear.
It was just sick, terrible feeling.
I felt like throwing up everytime I ate something.
I didn't even feel like eating.
Saturday morning I hardly ate, I stuffed myself silly at night and had indigestion.
I wanted to vomit.
Sunday I hardly ate at all, only had lunch. (The only reason I could eat was because Zel was with me.)
Today I only had lunch too.
I hate the thought of leaving.
I hate it that I'm so emotional and paranoid.
I hate the thought of the emptiness I'll feel for the next 14 days.
I hate how I can't bring some things I really want to bring along.
I hate how I'm left with no choice but to board that plane tomorrow.
For these three days I've been crying, sweating cold sweat.
My heart has been so damn heavy.
The only time I didn't cry in an hour was when Hazel came on Saturday.
Sunday was better, but I was still crying.
My eyes were swollen.
Today, I'm crying again, because I know tomorrow is coming.
If time could stop, I'd want it to stop on Friday.
I'd want it to stop just now.
I'd want it to stop anytime.
I feel like vomitting again.
It's like I caught stomach flu, fever, something, but I know it isn't.
And I start crying all over again, when I picture the scene of tomorrow going over and over again in my head.
I guess it's because I'm leaving my heart behind.
I'm leaving my everything behind.
And I really don't want to.
14 days till I'm back.
14th June at 2000, my plane will touch down.
But for now, I have to bid farewell and say the word that I hate saying all the time.
Goodbye.
And-
I'll miss you, you and you and everyone else.
-
"Can you not leave?"
It's crazy how four simple words like this can tear my heart open, break it completely, make it ache so badly.
I wanted so much to be able to say yes to you, to tell you that I won't leave, that I'll stay-
But I couldn't.
I hate the thought of leaving you behind.
-
I meant it when I said I'll always be your 911.