Kingdom Come

[reaperlight]

A/N: This is a Death Note crackfic, written for underrated pairings week. I don't own Death Note.

***


“Mogi-san, are you in position?”

Mogi grunted an affirmation over his com and L chewed on a sweet and sour gummy worm thoughtfully. Light-kun had been acting most oddly as of late. The most blatant example would be when the teen had disappeared for a whole week and no one knew where he had gone.

Dammit, that’s not like him at all!

When the wayward teen had returned he had fed his father some lie about spending time with friends after graduation, that they’d been out partying in some cabin in the woods, and before they knew it a week had gone by and it wouldn’t happen again… Or course, Souichiro had harshly scolded his son about his absence but afterwards he had seemed oddly pleased that his son was “finally coming out of his shell.”

L had just frowned throughout the whole exchange. It was quite unlike Light or Kira for that matter. Light, the dutiful son would not want to worry his family like that. L knew that if his Kira suspect had a soft spot it was for his family. (L self-consciously rubbed his arm though the bruises had long since healed. So far it was the only time his suspect had resorted to physical violence-when he had implied that Sayu could be Kira.)

It also went against his profile as Kira. It seemed so unlike him to take such a stupid risk that was so damaging to his reputation… unless there was something to be gained out of it that far outweighed the damage done.

That was what worried L. To take such an obvious risk and to behave this much out of character… Light must have been planning something big.

Either that or his teenage Kira suspect actually had been swept up in a wild party.

L scoffed at the thought-in this case the simplest explanation was the least likely. He just couldn’t see Light Yagami engaged in crazy fratboy hijinks. For one thing that stick was just too firmly entrenched up his ass. No it was far more likely that this was some sort of elaborate, one-man conspiracy meant to discredit and defeat him.

L noted how Light continued to stay on top of all his classes and present a normal façade but even one of his field agents had noticed the college freshman’s odd behavior.

It was reported to him that Light apparently made frequent visits to the UN embassy for hours at a time. L was frustrated that Raye Penber hadn’t been any more specific about the nature of the younger Yagami’s visits but the American agent had answered with a near whine of “No one paid attention to those boring meeting anyway.” L supposed he should be lucky that Penber even knew what building it was and sorely wished that Misora would quit this engagement foolishness and come out of retirement. He had tried to reason with her-for one thing “Naomi Penber” would be a horrible name-but so far she had sadly failed to see reason. Given what an insecure idiot Penber was he didn’t expect the marriage to last long but then L granted that outside of the context of a murder case L was hardly the go-to expert on interpersonal relations. L was somewhat comforted by the thought if this did become his area of expertise-say if Misora were to finally snap and kill Penber for being an absolute moron, (clearly justifiable homicide… provided Misora work with him again) he could always say “I told you so.”

L gave a wistful sigh. For now Misora was sadly out of his grasp… but he still had Light.

Or so he had thought. L didn’t know what to think about all these irrational moves. The U.N… just what was he thinking? Of course L had made an official request to learn the nature of the meetings afterwards. He was sure he’d have the answer… once Watari got through all the paperwork. But until he had the answer all L could do was stew and speculate and drive himself into a tizzy because this made absolutely no sense! L knew that Light didn’t want the spotlight-despite the teen’s deep infatuation with his own mirror. No Light, Kira, was more like him. He preferred to strike from the shadows instilling fear and terror among the criminal element. It wasn’t like Kira to go into politics. That was far too out in the open. Way too far outside Light’s comfort zone, unless there was something he was missing, unless something had fundamentally changed.

That was why L had once again increased surveillance on Light. The great detective had considered putting the UN building under surveillance as well but as Watari pointed out there really was no need to monitor that-for one thing it was boring, for another they didn’t want to draw such attention to themselves, and finally because Wammy’s House already had other agents doing just that-agents like F, F was a good reliable agent, and U who was tutoring under F and trying to get extra credit for his politics class.

L felt he finally had made a break in the case when it was discovered that his favorite suspect was sneaking off to make regular use of love hotels as well. Perhaps he had been holding secret meetings with this second Kira?

Very naughty, Light-kun. L chuckled to himself. Oh you must be making use of such establishments to further Kira’s agenda-very naughty indeed! I’ll see you in handcuffs yet…

“Uh… what if he’s actually, uh, you know, seeing someone there?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Matsuda,” the great detective scoffed into his powdered doughnut, getting the white stuff all over his face, “I have been observing Yagami-kun for the past three months. He has the sex drive of a wet sock.”

Behind him Souichiro looked like he wanted to protest on his son’s behalf but stopped himself when (alleged week-long wild parties aside) he obviously saw the truth in L’s words.

***

The room was so pink. The floor, the walls, the bed, the sheets-everything was all pink and white lace. It was enough to even give L a headache and momentarily put aside his strawberry frosted cupcakes in exchange for a rich dark chocolate cake. Most teenage males would have been put off by so much pink but L supposed that Light might not mind so much considering the sheer number of “salmon” colored dress shirts they’d found in his closet… and then there was that pink butterfly glamour belt… and that article of clothing that looked suspiciously like a corset. (Souichiro was clearly in denial as he rationalized that such things must have been left behind whenever Light had girls over and L had once again ever-helpfully pointed out that Light had the sex drive of a wet sock.)

L watched the monitors intently, he had had Wedy place the cameras everywhere and yet Light had somehow blocked all the relevant cameras shortly after he arrived. He made it look accidental of course, strategically throwing his bag over one, throwing off articles of clothes onto others (L was surprised that he’d go this far, that he really did intend to hold this meeting naked) and then commenced to adjust the fucking feng shui of the room. How did they know? Well Matsuda was familiar with feng shui, as was L (for a case of course. He didn’t actually believe in any superstitious nonsense.) Also Light spoke to himself about it in great detail (or was there someone already in the room even then? Someone they had missed? That seemed impossible…)

In the end none of the remaining cameras had a clear view of the bed which was unfortunate because L could almost make out that Light seemed to be having some sort of hushed conversation with someone though this again should be impossible. All of L’s cameras, bugs, and instruments indicated that Light should be alone in there-no one had been in the room before and no one had entered the room after him. Nothing and no one else had shown up on the cameras, even the infrared cameras. L was sorely tempted to write it off that Light was just hallucinating but then the bed had shifted and creaked far more than it should have given that the young man only weighed a scant 119 lbs-and that was a current and up-to-date file! L had means of keeping track of these things when stalking, that is investigating, his suspects. Though L’s methods may seem mysterious to those he worked with who weren’t in the know that’s only because he wasn’t inclined to share in his methods that were quite often the result of hours of work analyzing the data collected by the peepers and perverts in his employ who did most of the unethical and illegal spy work on his behalf. L also noted that the teen had lost a dangerous amount of weight in the month of November when Kira first appeared. Perhaps in the beginning mass murder had made him lose his appetite but Light seemed to be eating fine now-L knew that to be one of the greatest and most terrifying things about the human mind, that it could rationalize almost anything.

L could make out a portion of Light’s leg dangling over the side of the bed perfectly still, through one of the cameras Wedy had placed under the bed (it doesn’t hurt to be thorough after all) and yet the creaking continued as if there was a second ghostly presence on the bed with Light trying to make itself more comfortable and the detective felt an odd flaring of jealousy. (It wasn’t fair-he only ever got to see Light naked through the cameras.) This seemed to indicate that, as impossible as it seemed, Light’s accomplice was either invisible or was somehow, impossibly, already in the room when they installed the cameras.

The crouching detective silently clenched his fist. Kira won this round.

I have to learn that trick when I capture him!

L suddenly froze in alarm at the sounds the bugs were picking up-as did everyone else in the room when they heard the soft whimpering emanating from the bed which was just out visual range of the remaining cameras.

“What’s happening?” demanded Matsuda, voice laden with obvious concern. “Is he being tortured?”

“I think… just the opposite,” Sanami whispered as the microphones relayed to them the sounds of heavy breathing and lusty moans. That was unmistakably Light’s voice on the tape. L dropped his ice cream cone in shock and beside him Souichiro was looking pale and faint. It honestly never occurred to L that his suspect might actually be having sex in a sex hotel.

After all this was Light Yagami, teen genius psycho extraordinaire, who L had previously determined had the sex drive of a wet sock.

Perhaps he had to rethink his profile.

But again this was Light Yagami. Nothing was ever as straightforward as it seemed, not when Light was involved-there were always plans behind plans behind plans. Maybe this was only what Light wanted them to think. Maybe he was actually meeting his accomplice as L had initially theorized and just making it sound like they were having sex to throw them off. L wouldn’t put it past him. Still the detective sorely wished he had the video to go with the sounds of Light begging and crying-for purely professional reasons of course.

“Oh god…” groaned one of the officers next to him.

“Turn that off,” Souichiro ordered in his sternest voice.

“No,” said L much to the outrage of the others present.

Light screamed again and the detective bit his thumb until it bled.

I find I am most envious of you, ghost-san.

“Light is clearly aware of the presence of the cameras,” L told the other detectives, “therefore it stands to reason that there is a good chance that he is faking it. That’s why I can’t turn off the cameras. I’m sorry, Mr. Yagami. I don’t like it any more than you do. You don’t have to stay and watch of course but I can’t afford to turn off the cameras. We might miss something critical.”

With much grumbling the others all left for coffee-unanimously deciding to leave the bizarre consulting detective to his own devices. That was until Matsuda returned five minutes later, having forgotten his jacket, and caught Ryuuzaki with his hand down his pants. L claimed that he was only trying to retrieve a cake crumb that had fallen, inside his pants-naturally. Of course. His pants were quite baggy, after all. For some reason the taskforce remained unconvinced but that hardly mattered to L. He was the world’s greatest detective. Their opinion was invalid.

***

“Do you mind?!” Light snapped as the door to his hotel room burst open. Several members of the taskforce had finally had enough with L’s voyeurism and farce of an investigation and decided to send a police team in and do police stuff rather than take orders from a sugar-addicted madman with a hard-on for the Chief’s son.

The young man hastily wrapped a blanket around his waist but not before most of the assembled officers got a good look at the scene before them. The evidence of what he’d been doing dripping down his thighs from his abused hole. Well if there was any doubt about the chief’s son and L’s main Kira suspect’s bedroom preferences there was none now.

So it would be ever since that on occasion one (or most) of them would routinely forget their respect for the Chief or their fear of Kira in order to most unprofessionally snicker amongst themselves, claim they “always knew” often with long lists of “evidence” (which usually wasn’t so much evidence of any of Light’s preferences but of how Ryuuzaki kept stalking him) until someone, usually Aizawa, would put an end to it. Light probably guessed what they were discussing and Aizawa realized that if Light was some magical mass murderer that could kill them with a thought he had to commend his restraint and professionalism here even if he turned out to be otherwise the lowest form of trash imaginable.

When Aizawa had asked the obvious question, of where the man Light had been with had gone the teenage suspect gave them all a charming smile which held a rather nasty edge. “I’m sure you just missed him.”

Hindsight is 20/20.

***

L cursed as he helplessly watched the scene playing out over the few remaining cameras-what the hell were they thinking?! They weren’t nearly prepared to make an arrest! There was no evidence and he was sure that Light wouldn’t crack under questioning. L suddenly realized that’s probably what their game was-the idiots probably thought that by popping in and surprising Light that they’d catch him off guard and find some evidence of wrong-doing. While L admitted that such a tactic could work he had ruled it out as far too dangerous given what they knew, or rather didn’t know about Kira. But given what L knew about Light it was more than likely to blow up in their faces.

***

“You’re making a mistake,” Light said simply as they slapped him in handcuffs.

It was making them all nervous. This was not the demeanor of a normal teenage who had his first run-in with the police-even given who his father was he should be at least a little nervous, especially considering the compromising position they found him in but instead he met them all with a steely gaze. This was not a confused and scared teenage-in fact his demeanor reminded Aizawa of that of a hardened criminal who thought he was above the law.

“You might want to check my wallet,” the teen suggested serenely.

“I intend to,” Aizawa snapped through gritted teeth as he uncovered Light’s wallet from the back pocket of his discarded khakis, uncovering one of the cameras in the process-he was sure Ryuuzaki would appreciate that, that twisted son of a bitch… Speaking of which they needed to get Light some clothes-maybe a nice orange jumpsuit would get him talking…

Aizawa paused in the process of rifling through Light’s wallet, eyes widening in alarm.

“Uncuff him,” he ordered.

“What?!” demanded the other officers, not unreasonably.

“Just do it,” Aizawa growled as he flashed the card he had discovered around-it seemed that Light had been keeping bigger secrets than they could have ever guessed.

Aizawa paled at the thought that Ryuuzaki could be right. Dammit this made everything even more complicated!

Aizawa was about to put the wallet down and begin the tedious process of apologizing when he noticed something curious sewed into the lining. Aizawa carefully extracted it to find it to be just a plain scrap of notebook paper with nothing written on it.

Why keep this hidden?

Aizawa glanced back over to where the bruised and naked teen was rubbing his sore wrists… and screamed.

“Aw, you found that too, did you?” Light muttered while examining his cuticles. “Is Ryuuzaki listening to this?”

“N-no,” Aizawa admitted, his gaze never leaving the nightmare vision that seemed to be playing out for him and him alone.

“Yes!” L snapped into Aizawa’s ear, his earpiece coming squeaking and crackling to life when L hijacked the frequency but Aizawa’s attention was still riveted to the looming dark thing that had come up behind Light to place a possessive hand on the suspect’s shoulder. Yet somehow Light remained completely at ease.

Dammit, isn’t Light supposed to be some sort of genius? How can he not notice that monster behind him? It’s right there!

“That’s surprising. Well then, why don’t you arrange a meeting with Ryuuzaki?” Light suggested nonchalantly and clearly unaware that L had just hijacked the frequency. “In that case I’ll explain everything at the next taskforce meeting. I hate having to repeat myself and as you can see, I am a very busy man.”

“Wh-what… WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” Aizawa shouted and pointed at the monster leering at them from over Light’s shoulder, a monster that hadn’t been there a minute ago, a monster that apparently only he could see, seeing that everyone else was looking at him like he was crazy. That got Aizawa to thinking-he had only seen it after he touched that scrap of paper. What if it wasn’t even real? What if that scrap of paper was just dusted with some sort of hallucinogen?

Aizawa’s racing, paranoid thoughts were abruptly cut short when Mogi appeared next to him-before Aizawa could stop him the bear of a man had relieved him of Light’s wallet.

“Are you okay, Aihara?” demanded Mogi, remembering to make use Aizawa’s alias in front of the Kira suspect.

“You don’t see that?!”

“I think you’re seeing things, Aihara,” Mogi said as his thumb brushed against the scrap of notebook paper.

The big man’s falsetto scream would have been funnier in any other context.

“It seems that only people who have touched the paper can see it,” Aizawa remarked with a sort of strained, hysterical calm of someone who has discovered that their waking nightmare was indeed real and he wasn’t crazy.

Across from him the teen dramatically tilted his head and for a moment appeared to be looking right at the demon, mirroring it’s ghastly grin, before turning his attention back to Aizawa, his expression closing down again to almost nothing but for the slightest mischievous quirk of his lips. Aizawa then realized it wasn’t that Light didn’t see the monster it was that he had no fear of it. He was well-aware of the creature’s presence and in fact he appeared to be … mocking them for it.

Both Aizawa and Mogi were then privy to the sight of the monster, well, cuddling, up behind the young man, the creature seemed overly fascinated with Light Yagami’s hair, carefully running dark taloned fingers through auburn-brown locks, sniffing it.

Light, who was still just as naked as when they first found him.

Light, who clearly enjoyed having the monster touch him.

Aizawa then gained a horrible suspicion of the identity of Light’s mysterious lover but immediately discounted it as too horrible to even contemplate.

“Nobody else touch it until we can be sure of its effects!” L’s voice suddenly came, loud, over all of their earpieces.

Matsuda picked it up carefully with a pair of tongs and placed it in an evidence bag.

“I’ll be wanting that back when you’re done,” said Light while making a show of politely covering a yawn.

“Not bloody likely,” L snarled over the com which again went unheard by his nemesis. “Confiscate everything he has with him and return to HQ.”

“Err… That’s not a good idea…” Aizawa started, remembering his earlier discovery. L could order Light restrained all he wanted but that didn’t mean he could hold him and even then what charge could possibly stick? They hadn’t found the damning evidence they were hoping for-just that mysterious scrap of notebook paper. Maybe bestiality... but then that meant that they’d have to expose the existence of that monster to more people but that could create a panic.

Just then a strange woman, who Aizawa thought of as Catwoman Barbie (on account of raising a young daughter at home and the strange woman’s pink skintight leather catsuit), entered the hotel room-though Aizawa couldn’t tell if she was a true blonde Barbie or not though given her head was completely concealed by her motorcycle helmet. Catwoman Barbie shoved a brown paper bag at Light and left just as abruptly. Inside the bag Light discovered a pair of L’s baggy jeans (used) and a bright orange T-shirt that read “Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum.”

Oh yes, that’s right, that was the reason for the taskforce’s mutiny in the first place-L didn’t take this investigation seriously and continued to abuse his authority-using every opportunity to sexually harass the college freshman. It seemed that Light had had enough of it as well and Aizawa found he couldn’t exactly blame him.

“This is harassment, Ryuuzaki,” Light said, making a face at the soiled jeans. Who knew what diseases that creep of a so-called detective was carrying? “I refuse.”

“Then Light-kun will just have to come back to HQ naked,” declared the perverted detective, his usually monotonous voice filled with mirth.

Light and now “Aihara” both knew that L couldn’t make Light do anything of the sort but Light wasn’t about to give L the satisfaction of raising a stink about it. Luckily he had a Plan B. The assembled officers who hadn’t touched a certain scrap of notebook paper were quite surprised and alarmed when a pair of leather pants suddenly appeared in front of Light from seemingly out of nowhere.

“Yes, I suppose that will do for now.” While the pants were more than a bit baggy on him at least they weren’t Ryuuzaki’s. Light nodded in the direction the pants had appeared from and if possible Aizawa paled even further and Mogi commenced to dry heave, having seen exactly where, and from whom the pants came from.

“Rude,” said Light as he wrapped the baggy leather pants around his waist with a chain to keep them from falling down. The chain had also seemingly appeared out of nowhere much to the increasing disquiet of the Japanese police.

Aizawa’s eye twitched homicidally. “Rude?! You…”

“The way I see it you brought this on yourself. It’s called a private life for a reason. If you didn’t want to see any of that then for God’s sake knock next time. And no, kicking the door down does not count as knocking,” the teen chastised as he pulled up the borrowed baggy leather pants that kept threatening to slide down his hips. Light seemed perfectly at ease to walk around shirtless (it was definitely preferable to wearing Ryuuzaki’s insulting T-shirt) and Aizawa noticed the pattern of bruising and claw marks on Light’s back. The afro-haired cop glanced over at the dark presence in the corner and then had to swallow down the hot bile that came surging up into his throat when he could no longer deny the identity of Light’s lover when it was so blatantly obvious.

“Well then, shall we?” Light asked, blithely. “We best not keep Ryuuzaki waiting.”

Right, he was supposed to be escorting the “prisoner,” he had to be professional about this, he could be sick later… maybe. The raiding party reluctantly led their “prisoner” back to HQ-Aizawa and Mogi wondering if they were walking to their deaths; Aizawa glancing nervously over his shoulder while Mogi was steadfast in his refusal to even look at that thing.

***

“Well, well, well... We’ve got you now, Light-kun,” L taunted but Light remained infuriatingly unconcerned.

“Ryuuzaki, just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Souichiro demanded upon coming back from his smoke break. It turned out Light didn’t need to raise hell over L’s treatment of him because Souichiro was more than happy to do so on his son’s behalf. Light grinned viciously to himself-this went unnoticed by everyone except Ryuuzaki and one other and the other wasn’t about to aid the sugar-junkie detective in any way.

“It wasn’t my idea,” grumbled L, raising his hands defensively as if he could physically block out the verbal onslaught. “This wasn’t my idea,” L repeated with increasing ire. “And Light-kun is my suspect! I told you not to bring him in for questioning yet. There’s nothing to be gained seeing as there is a certain… finesse in doing this that you are all clearly lacking!” Not to mention if the idiots on the taskforce solved the case first he’d never live it down. That’s the problem-it wasn’t his idea. It was rash, impulsive, and stupid, but damn if it didn’t seem to work. This infuriated L but outwardly he kept his cool. It would show as no more than a slight frown and a slightly more churlish attitude.

Aizawa cleared his throat. “Yes, you were right about that. We’re going to have to let him go… with an apology.

“Now what’s all this about a monster?” L pressed on, ignoring Aizawa’s concerns completely. He was never much of a stickler for due process anyway-especially when the answer was so nearly in his grasp.

“He’s a Shinigami,” Light supplied helpfully, causing L to raise his nonexistent eyebrows.

“Excuse me?”

“He’s a Shinigami. Not a monster. Well, no more of a monster than your average human being,” Light insisted.

“A Shinigami, you say? You’re sure?”

“Yep. He eats apples. You can see him if you pass that piece of paper around.”

“Really?” L smirked, “Why I thank you for your confession, Kira-kun.”

Light smiled ruefully. “I’m not Kira,” he insisted, “but I suppose Ryuuzaki was right that I haven’t been totally honest with everyone,” Light began with a disarming, open-armed gesture, addressing the room at large. “I didn’t mean to deceive anyone…”

Ryuuzaki coughed quite loudly just then-a cough that sounded suspiciously like the word “Bullshit.”

“… but I’m afraid I haven’t been forthright about everything. I was afraid you would judge me for my lifestyle choices.”

L shook his head disparagingly. “Don’t even try, Light-kun. I will see you dead for your crimes, Kira.”

“Really, my dear friend?” Light asked mockingly.

“You didn’t actually believe I was your friend, did you? As if L would ever be friends with a mass murderer.”

“Uh, Ryuuzaki…” Aizawa began but was again ignored.

“Besides I promised to see you executed.”

“Ryuuzaki…” Aizawa tried a second time.

“Will you just listen?!” Souichiro snapped and was also ignored seeing as L was on a roll.

“But in the name of friendship I may be able to pull a few strings to see which punishment should be administered to you. Would you prefer hanging, lethal injection, the electric chair, or maybe death by firing squad?”

“RYUUZAKI!”

L slowly diverted his attention from Light who was cleaning his nails and appeared not to be the least bit concerned about L’s pronouncement that he would be sentenced to death to where Aizawa was frantically trying to get his attention. The insomniac detective watched, fascinated as the Japanese cop’s afro seemed to increase in size as Aizawa became more and more frazzled. Meanwhile Matsuda and Mogi restraining him were the only thing keeping Souichiro from throttling L who seemed to have a hard on over the idea of killing his son.

“We can’t hold him!” Aizawa snapped again.

“Of course I can. I am L. I can do whatever I want,” L said simply. Light rolled his eyes as L cuffed him again.

But before things could escalate further they were interrupted again, this time by a loud banging on the door. At first L ignored it just like everything else for the sake of gloating at his worryingly unconcerned Kira suspect (L frowned, the Great Detective’s barbs became increasingly nastier as the suspect continued to show no sign of distress) but then the banging came again.

Light arched a fine eyebrow. “Aren’t you going to answer it?”

“It’s probably just some drunks who got the wrong room,” L attempted to wave it off but now the loud knocking had became insistent pounding. Matsuda opened the door and a group of Men in Black type agents came spilling into L’s hotel room. They were all wearing matching dark suits, dark shades, an obvious earpiece in their ear, and each carried a sidearm-so they weren’t equipped that differently from the taskforce really, save for somehow looking more ominous.

“U.N. Security Council?” L exclaimed upon seeing their badges. “But what does that have to do with…?”

“I take it those are your people then?” Aizawa asked pointedly as the men in black protectively circled Light and, unseen by the rest of the taskforce, the monster that accompanied him.

“Yes,” Light affirmed as black talons ripped apart the handcuff chains as if they were tissue paper. Aizawa cringed as his imagination helpfully supplied images of what they might do to a human. Had he known that Shinigami were forbidden from killing humans with their fangs and claws and were only allowed to kill humans by writing their names in a cursed murder notebook that could be used to kill any human at any time probably wouldn’t have brought him any comfort.

Now that Light’s hands were free he could receive the package that his people brought him. Light retreated to the bathroom of L’s hotel room, his bodyguards covering him-knowing L he probably had installed cameras in here too but Light figured that at least he had made an effort to show a little bit of decency. L made an aborted attempt at protest and the rest of the taskforce didn’t try to stop him.

Light opened the suitcase which contained some of his emergency supplies-namely a change of clothes. It sounded like a trivial thing to plan for but he never knew what crises he would have to deal with from day to day and first impressions were important. Enough people were ready to discount him because of his age among other things. Light quickly slipped into his neatly pressed three piece suit and returned his borrowed leather pants to Ryuk with a grunt of thanks. Light wasn’t too pleased about how Aizawa and Mogi got to be eying up his Shinigami but he took comfort in the fact that they were probably now scarred for life.

Light smirked to himself as he got changed, he could overhear L arguing with his security detail through the thin hotel walls.

“We are charged with the protection and security of a very important person.”

“You mean Light?”

“Naturally.”

“He’s a college freshman!”

“He’s also the only human ambassador to the Kingdom of the Dead, and the only one with the power and influence to look out for human interests.”

“This is ridiculous. Light is a suspect in an ongoing investigati-WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE HAS DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY?!”

“You mean you didn’t know?”

“It was all over the news. Yagami-kun’s addressing the U.N. on behalf of the Shinigami realm….”

“It was humanity’s first contact with an alien species.”

“How can none of you have heard of it?!”

“NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO THOSE BORING MEETINGS ANYWAY!”

What a pity. Light had really wanted to see the look on Ryuuzaki’s face when he dropped those particular bombshells.

***

L pouted when Light emerged from the bathroom, now respectively dressed in a gunmetal grey three piece suit. L had rather liked the sight of a shirtless Light in leather pants-even if they had been a bit baggy, that had been a good look on him. It was then that L realized, with alarm, that the leather pants he’d fallen in love with were still present, only now they were being worn by the monster that had popped up behind Light once L had handled the scrap of paper that was being passed around. Next to him Aizawa and Mogi breathed a prayer in thanks that they were no longer exposed to the sight of a half-naked Shinigami.

L startled when Light suddenly addressed the room.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Ryuk-my husband.”

Aizawa (along with most of the taskforce) stared, disbelieving, as Mr. Perfect himself announced to them all that he had tied the knot with that… ugly ass demon. Well, Aizawa had already guessed at the nature of their relationship but he would have never have guessed that Light had actually married the monster.

Oddly enough, no one looked more devastated over this news than L which puzzled Aizawa to no end-wasn’t he just swearing to have Light executed? The stubble-chinned man shook his head. He just did not understand what was going on with those two and honestly he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“Wait, he was the one fucking you?!”

Light sighed and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead. “Yes Matsuda. He was the one fucking me. I just told you he’s my husband. I would never let anyone else fuck me. What do you take me for?”

Ryuk growled softly and stepped forward, chain jingling ominously as he glowered down at a now trembling Matsuda.

“You got a problem with my mate?” the taskforce startled when the monster actually spoke in a masculine, gravelly voice. For some reason Aizawa hadn’t thought it capable of speech.

“Er… no, sir. Mr. Ryuk.”

“Yagami.”

“Excuse me?”

“My people don’t exactly use surnames so I took Light’s.”

“But I thought… er, aren’t you the dominant one?”

"What does that have to do with surnames?”

“The wife usually takes the husband’s surname. Isn’t Light the wife?”

“We are both males. Neither of us is the ‘wife.”’

Ryuk growled and Matsuda crumbled and cowered beneath the monster’s stare.

“Sorry! I’m sorry! I’m an idiot.”

Light snorted next to Ryuk but for the sake of politeness refrained from saying anything. The Shinigami took a step back in order to wrap his arms around Light’s waist. The brunet flushed as Ryuk began nuzzling against him in front of his father. His husband wasn’t always socially adept given how many human customs and manners were utterly lost on him. Light shivered as he felt Ryuk’s tongue trailing up his neck.

“Not in front of my father.”

The Shinigami made a little grunting, grumbling, disappointed sound and Light playfully swatted him on the chest.

“Later, sweetie.”

“So… you’re not going to hurt me?” Matsuda squeaked, peering at them, wide-eyed, through the shielding curtain of his fingers.

Ryuk and Light shared a look before the Shinigami shrugged. “Whatever. It was an honest mistake.”

“Don’t worry Matsuda, Ryuk is a real sweetheart. His bark is worse than his bite.”

“I’m not a dog, Light-o.”

“You’d never know by the way you…”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about that sort of stuff in front of your father… kitty?”

Light flushed a brilliant shade of red and Matsuda covered a laugh.

“He’s not so bad,” said the rookie as he retreated back to the others. He was surprised by Aizawa and Mogi’s rather extreme reaction-sure Ryuk was scary-looking but overall he seemed like a pretty chill dude. Of course Matsuda hadn’t had the dubious pleasure of seeing Ryuk naked from the waist down. That was what reduced the other officers to gibbering wrecks.

“You don’t seem too surprised about all this,” L observed when Chief Yagami didn’t look at all alarmed by Light’s marriage announcement and in fact seemed oddly resigned to the proceedings.

“Yes. I’ve met him before,” Souichiro admitted.

“Otousan had me over for dinner last night,” Ryuk announced brightly and Souichiro tried not to cringe at his new cheerful, monstrous son-in-law.

***

It had been an awkward family affair as the Yagamis tried not to stare at their dinner guest, even sitting down the Shinigami towered over everyone else, and Souichiro fought an oncoming migraine. Why couldn’t Light have done something more convenient like eloping with the girl or, given Light’s apparent preferences, even boy next door? Even that kid… what’s his name… Yamamoto? Even Yamamoto would have been easier to contend to then… this. Somehow it never occurred to him that his perfect son would ever start dating outside his species. Souichiro refrained from actually asking any of this, having realized just how crass that was. Besides love was never really convenient, was it? Ryuk must have some redeeming qualities if Light thought he was worthy. He would just have to trust Light. Souichiro watched as the Shinigami spoke and was very complimentary of Sachiko’s baking skills as he wolfed down a piece of her apple pie with an enthusiasm that didn’t have time nor concern for table manners. Souichiro just shook his head. No, he still didn’t see the appeal. Luckily he wasn’t the one who was marrying Ryuk. God dammit, that boy was going to be the death of him.

Down the table Sayu chatted animatedly with the Shinigami. Once she got over the initial shock of seeing Ryuk, Sayu took it incredibly well-evidently Ryuk’s wardrobe reminded her of some pop idol that no one else in the Yagami family cared about. The males of the family also had no idea that Sayu was a yaoi fangirl. Upon learning of her brother’s new life partner squealed with delight, decided that Light must be the uke, and kept pestering him to pose in a maid costume until Sachiko put an end to it.

“Sayu, leave your brother alone.”

Ryuk had then shared a pointed look with his son before they both burst out laughing. Sachiko and Souichiro had then had a silent communication of their own. They had never seen their son looking so happy. Ever. Despite their reservations regarding their relationship they just didn’t have the heart to take that away from him. Of course they still had reservations regarding their relationship. After all Ryuk was a God of Death and immortal-did that mean Light was just an expendable toy to him?

Souichiro awkwardly cleared his throat. “Ryuk.”

“Hmmm?”

“I realize you’re a Shinigami and you probably won’t be too intimidated should a puny human such as myself attempt to threaten you into not hurting my son but please keep in mind that Light is well-liked by a lot of people. If you ever do anything to hurt my son you can bet that we puny humans will destroy everything you hold dear,” Souichiro had warned jovially and completely serious.

Ryuk was taken aback by his new father-in-law’s assertion but nevertheless took his warning seriously.

“Got it,” the Shinigami replied sincerely, claws doing a little gesture that was almost approaching a salute. “But Mr. Yagami, Light is my mate-he is everything I hold dear. I’m not going to hurt him now. I love him even more than apples!”

Next to him Light face-palmed. This was why he had suggested that Ryuk leave the talking to him. Unfortunately Light’s parents had seen through their son’s ploy and had taken to chatting with the Shinigami directly, insisting that Ryuk should be the one to answer and calling Light rude when he tried to answer on Ryuk’s behalf. But luckily (or perhaps a cause for concern) his parents didn’t seem to notice just how conditional Ryuk’s promise was.

***

“You can’t approve of this!”

The chief looked askance to where L stood fuming beside him. Souichiro couldn’t help but wonder why the strange detective would so object to his son’s marriage given that L had admitted to doing far stranger things when he was Light’s age…

“You’re his father! Tell him he can’t marry outside his species!” L pleaded.

“Exactly. I am his father. I’m not the one who has to choose. That would be Light’s decision. My son is a mature young man and can make his own decisions. And any personal misgivings aside, I know my son is happy and that they are very much in love. I’ve seen them interact-they get along great. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen my son so happy. In the end, that is all that matters and I am not about to stand in the way of that,” Souichiro said sagely.

“But… he’s a Shinigami!”

L flinched slightly as the Chief put a hand on his shoulder. “Ryuuzaki, you know I am an excellent judge of character. From what I have observed of him Ryuk has been nothing but friendly and kind. He has a good sense of humor, and he is always gentle towards my son.”

“Just when did this happen?!” L demanded, to Aizawa’s growing confusion. The strange consulting detective was being uncharacteristically emotional about all this. Why was he getting so upset about it? Sure it was kind of gross and messed up but it’s not like it affected him personally. Yet it was almost like L was personally offended that Light ran off and eloped with a Shinigami.

“As I understand it, they eloped, among other things, during the week of Light’s absence.”

“Other things?” L shrewdly prompted, a strange note entering his voice.

L’s slight frame trembled, at his side his left hand clenched into a shaking fist. Yes, L definitely took offense to Light getting married to Ryuk. It was blatantly obvious to everyone there-not that Light or his rather unconventional partner seemed to care. L glared at Light with cold fury which Light simply answered with his own blasé stare before resuming obsessively cleaning his finger nails. Had this been a normal investigation and Kira a normal murderer Aizawa might have been tempted to demand that they check beneath Light’s nails for the presence of blood. Then again, considering what they had walked in on they were more likely dirty for other reasons. Aizawa forcefully shook his head. He really didn’t want to think about it.

“Oh yes, we only saved the world from a Shinigami invasion,” Light easily replied to L’s query, laughing lightly and L wondered why no one else on the taskforce seemed to have a built in Bullshit-o-meter.

L stared at the others, utterly flabbergasted Light had somehow brainwashed his family and most of his coworkers into thinking this was a good thing. In a way he was impressed.

“I’m so proud of you, Light. It’s so brave of you, coming forward like this,” said Souichiro, giving his son a pat on the back.

“Why are you even here?” hissed L as he came to realize that he somehow had no cards left to play. Even if Light was Kira… he couldn’t do anything to him.

“Didn’t you want me here? Last I check I still work here, Ryuuzaki. Besides I wanted to demonstrate me and my people’s willingness to cooperate with an ongoing investigation,” Light said innocently, brown eyes sparkling with mirth. “After all, we want Kira caught as much as you do.”

“Tell me Light, why would the Shinigami Realm be interested in taking down Kira?”

“Simple. Kira was unauthorized to use the power of the Shinigami.”

L was impressed despite himself that Light managed to say it with a straight face.

“And I take it you are? Would you use Kira’s powers then, Light?”

“If need be. I’ll do what I have to do for the sake of humanity. That said it’s unlikely I’ll ever need to use them. The Shinigami are hungry. The smarter ones tend to choose humans who won’t be missed so that takes care of itself. So you don’t have to worry about me becoming another Kira-that would be quite redundant and unnecessary…”

“Hmmm…”

“…Not to mention morally wrong,” Light added under the weight of his father’s disapproving look.

“That’s it? Just to recover their weapon? It’s not about the murders, I imagine.”

“Of course the Shinigami are concerned about the fate of humanity!”

“Shinigami… who kill humans?” L prompted. “Or are the myths incorrect?”

“Well, wouldn’t humans get upset if all chickens and cows started dying out? Why wouldn’t the Shinigami want to protect their food source?”

The rest of the room gave a collective shiver.

L glared at Light.

“What makes you think you’re immune to being Shinigami food?”

“I have Ryuk’s protection. Besides I satisfy his other appetites.”

The room gave another collective shiver, this time in discomfort.

“Light! That’s hardly appropriate!”

“Sorry, dad.”

“I can’t believe you have sunk so low,” L hissed so low that everyone had to strain to hear. “You can do so much better, Light.”

“Oh really? And who did you have in mind? Someone like you?”

“Yes, like me!” L snapped and the taskforce gave a collect gasp. L winced, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud but seeing Light with that monster, it was just so infuriating! Especially after L had it all planned out-Light was supposed to repent being Kira and fall on his dick. It was a perfect, fool-proof plan. Why were things not going according to plan?

Light and his Shinigami laughed together for a full minute, it was quite disturbing to hear, and the spectators could only look on, wide-eyed and terrified. Perhaps even more disturbing was the fact that Light’s security detail stood their stoically at attention and treated this as completely normal.

Light finally seemed to be calming down, he wiped the tears from his eyes, took one look at L’s face and began laughing again.

Even when Ryuk picked him up and held him Light continued giggling into Ryuk’s chest. When he was able to again Light took a deep breath and began to speak, though his speech was still punctuated by the occasional giggle.

“Ryuuzaki, you suspect me of being a mass murderer. We disagree on everything. You hate me and want me dead. I hate you for wanting me dead and in general for being a dick. So tell me, where’s the supposed attraction?”

“My superior intellect,” L answered easily. “Your… husband doesn’t seem that bright and he’s ugly as sin,” declared the pale, gangly detective who perpetually looked like he just rolled out of bed.

Ryuk just chuckled as the boy in his arms cuddled against him and threw his own arms around the Shinigami’s neck.

“Perhaps he doesn’t fit your conventional standards of beauty but I love him anyway. To me Ryuk is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Looks aren’t everything, Ryuuzaki and intelligence isn’t everything either. I like him, he likes me, he makes me feel good-why does there need to be anything more? Besides, I have enough brains for the both of us.”

“Ryuuzaki, stop hitting on a married man, you… homewrecker!” Matsuda shouted. “They’re happy! Why do you have to try and hurt them like that?!”

“Don’t worry about it, he’s just jealous, Matsuda,” Light declared with a dismissive wave of his hand.

L gaped at the taskforce-several of them were nodded in agreement with Light. This couldn’t be happening. Had the whole world gone insane?!

“Chief Yagami, please…” L appealed again but it was clear he would be getting no sympathy there.

“I’m very proud of my son and the work he’s done to build relations and understanding between our two species. Did you know he’s being considered for a Nobel peace prize?”

L bit his fist and emitted a muffled scream before Watari arrived with an emergency cake transfusion. That would calm L down, at least for a couple hours as L slowly came to terms with this latest romantic rejection. Perhaps he should consider making a trip to a certain Los Angeles prison. There was always one person who would always carry a torch for him…. when he wasn’t torching himself for him. L had once told B that he would never date a murder but that was before his Kira suspect proved to be hot. Perhaps B would give him another chance.

Perhaps he was courting death.

But then again Light didn’t seem any the worse for it.