A Charmed Life 9 Then Leave Me Uncured
A/N: This is a Ryuk/Light AU Death Note fanfic. I don't own Death Note.
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Ryuk was silent, having no need to breath, but even so Light found Ryuk’s continued silence-and not to mention that sudden vicious behavior towards the end-a cause for concern.
What’s his problem?! Going all… psycho on me like that! Did I do something wrong?
“Ryuk… What the fucking hell?!” Kira groaned once he could speak again, glancingdown meaningfully at his wounded shoulder. He tried to sound menacing but knew he must be failing miserably if he looked and sounded half as fucked as he currently felt. Hell, he could barely even move at the moment-he was exhausted, drained, and his body ached yet he somehow found that satisfying. Even the bite wound seemed to throb pleasantly in time with the ache below. Light dared another glance at the mirror and grimaced in disgust-he had somehow managed to shoot his wad all over the reflecting glass-but unfortunately his reflection was still visible-that sweaty, messy, dirty boy was still trapped within the mirror’s glass now an even greater mess stained with semen and his own blood. The teen’s reflection squinted back at him with sleepy, half-lidded eyes and Light was startled at the utterly satisfied curve of his lips, even in his obvious irritation and disgust.
The teen let himself fall completely onto his back, sinking deeper into the mattress. He felt kind of light-headed-like he was floating on clouds-probably from the blood-loss and endorphins and he smiled softly even when Ryuk floated above him again, his eyes gleaming a malevolent red in the darkness, pointing a talon at his face.
“Mine.” The Shinigami snarled and Light was momentarily startled by the ferocity of that assertion. The way Ryuk said it, it almost wasn’t a word but something older, more primal, more… dominant.
Light pleasantly shivered again, despite himself, even though Ryuk’s current behavior was unnerving and probably shouldn’t be all encouraged…
Just then Ryuk once again flopped on the bed next to him and held him tightly to his chest, sniffing his hair.
Light blinked in confusion. What the hell brought this on?
Kira calculated shrewdly as he idly brought a hand up to stroke Ryuk’s wing feathers. From what he knew about Ryuk (which, Light realized, wasn’t very much, actually-there was probably a long and bloody history there that he didn’t even know about and should probably make an effort to learn one day) as he attempted to look at things from the Shinigami’s perspective. While Light didn’t consider himself to be much of a “people person” and didn’t typically feel very deeply for others he was very skilled at putting himself in other’s shoes in order to find out what they wanted-it made it easier to manipulate them. Kira recalled just how confused Ryuk had seemed when he showed him any kindness. How frequently the Shinigami had described his own world as lonely and boring place and regardless of Ryuk’s earlier boasting Light imagined that Ryuk would have had difficulty in finding willing romantic partners with that face of his-surely they’d take one look at him and reject him out of hand like he’d almost done, never realizing what they could have had…
Their loss. They can’t have him anyway. He’s all mine and I don’t want to share… Well… fuck! That’s why! It should’ve been obvious. Should it be any wonder now that Ryuk might be a bit possessive of me then? Hell, I’d be possessive of me too.
Light smiled ruefully but decided that ultimately this was actually a good thing. He reasoned that if Ryuk felt the need to try and terrorize him into staying that suggested that the monster was actually feeling insecure and was afraid that he would leave him. Light took that to mean that Ryuk really did care, albeit in a twisted, fiendish sort of way. Good, he would’ve hated for this to be some one-sided thing where he made a complete and utter fool of himself-Ryuk was the only one that ever made him feel anything like this and if Ryuk felt even a fraction of what he was feeling for Ryuk then Light could completely understand the Shinigami’s reactions, even if he felt more than a little annoyed with Ryuk for biting him. Light frowned slightly to himself. If his speculation was correct then Ryuk needed validation. Some assurance that he wasn’t just using him…
“I'm yours,” Light assured so abruptly and insistently that the Shinigami actually released him in surprise so that he could better gape at the human staring back at him, naked and unafraid.
The teen took the opportunity to crawl, or rather attempt to crawl on top of his lover. After all that, he was feeling completely drained of energy and though he tried to make his own way his trembling, tired limbs were just refusing to cooperate. At the moment his body wanted nothing more than to roll over and fall asleep but from what he had heard and read he knew that was considered rather rude even though it was a perfectly normal biological response for human males. Also Ryuk seemed to have no such problems with staying awake and so Light challenged himself to keep his eyes open for at least a little bit longer and so he keep dragging his tired body towards his goal. Fortunately Ryuk, upon seeing Light’s intentions, helped pull him up the rest of the way or else he probably would have most likely collapsed asleep mid-struggle.
“I’m yours,” Kira asserted again when Ryuk continued to gape at him, kissing the lips that were still red with his own blood. “And your mine,” Light clarified as he snuggled against his monster’s broad chest.
Ryuk was silent for such a long time after that that Light worried he'd somehow committed some breech of Shinigami manners or social conduct. Maybe Ryuk had wanted to scare him? Should he have pretended to be afraid? He could fake it easily enough and...
Light froze as he felt those gentle claws trailing through his hair. “Always, my pet.”
Light glanced up at his partner’s face and was stunned. The Shinigami’s eyes held such gratitude and wonder. Perhaps Ryuk felt just as grateful to him as he did to Ryuk? Light wasn’t sure if he really deserved such gratitude. After all, pretty much all he did was lay there and react when Ryuk did those amazing things to him and he hadn’t even known what the hell he was doing- surely he must have been awful! Light was used to being the best at everything so it was humbling, not to mention infuriating, knowing that Ryuk was so much more experienced and… dammit, better than him in this regard.
But then again, I guess I wasn’t that bad… if Ryuk’s getting this crazy at just the thought of losing me.
Ryuk hadn’t seemed to mind his inexperience but Light resolved to get better at it for Ryuk’s sake and to prove that he could do better. One day he would be the best at this too but the teen reasoned he could only get better with practice. Somehow, he didn’t think Ryuk would mind teaching him either. Still, Light kind of felt like he was using the Shinigami-honestly he had been using him, or at least as much as Ryuk would allow himself to be used.
No. No more.
It didn’t matter that Ryuk was a Shinigami, that he couldn’t be killed, that he could take it-Ryuk was his lover and his closest friend and, much like his sister and his mother, Ryuk should be considered off-limits in his game with L. Besides, there wasn’t much the Shinigami could do for him anyway without arousing suspicion. It would kind of feel like cheating, anyway, to use a Shinigami against a detective of infinite wealth and resources that worked outside the law. Okay, maybe “cheating” was the wrong word. Denying the use of Ryuk would be denying himself of one of his major advantages but then no one ever said the game was fair. He’d just have to find a way to beat L by wits alone.
Simple enough, Light thought because at the moment he felt like he could do anything. He would definitely be making the world a better place and reigning as its supreme, omnipotent God. Ah, hell. Why stop at Earth? Ryuk obviously found the Shinigami world to be just as rotten. Light wondered if there was a way for Ryuk to take him there. They could make it better… together.
Light was fascinated whenever Ryuk told him about his world. The Shinigami seemed to think it was boring but Light didn’t think it sounded so bad. There was hardly any crime there because the penalties for disobeying the law of the land were so harsh so it was mostly just Shinigami doing what Shinigami do-gambling and napping away eternity.
Light already had a few ideas on how to make it better and less dull. They could experiment with planting some apple trees from Earth, introduce the Shinigami population to such human concepts as morality and Mario Golf, furnish Ryuk’s cave and give it a fresh paint job and voila-a whole new world!
The more that he thought about it, the more it seemed like a better option than sticking it out here-if it was at all possible. He’d have to talk it over with Ryuk, of course, but he already really liked the idea. Even if, no when, he ultimately defeated L there would always be another detective, maybe not as brilliant as L, and while Light was sure he could take it the constant battles would be draining. Now that Ryuk had shown him there was more to life than just homework and death he wanted to enjoy it, not just survive it. He most certainly wouldn’t mind moving in with his new boyfriend, he’d have much more freedom to spend time with Ryuk if they lived at his place, and he could judge humanity just as easily from up there.
Light sagged in Ryuk’s embrace as he was kissed again. Ryuk kissed him softly and without teeth before setting him down on top of the mattress. Light whined when Ryuk abruptly got out of bed and left the room.
Where the hell does he think he’s going?! I don’t want him to leave! Light thought with obvious irritation. Though he would never admit it aloud but at the moment he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with the Shinigami, to feel Ryuk's larger body pressed against his. But Light’s concerns were laid to rest when Ryuk returned a few minutes later with a warm, wet cloth. Light’s sense of wonder and gratitude towards the creature soared to new heights when Ryuk began gently wiping him down and treating and wrapping his wounded shoulder.
“So…” Ryuk regarded him with his ever-laughing face as he tucked the sleepy boy into bed. “Kira submits to no man,’ huh? I guess it’s a good thing I’m a God of Death.” Ryuk rumbled in his ear.
The teen scowled at the Shinigami even as another involuntary shiver wracked his body. “You… you are such a jerk!” Light groaned, his voice becoming muffled as he buried his reddening face in his pillows.
“I love you too, Light-o.” The Shinigami snickered in such a way that it was impossible to tell if he was being sarcastic or not-perhaps even Ryuk didn’t know but somehow it seemed unlikely-“mushy” really didn’t fit either of them. Dammit, he was Kira-he couldn't afford to be all mushy!
Dammit, this is how idiots screw up! I can’t believe I’m going soft and for a Shinigami of all people! But then again… if I really want to… How can I possibly deny such feelings when I’ve already felt them? Ryuk makes me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I want to deny this because I’m… embarrassed? Really? Dammit, I can’t deny this! I don’t want to! I'm in love!
I am in love.
Shit. I am in fucking love with Ryuk.
Fuck my life. Light thought as Ryuk continued to pet him, trailing gentle claws down his back lovingly.
I can’t afford to be letting my personal feelings throw me off my game… but then that would be a concern anyway. They've always said these feelings are wrong, especially this sort of relationship, that they're compromising, entrapping. But what if they're wrong? They are wrong! I know that now. This isn't a curse! And even if it is, then so be it! Leave me uncured. I've never heard of a nicer curse to have. No, it’s actually better this way, really. This way I know my own weakness and can calculate around it. Besides, it’s not like Ryuk can tell anyone so no one will ever be able to accuse me of going soft. Light reasoned as Ryuk spooned up behind him, just like Light had wanted, and the teen eagerly snuggled up against the larger body. He pointedly ignored looking in the mirror again once he got a glimpse of the utterly ridiculous silly, sappy smile on his face that would have put even Matsuda to shame.
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***
Ryuk was silent, having no need to breath, but even so Light found Ryuk’s continued silence-and not to mention that sudden vicious behavior towards the end-a cause for concern.
What’s his problem?! Going all… psycho on me like that! Did I do something wrong?
“Ryuk… What the fucking hell?!” Kira groaned once he could speak again, glancingdown meaningfully at his wounded shoulder. He tried to sound menacing but knew he must be failing miserably if he looked and sounded half as fucked as he currently felt. Hell, he could barely even move at the moment-he was exhausted, drained, and his body ached yet he somehow found that satisfying. Even the bite wound seemed to throb pleasantly in time with the ache below. Light dared another glance at the mirror and grimaced in disgust-he had somehow managed to shoot his wad all over the reflecting glass-but unfortunately his reflection was still visible-that sweaty, messy, dirty boy was still trapped within the mirror’s glass now an even greater mess stained with semen and his own blood. The teen’s reflection squinted back at him with sleepy, half-lidded eyes and Light was startled at the utterly satisfied curve of his lips, even in his obvious irritation and disgust.
The teen let himself fall completely onto his back, sinking deeper into the mattress. He felt kind of light-headed-like he was floating on clouds-probably from the blood-loss and endorphins and he smiled softly even when Ryuk floated above him again, his eyes gleaming a malevolent red in the darkness, pointing a talon at his face.
“Mine.” The Shinigami snarled and Light was momentarily startled by the ferocity of that assertion. The way Ryuk said it, it almost wasn’t a word but something older, more primal, more… dominant.
Light pleasantly shivered again, despite himself, even though Ryuk’s current behavior was unnerving and probably shouldn’t be all encouraged…
Just then Ryuk once again flopped on the bed next to him and held him tightly to his chest, sniffing his hair.
Light blinked in confusion. What the hell brought this on?
Kira calculated shrewdly as he idly brought a hand up to stroke Ryuk’s wing feathers. From what he knew about Ryuk (which, Light realized, wasn’t very much, actually-there was probably a long and bloody history there that he didn’t even know about and should probably make an effort to learn one day) as he attempted to look at things from the Shinigami’s perspective. While Light didn’t consider himself to be much of a “people person” and didn’t typically feel very deeply for others he was very skilled at putting himself in other’s shoes in order to find out what they wanted-it made it easier to manipulate them. Kira recalled just how confused Ryuk had seemed when he showed him any kindness. How frequently the Shinigami had described his own world as lonely and boring place and regardless of Ryuk’s earlier boasting Light imagined that Ryuk would have had difficulty in finding willing romantic partners with that face of his-surely they’d take one look at him and reject him out of hand like he’d almost done, never realizing what they could have had…
Their loss. They can’t have him anyway. He’s all mine and I don’t want to share… Well… fuck! That’s why! It should’ve been obvious. Should it be any wonder now that Ryuk might be a bit possessive of me then? Hell, I’d be possessive of me too.
Light smiled ruefully but decided that ultimately this was actually a good thing. He reasoned that if Ryuk felt the need to try and terrorize him into staying that suggested that the monster was actually feeling insecure and was afraid that he would leave him. Light took that to mean that Ryuk really did care, albeit in a twisted, fiendish sort of way. Good, he would’ve hated for this to be some one-sided thing where he made a complete and utter fool of himself-Ryuk was the only one that ever made him feel anything like this and if Ryuk felt even a fraction of what he was feeling for Ryuk then Light could completely understand the Shinigami’s reactions, even if he felt more than a little annoyed with Ryuk for biting him. Light frowned slightly to himself. If his speculation was correct then Ryuk needed validation. Some assurance that he wasn’t just using him…
“I'm yours,” Light assured so abruptly and insistently that the Shinigami actually released him in surprise so that he could better gape at the human staring back at him, naked and unafraid.
The teen took the opportunity to crawl, or rather attempt to crawl on top of his lover. After all that, he was feeling completely drained of energy and though he tried to make his own way his trembling, tired limbs were just refusing to cooperate. At the moment his body wanted nothing more than to roll over and fall asleep but from what he had heard and read he knew that was considered rather rude even though it was a perfectly normal biological response for human males. Also Ryuk seemed to have no such problems with staying awake and so Light challenged himself to keep his eyes open for at least a little bit longer and so he keep dragging his tired body towards his goal. Fortunately Ryuk, upon seeing Light’s intentions, helped pull him up the rest of the way or else he probably would have most likely collapsed asleep mid-struggle.
“I’m yours,” Kira asserted again when Ryuk continued to gape at him, kissing the lips that were still red with his own blood. “And your mine,” Light clarified as he snuggled against his monster’s broad chest.
Ryuk was silent for such a long time after that that Light worried he'd somehow committed some breech of Shinigami manners or social conduct. Maybe Ryuk had wanted to scare him? Should he have pretended to be afraid? He could fake it easily enough and...
Light froze as he felt those gentle claws trailing through his hair. “Always, my pet.”
Light glanced up at his partner’s face and was stunned. The Shinigami’s eyes held such gratitude and wonder. Perhaps Ryuk felt just as grateful to him as he did to Ryuk? Light wasn’t sure if he really deserved such gratitude. After all, pretty much all he did was lay there and react when Ryuk did those amazing things to him and he hadn’t even known what the hell he was doing- surely he must have been awful! Light was used to being the best at everything so it was humbling, not to mention infuriating, knowing that Ryuk was so much more experienced and… dammit, better than him in this regard.
But then again, I guess I wasn’t that bad… if Ryuk’s getting this crazy at just the thought of losing me.
Ryuk hadn’t seemed to mind his inexperience but Light resolved to get better at it for Ryuk’s sake and to prove that he could do better. One day he would be the best at this too but the teen reasoned he could only get better with practice. Somehow, he didn’t think Ryuk would mind teaching him either. Still, Light kind of felt like he was using the Shinigami-honestly he had been using him, or at least as much as Ryuk would allow himself to be used.
No. No more.
It didn’t matter that Ryuk was a Shinigami, that he couldn’t be killed, that he could take it-Ryuk was his lover and his closest friend and, much like his sister and his mother, Ryuk should be considered off-limits in his game with L. Besides, there wasn’t much the Shinigami could do for him anyway without arousing suspicion. It would kind of feel like cheating, anyway, to use a Shinigami against a detective of infinite wealth and resources that worked outside the law. Okay, maybe “cheating” was the wrong word. Denying the use of Ryuk would be denying himself of one of his major advantages but then no one ever said the game was fair. He’d just have to find a way to beat L by wits alone.
Simple enough, Light thought because at the moment he felt like he could do anything. He would definitely be making the world a better place and reigning as its supreme, omnipotent God. Ah, hell. Why stop at Earth? Ryuk obviously found the Shinigami world to be just as rotten. Light wondered if there was a way for Ryuk to take him there. They could make it better… together.
Light was fascinated whenever Ryuk told him about his world. The Shinigami seemed to think it was boring but Light didn’t think it sounded so bad. There was hardly any crime there because the penalties for disobeying the law of the land were so harsh so it was mostly just Shinigami doing what Shinigami do-gambling and napping away eternity.
Light already had a few ideas on how to make it better and less dull. They could experiment with planting some apple trees from Earth, introduce the Shinigami population to such human concepts as morality and Mario Golf, furnish Ryuk’s cave and give it a fresh paint job and voila-a whole new world!
The more that he thought about it, the more it seemed like a better option than sticking it out here-if it was at all possible. He’d have to talk it over with Ryuk, of course, but he already really liked the idea. Even if, no when, he ultimately defeated L there would always be another detective, maybe not as brilliant as L, and while Light was sure he could take it the constant battles would be draining. Now that Ryuk had shown him there was more to life than just homework and death he wanted to enjoy it, not just survive it. He most certainly wouldn’t mind moving in with his new boyfriend, he’d have much more freedom to spend time with Ryuk if they lived at his place, and he could judge humanity just as easily from up there.
Light sagged in Ryuk’s embrace as he was kissed again. Ryuk kissed him softly and without teeth before setting him down on top of the mattress. Light whined when Ryuk abruptly got out of bed and left the room.
Where the hell does he think he’s going?! I don’t want him to leave! Light thought with obvious irritation. Though he would never admit it aloud but at the moment he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with the Shinigami, to feel Ryuk's larger body pressed against his. But Light’s concerns were laid to rest when Ryuk returned a few minutes later with a warm, wet cloth. Light’s sense of wonder and gratitude towards the creature soared to new heights when Ryuk began gently wiping him down and treating and wrapping his wounded shoulder.
“So…” Ryuk regarded him with his ever-laughing face as he tucked the sleepy boy into bed. “Kira submits to no man,’ huh? I guess it’s a good thing I’m a God of Death.” Ryuk rumbled in his ear.
The teen scowled at the Shinigami even as another involuntary shiver wracked his body. “You… you are such a jerk!” Light groaned, his voice becoming muffled as he buried his reddening face in his pillows.
“I love you too, Light-o.” The Shinigami snickered in such a way that it was impossible to tell if he was being sarcastic or not-perhaps even Ryuk didn’t know but somehow it seemed unlikely-“mushy” really didn’t fit either of them. Dammit, he was Kira-he couldn't afford to be all mushy!
Dammit, this is how idiots screw up! I can’t believe I’m going soft and for a Shinigami of all people! But then again… if I really want to… How can I possibly deny such feelings when I’ve already felt them? Ryuk makes me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I want to deny this because I’m… embarrassed? Really? Dammit, I can’t deny this! I don’t want to! I'm in love!
I am in love.
Shit. I am in fucking love with Ryuk.
Fuck my life. Light thought as Ryuk continued to pet him, trailing gentle claws down his back lovingly.
I can’t afford to be letting my personal feelings throw me off my game… but then that would be a concern anyway. They've always said these feelings are wrong, especially this sort of relationship, that they're compromising, entrapping. But what if they're wrong? They are wrong! I know that now. This isn't a curse! And even if it is, then so be it! Leave me uncured. I've never heard of a nicer curse to have. No, it’s actually better this way, really. This way I know my own weakness and can calculate around it. Besides, it’s not like Ryuk can tell anyone so no one will ever be able to accuse me of going soft. Light reasoned as Ryuk spooned up behind him, just like Light had wanted, and the teen eagerly snuggled up against the larger body. He pointedly ignored looking in the mirror again once he got a glimpse of the utterly ridiculous silly, sappy smile on his face that would have put even Matsuda to shame.
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