Welcome To The Family Ch 9 The School For Stalkers
A/N: This is a Death Note fic. I don't own Death Note.
“Wow? You’re learning this?! I read about this! They won’t let us take classes on this until graduate school!”
The children exchanged looks as the most notorious killer in modern history gushed over Linda’s textbook on advanced biochemical processes. Upon hearing the barely suppressed snickering Light reflected on his own words and realized, to his horror, he was getting excited about the course curriculum and quickly checked himself. Though Light Yagami might find this place to be intellectually stimulating Kira had duties to perform and this place-it wasn’t so much a school as a gilded cage-one which he would be leaving soon enough…
“Yes, this is our curriculum,” Near resumed apathetically twirling his hair as he addressed Kira in his most condescending tone.
“Alright everyone, I’m here! Now the show can begin!” Mello announced as he returned from his room now wearing a smart-looking leather jacket over his high cut leather vest and tight leather pants. His heavy leather boots stomped against the tiles to give his enemies fair warning as he strode down the hall.
Said jacket would have looked plenty tough if not for the fluffy collar (Light winced. Matt was right about the feather boa.)
“~Ooh! I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille!~”
“Shut up, Near!”
“So how’s this?” Mello asked, posing provocatively with his hand on his hip.
Light sighed, as it seemed the question fell to him, seeing as Matt was busy drooling at the sight before him. “It’ll do. Now aren’t we supposed to be doing… something?”
“Oh right, I’ll show you around…”
***
“So yeah, there’s an hour of free study time between morning and afternoon classes where you get to research whatever you want and we’re each assigned a private tutor to help us to improve upon our weak points.” Mello lectured as they wandered through the various classrooms. The blonde looked quite pleased with himself to be acting as tour guide.
“Homework on average takes about six to eight hours to complete every night-depending on how sadistic the teachers are,” Matt informed him. Though it seemed he never looked up from his handheld, he made a point of “accidentally” shoving his way between Light and Mello whenever possible. Light hoped that his obvious disinterest would eventually convince Matt that he was not at all interested in his (yet oblivious) boyfriend.
“…Or if they all decide to assign us crap at once.” Mello added.
Now Light was beginning to understand why L and the kids all had dark circles under their eyes...
“Oh, and here’s the ‘nurses office,’” said Near; affecting a bored tone.
Light stopped to gawk at the state of the art medical facility. He recognized some equipment that the science magazines said were still in the experimental stages!
“That’s… very impressive.”
“It was created by the second generation,” Mello informed him. “K, I think.”
“Generations?” Light asked in puzzlement. “That makes it sound like an experiment more than a school”
“Bingo, you’re catching on. Maybe you’re not from the short-bus after all. There are currently three generations at Wammy’s House.” Mello exposited, ticking them off on his leather-gloved fingers. “The first generation… is L, the second generation that’s like… A, and B. And C, F, and K, and the 3rd generation-that’s us. We’re here because the second generation were failures. Every single bloody one of them!”
Light watched, perplexed as some newcomer approached them and the other students, curiously, began to make shushing motions. Mello however, was oblivious to this and kept talking. “I already told you about A and B. F flunked out and now does like simple espionage stuff for L and K left to study disease prevention or something…”
“Excuse me, brat, but not all of us were failures,” said the newcomer.
Mello froze, made an odd sort of squeaking noise, and abruptly hid behind Light. This just made Light even more confused-did this guy seriously scare the fearless blonde? It was just a bespectacled man in a lab coat, probably around his mid-twenties. He had the L-like bags that were common to Wammy’s House under his haunting deep purple eyes. His wild black hair stuck up in every direction and was streaked with premature white along the temples like he was trying to be the bride of Frankenstein. Alright he was a little weird but Light had seen far weirder.
“Two failures does not mean our entire class is tainted!” the man huffed while adjusting his spectacles, pushing them up the bridge of his nose with his middle finger.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, freak,” someone grumbled from their little crowd.
“Whoever said that… Pray you never get injured. You forget; your life in my hands. I might be disinclined to help you.” The man declared vindictively.
“Hey isn’t medical malpractice a crime? Get him, Kira!” Another of the kids hollered from the back and the doctor seemed to notice Light for the first time.
“Oh my, it is you.” The doctor said, smiling creepily while sweeping his eyes over his body.
Light stoically ignored him to scold the kids “Dammit! I told you before I’m not Kira! And no killing in an orphanage!”
Light abruptly stopped, mid-reprimand when suddenly the creepy doctor was invading his personal space so that they were practically nose-to-nose.
“Hello there, Light Yagami. I’m Dr. Caduceus, or C if you prefer-that’s not my real name of course. And no, I have no relation to B either. I am the acting doctor now at Wammy’s House since Kujo is no longer with us.”
“Kujo?”
“Yes, Kujo, or K, try to keep up.”
“So… I guess we’re not talking about the ill-tempered dog from Stephen King?”
The doctor gave a loud, good-natured laugh and gave Light an uncomfortable pat on the back.
“An ill-tempered dog? Oh yes that suits her alright! She always did like animals… more than people anyway. She was such a bitc-”
Light scowled. “There are children present.”
Dr. Caduceus looked at the newcomer oddly. “One of which is Mello. Trying to save their ‘virgin ears’ is a completely lost cause.”
“He seems to have a thing for lost causes,” Matt chimed in.
“In any case we really don’t need to hear all about your ex-girlfriend.”
C looked startled. “How did you know…?”
“Ha! I knew it! He’s Kira. He’s psychic!” Near crowed triumphantly.
“I’m not Kira.” Light grumbled again in irritation and gave a long-suffering sigh. Couldn’t they tell when he was just joking and he didn’t really care?
“In any case, K doesn’t matter. I’ve moved on since then… and discovered my preferences lie elsewhere,” he said while looking pointedly at Light.
Oh for the love of me! It seemed he’d acquired yet another stalker.
“Yeah, we really didn’t need to know that,” Matt muttered, he was alarmed enough to have him actually looking up from his PSP and was now in the process of backing away slowly as understanding dawned as to why whenever he went in for a routine check-up C always offered to throw in a prostate exam.
“Yes, you probably want to know about me, don’t you?”
“Not really…” Light muttered and taking his cues from the kids tried to get away, but not fast enough as the doctor again invaded his personal space, awkwardly slinging an arm over his shoulder.
“I am… the Doctor!” the eccentric man declared dramatically.
“But where’s his blue police box?”
No more TV for Ryuk…. No more TV for Ryuk… No more…
“The Doctor of Wammy’s House! And yes, one of the few successes of the Second Generation because I never tried to be L-I never was interested in detective work. No, my area of interest has always been the human body...” the man paused to again devour Light with his eyes. “You’re a remarkable specimen, you know?”
Light grimaced and whispered to the nearest denizen of Wammy’s House who just so happened to be Near. “Is he always this creepy?”
“Yes,” said Near. Light shuddered again. When the creepy kid gets creeped out? That’s never a good sign.
Light noted that this “Dr. Cad” also seemed to share the Wammy’s food compulsions and poor dietary choices-he briefly and suddenly paused in his harassment to stalk on over to the autopsy table to snatch up a black licorice, one of many he kept stored on the scales that nominally had the purpose of weighing internal organs. That just didn’t seem very hygienic.
“What sort of doctor are you?” Light asked suspiciously.
“Every kind! I am a graduate of Wammy’s after all. I do everything.”
Light blinked at that. It seemed unlike L to leave such a gaping hole in the defense of his… family.
“Pardon me for saying this but that seems kind of… stupid. I mean, what if something happens to you?”
The doctor blinked and suddenly he was focusing on him intently, boring into him with eyes as hard as amethysts. “Are you planning to kill me, Kira?”
“No, I’m not Kira! I’m just saying if you’re the only doctor…”
“Well I have a couple of students, my pupils, assisting me. I’m hardly the only doctor here; most of the staff know and are certified to practice medicine. They usually just leave it to me because they have better things to do. There are other doctors here. I’m just the only one who cares for my patients,” Caduceus declared with a very creepy grin that made Light’s skin crawl.
This was the “nurse’s office” though…
“While we’re here, you should take a look at Near-” Light began.
“I cut myself whittling.” Near announced before Light could give anything away.
The doctor unwrapped the bandages, took a brief look at Near’s cut, gave him some antiseptics and a new bandage and declared him “fine.”
Mello followed the entire exchange suspiciously and wondered just what was going on-the blonde also knew from years of experience that Near was a manipulative little asshole and no doubt if Light had been the one to hurt him Near would milk it for all it was worth.
“…And just out to curiosity is there a psychiatrist on staff?” Light asked when Near stole his thunder. Though the albino boy wouldn’t talk to him about whatever was bothering him it would no doubt benefit him to talk to someone.
All around him the other students made fearful noises again.
“Of course. All students at Wammy’s have regular mandatory therapy sessions with yours truly! (I have a doctorate in that too) though I imagine your sessions will be more evaluation than therapy. I don’t know if I can help you seeing as sociopaths such as yourself do not respond well to therapy-it only teaches them how to be better sociopaths.”
“Excuse me? Sociopath?” Me? A Sociopath? How ridiculous! I would never act as Kira if I didn’t care!
Dr. Cad simply shrugged. "That’s just the preliminary diagnosis based on L’s findings,” the Doctor said brightly. “But I do look forward to our sessions together!”
Light ducked to avoid getting another “hug” from the strange man and stumbling back against the wall in his effort to get away. When he recovered from yet another “spaz out” moment he realized it was not so much a wall as a transparent freezer door. His eyes immediately lit upon a vial of blood being kept in cold storage labeled “Yagami, Light.”
“They took that while you were unconscious-probably looking for the mutant gene that gives you the psychic power to kill with heart attacks,” Near said, looking very amused.
“Really? I thought they were testing him for the blood of a jackal… Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry,” Mello said in reaction to Light’s readily intensifying death-glare. “I know ‘Your mom’ jokes are kind of old...”
“Oh don’t worry about it-your tests came back normal… well mostly normal,” assured the Doctor. “I must say though you seem rather stressed and sexually frustrated. In my opinion as a professional you need to get laid.” Dr. Cad ignored Light’s horrified looks to announce (in front of everyone) “If you need assistance with that, I can help. It’s alright, I’m a doctor.”
It’s official-Wammy’s House is the School for Stalkers and Perverts.
“Hey! Cut it out!” Light snapped when he felt a hand in his hair.
Light nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was just Mello searching for the Mark of the Beast-only nearly because it turned out Mello’s hands were still greasy from cleaning his gun.
Light sighed again and gave a rather strained smile as he restrained his growing homicidal urges.
“That’s another thing I’ve been meaning to ask-where are the showers? And is it possible I might procure a change of clothes?”
“Oh yeah! I was supposed to do that!” Mello groaned, throwing his (still greasy) hand in his face.
When Mello and Matt returned with a large trunk filled with clothes. Light was oddly touched when he learned that L had bought him a replica of his entire wardrobe. Light picked out a dress shirt and some khaki slacks and headed for the showers.
Yes, showers were good, and clean, and comforting and nothing could possibly go wrong…
Light had just finished getting undressed when he heard a sharp gasp behind him. When he turned he caught the flash of dark eyes staring at him pressed against the decorative holes of the laundry hamper. Light hastily secured a towel around his waist before he went to confront his peeping tom-he opened the lid to reveal a certain small pasty boy had somehow managed to ninja himself inside, sitting perfectly still, camouflaged under the fluffy white towels of the laundry hamper.
Light merely frowned in response and forcefully lifted the intruder out of the basket, holding him up carefully under the arms.
“You…” Light seethed. “Are a problem child.”
“Kira must be watched at all times!” Near protested.
“And I see you took it upon yourself to do so. I suppose that go-getter spirit is admirable but I assure you your services are not necessary. I am quite confident that L has set up cameras in here too.”
Near blinked and curiously tilted his head. “You’re psychic powers again?”
“No, I just know L. I’d expect nothing less of him. It’s exactly the sort of thing he’d pull-though I must say he was never quite so bold as to do it in person.”
“So you’re saying… I just surpassed L.”
“Only at being a hentai… That’s hardly something to be proud of!” Light scolded, becoming increasingly flustered as Near began grinning madly from ear to ear. “It’s ridiculous! Even if I was Kira do you really think I’d be killing people in the shower?”
“Yes.”
Light scowled and tried to deposit the younger boy on the other side of the door so he could resume his shower in peace but Near was surprisingly strong for being so small and clung to him with the tenacity of a small, vicious, woodland creature. Light finally got Near away from him but not before the younger boy had succeeded in snatching his towel away.
“I bet you’re popular with the ladies,” Near quipped while unapologetically staring at him.
Light shut, locked, and barricaded the door.
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