Cold Hearts Ch 7 The Deal
A/N: I don't own Death Note.
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L gaped shell-shocked at the boy who had just passed out in his arms after he... kissed him.
L's brain froze. Why did he do that? L swallowed hard as he tried to come to some rationalization to Light's most illogical action. He was drugged and deprived of human contact for a week. It's perfectly natural he would... right? L thought furiously as he stared at the damn stubborn teen that had the nerve to be sleeping like an angel in his arms. L scoffed at that, trying to ignore the sickly feeling that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach ever since discovering he was wrong.
No he wasn't wrong per se; in fact his profile was spot on. Light was hiding something behind his mask of perfection-he was insecure, he was damaged, he had a whole slew of mental issues-there was just one small problem... he wasn't Kira.
He was supposed to be Kira. I wanted him to be Kira. This intelligent, prideful, fascinating, beautiful... wait what? L glared in irritation at the sleeping boy. You may not be Kira but you're no angel. How dare you?
L was not built to handle emotions. In fact he was trained to ignore them, suppress them. He never claimed to be perfect but to find he had been so wrong. It left him feeling stupid-and that left him with nothing.
His intelligence was all he had.
L admitted to himself, he had been a bit envious of what he saw as Light's perfect life. Growing up he would have gladly traded places with Light who had a family, friends, a stable home, regular meals... But Light had all those things but he wasn't better for it. He was worse. After everything L had been through it was just sick that he was more psychologically sound then...
L had known many hardships throughout his life but in facing those hardships he had been challenged and in facing those challenges he had become stronger for it. Through those challenges he had learned, to his chagrin, humility, that he wasn't infallible. He was smarter than everyone else but even idiots sometimes have valid points-to his mortification he just had that lesson pounded into him again. (After all, he still didn't like losing.) But then Light's life wasn't so perfect-the teen had always been alone, his intelligence setting him apart even as he played the role of being an "ordinary student." L at least knew others like him existed, though he always saw them as threats. Light was no exception, even if he wasn't Kira, Light was very dangerous because he was so damn confusing!
He wanted badly to blame it all on the sleeping boy-he never claimed not to be petty and Light shared as much of the blame-if he had just told him everything from the very beginning! But then that would be impossible for someone like Light. He would rather slowly drown than admit being out of his depth. In that way they were exactly the same...
L sighed and pulled out his cell phone "Watari, get the stretcher."
"Sir?"
"I am ending Light Yagami's confinement."
There was a pause on the other end that spoke volumes before Watari answered "Very well, sir."
L stood up easily carrying the younger man who felt practically weightless in his arms; even if Rem had been feeding him he had lost a lot of weight. As L carried him out of his cell and onto the stretcher he whispered a soft apology that really was only for the benefit of the boy in his arms, and not for that steady flap of leathery wings behind them...
The raven-haired man had somehow managed to undertake the awkward task of changing Light from his ruined clothes, the clothes he had worn throughout his confinement, into a hospital gown with minimum embarrassment (and maximum glaring from Light's self-appointed guardian). Though L couldn't help but stare throughout. He couldn't. After all, he was L, he was always staring, always curious-he was just processing information-you never know when data such as how big Light is down there or how tight he was back there might become relevant to an investigation. He was just interested. Actually he wasn't sure why he was when that was the very last thing he should be pondering but his eyes were drawn there nonetheless. He was honorable enough. It's not like he molested him in his sleep for crying out loud. Okay so maybe he had a little bit of trouble getting the pants off and had touched him more than was strictly necessary. But it's not like he was trying to feel the curves of his ass.
L was mostly just aghast at how gaunt Light had become. L could feel his vertebrae right through his skin-he could almost pass for a Shinigami. L felt another pang of guilt. He'd pay for the hospital bills. And cake. Cake would help-cake solved everything.
L gently set Light in the bed and Watari set up the I.V. drip.
We'll keep close watch on him but Light is young and in good health. He should be able to bounce back from... what I did to him. L felt sick. He had never been so wrong before.
Watari glanced between his ward, the suspect, and the watching monster. The elderly butler looked like there was something he wanted to say but L deflected having to have that conversation for the time being by quickly requesting information on the case. Watari no doubt saw through L's ploy but he left without a word.
The teen shuddered in his sleep. The Shinigami silently pulled the blanket up, tucking him into bed.
"L!"
Both the detective and Shinigami startled when Light called for him and grasped his hand in his sleep. The detective was thoroughly unnerved by this behavior. He couldn't handle this. He needed to get out...
L pried himself away from Light's demanding grip and with an air of finality began to make his way for the door when suddenly the Shinigami was there looming before him.
"Problem, Shinigami?"
"You're just going to leave him?"
L was confused. "Isn't this what you wanted?"
Rem folded her bony arms across her chest. "All I want is for Light to be happy."
"Well what do you expect me to do about it?" He had enough of his own baggage to deal with without having to take care of Light's!
"L Lawliet, I don't like you," the Shinigami snarled.
Well, that much is obvious. L bit back his tongue.
"...But for some unfathomable reason he likes you, finds happiness in your presence. It would make him miserable if you were to leave him now."
"This was never my intention..." L said quickly. "it's a psychological condition. Stockholm Syndrome..."
"You owe him."
L sighed. "I know; I'll pay for therapy and..." L attempted to explain. Sure, maybe he felt a bit guilty for wrongfully imprisoning him... (very guilty actually. So much so it hurt to even look at him) but whatever Light's problems were, they weren't his problems-catching Kira was... He couldn't afford to screw around with Light! So he figured he'd just throw money at it and the problem would go away...
"Stay with him, L Lawliet," the Shinigami ordered.
L froze.
"What?"
"Here's the Deal. Make him happy and I won't kill you," the Shinigami decreed.
Just when L thought that at least he no longer had that hanging over his head he might as well have been handed down a death sentence. How did Rem expect to make him happy when...
"He's clinically depressed! How do you expect me to make him happy?"
Rem gave him a look and the memory from moments ago he had already been trying to forget returned unbidden "You smell nice" and the feeling of soft lips moving against his own. His own imagination began to work against him as he recalled in perfect detail Light's naked form and exactly where that could lead...
L felt himself getting hot as he exclaimed "Oh, come on! That... that was nothing!"
"That was not nothing!" Rem roared. L startled and stumbled back falling to the floor when the Shinigami spread her wings wide, making herself look bigger. Her lips drew back to bare her fangs, her claws outstretched... L recognized this behavior as an obvious scare tactic but damn if it didn't work. To his embarassment he maybe cowered a little bit before the Shinigami's wrath. "That was an act of love."
Rem was furious. A Shinigami could be sent into Agony for doing the same... A Shinigami could die for doing the same and this human had the nerve to call it... "That was NOT nothing!"
"Okay..." L said flatly. Am I understanding this correctly? The Shinigami wants me to be Light's boyfriend?
Sexuality wasn't even the issue. As far as L was concerned he didn't have one. Even if Light was a girl he still wouldn't consider it. He was L. L couldn't afford to have attachments clouding his judgment. He didn't have friends. He most certainly didn't have... Because L wasn't a person; L was a cause, a letter. He was L the Detective and that's all he could ever be.
But L was never wrong. L could never be wrong...
How could I have made such a grievous error? I'm not worthy of my own title. Must I atone for this too?
"He loves you!" The Shinigami insisted.
L had to stop from rolling his eyes. It was just his luck to have encountered a Shinigami that was a hopeless romantic.
"He obviously wasn't in his right mind when he..."
The Shinigami's eyes became hard. "I see... your truth serum would be enough to convict him but not to convince you of his feelings?"
L cringed.
"You seemed to enjoy yourself," Rem pointed out reasonably.
"That's not the issue!" L sputtered.
"I think it is." The Shinigami's bones creaked as she crouched down so they were at eye level. Rem forced L to look at her, her eyes softening a bit as she asked
"So tell me, how do you feel about it?"
"Is there an answer that won't get me killed?" L asked bitterly.
"How about the truth?"
L squeezed his hands into fists and looked away "Just looking at him… makes me sick!" L hissed. "I-I did that to him... I..."
"Then you should be the one to make it right," Rem insisted sternly.
"I can't! Regardless how nice it felt... Wait what am I thinking? How would you even know if Light was happy anyway? When his pain is so well hidden to begin with? How could you even TELL with him?"
"If anyone could, it would be you."
L startled when Rem answered him. He hadn't been aware he had been thinking aloud.
It went to show how unnerved he was by this whole proposition. L didn't even like human contact. And the Shinigami wanted him to...
"I just want Light to be happy. That's all. Or is the Great L not up to that simple task?"
This monster was mocking him? L glared at the monster from beneath his fringe of dark hair and announced with determination "I'll make him happy!"
"See that you do."
"I will! Just watch me!"
He would not lose.
Perhaps this was the best way to keep him close. Even without Rem's ultimatum Light still had Kira's weapon and Rem knew his true name. It was foolish to ever think he could just wash his hands of this.
It not like the Shinigami made me do anything I wouldn't do anyway. Light is an important witness to this investigation. Besides even though he's not Kira my profile wasn't wrong. He's a serial killer waiting to happen. He really should remain under my observation.
L crouched at Light's bedside as the teen stirred fretfully in his sleep. Without really thinking about it, L lightly pushed Light's soft brown sweat-drenched hair from his sleeping face.
No, he couldn't leave him alone.
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