I listen to my words but they fall far below, I let my music take me where my heart wants to go.

[reanna]

It's been a wierd journy to where I am now. I think I can remember who and whats led me here, but I don't remember details. People disapoint me, because my expectations are so high. Acceptance, not expectation. She doesn't disapoint me, she doesn't let me down. She tells me it's okay to miss her. She shows me it's okay to feel unsure, not be so god damn in control all the time. I can be out of control with her. She likes to have fun, she likes to laugh.. I love her laugh. I hear it when I sleep, which is a new thing. I say things over and over about so many different people and they all come out sounding the same, but I feel different now. Like if I loved someone again it would be in a different way because I don't see love the same I used to. I don't need love the same I used to. I have more respect for myself now... and now I have more respect for her. I hate updating because I get so many judgments but fuck anyone who isn't proud of my progress. I don't believe in feeling upset for longer than a heartbeat. I can control those emotions now. I've succeeded. Not forever, just for now. Why? I don't know exactly, but I really like it. I like feeling somewhat normal in the emotions department. Go me.

PS, GIRL YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT STUPID BITCH. BE THE CHICK I KNOW YOU ARE. DONT PUT UP WITH ABUSE. YOU COULD GET BETTER, YOU ARE BETTER, FUCK HER, NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE DOES TO YOU BUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN THAT.