(no subject)
My parents have seen me reading a lot of English-translated Chinese books .
Then when I was at Costco with my parents, I came across the Joy Luck Club, so I picked it up . It was my first Asian American read . I think I saw my mom's eyes following it while it moved along on the conveyor belt at the register . By the time I finished reading it, I was weeping . And I don't mean I shed a few tears, I mean a full-frontal noise-making crying like VUGGGHHHH . VUUUUGGGHHH .
This semester, I'm taking a class called Modern History of China .
All of this got my parents suspecting that I want to go to China, that's why I've been reading up on it so much, but having no such intention, it surprised me that they would've asked that . And despite that we speak Japanese in the house and China in Japanese is "Chugoku" (quite literally "Middle Kingdom"), my mom calls it "China" like Americans do . When she calls it "China," it sounds like a distant far away land, foreign, irrelevant, and almost mythical, like, "Yumi chan China ni ikuno ?" As if China's so strange that they don't have a word for it in Japanese . I told her I don't particularly want to go to China, the only reason why I've been taking classes on China is bc it's the closest thing to Japanese that UConn offers .
As I continue to explore my identity, when I consider my ethnicity and citizenship on top of my race, my gender, my class, I feel lost . As a daughter of a Japanese expatriate of an MNC (multinational corporation), whose intention was to never permanently stay in this country, but nonetheless have for the last 15 years (due to business), to what extent am I really American ? And to what extent am I Japanese ? I found some solace when I read in a recent reading for class which quoted one Indian guy saying, "This isn't my country, but this is my land ." Although despite my foreign citizenship, I consider America my country, as much as I consider Japan my country . Okay ya so maybe that quote wasn't a really good one to use right now .
Being Japanese and having a social network in Japan as well as in America makes me wonder . Maybe I'm considered a transnational ? wtf is a transnational anyway ? This is why society sucks bc they think they can neatly put people into categories, over simplifying everything for the sake of convenience . Pfft . Like, are you a boy or a girl ? Straight or gay ? I'm like dude, everyone chill out .
And I hate it when people ask me what I want to do with my life and I don't really want to tell them and then they egg me on so I do and they're like ... wow, good luck with that . Ya you keep it up with your business major and you're going to become an outstanding citizen rowing the corporate slave boat for the rest of your life just like society wanted you to and it'll even trick you into thinking you're happy .
Then when I was at Costco with my parents, I came across the Joy Luck Club, so I picked it up . It was my first Asian American read . I think I saw my mom's eyes following it while it moved along on the conveyor belt at the register . By the time I finished reading it, I was weeping . And I don't mean I shed a few tears, I mean a full-frontal noise-making crying like VUGGGHHHH . VUUUUGGGHHH .
This semester, I'm taking a class called Modern History of China .
All of this got my parents suspecting that I want to go to China, that's why I've been reading up on it so much, but having no such intention, it surprised me that they would've asked that . And despite that we speak Japanese in the house and China in Japanese is "Chugoku" (quite literally "Middle Kingdom"), my mom calls it "China" like Americans do . When she calls it "China," it sounds like a distant far away land, foreign, irrelevant, and almost mythical, like, "Yumi chan China ni ikuno ?" As if China's so strange that they don't have a word for it in Japanese . I told her I don't particularly want to go to China, the only reason why I've been taking classes on China is bc it's the closest thing to Japanese that UConn offers .
As I continue to explore my identity, when I consider my ethnicity and citizenship on top of my race, my gender, my class, I feel lost . As a daughter of a Japanese expatriate of an MNC (multinational corporation), whose intention was to never permanently stay in this country, but nonetheless have for the last 15 years (due to business), to what extent am I really American ? And to what extent am I Japanese ? I found some solace when I read in a recent reading for class which quoted one Indian guy saying, "This isn't my country, but this is my land ." Although despite my foreign citizenship, I consider America my country, as much as I consider Japan my country . Okay ya so maybe that quote wasn't a really good one to use right now .
Being Japanese and having a social network in Japan as well as in America makes me wonder . Maybe I'm considered a transnational ? wtf is a transnational anyway ? This is why society sucks bc they think they can neatly put people into categories, over simplifying everything for the sake of convenience . Pfft . Like, are you a boy or a girl ? Straight or gay ? I'm like dude, everyone chill out .
And I hate it when people ask me what I want to do with my life and I don't really want to tell them and then they egg me on so I do and they're like ... wow, good luck with that . Ya you keep it up with your business major and you're going to become an outstanding citizen rowing the corporate slave boat for the rest of your life just like society wanted you to and it'll even trick you into thinking you're happy .