(no subject)
Are you supposed to outgrow it, the need for a mentor, a role model? I didn't realise until I found it that I was missing it. It's been a while. For a long time, I've been purely a functional unit. All you do at work is work. Do the tasks that need to be done. Do things because you're told to, the way you're told to. It's been tough. Toe the line, as you're expected to, and that'll take up plenty of energy on its own.
Dr N, he's a ray of sunshine in the dark. He actively tries to teach, seizes on whatever opportunities turn up, whether it's stopping me at a monitor and making me explain a CVP trace, or demanding that I tell him more from an ABG than just the oxygenation and acid/base state, or getting me around to look down the scope as he's doing a bronchoscopy.. Other people get their heads down and just want to get their tasks done and that's it. He actually pushes me to be better. Tips on things like the right way to lay out your sharps in a procedure, or even reminding me about the right attitudes to have.. And he practices what he preaches. The solid confidence that comes with many years of experience, and knowledge that he has deliberately accumulated..
I want to get to that level. I want to get to his standard of practice. Rather than uncertainty, I want to be that good, be that sure of myself. I don't think it necessarily means having all the answers, because I know fully well that no one can. But being able to back up my decisions with good skills and knowledge.. It's partly about time in the field, but it's more than that as well. Other people who have been out in practice for as long aren't as good. I think it's about a deliberate choice to be better. To carry certain attitudes with you. Which I'm trying to learn.
~~~
Man: You're not this good. Nobody is this good.
Michael: I am.
-Burn Notice