In Which Nobiki Declares War
Attention all Bugs, Insects and various flying/crawling things:
Please vacate the premises at once! We've tried to accommodate your need to buzz, fly, roam, and basically crawl all over the place without resorting to chemical warfare or physical violence and not just because the idea of squashing you freaks me out more than when you scuttle under my foot or fly at my head. We understand we live in the woods and should expect close interaction with the Insecta class of beings. We understand that not all of you spread disease, or bite, or cause any problems.
But I draw the line when our pantry is invaded by not just weevils, but ants and roaches. And what do you find so attractive about the bathroom? It's clean! There isn't anything to eat in there! GTFO! Can't you just eat the cat food that's on the floor? Or the plants - eat the plants PLEASE. I don't even use herbicides on those, they're safe, I promise.
And what is with the prima donna stickbug? Princess, I let 4 cats in and out of the house all day long. I allow you access to the garage whenever you want to get out of the heat. Hell, I even rescued your mate from the curious cat! But when you STAND ON THE THRESHOLD of a door and WON'T MOVE... I'm not the doorman, it's time for you to go.
So. Vacate, remove yourselves. Consider this your one-week-notice. Next weekend, the foggers are coming out. If you haven't left yet, you will die.
Apology to Arachnids: I'm sorry. I know you're not to blame - there's only so much you can do, only so much you can eat, especially when I keep tearing your webs down. The kiddo is afraid of you, and there aren't any foggers out there that can target only the bugs I dislike. So I encourage you to move outside for a few weeks. When the carnage is over, you're more than welcome in the garage, although, quite frankly, the nicotine can't be good for you either.
Wasps and Hornets: I will continue to kill you on sight. Nothing personal, but I don't have insurance and you are highly toxic to my body. There's an entire forest for you to infest. Stay out of my face. Stay out of my garage.