"Are You Fuckin' Kidding Me?"
So, sorry i haven't posted in a while. I just joined this other site called CafeMom. I like it. Not to say i don't like livejournal though, i like livejournal cuz i can type out my feelings everyday if need be, and i could there but trust me, its not the same. So, the 27th we're supposed to be going to Great Adventures, and i'm so excited because i've been REALLY wanting to go there. But money, like everything else is always an issue. And i hate asking my dad for money, even though he tells me ALL the time if i need money tell him, and i don't ever get to do anything for me, i don't get the opportunity to go places like that and enjoy myself. Thats how i see it, and i asked him for money and he went OFF on me! I was crying, mind you we were bbq'ing outside...and everyone was staring at me and asking me if i was ok. "Why you worried about that when you got to worry about Elias?" That stung. I think that to myself all the time, thats why i never do anything for me. So him saying that hurt bad...i hate thinking about myself because i ALWAYS put Elias 1st, and i do just once, i want to have fun, and thats what i hear. Something i tell myself all the time if i ever think about buying a shirt or a pair of sandals or whatever it may be. He said it like i do this often, like i spoil myself. I think about EVERYONE else but myself...so in my head i was like ,"are you fuckin' kidding me right now?" I was mad upset, i called Amanda and told her because i tell her everything. She understood because she been there. But it still hurts, like my eyes are watering up just typing about it. I can't believe that as much as i talk to my dad and hang out with him, that he should KNOW that i don't have shit, don't do shit, and thats what he thinks of me? And my birthday is in a week (exactly 7 days) and i'm like yay my b'day! But i know its going to be a depressing, boring day. That fuckin sucks. It is what it is...