There at the end.....
So on Sunday I was at work at Devonwood as usual, had already worked for about 6 or hours and was brining in the horses to feed them. I walked out to one of the pastures and noticed that Sunny's halter was there.....but I couldn't see Sunny anywhere in the pasture. I thought nothing of it until I noticed a slight yellowish lump on the horizon, immediatly I took off at a sprint, with 7 halters and lead rops on my arm. Sunny was laying on his side, his eyes glazed, mouth open wide and his tongue was bleach white. His body shivered and lurched forward three times with three giant breaths. As I arrived I immediatly called the barn manager, Maren and as soon as she answered, "Sunny is down and I think breathing his last breaths." She was flaburgasted....speechless....there was a long moment of silence. And then she started asking me segments of questions, all of which I could not fully understand or answer. Finally, she just told me "okay......bye."
As Sunny laid there his head pushed up the dirt near his face with every breath he took. I closed my phone, knelt down beside him and pushed the dirt aside, trying to keep it out of his mouth and away from his face in his last moments. His body lurched once more, I laid my hand on his head and stroked his cheek, as a single tear was shed from his eye. His eyes glazed over and his twitching stopped. He had moved on. I stood and was about to open my cell phone again to tell Maren, when Holly, a vet tech who boards her horses at Devonwood came around the barn. I told them the news and they took the other horses back to the barn for me and I went to get a tarp to cover Sunny's body, for it was too late to have a truck arrive and I personally didn't want May (the owner's ten year old daughter) to see nor did I want Sunny to be exposed to the elements even for a night.
Maren arrived and she and I covered Sunny with the tarp, tucking it under his then limp body. It's amazing to think that these wonderful animals for all their might and all their strength can be completely swallowed by a simple everyday tarp.
I've never been there before at the end. I've seen many animals dead, but I've never really watched helpless as something died before me. It was a memory I shall never forget, that feeling. The screaming inside my mind to do something, but knowing that for all my knowledge and for all my experience, nothing was going to change this. I was there when he died.
I was the last creature on earth that Sunny saw.
I felt as his life slipped from his body. My hand was laid on his face when he took his last breath, as if that contact would help, would in some way make it easier, make him in any way more comfortable in his passing. I had nothing else that I could have possibly offered, buy myself and my strength to him.
People out there will probably think I'm crazy but I tried to talk him through everything. Unless I was on the phone with Maren (which was about a total of 2 minutes if that) I was trying to give any comfort or hope to Sunny, even removing the dirt from his face and pushing the dirt away from his head.
I don't really know why I'm writing this in such detail here. I don't need or want sympathy for myself, I don't want the attention of people to tell me how much I love and would do anything for all the Creator's animals. I just felt that even though almost none of you knew Sunny his last moments which are ethed forever in my mind, needed to be shared, I at least owed him that much.
Wherever you have reincarnated Sunny I'm sure your soul is in a much better place, you deserve if my friend.
In other parts of my life, Lexi will probably be moving in not too long. And I'm not talking about moving down the street or across town. She's pretty sure she's going to go to one of 4 places, either L.A., South Korea, Japan, or Spain. And yeah I only found out about this kinda recently and she'd probably be leaving as of this summer, when I'll be in Ohio, so that just makes this sooooo much easier to deal with. Granted we've only been together a little over 2 months now, but she's already met my parents and they've told me that she's the best I've done so far, and that means alot from my parents.
And I'm just not sure what to do.
She's moving because her line of work (English as a Secondary Language teacher) just doesn't pay well around here, and she has already exhausted all the possible avenues of work in this city, through 4 years of trying. I'm trying to be supportive and let her know I'm okay with wherever she goes, because I want her to be happy, but everytime it seems to her that I'm supporting her moving she always tells me that, I'm trying to pack her bags and get rid of her, which honestly really hurts everytime she says it. Granted I know that she's kidding, but still it kinda pierces my heart a little each time.
So basically I'm just looking for any advice from you guys about what to do. I've never been in a situation where I can see the end of the relationship as such a finite point. (I know for a fact I can't handle a standard distance relationship, much less an international distance relationship) It just seems like no matter what I do......I lose.
Sorry this entry is kinda a downer, but I still really don't have that many people to talk to about these things down here.
As Sunny laid there his head pushed up the dirt near his face with every breath he took. I closed my phone, knelt down beside him and pushed the dirt aside, trying to keep it out of his mouth and away from his face in his last moments. His body lurched once more, I laid my hand on his head and stroked his cheek, as a single tear was shed from his eye. His eyes glazed over and his twitching stopped. He had moved on. I stood and was about to open my cell phone again to tell Maren, when Holly, a vet tech who boards her horses at Devonwood came around the barn. I told them the news and they took the other horses back to the barn for me and I went to get a tarp to cover Sunny's body, for it was too late to have a truck arrive and I personally didn't want May (the owner's ten year old daughter) to see nor did I want Sunny to be exposed to the elements even for a night.
Maren arrived and she and I covered Sunny with the tarp, tucking it under his then limp body. It's amazing to think that these wonderful animals for all their might and all their strength can be completely swallowed by a simple everyday tarp.
I've never been there before at the end. I've seen many animals dead, but I've never really watched helpless as something died before me. It was a memory I shall never forget, that feeling. The screaming inside my mind to do something, but knowing that for all my knowledge and for all my experience, nothing was going to change this. I was there when he died.
I was the last creature on earth that Sunny saw.
I felt as his life slipped from his body. My hand was laid on his face when he took his last breath, as if that contact would help, would in some way make it easier, make him in any way more comfortable in his passing. I had nothing else that I could have possibly offered, buy myself and my strength to him.
People out there will probably think I'm crazy but I tried to talk him through everything. Unless I was on the phone with Maren (which was about a total of 2 minutes if that) I was trying to give any comfort or hope to Sunny, even removing the dirt from his face and pushing the dirt away from his head.
I don't really know why I'm writing this in such detail here. I don't need or want sympathy for myself, I don't want the attention of people to tell me how much I love and would do anything for all the Creator's animals. I just felt that even though almost none of you knew Sunny his last moments which are ethed forever in my mind, needed to be shared, I at least owed him that much.
Wherever you have reincarnated Sunny I'm sure your soul is in a much better place, you deserve if my friend.
In other parts of my life, Lexi will probably be moving in not too long. And I'm not talking about moving down the street or across town. She's pretty sure she's going to go to one of 4 places, either L.A., South Korea, Japan, or Spain. And yeah I only found out about this kinda recently and she'd probably be leaving as of this summer, when I'll be in Ohio, so that just makes this sooooo much easier to deal with. Granted we've only been together a little over 2 months now, but she's already met my parents and they've told me that she's the best I've done so far, and that means alot from my parents.
And I'm just not sure what to do.
She's moving because her line of work (English as a Secondary Language teacher) just doesn't pay well around here, and she has already exhausted all the possible avenues of work in this city, through 4 years of trying. I'm trying to be supportive and let her know I'm okay with wherever she goes, because I want her to be happy, but everytime it seems to her that I'm supporting her moving she always tells me that, I'm trying to pack her bags and get rid of her, which honestly really hurts everytime she says it. Granted I know that she's kidding, but still it kinda pierces my heart a little each time.
So basically I'm just looking for any advice from you guys about what to do. I've never been in a situation where I can see the end of the relationship as such a finite point. (I know for a fact I can't handle a standard distance relationship, much less an international distance relationship) It just seems like no matter what I do......I lose.
Sorry this entry is kinda a downer, but I still really don't have that many people to talk to about these things down here.