Repair
I have this habit of looking back in the past on my free time.
Looking back, as in reminiscing or reading old messages. It’s fun sometimes. You relive the memories associated with then and feel what you felt before. Just yesterday, I looked back at old messages me and Rain had; back to at least mid last year. I was smiling and I remembered my relaxed and happy feelings. After a while though, I found myself in tears and hurting. I realized that our conversations before were so spontaneous and active. We talked about random shit. He’d reply a lot. Compared to now, though, the replies aren’t as spontaneous as before. Sometimes after I message him like how I always did, I’d get short, usually one-worded, replies instead. Of course, I understand why. I broke him and he’s cautious. He doesn’t want to get too close to me anymore. He fears being broken again. Seeing and realizing that hurts me too. It’s like me helping him pick up his broken pieces and cutting myself with each piece I pick to put back together again. And he has a lot of shattered pieces scattered around.
The pessimist in me tells me that I’ll never be able to put those pieces back together and that I’m wasting my time. But my stronger, more optimistic self says that I can do it. It would take time, and it reminded me that he was just like this after all when I first met him. Rain was an aloof, quiet, and secretive person. He had slowly opened up to me through the years; a great achievement I made with him. He became my bestfriend after all. I just had to do it all over again.
One day... I’ll get there. I’ll definitely get there. I’ll finally fix my friendship, somehow, someway.