Coffee Mixed With Hot Chocolate…
So I’m worried, a little stressed, and a ton nervous about work, working, and all that stuff. I know I’m a good worker and a hard worker but it is getting that foot in the door, that chance to show them how great I am that I don’t usually get.
I shouldn’t be discouraged, but it’s something that fills me with a feeling of dread when I think of finding a job. Nobody wants to give me that one chance, even though I try to show them that I’m a good person.
I’ve decided my favorite way to drink coffee is with a pack of hot cocoa and a little sugar mixed in. It takes off the harsh taste that I do not find palatable.
I’ve been thinking lately about how I trust too many people too easily. I’ve also been thinking on the fact that I’ve gone through a lot of rough spots in my life and I don’t think I’ll find closure with the ones that hurt the most.
I know that I can’t put blame completely on others, but I know now what was and was not my fault. I have learned to stop blaming myself for others’ shortcomings. I would love to be able to say that I had no expectations going into the friendships but that would not be true.
As for my broken friendship with Illumina, I can’t say much about it except that I still sometimes think of what had been. But then I think of what she said to me, about using me, pitying me, and never really liking me… All my remorse disappears among the thoughts that I was so blinded by my adoration and devotion to her that I could not even see that she never truly liked me in the first place.
I read her journal from time to time to see if she is doing well, because for most of my time at my second high school she was one of the only people I really considered a ‘friend’. I’ve since opened my eyes to the fact that she loathes my existence. In her eyes I stole the guy she was interested in. He had become my best friend, my boyfriend, and now my fiancé.
It does not really bother me that she hates me, it bothered me more to find out that she had been talking to my boyfriend (fiancé now) behind my back at the time and had been bad-mouthing me to him. It disappoints me because I had thought she was better than that. I suppose I was wrong.
I’ve found that since her booting me ungracefully from her life she has rewritten stories that involved me and Tsukai, she has written me out of anything that I was involved with. PSSC:EB was dismantled and rewritten, of course, that radio play was the one that introduced me to my fiancé, though he is convinced we would have met eventually even without the radio play to cross our paths.
Though you hate me, I bear you no ill will and I hope that you have a happy life and find someone to love you.
As for my relationship with Tsukai, we’ve had rough times and we’ve had good times. But I suppose that you will always be an enigma to me. The last time I heard from you, before you disappeared, you were pretty upset with me. But I know that you’ll get over it someday and talk to me again. I miss my old friend. You always were the peacemaker weren’t you, Trowa?
My world has been turned upside down lately and I don’t know if I can really cope with it that well. I know I’ve surprised myself with how well I am doing considering all the shit I’ve been put through.
My knowledge about life and many things will grow with time.
OH! There is a convention in St. Louis in April. It is an anime con partnering with a Sci-Fi con. Show-Me Con and Anime St. Louis have teamed up together to bring you two cons for the price of one. (I feel like such an advertisement right now.)
I’m thinking of displaying my artwork at Show-Me Con or Sakura Con. Most likely Show-Me Con will be a more likely venue for my works. I might not get the chance to attend Sakura Con this year (2007). That thought makes me sad.
I’m also hoping to get my computer up and running so I can update DeviantArt and work more on my CG works and on my art. I’m working on Graphic Design and T-Shirt designs. I’m hoping that people at the cons will enjoy my artwork. I’m doing my best not to sell out to the popular media sellers of fan-art and such.
I’m hoping beyond hope and praying to my gods for help in acquiring a full-time job and a permanent position somewhere within these city limits. I want to stay here in St. Louis.
I made friends with an artist in Delmar and he might let me have space in his shop in January when he holds an open-house exhibit for local artists. It’s his shop, he can do that. He is very talented, I wonder if he does anything more than drawing the pictures they bring in. The funny thing is he is in the place of a metaphysical store that used o occupy his space. They are still listed as being at that address though.
I don’t want to leave my Master, I don’t want to be shipped back to Oregon. I want to stay here, near to him. To be able to stay here I need to find a full-time job.
Something will work itself out in the end I’m sure. I know Master would never let me go back to Oregon for good without a battle to keep me here.
I shouldn’t be discouraged, but it’s something that fills me with a feeling of dread when I think of finding a job. Nobody wants to give me that one chance, even though I try to show them that I’m a good person.
I’ve decided my favorite way to drink coffee is with a pack of hot cocoa and a little sugar mixed in. It takes off the harsh taste that I do not find palatable.
I’ve been thinking lately about how I trust too many people too easily. I’ve also been thinking on the fact that I’ve gone through a lot of rough spots in my life and I don’t think I’ll find closure with the ones that hurt the most.
I know that I can’t put blame completely on others, but I know now what was and was not my fault. I have learned to stop blaming myself for others’ shortcomings. I would love to be able to say that I had no expectations going into the friendships but that would not be true.
As for my broken friendship with Illumina, I can’t say much about it except that I still sometimes think of what had been. But then I think of what she said to me, about using me, pitying me, and never really liking me… All my remorse disappears among the thoughts that I was so blinded by my adoration and devotion to her that I could not even see that she never truly liked me in the first place.
I read her journal from time to time to see if she is doing well, because for most of my time at my second high school she was one of the only people I really considered a ‘friend’. I’ve since opened my eyes to the fact that she loathes my existence. In her eyes I stole the guy she was interested in. He had become my best friend, my boyfriend, and now my fiancé.
It does not really bother me that she hates me, it bothered me more to find out that she had been talking to my boyfriend (fiancé now) behind my back at the time and had been bad-mouthing me to him. It disappoints me because I had thought she was better than that. I suppose I was wrong.
I’ve found that since her booting me ungracefully from her life she has rewritten stories that involved me and Tsukai, she has written me out of anything that I was involved with. PSSC:EB was dismantled and rewritten, of course, that radio play was the one that introduced me to my fiancé, though he is convinced we would have met eventually even without the radio play to cross our paths.
Though you hate me, I bear you no ill will and I hope that you have a happy life and find someone to love you.
As for my relationship with Tsukai, we’ve had rough times and we’ve had good times. But I suppose that you will always be an enigma to me. The last time I heard from you, before you disappeared, you were pretty upset with me. But I know that you’ll get over it someday and talk to me again. I miss my old friend. You always were the peacemaker weren’t you, Trowa?
My world has been turned upside down lately and I don’t know if I can really cope with it that well. I know I’ve surprised myself with how well I am doing considering all the shit I’ve been put through.
My knowledge about life and many things will grow with time.
OH! There is a convention in St. Louis in April. It is an anime con partnering with a Sci-Fi con. Show-Me Con and Anime St. Louis have teamed up together to bring you two cons for the price of one. (I feel like such an advertisement right now.)
I’m thinking of displaying my artwork at Show-Me Con or Sakura Con. Most likely Show-Me Con will be a more likely venue for my works. I might not get the chance to attend Sakura Con this year (2007). That thought makes me sad.
I’m also hoping to get my computer up and running so I can update DeviantArt and work more on my CG works and on my art. I’m working on Graphic Design and T-Shirt designs. I’m hoping that people at the cons will enjoy my artwork. I’m doing my best not to sell out to the popular media sellers of fan-art and such.
I’m hoping beyond hope and praying to my gods for help in acquiring a full-time job and a permanent position somewhere within these city limits. I want to stay here in St. Louis.
I made friends with an artist in Delmar and he might let me have space in his shop in January when he holds an open-house exhibit for local artists. It’s his shop, he can do that. He is very talented, I wonder if he does anything more than drawing the pictures they bring in. The funny thing is he is in the place of a metaphysical store that used o occupy his space. They are still listed as being at that address though.
I don’t want to leave my Master, I don’t want to be shipped back to Oregon. I want to stay here, near to him. To be able to stay here I need to find a full-time job.
Something will work itself out in the end I’m sure. I know Master would never let me go back to Oregon for good without a battle to keep me here.