(no subject)
I miss you so much tonight.
I put up the Christmas tree. I finally had some time where I thought I wasn't going to be alone. Then my roomie had plans and I was left standing there alone, with our little tree you pilfered for us, with our little ornaments, and I wished more than anything that it was going up in our bedroom with Lucy and you in bed watching. Well you would probably be watching a show and Lucy would be eating a bone but we'd be in the same room and we'd be together. This sucks so bad. I know one day I'll be happy... but today sure as fuck isn't that day. I'd give anything to get a text or a call just to hear you're okay. That Lucy is good and Soldier and Silky are as ornery as ever. It would mean everything to me... to know that you still cared because I do so bad its killing me.
I don't know. You most likely would never come back to this page, because you wouldn't care. Knowing you, you just wouldn't. You never tried fighting for me even when we were together, so why would you care enough to come visit this stupid page that you've probably forgotten all about to read this and have a heart enough to text me so I can maybe stop crying for a few days. You've probably let your anger take you past us by now. I wish I could.
I feel so unstable inside. I mean, I'm finally stable on the outside, but on the inside, I'm a nuclear bomb. I'm so close to trying another anti-depressant it isn't funny. The consequences are scary, but it might be worth it. Maybe this one won't make me want to jump off bridges for no reason. Maybe this one will just make me numb so I can stop waking up thinking you're next to me, or taking pictures of things I'm dying to send you because you'd think they were funny as hell...
Then again, a text or an email or anything from you could have the same effect. But like I said, you'll never read this, and even if you did, I wouldn't get that message. You'd probably think, this is what I deserve, and you'd let me sit here like this, dying of a broken heart.
I put up the Christmas tree. I finally had some time where I thought I wasn't going to be alone. Then my roomie had plans and I was left standing there alone, with our little tree you pilfered for us, with our little ornaments, and I wished more than anything that it was going up in our bedroom with Lucy and you in bed watching. Well you would probably be watching a show and Lucy would be eating a bone but we'd be in the same room and we'd be together. This sucks so bad. I know one day I'll be happy... but today sure as fuck isn't that day. I'd give anything to get a text or a call just to hear you're okay. That Lucy is good and Soldier and Silky are as ornery as ever. It would mean everything to me... to know that you still cared because I do so bad its killing me.
I don't know. You most likely would never come back to this page, because you wouldn't care. Knowing you, you just wouldn't. You never tried fighting for me even when we were together, so why would you care enough to come visit this stupid page that you've probably forgotten all about to read this and have a heart enough to text me so I can maybe stop crying for a few days. You've probably let your anger take you past us by now. I wish I could.
I feel so unstable inside. I mean, I'm finally stable on the outside, but on the inside, I'm a nuclear bomb. I'm so close to trying another anti-depressant it isn't funny. The consequences are scary, but it might be worth it. Maybe this one won't make me want to jump off bridges for no reason. Maybe this one will just make me numb so I can stop waking up thinking you're next to me, or taking pictures of things I'm dying to send you because you'd think they were funny as hell...
Then again, a text or an email or anything from you could have the same effect. But like I said, you'll never read this, and even if you did, I wouldn't get that message. You'd probably think, this is what I deserve, and you'd let me sit here like this, dying of a broken heart.