Jenga
I have been thinking about growth. I have come into a place that requires me to do so. I really can't sit on my ass and let certain events and people take their toll on me.
So, how do I grow?
It's really a difficult thing to break down. I think that for growth to occur, something must break down first. (And I'm speaking about a square one growth--not growth as in what as in the spaces between growing and not growing). I find this especially true when I compare things that have happened to me whenever my heart has been broken. Growth has occurred in this sense, with someone, a sort of symbiotic relationship that requires both people to grow at the same rate towards the same goal. Whenever this happens, we are like trees, we begin to grow around each other, we begin to grow into each other... becoming one in a sense.
As long as the integrity of the relationship is not damaged, attacked, destroyed... growth will never cease and growth works through every issue. Once someone begins to fail in terms of who they are, what they mean, what they do, what they say, etc. a trust issue comes up. I have learned that I simply cannot be so intimate with someone who has hurt me in such a way (I don't mean trivial slip ups, or even regular slip ups- I mean really serious transitions in character or direction). This means that I have to separate myself from that person and callous up.
Here I find myself in a new position to grow. This position is like coming out of a dark place (perhaps underground), standing up, realizing where you are, and from there, deciding what you need to do. Whenever I disengage someone, it feels just the same. Where am I? How did I get here? What does it all mean? And while you are asking yourself these questions, the rest of the world is still revolving at the break neck speed we've invented. All of these factors combine into a catalyst of necessary growth... or one may continue to sit by oneself.
Whenever I grow with someone, I tell them stories I don't normally tell others. I tell them fears and stresses that really aren't important to share with other people (as I see it). I allow them to touch my inspiration and my passion. They effect scenarios, where I see myself going, where I am now, destinations, and extra curricular time. I make it a point to invest in that person and that effects me. To have someone break their bond because of their flippancy and truancy is to desecrate these interior places of mine. I am private, as I'm sure we all are, and whenever a person who is becomes so important to me becomes invisible or a whole other manifestation- it hurts. It doesn't just hurt because you aren't there anymore. This is a long term hurt. My sentiments which I have shared, become dispersed throughout the galaxy, in our dimension of reality, and in ones we cannot physically inhabit- that is how I feel, literally. I cannot make sense of myself anymore or of things going on around me. See: catalyst of growth.
I cannot! remain this way... so, I must grow. I must answer all of the questions I listed earlier, as if I was emerging from underground (this nullifies my tree metaphor since trees grow towards the heavens; the underground v. trees is accurate in representing my belief in the non-transience of emotions- if you have become so opposite what things were to the point that they "no longer exist", then they never existed in the first place and so I feel as if I am emerging from below... not climbing down from a canopy).
So now, we attempt to envision where growth occurs (so far as I am concerned, I have only prefaced actual growth).
Growth must occur throughout the entire body. While this is necessary to be happening all of the time (and is always a constant aspiration of mine), when you find yourself in the position I have outlined just previous, you find (and maybe it is just a feeling and not a reality) that the growth has not been occurring (nullification). My investments have ultimately been shallow, maybe they have just not grossed, or maybe they fell through an imaginary net that I thought was going to be tangible.
I have spent all of this time "growing"? Now that I have emerged from below the Earth, now that I have asked myself these questions and assessed them, I may begin answering them. I don't answer them with words, but I answer them through action. There is so much action that now begins to revolve, that the growth is exponential, the growth is so exceptional that you don't know how you can grow without first being battered down, broken hearted, and completely lost without knowing it at first.
This honestly sounds like a conundrum: so, if I am never in a place of serious hurt and betrayal... if this does occur, but infrequently... how do I grow?
I honestly, don't know. My great periods of growth have occurred when I am by myself, reeling from a series of disappointments or abrasions.
I might say that the growth is from A to B - a great leap, and a true blessing from God - and in between A and B, you have so many sub points that agree to form a healthy process either way.
I've never lived that way, so I cannot answer that question.
How else can things break down to a square one with it being a hurt so devastating that your most vital parts are strewn throughout existence?
Things that have been happening to me over the past 3 years have resulted in tremendous growth, TREMENDOUS. I do not believe this could've happened if I had been wholly content and comfortable. I believe that without this hurt, I would not be the person that I have been becoming more of, the person I need to be. This is a blessing from God (-as I am convicted).
Note, let us please not believe that discomfort, hurt, and confusion to be thoroughly bad. They are necessary and without them we do not experience, and we possibly do not grow.
Also note that hurt does not have to come from a person; and, devastation or other serious words I've used are not meant to indicate an obsessiveness, a pathetic nature, or an over reaction. To be truly devastated is to be truly uncertain after a rejection of a once mutual growth and 110% genuine care- a decimation of trust (and trust does not just occur among people).
So, how do I grow?
It's really a difficult thing to break down. I think that for growth to occur, something must break down first. (And I'm speaking about a square one growth--not growth as in what as in the spaces between growing and not growing). I find this especially true when I compare things that have happened to me whenever my heart has been broken. Growth has occurred in this sense, with someone, a sort of symbiotic relationship that requires both people to grow at the same rate towards the same goal. Whenever this happens, we are like trees, we begin to grow around each other, we begin to grow into each other... becoming one in a sense.
As long as the integrity of the relationship is not damaged, attacked, destroyed... growth will never cease and growth works through every issue. Once someone begins to fail in terms of who they are, what they mean, what they do, what they say, etc. a trust issue comes up. I have learned that I simply cannot be so intimate with someone who has hurt me in such a way (I don't mean trivial slip ups, or even regular slip ups- I mean really serious transitions in character or direction). This means that I have to separate myself from that person and callous up.
Here I find myself in a new position to grow. This position is like coming out of a dark place (perhaps underground), standing up, realizing where you are, and from there, deciding what you need to do. Whenever I disengage someone, it feels just the same. Where am I? How did I get here? What does it all mean? And while you are asking yourself these questions, the rest of the world is still revolving at the break neck speed we've invented. All of these factors combine into a catalyst of necessary growth... or one may continue to sit by oneself.
Whenever I grow with someone, I tell them stories I don't normally tell others. I tell them fears and stresses that really aren't important to share with other people (as I see it). I allow them to touch my inspiration and my passion. They effect scenarios, where I see myself going, where I am now, destinations, and extra curricular time. I make it a point to invest in that person and that effects me. To have someone break their bond because of their flippancy and truancy is to desecrate these interior places of mine. I am private, as I'm sure we all are, and whenever a person who is becomes so important to me becomes invisible or a whole other manifestation- it hurts. It doesn't just hurt because you aren't there anymore. This is a long term hurt. My sentiments which I have shared, become dispersed throughout the galaxy, in our dimension of reality, and in ones we cannot physically inhabit- that is how I feel, literally. I cannot make sense of myself anymore or of things going on around me. See: catalyst of growth.
I cannot! remain this way... so, I must grow. I must answer all of the questions I listed earlier, as if I was emerging from underground (this nullifies my tree metaphor since trees grow towards the heavens; the underground v. trees is accurate in representing my belief in the non-transience of emotions- if you have become so opposite what things were to the point that they "no longer exist", then they never existed in the first place and so I feel as if I am emerging from below... not climbing down from a canopy).
So now, we attempt to envision where growth occurs (so far as I am concerned, I have only prefaced actual growth).
Growth must occur throughout the entire body. While this is necessary to be happening all of the time (and is always a constant aspiration of mine), when you find yourself in the position I have outlined just previous, you find (and maybe it is just a feeling and not a reality) that the growth has not been occurring (nullification). My investments have ultimately been shallow, maybe they have just not grossed, or maybe they fell through an imaginary net that I thought was going to be tangible.
I have spent all of this time "growing"? Now that I have emerged from below the Earth, now that I have asked myself these questions and assessed them, I may begin answering them. I don't answer them with words, but I answer them through action. There is so much action that now begins to revolve, that the growth is exponential, the growth is so exceptional that you don't know how you can grow without first being battered down, broken hearted, and completely lost without knowing it at first.
This honestly sounds like a conundrum: so, if I am never in a place of serious hurt and betrayal... if this does occur, but infrequently... how do I grow?
I honestly, don't know. My great periods of growth have occurred when I am by myself, reeling from a series of disappointments or abrasions.
I might say that the growth is from A to B - a great leap, and a true blessing from God - and in between A and B, you have so many sub points that agree to form a healthy process either way.
I've never lived that way, so I cannot answer that question.
How else can things break down to a square one with it being a hurt so devastating that your most vital parts are strewn throughout existence?
Things that have been happening to me over the past 3 years have resulted in tremendous growth, TREMENDOUS. I do not believe this could've happened if I had been wholly content and comfortable. I believe that without this hurt, I would not be the person that I have been becoming more of, the person I need to be. This is a blessing from God (-as I am convicted).
Note, let us please not believe that discomfort, hurt, and confusion to be thoroughly bad. They are necessary and without them we do not experience, and we possibly do not grow.
Also note that hurt does not have to come from a person; and, devastation or other serious words I've used are not meant to indicate an obsessiveness, a pathetic nature, or an over reaction. To be truly devastated is to be truly uncertain after a rejection of a once mutual growth and 110% genuine care- a decimation of trust (and trust does not just occur among people).