Blood
I've never been in more pain in my entire life than I am right now.
I am not going to write a discourse about why... it would take too long and it is much too personal and complicated to even be expected to be expounded upon here.
So, my topic is blood. What is the definition of blood? My parents and I are having another struggle right now.... something which is a source of much pain and confusion for me... and so one of the topics that was brought up tonight is "blood is thicker than water". And of course, one thing that I have been being lead to do in the past couple years is define things as are appropriate for our lives... not based on a conventionalism as old as time so that people can fit into a particular "wing" in society (e.x. conservative, liberal, etc.). (Another word I am trying to define right now is "death"...)
So, what is blood?
What is family? My parents stress... they will go to the grave stressing that the only real family is that which is genetically bound by blood.
But wait, what about adoption? I'm sure they wouldn't say that children who are adopted aren't real family. Now, we are faced with a new condition, and that is the law... the law becomes blood now, and legitimizes the notion of family.
Well, lets look at what just occurred here, and that is an exception. We now have conditions and reasons that allow for family to be manifested in other ways. Who are we to say that the buck stops here? I would argue in the sublime and surreal experiences that occur between important people in one's life... these binds and connections qualify blood, too. My best friends are people I would do as much for as I would my family... it is impossible to separate these things.
I think that the Bible supports both of these aspects. The Bible teaches a holistic, interdisciplinary approach to life. Also, the sublime is inherent in the most important part of Christianity- salvation. Salvation occurs upon an effectual calling of God's elect... this experience is without a doubt, sublime. So, now we have the most important part of Christianity absolutely affirming the sublime as a positive creation of God. Now, the sublime does occur in different ways... but I don't think that this is condemning this idea.
So, the sublime experiences which occur between my friends and I... the pure and honest emotionalism, trust, sincerity, appropriation of time and all else... how does this not qualify blood? Now friends are friends, and family is family, but... blood... blood is a thick bind... which is structured around the honest to God beliefs and convictions of each person involved.
I am not taking away honor, respect, and love from my family, nor the idea of family... but the same things I would do for family are the same thing I would for friends. My friends do things for me that my parents don't have the capacity to do... and my parents do things for me that my friends don't have the capacity to do...
Then my dad approaches me about the 5th commandment which says "honor your father and mother". Great. I agree with that, I am not taking that for granted. But, my dad is saying (and there are more implicit aspects in our conversation than just what I've written) that the 10 commandments are the most important commands given in the Bible. Wow... if we should say anything... shouldn't we be saying that expressly what Christ taught is the most important. But I would say, that that isn't even true... because Christ is God who is also the Holy Spirit... so all directives are equally important. But, let us consider that the 10 Commandments were given to Moses by God to set down rules for which the Jews are to live by (and consequently Gentiles). Immediately after, committees were made to formulate new directives... these must be as equal as the 10 Commandments themselves...
What my dad is suggesting is the same thing as saying... we must first consider the Constitution minus the 27 Amendments... which, is wrong... we must consider all at the same time. My point here is that the 10 Commandments are not inherently the number one list of commands in a hierarchical list (which, is made up of different instances of teachings such as Jesus, Paul's letters, Revelation, King David, pre-Moses time, the prophets, etc.). We must consider all as one all the time.
This seems like such a trivial matter... but we are talking about it... and it is something I was trying to define and talk about to myself. So, here I am in brief.
Also (and I tried to ask him this, but I don't think he understood what I was asking, so he never answered me), what is honor? If I am honoring my parents, while simultaneously going against a conviction that God has laid upon my heart... am I honoring them? Are they asking for obligation before what I think God is telling me is necessary? Maybe I did make a mistake by not coming home early. Maybe I should have. But, maybe not. Maybe, those last 6 hours included in them some of the best one on one time I had with Jake... we were able to continue and begin conversations about things he was interested in, BePositive, and the fact that those 6 hours they wanted me to cut out amounted to 1/10 of the time I was able to spend with him. Consider how its been 8 months since I've seen him- and it might be year, probably more, before I see him again... 1/10 is a huge portion and a huge deal to myself, Jake, and my friends... who are no less important to me than my family. I had that calling this weekend... I had these plans for months... who am I supposed to be then? Why am I dishonoring my parents (even though, my dad also threw in my grandparents and brother, which they aren't "thrown into" the 5th Commandment... so how is that part rationalized?) by trying to spend a solid period of time, and unchanged plans with some people who I genuinely love? I am faced with a major decision- two things that are equally important to me- but my dad tells me they aren't equally important to me because of the decision I made (he wouldn't be saying that if I made the decision he wanted me to make). These two things are spending visiting with Jake vs. going to see my brother play and visit with my grandparents. I'm not saying they are any less important than Jake, but... my brother plays all the time... I've seen every single one of his concerts... and my grandparents I visit ALL the time throughout the year... these aren't justifications, but they were considerations in my head. Ultimately it came down to trying to do something I've been dead set on ever since I got back to Belmont in January and realized how much I missed Jake. And by making a decision based on that emotion God had me acknowledge, I disrespected all of my family, and I sinned. Does it make sense why I am as torn up as I am about these things?
Tell me- Does this make sense? Are there holes in my theory? Am I being un-Christian?
My parents in their talks do nothing but accuse me of being un-Christian, purposefully avoiding what is popular (when they say this, they are essentially qualifying me as a hipster who does nothing that is popular because if it is popular, it is inherently stupid), disrespecting them and not caring about the rest of my family, bending over backwards for my friends (so - I am spineless and neglecting my family)... etc.
P.S.
For those who are familiar with my theories about hierarchies and why they don't work... my dad told me that that was stupid, essentially. According to him, life operates as a concrete list of priorities that under no circumstances breathes or fluctuates. I don't see it this way... and because I believe life is a web of nodes connected by concrete responsibilities and relationships as much as abstract ideals and experiences, I am thinking un-Biblically and living my life in a frustrating and complacent manner that isn't glorifying God. How come my thought is a sin? I can't see that. What do you think about that part?
I am not going to write a discourse about why... it would take too long and it is much too personal and complicated to even be expected to be expounded upon here.
So, my topic is blood. What is the definition of blood? My parents and I are having another struggle right now.... something which is a source of much pain and confusion for me... and so one of the topics that was brought up tonight is "blood is thicker than water". And of course, one thing that I have been being lead to do in the past couple years is define things as are appropriate for our lives... not based on a conventionalism as old as time so that people can fit into a particular "wing" in society (e.x. conservative, liberal, etc.). (Another word I am trying to define right now is "death"...)
So, what is blood?
What is family? My parents stress... they will go to the grave stressing that the only real family is that which is genetically bound by blood.
But wait, what about adoption? I'm sure they wouldn't say that children who are adopted aren't real family. Now, we are faced with a new condition, and that is the law... the law becomes blood now, and legitimizes the notion of family.
Well, lets look at what just occurred here, and that is an exception. We now have conditions and reasons that allow for family to be manifested in other ways. Who are we to say that the buck stops here? I would argue in the sublime and surreal experiences that occur between important people in one's life... these binds and connections qualify blood, too. My best friends are people I would do as much for as I would my family... it is impossible to separate these things.
I think that the Bible supports both of these aspects. The Bible teaches a holistic, interdisciplinary approach to life. Also, the sublime is inherent in the most important part of Christianity- salvation. Salvation occurs upon an effectual calling of God's elect... this experience is without a doubt, sublime. So, now we have the most important part of Christianity absolutely affirming the sublime as a positive creation of God. Now, the sublime does occur in different ways... but I don't think that this is condemning this idea.
So, the sublime experiences which occur between my friends and I... the pure and honest emotionalism, trust, sincerity, appropriation of time and all else... how does this not qualify blood? Now friends are friends, and family is family, but... blood... blood is a thick bind... which is structured around the honest to God beliefs and convictions of each person involved.
I am not taking away honor, respect, and love from my family, nor the idea of family... but the same things I would do for family are the same thing I would for friends. My friends do things for me that my parents don't have the capacity to do... and my parents do things for me that my friends don't have the capacity to do...
Then my dad approaches me about the 5th commandment which says "honor your father and mother". Great. I agree with that, I am not taking that for granted. But, my dad is saying (and there are more implicit aspects in our conversation than just what I've written) that the 10 commandments are the most important commands given in the Bible. Wow... if we should say anything... shouldn't we be saying that expressly what Christ taught is the most important. But I would say, that that isn't even true... because Christ is God who is also the Holy Spirit... so all directives are equally important. But, let us consider that the 10 Commandments were given to Moses by God to set down rules for which the Jews are to live by (and consequently Gentiles). Immediately after, committees were made to formulate new directives... these must be as equal as the 10 Commandments themselves...
What my dad is suggesting is the same thing as saying... we must first consider the Constitution minus the 27 Amendments... which, is wrong... we must consider all at the same time. My point here is that the 10 Commandments are not inherently the number one list of commands in a hierarchical list (which, is made up of different instances of teachings such as Jesus, Paul's letters, Revelation, King David, pre-Moses time, the prophets, etc.). We must consider all as one all the time.
This seems like such a trivial matter... but we are talking about it... and it is something I was trying to define and talk about to myself. So, here I am in brief.
Also (and I tried to ask him this, but I don't think he understood what I was asking, so he never answered me), what is honor? If I am honoring my parents, while simultaneously going against a conviction that God has laid upon my heart... am I honoring them? Are they asking for obligation before what I think God is telling me is necessary? Maybe I did make a mistake by not coming home early. Maybe I should have. But, maybe not. Maybe, those last 6 hours included in them some of the best one on one time I had with Jake... we were able to continue and begin conversations about things he was interested in, BePositive, and the fact that those 6 hours they wanted me to cut out amounted to 1/10 of the time I was able to spend with him. Consider how its been 8 months since I've seen him- and it might be year, probably more, before I see him again... 1/10 is a huge portion and a huge deal to myself, Jake, and my friends... who are no less important to me than my family. I had that calling this weekend... I had these plans for months... who am I supposed to be then? Why am I dishonoring my parents (even though, my dad also threw in my grandparents and brother, which they aren't "thrown into" the 5th Commandment... so how is that part rationalized?) by trying to spend a solid period of time, and unchanged plans with some people who I genuinely love? I am faced with a major decision- two things that are equally important to me- but my dad tells me they aren't equally important to me because of the decision I made (he wouldn't be saying that if I made the decision he wanted me to make). These two things are spending visiting with Jake vs. going to see my brother play and visit with my grandparents. I'm not saying they are any less important than Jake, but... my brother plays all the time... I've seen every single one of his concerts... and my grandparents I visit ALL the time throughout the year... these aren't justifications, but they were considerations in my head. Ultimately it came down to trying to do something I've been dead set on ever since I got back to Belmont in January and realized how much I missed Jake. And by making a decision based on that emotion God had me acknowledge, I disrespected all of my family, and I sinned. Does it make sense why I am as torn up as I am about these things?
Tell me- Does this make sense? Are there holes in my theory? Am I being un-Christian?
My parents in their talks do nothing but accuse me of being un-Christian, purposefully avoiding what is popular (when they say this, they are essentially qualifying me as a hipster who does nothing that is popular because if it is popular, it is inherently stupid), disrespecting them and not caring about the rest of my family, bending over backwards for my friends (so - I am spineless and neglecting my family)... etc.
P.S.
For those who are familiar with my theories about hierarchies and why they don't work... my dad told me that that was stupid, essentially. According to him, life operates as a concrete list of priorities that under no circumstances breathes or fluctuates. I don't see it this way... and because I believe life is a web of nodes connected by concrete responsibilities and relationships as much as abstract ideals and experiences, I am thinking un-Biblically and living my life in a frustrating and complacent manner that isn't glorifying God. How come my thought is a sin? I can't see that. What do you think about that part?