(no subject)
Chapter two is finally out~~
Title: Forbidden
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: RyoTego
Rating: PG-13
Author: Me
Summary: Ryo’s starting to act strange in front of Tegoshi, having feelings growing inside of him.
Ryo doesn’t know when he fell asleep; he just knows he did. Somehow.
He wakes up sitting on the floor, his back against the door. His back hurts as he moves and he makes a grunting sound when there’s a sudden pain rushing through his head. He rubs his eyes and tries to figure out why he’s sitting on the floor and isn’t in his bed. The first thought hitting his mind is was I drunk yesterday? But as he gets up from the floor and properly wakes up, his brain recalls what happened yesterday.
There’s a loud sigh leaving Ryo’s lips when the memories are dancing before his eyes. The determined look on Tegoshi’s face, the fresh scent forcing its way up his nose, the other ones warm breath hitting his face, the feelings of those full lips on his own, it makes Ryo dizzy and he has to sit down on his bed to be able to focus. Why did those things happen? What made them happen? And how did they happen? Ryo can’t answer any of the questions and buries his head in his hands. This wasn’t supposed to happen, what would he do now? Pretend like nothing happened? Go further? Ask Tegoshi why he kissed him? He could just forget, he could pretend like it never happened and go on as usual. But the problem is; he doesn’t want to.
What if Tegoshi was just confused, tired or even drunk? Or maybe he was sleepwalking? After all, it’s Tegoshi, anything could happen. Maybe he shouldn’t take this too seriously.
He decides to wait for Tegoshi to act first and then follow his example. If he wants to pretend like it never happened, he’ll do the same.
After changing clothes Ryo leaves to eat breakfast and hopes that he’ll be alone. But unfortunately all five members are sitting at the table, talking, laughing. Ryo’s eyes are frantic searching after Tegoshi and his heart almost stops beating when he spots the boy, being fed by Koyama. He giggles and chews the food Koyama has just offered while Koyama is picking up some more food directing it towards Tegoshi’s mouth, playfully saying “Say aaaaah~~!”.
Ryo can’t help to feel somewhat jealous and has to take a deep breath before joining them.
“Good morning~~” He says as he sits down on a chair next to Yamapi.
“Good morning~~” The other members answer. All members but one. He tries to catch Tegoshi’s gaze but the younger avoids his eyes. He just keeps giggling towards Koyama.
“Hey, Tegoshi, can you hand me that plate over there?” He says, pointing at a pile of plates standing in front of him at the table. No reaction. Ryo suddenly feels cold.
“Tegoshi, can you hand me a plate please?” He says in a firmer voice. The boy keeps talking to Koyama who’s now glancing at Ryo, eying Tegoshi who’s still pretending like Ryo has turned into air.
“Tegoshi would you please give a plate to Ryo-chan?” Koyama laughs a little and looks at Tegoshi who suddenly gets up.
“I’ve got something I have to do, see you guys later~”
He leaves and Koyama hands Ryo the plate which is in the top of the pile mumbling something like what’s up with him? Ryo takes it, his eyes still glued to the boy’s back as he disappears behind the corner. He suddenly has a strange kind of pain growing inside of his stomach.
Pretend like nothing happened; that he could do. Talk to Tegoshi, face him properly and talk about it, even something that awkward he would manage to accomplish. But being totally ignored by him, not even receiving a single glance from Tegoshi; that’s something he simply can’t handle. He still stares at the spot where the boy has disappeared, feeling cold, helpless.
“Ryo-chan? Did something happen between the two of you…?” Koyama’s voice is hesitant.
Ryo shakes his head slowly, forcing a smile onto his lips.
“No, nothing special. Maybe he’s just pissed because of his prank failure last week.” He laughs and returns to eat his breakfast, the others laugh too. They don’t notice Ryo’s worried eyes. What is going on?
After enduring some dance rehearsals and being scolded over and over again for not remembering the steps and lyrics, Ryo is relieved to finally be able to leave and head to the hotel. If he just keeps going until the concert, maybe then when it all ends, he’ll be able to relax. Maybe then he’ll be able to sleep properly and get his life somewhat in order, because right now, nothing is as it should be. The Kanjani members keep calling him to remind him about a concert coming up soon, going on about that he should come visit them soon and spend some time with them, complaining about that he just hangs out with News nowadays. And News keeps scolding him for being grumpy and isolated, always cutting them off and insulting even Yamapi. Ryo has been laying awake a couple of nights, just staring at the ceiling, hoping and begging for someone up there to see him and help him.
He gets into the elevator and presses the button which has a big black 3 on it. He sighs and tips his head back, closing his eyes while a loud sigh leaves him. Just keep going Ryo, just keep going. The words repeat themselves in his head like a broken tape. They have been all day. If he just manages to fall asleep this night, then maybe he’ll be able to get the steps right tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow will be a good day. He forces a smile to kind of encourage himself, ensure himself that he can do this. It’ll be okay.
After the doors have closed Ryo waits for that annoying buzzing sound. He waits, counts the seconds. It isn’t there. Why isn’t it there? The doors are moving again, opening slowly and Ryo wishes he wouldn’t have left so early when a brown haired young boy enters the elevator, not giving him a single look. He suddenly feels that niggling feeling in his stomach again. It’s almost like he gets chills from the cold aura surrounding the boy.
Eventually, Tegoshi can’t stand the awkward silence, like always.
“Strange huh? That the others just left.” He’s leaning against the wall in a superior kind of way, still not looking at Ryo as the words leave him, sounding all cocky.
“Yeah. I guess.”
“I thought we all were going to have dinner together tonight.”
“Me too.” Ryo lies; he hasn’t even paid attention when that decision was made.
“Well, I’ve got better things to do anyway.” The elevator stops and the doors open. Tegoshi gets out. The thoughts rush through Ryo’s brain. What should he do? He has to talk to Tegoshi, and now when he eventually has decided to speak to him again, he’s got the chance.
“Tegoshi, wait!” He gets out, runs after younger one. Tegoshi doesn’t look back.
“Wait! We have to talk! Now.” He grabs Tegoshi’s wrist and turns him to face him. For a couple of seconds, he just looks at him, trying to sort his thoughts, figure out what to say.
“Tegoshi. Why did it happen?” He blurts out, stares right into the boy’s dark brown eyes, trying to get some kind of answer only from looking at him. There’s a sound coming from the other elevator which is telling them someone is coming. Ryo thinks fast, he lets go of Tegoshi’s wrist, mumbling “Let’s go in here…” and opens a door in front of them.
They don’t even have time to react before four other voices are shouting Come on in! And start singing Happy Birthday. There are decorations all over the room, balloons and garlands attached to the walls in sparkling colours, and two huge cakes placed in the corner of the room. Yamapi is holding a bottle of champagne and Koyama is wearing a pair of silly glasses, looking as dorky as usual. Ryo just smiles and is completely taken back by the moment.
“Ah! That’s what it’s about!” Ryo laughs towards Tegoshi, trying to force some kind of surprised happiness to please the others.
“That’s it!” He’s also laughing. Ryo can’t remember when he last got this kind of smile from this boy. He turns away from him; he doesn’t want to see it. He knows it’s fake, knows it’s just something he does for the camera. Something he won’t be seeing when the others are not around, or when the cameras are turned off.
He had completely forgotten about their birthdays.
They blow out the candles, get applauds from the others and get presents. All the time Ryo tries to avoid looking at Tegoshi, and every time he catches himself with glancing in his direction, he looks away. He’s kind of relieved when they finally get champagne and swallows it all in one second. After another couple of drinks he even finds himself exclaiming that he’s been so upset, complaining about the others behaviour. He knows it’s all lies, so does Tegoshi, but they both go on talking and laughing like everything’s normal. Like they didn’t share that kiss the other night.
When it’s all over, Ryo’s actually honestly happy. Happy the others remembered his birthday, happy they did all this, or happy because of the alcohol. Whatever the reason is, he’s happy and that’s what matters. The others have left a long time ago and he’s left alone to clean the room. It doesn’t really bother him; he kind of needs this time. It’s nice being alone, taking the decorations down, eating that last piece of cake, looking at his presents and smiling at the thought of their consideration. He hums the melody of Happy Birthday as he cleans the table, when suddenly a voice cuts the air, a voice which makes his heart stop.
“You shouldn’t be doing this all by yourself. Let me help you.” Tegoshi’s voice is suddenly different from before and Ryo has to check if there are any cameras around. No cameras.
“It was great, right? The party.” His voice if soft and kind of submissive.
“Yeah, I guess.” Ryo uses his usual I-don’t-care kind of tone and keeps avoiding him. Why is he doing this now? Changing behaviour back and forth?
They keep cleaning without saying anything more and they are both probably feeling quite awkward. The air feels thick, almost hard to inhale. Ryo has to concentrate hard to not look at Tegoshi, to not grab him again, demanding an answer. A millions of thoughts and questions are rushing through Ryo’s brain. Should he say something? What should he say? What if Tegoshi leaves? He places his hands on the table in order to support himself and takes a deep breath while he tries to sort his thoughts. Suddenly the sound of Tegoshi cleaning is fading. It’s quiet and soon there are footsteps moving in his direction. He freezes and turns around just in time to meet Tegoshi’s face only a couple of centimetres away from his own. He holds his breath. No one is saying anything and Ryo is sure Tegoshi can hear his heart pounding through the silence. Tegoshi doesn’t wear that cocky, self-confident face he uses to, the face in front of Ryo right now is pale, miserable and pleading for help.
“I’m sorry.” He says after a while, then there’s silence. Ryo wants to say something back but his mind has gone totally blank. The fact that Tegoshi are standing so close that Ryo can inhale his cake smelling breath is making his vision blurry and his knees weak.
“I’m sorry.” He says again, his eyes starting to tear up. Ryo doesn’t get it.
“I’ve been trying all this time… Trying so hard for you to notice me… And then.. that night.. the elevator…” he sobs, tries to keep his voice as stable as possible.
“I don’t even know how to explain… This is so hard…” The last comes out in a soft whisper and he has barely finished the sentence before Ryo has pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, he just holds the boy, enjoys the closeness he has wanted to feel all this time. The younger one sobs, wrapping his arms around Ryo’s thin waist. They stand like that for a long time, holding each other, not really knowing when to let go, what to do next.
“I’m sorry.” This time it’s Ryo. He whispers against the boy’s ear, makes him shiver and holds him even tighter.
“Huh..?”
“I’m sorry for running off.” Ryo breaks the hug and looks into his eyes. He has never noticed how beautiful eyes Tegoshi has. These eyes that are usually full with mischievousness or immaturity are now sparkling with tears, making Ryo’s heart hurt. He looks at his lips, wants to feel them on his own. He leans forward, wondering what the hell he’s doing, and plants a soft kiss on Tegoshi’s lips. He feels confused, not really knowing what he’s doing. One part of him tells him to stop, that this isn’t normal, while the other tells him to keep going. Tegoshi sighs with relief into the kiss and tightens the grip around Ryo’s waist. What’s happening next is only a mixture of sounds, feelings, closeness. Ryo places his hand behind Tegoshi’s neck and deepens the kiss, wanting to feel more. There’s a soft moan coming from the younger one as Ryo turns around and lifts the boy, placing him on the table. Tegoshi wraps his legs around Ryo’s waist, places his arms around his neck and gives in, lets Ryo explore his mouth, taste him and feel all the emotions he’s trying to put into this single kiss. They get lost in each other’s touch, are blinded by the heat, only wanting to be closer, to feel and to taste more. Ryo kisses him rougher, deeper, earning soft moans every now and then from the younger. He doesn’t want to stop, afraid of what’s going to happen when they break apart. Afraid of being alone again.
Tegoshi is the one to break the kiss. He breathes heavily with his eyes haft closed, biting his lower lip and lifting his gaze to look into Ryo’s soft eyes.
“Please don’t run away this time.”
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Okay~ so this was the second chapter. I somehow wanted to include the birthday party from the Diamond dvd~ I’m really not pleased with this chapter though. I thought of rewriting it a couple of times but it seems like I’m too lazy to do that kind of thing 8D I was totally not in any kind of writing mood when I wrote this and I had no inspiration whatsoever. So gomen ne~ for not writing an interesting chapter. I promise the next one will be much better ^_^ I’ll make sure to get some inspiration until then!
Thanks for reading, as always! Comments are love~ ^.^V