We don't know what we want, but we're both needy
I am selfish. It is my responsibility to make others lives worth living. . .apparently I am not doing my job.
I try to live how I see fit. When I fall through the cracks, or perhaps turn a different direction in my life, I am filled with guilt.
Only one person can have my heart, and has always had it.
I know what I have, this relationship, is selfish. It has always been so. But two years is to not be taken lightly; it is the only certainty I have. That it's ok to be uninhibited, to love madly, to throw yourself in a thousand directions at once. Maybe all of us are doomed.
College gets worse by the day. I hold no interest for it. My job is starting to annoy me because every shift I work is a closing shift. I do not see daylight often. I look forward to sleepovers and drinking, smoking and laughing. Is it shallow? I feel it's the first real joy i've held in a long time. Life is too overwhelming. . .
"I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to. . ."
What these weekends give me, is an infinite number of experiences, emotions, and various mind sets. I feel as if I have been unchained. This weather today is freezing; I should stay indoors and try to write something down. Anything.
I spent a good hour reading Rachelle Ann Monica Waterman live journal and comments. This is a particularly lazy Sunday. My dreams latley are so mundane. Most of them have taken place at Ryans house, and they are bits and pieces of events that occured while shrooming, or drinking, etc. For instance, I had a dream that a drank orange juice, and talked with Cody on the patio.
I feel a bit hung over. Perhaps a shower and a cigarette will do.
I try to live how I see fit. When I fall through the cracks, or perhaps turn a different direction in my life, I am filled with guilt.
Only one person can have my heart, and has always had it.
I know what I have, this relationship, is selfish. It has always been so. But two years is to not be taken lightly; it is the only certainty I have. That it's ok to be uninhibited, to love madly, to throw yourself in a thousand directions at once. Maybe all of us are doomed.
College gets worse by the day. I hold no interest for it. My job is starting to annoy me because every shift I work is a closing shift. I do not see daylight often. I look forward to sleepovers and drinking, smoking and laughing. Is it shallow? I feel it's the first real joy i've held in a long time. Life is too overwhelming. . .
"I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to. . ."
What these weekends give me, is an infinite number of experiences, emotions, and various mind sets. I feel as if I have been unchained. This weather today is freezing; I should stay indoors and try to write something down. Anything.
I spent a good hour reading Rachelle Ann Monica Waterman live journal and comments. This is a particularly lazy Sunday. My dreams latley are so mundane. Most of them have taken place at Ryans house, and they are bits and pieces of events that occured while shrooming, or drinking, etc. For instance, I had a dream that a drank orange juice, and talked with Cody on the patio.
I feel a bit hung over. Perhaps a shower and a cigarette will do.