Bloody Subconscious
I do not know why I do this. I do not know why and, if I were a different person, would give myself a good slap in the face for it. You see, dear reader, I tend to go a week following a healthy diet and then will quickly fall into the habit of eating way too much of much too unhealthy foods. I vegetate, brood, and basically spend my time worrying about all of the things that are not going well for me. It is not like I try to deprive myself during my week of health; I am not reacting to hunger. I just do this. I think, quite honestly, that this is caused by my huge lack of self-confidence; I get it into my mind that I will, inevitably, fail. Maybe not today or tomorrow... but eventually. It is a subconscious thought, mind you, but difficult to dismiss and even more difficult to prevent its effects. Sometimes I wonder why I cannot get depressed and go the other way. You know, level out? A very bad thought, I know, but one that pops into my head whenever I lose track of the purpose of fitness. It comes along with the brooding, so help me.
So, this is a small cry of help to all of you. You all are very inspiring because of your successes and many of you have lost much more weight than I intend to. What do you do to keep your spirits high? How do you battle with self-doubt?
Words cannot describe how helpless and ashamed I feel. Another confession: I am on medication for depression; I should not feel this way. But, for whatever reason, I do and it is the worst feeling on earth. I always feel better when I am dieting or exercising. I do. Nonetheless, I go back to this state before long. It takes longer and longer to drag myself out of it.
I would appreciate support and encouragement. Most of all, though, I would appreciate advice. I do not have much support at home. Thank you so very much, everyone.
So, this is a small cry of help to all of you. You all are very inspiring because of your successes and many of you have lost much more weight than I intend to. What do you do to keep your spirits high? How do you battle with self-doubt?
Words cannot describe how helpless and ashamed I feel. Another confession: I am on medication for depression; I should not feel this way. But, for whatever reason, I do and it is the worst feeling on earth. I always feel better when I am dieting or exercising. I do. Nonetheless, I go back to this state before long. It takes longer and longer to drag myself out of it.
I would appreciate support and encouragement. Most of all, though, I would appreciate advice. I do not have much support at home. Thank you so very much, everyone.