Depression and a girl, in essence.
:( I'm depressed. A combination of a girl, moving (twice), and school. So I'm going to talk.
The girl is probably the most confusing part. She's my friend, and has been my friend for a year now. Of that year, I've probably had a crush on her since the beginning of spring semester. Last semester I thought she might've had a crush on me; we did a lot of late night study groups with friends, followed by me going to her apartment and helping eat whatever leftovers she had. Usually dessert-ish stuff.
Looking back on it, I really should've asked her out back then, but I didn't. Hey, I've never asked a girl out, and I was majorly timid then, (still am) and was happy with how things were, so I didn't make a move.
This semester, I've developed a new philosophy, (THE PIRANHA!; happened at work), and would kinda like to ask her out. But it just doesn't seem to work. I kinda suggested getting some ice cream one night last week, and she said it'd be fun, but then I talked to her later that day and she said she had too much homework. She did ask me to come over and help with homework, though, and I did cook a box of mac & cheese that we shared.
I was GOING to ask her out this saturday, but she's going to the homecoming dance on friday with another guy she likes. And to be honest...I'm not even sure she really likes me. Yeah, we've had some good texting conversations, and I've had her cooking and such, but I think she's started a text convo with me once (I keep starting them), and most of the time she doesn't really seem to enjoy talking to me. At least, when we're in a group she mostly talks with the other people. I may be trying to read too much into too little, though.
To be completely honest, I'm not even sure I'm interested in HER. From a completely practical viewpoint, her personality is totally uncompliant with mine, her attitude can sometimes put me off, and I keep saying I'm not really interested in a girlfriend right now. She's also one of those major social butterflies who usually has 3-4 people talking to her at once, too. Completely opposite of me.
Yet I can't help but judge how well my day went by how well we talked/corresponded that day.
So yeah. Overall, that situation is depressing. I don't even know why I want to ask her on a date, except that it'd be nice to have a first date with someone I know, kind of a test run. 'cept I don't know if I'd want it to go further.
My current solution is to cool off for a while. She's several times stated that she's most definitely not interested in guys right now (yet she keeps talking about how cute some of them are, and how she'd totally date them, which makes me wonder...), so I've got time.
Then moving. First I moved to an on-campus apartment instead of a dorm. My own kitchen, which means I need to make my own food. Judging from my current hunger level, it's not working s'good.
But then my dad lost his job (we knew it was coming, just not this soon), so...A move is guaranteed. My dad's a banker; you just don't stay in one place with that kind of job. You have to move to where the job is, and jobs are far between. For sure moving out of the state.
Moves always have depressed me; I'm a major homebody, 'tis true. Moving sucks; it makes me depressed.
School, meh, just the icing on the cake. Constant stress about the next assignment/test, no letup, not even on weekends, that's depressing enough in itself.
Actually, you know, right now the best thing in my life are my other friends. The guy friends are great because nothing is ever serious, they tease me about Sara (the girl) being my girlfriend, and life is always positive from the perspective of a group of guys.
And one female friend on MSN is totally awesome, because I talk to her most every night, and almost invariably feel better after talking to her. Partly because she offers a bit of advice on my girl problem and mostly because she's just a really cool person no matter what you talk about. (I HAVE figured out that it's not wise to overload friends with all my problems. Sorry, y'all. :/) She doesn't have a livejournal, though.
I'm seriously considering making that a guideline for possibles in the future: making me feel more positive after talking to her.
Yeah. I'm a bit depressed. :/ But talking always helps.
Advice about the girl part helps too, *hint-hint*
The girl is probably the most confusing part. She's my friend, and has been my friend for a year now. Of that year, I've probably had a crush on her since the beginning of spring semester. Last semester I thought she might've had a crush on me; we did a lot of late night study groups with friends, followed by me going to her apartment and helping eat whatever leftovers she had. Usually dessert-ish stuff.
Looking back on it, I really should've asked her out back then, but I didn't. Hey, I've never asked a girl out, and I was majorly timid then, (still am) and was happy with how things were, so I didn't make a move.
This semester, I've developed a new philosophy, (THE PIRANHA!; happened at work), and would kinda like to ask her out. But it just doesn't seem to work. I kinda suggested getting some ice cream one night last week, and she said it'd be fun, but then I talked to her later that day and she said she had too much homework. She did ask me to come over and help with homework, though, and I did cook a box of mac & cheese that we shared.
I was GOING to ask her out this saturday, but she's going to the homecoming dance on friday with another guy she likes. And to be honest...I'm not even sure she really likes me. Yeah, we've had some good texting conversations, and I've had her cooking and such, but I think she's started a text convo with me once (I keep starting them), and most of the time she doesn't really seem to enjoy talking to me. At least, when we're in a group she mostly talks with the other people. I may be trying to read too much into too little, though.
To be completely honest, I'm not even sure I'm interested in HER. From a completely practical viewpoint, her personality is totally uncompliant with mine, her attitude can sometimes put me off, and I keep saying I'm not really interested in a girlfriend right now. She's also one of those major social butterflies who usually has 3-4 people talking to her at once, too. Completely opposite of me.
Yet I can't help but judge how well my day went by how well we talked/corresponded that day.
So yeah. Overall, that situation is depressing. I don't even know why I want to ask her on a date, except that it'd be nice to have a first date with someone I know, kind of a test run. 'cept I don't know if I'd want it to go further.
My current solution is to cool off for a while. She's several times stated that she's most definitely not interested in guys right now (yet she keeps talking about how cute some of them are, and how she'd totally date them, which makes me wonder...), so I've got time.
Then moving. First I moved to an on-campus apartment instead of a dorm. My own kitchen, which means I need to make my own food. Judging from my current hunger level, it's not working s'good.
But then my dad lost his job (we knew it was coming, just not this soon), so...A move is guaranteed. My dad's a banker; you just don't stay in one place with that kind of job. You have to move to where the job is, and jobs are far between. For sure moving out of the state.
Moves always have depressed me; I'm a major homebody, 'tis true. Moving sucks; it makes me depressed.
School, meh, just the icing on the cake. Constant stress about the next assignment/test, no letup, not even on weekends, that's depressing enough in itself.
Actually, you know, right now the best thing in my life are my other friends. The guy friends are great because nothing is ever serious, they tease me about Sara (the girl) being my girlfriend, and life is always positive from the perspective of a group of guys.
And one female friend on MSN is totally awesome, because I talk to her most every night, and almost invariably feel better after talking to her. Partly because she offers a bit of advice on my girl problem and mostly because she's just a really cool person no matter what you talk about. (I HAVE figured out that it's not wise to overload friends with all my problems. Sorry, y'all. :/) She doesn't have a livejournal, though.
I'm seriously considering making that a guideline for possibles in the future: making me feel more positive after talking to her.
Yeah. I'm a bit depressed. :/ But talking always helps.
Advice about the girl part helps too, *hint-hint*