Space INVADERS & a 2 Letter Word
This arose in conversation tonight and is not aimed anywhere in particular, except maybe at the vast majority of complete strangers I've never met and people I know. Let's shoot from the hip here boys and girls...
Personal space is a concept that appears to be fading into oblivion and I for one am not happy about it. Personal space amongst my friends might as well not exist. In many ways this doesn't bother me. I'm not overly fussed about being felt up by friends provided no is taken as no and they're reasonably gentle about it (hey, I'll pass on bruises thanks). I'm used to it, they know the boundaries and all is well, except when it's not.
The problem as I see it, and I'm not alone it seems, is that some people really don't pay enough attention. They're too busy copping a feel to notice that I, or whomever they're groping, is uncomfortable, uneasy, or simply needing some breathing room.
I'm as guilty as any of getting in people's faces from time to time. I got my head bitten off for doing something along those lines Friday night, though I was acting out of concern and mutual apologies were handed out shortly after. But when someone is trying to disengage or is uncomfortable with my attentions I move away and let them be. No matter how sexy, stunning, cute, loveable or affectionate a person is they have the right to be comfortable. No one needs someone hanging off them all the time, no one likes to be constantly touched or cuddled, or surrounded by people, and no one, and I mean NO ONE, likes someone petting them too frequently. I don't even like my partners to do so, let alone just friends, as it gets uncomfortable.
A general bit of advice, this here is, start paying attention. Not every person is going to say no, fuck off, when they don't want to be touched. Not everyone is assertive enough to do so, but their body language does so very effectively. Our recent outing to Gulag on Friday was a classic example. At least 3 people wanted to be left alone through out the night in various ways. Only one of them got that, and that was through a very direct method of pretty much refusing to be nice to people. Of the others one reamined uncomfortable until they left because people were being oblivious to what was some rather strong visual and verbal queues and the other was me. I can't speak for another, nor will I try so let's lay down my issues with friday night...
I was actually pretty damned good for the most of the night and sort out the companionship of those I was happy to have contact with right up until I left however there reached a point where all the petting and "accidental" playing with my body got too much. Throw into the mix a very strong desire to leave the club alone when I really couldn't and we're in for a bad run. Rather than disintegrate into a feral mess I went with the better option of curling up in the lap of one of the people I was happy to be cuddled by for a little while and letting everyone else know that the touching was not on.
No problems.
You'd think...
Let's get this perfectly straight right now, when I say NO I fucking mean it.
It is not an invitation to try to sneak a grab in.
It is not an invitation to pretend I'm joking.
It is not an invitation to pout and sulk in an attempt to be cute and get your way.
And it most certainly isn't an invitation to have a go at me.
I said no, I did not want to be touched. Why the fuck is this so hard to understand????
No.
2 letters, pretty basic word, been used for many years by your parents... Well? Anyone care to explain where this gets misconstrued? It's not like I was saying it in a laughing manner, or pretending to joke. I was saying it in a tone that very much said what it meant, I know this because I wondered initially if I was being overly hard about it until a few select people decided to be morons about it.
Now I'm reasonably assertive, so if you can't get the message when I'm telling you to back off then I think it's time for a rain check. I'm pretty tired of all this, and repeat offenders are about to start getting some very sharp wake up calls because no matter how much I adore some of the people involved in Friday night's run ins I am sick to death of leaving clubs unhappy, and I'm sick to death of seeing people I like do the same. It's not on.
People need to start acting like the adults they supposedly are.
Other than all this I actually had a really good night. Thanks for making my first night out in ages a good one! :D
Short version: [Rant] Stop invading personal space without consideration for other people's feelings you morons, or I shall be forced to smack you upside the head [/Rant]