anyone even look at this anymore? (long)

[realio]

so im not a very good updater, sorry. things have been he usual, up and down and up and down and all over the place. I wish i could say im coping with things better, but most of the time i am not. Last night was a good example of me sorta fooling myself that everything is ok, and then getting really upset when i realize it isnt. Its hard to fool

Comments

My 2 cents (like you don't hear enough of it already)

[lizziej97]

1.) You and I both know that you weren't planning on waiting around here. You talked of Atlanta, you talked of the west coast, but not ONCE when we were together did you talk of being with me here. When I pointed out that we would seperate when you graduated, you merely said "I'd rather enjoy being with you now then not be together just because we might be apart". *filter on*.

2.) I got an email from your dad today. Its amazing how strong someone can be when the odds are overwhelmingly against them. He's an amazing person and an incredible role model of courage and fortitude. It would do us a some good to take a few pages out of his book. Remember that (as I'm sure you do) when your defeatist attitude starts to come over you.

3.) About you and I. I realize that details aren't always necessary on this thing. But you make it sound like I left you, ran of to Key West with some brainless macho tan sailor, and left you in the dust while screaming "everyone hates you". Maybe you're right, I do tend to remind you that your friends aren't who you think they are. I just get worried about you putting all of your nuts in one basket and then you running back to me about something one of them did when all along I tried to tell you to watch your back. Again, watch your back. And never compare me to any of them. Thats what gets me. Compare me to Nigel, or Gary, when your relationship with them doesn't even scrape the superficial layer of ours.

4.) I believe, that when you have truly loved someone, nothing can ever take it away. It doesn't disappear, it doesn't fade away, and its indestructible. I truly love/loved you. I also believe that you can both love someone with all of your heart and hate them with all of your heart at the same time. Thats how I feel about you. And although love can't be destroyed, the unhappiness that I feel sometimes with you sure can.

5.) Your health is not a laughing matter. You're frail, yellow, and malnourished and its not cute. I don't care how much attention you get because of it. Its fucking scary and ridiculous. Your dad just spent the last twenty months FIGHTING for his life. Clinging on and never giving up. And you're going to fucking starve yourself you selfish brat? Take care of yourself dammit. I don't buy this "I'm not hungry crap". You're starving yourself and your body is acclimating to it. For your edification, its BULL SHIT. You know that I know. So grow up and eat a sandwich. You need to consistently cook and eat for YOURSELF, not for someone else. Its all fun and games until you go into a diabetic coma, or start losing your hair/teeth/skin/etc. I realize that its not easy, but I'm not going to baby you or feel sorry for you on this one. You wouldn't for me.

6.) I love you too much to blow smoke up your ass.

7.) No need to put "eas" anymore. I'm done hiding. eas= Elizabeth Ann Seda

Re: My 2 cents (like you don't hear enough of it already)

[realio]

whoah someone got another lj... ( To those that arent in the loop, this is the legendary Liz herself. when we get along we are amazing :D)

instead of homework, i shall reply i guess.
1. you dont know everything about me babe, and it was always in the back of my head as an option. Me and nigel talked about living in south beach, sticking around a bit. I even talked to john and donny about where they are living next year. These thoughts and what not werent really plans, just an option that i considered, starting around xmas time when i went home and people asked me what i was gonna do with my life and i realized i had to procrastinate less.

2. its a double edged sword, for reasons you dont know.

3. most people on here have no clue about you and me, and im ok with that. My wording on here wasnt intended to give anyone who doesnt know the situation a false idea of it, i promise. Like i mentioned in my post, its harder to deal with stuff when its in my face and im emotionally upset about it. It does hurt when you downplay my relationship with anyone else.

4. I cant agree with the hate part.

5. Rather insulting. And from you id expect less stones being thrown.

6. ty. It is usually appreciated.

7. I wish you wouldnt assume my reasons for typing how i type in my own journal. Its not a hiding thing to me, its something completely different.

its really nice to see you have a journal again,(maybe you will even friend me this time?) and im looking forward to dinner.

odd replying here when im talking to you on aim. lol

Re: My 2 cents (like you don't hear enough of it already)

[lizziej97]

Perhaps you should friend me?

Dinner was fantastic btw. Thanks a bunch.