We Start and End with Family - Chapter 7
Title: We Start and End with Family
Summary: Two years after losing his brother, Dean has settled down and started a new family, but he’s never forgotten the family he left behind and his past has not forgotten him.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Violence, ritual abuse and nudity with children present, but not involved. Distorted uses of biblical quotes/Christian doctrine/ceremony.
Spoilers: Through early Season 6
Word Count: 4,160 for this chapter
Author’s Note: Diverges from canon about two minutes before the end of ‘Swan Song’ (no Sam spying on Dean and Lisa).
Written for spn_reversebang. The beautiful art featured along with this story was illustrated by puguita, whose art prompt and bountiful creativity inspired the story. All her illustrations can be found together at the art master post.
A million worlds of thanks to the truly awesome agent_jl36 and ebony_quill for their scene edits and the tremendously kind durtydeefla82 for taking the time to do a read through and edits for the whole shebang on extremely short notice.
The story master post can be found here.
~~~
Continued from Chapter 6
Taking Dean’s second phone call of the night had damn near killed Bobby. It had been disjointed and hard to make out, every other word nearly ending in a choked sob. The boy had been an emotional basket case before the attack. He wasn’t up to dealing with anything like this. Despite the clipped sentences the main points had still come through loud and clear.
Yet no amount of preparing could make Bobby ready for the sight of the boy standing on his doorstep. Dean vacantly stared at the dirt beneath his feet. Blood smeared his face and his averted eyes were red and sad enough to tell the tale. His shoulders were slumped but his fingers gripped a shotgun like his life depended on it. No, like his family’s did.
On Dean’s back little Mary sat in her carrier looking confounded as she played with Mr. Stitches. She’d never been over here without that bear. Hell, Bobby had been part of the emergency surgery to stitch the bear up with dental floss after a run in with some torn up sheet metal. It was hard to think that happy family was the same fractured one standing silently in front of him now.
Bobby barely recognized Ben. The kid was usually smiling with all the strength and confidence of his daddy. Now he was emulating Dean’s despair. Ben hung back, but by the looks he kept shooting over to Sam, Bobby was pretty sure Dean had told the kid to stay to the side.
It was déjà vu enough to make Bobby hate the world all over again. Nearly thirty years ago John Winchester had showed up at his door with a sullen little boy and an oblivious, beautiful baby that should’ve had the whole world ahead of them.
Like an idiot, Bobby had told John that at least he’d hit rock bottom, wasn’t nowhere to go but up. Damn it if hadn’t been nothing but downhill since then. Bobby would have literally given anything for Dean to not have to walk the same path John had, but here the boy was.
Finally Bobby took in Sam with a wary gaze. Sam clutched a pistol in his hand with his eyes locked disapprovingly on his brother. Bobby didn’t know what to think, but he knew one thing for damn sure. Right now Dean was the most exposed he’d ever been and Bobby wasn’t about to let anything take advantage of that.
Bobby gave a nod to Dean, his eyes full of apologies he couldn’t trust himself to say. As Bobby stepped out of the way Dean pulled his son to his side, ruffled the kid’s hair and didn’t once take his eyes off Sam as he had Ben enter the house in front of him.
From the doorway Bobby watched Dean and his kids head for the kitchen. He made sure they were well out of earshot before his eyes focused in on Sam.
More than anything, he wanted this to be Sam standing in front of him - for Sam, for Dean, for the whole damn world, but it just wasn’t possible. Dean had scoured every last inch of this planet looking for a way, had made Bobby do the same. They’d read everything and asked everyone. There just wasn’t any way that wasn’t begging for an apocalypse.
“If you even think of playing that boy,” Bobby said with a motion towards Dean, “I’ll make hell feel like a damn picnic.”
“Good to see you too Bobby,” Sam said. “Dean already gave me the spiel. I’m sorry to disappoint you guys, but it’s me. I don’t know how, but it’s really me.”
“We’ll just see about that now won’t we?”
Sam followed Bobby’s eyes towards the ceiling and quirked a brow at the devil’s trap painted there. With a bored sigh, Sam stepped forward out of the circle. Bobby went on to do the whole drill plus a few extra and Sam didn’t so much as flinch at a one of it which either meant it was actually Sam or something a hell of a lot worse than they’d yet tangoed with.
“Sam?” Bobby couldn’t do much but stare in disbelief as he tried to get his head on straight. “How the...”
“I told you, Bobby, I don’t know.”
The boy didn’t sound like he much cared either. Bobby supposed there was no need to be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so long as it wasn’t really a Trojan horse in disguise.
“Well, it’s good to have you back, son.” Bobby lifted his cap to scratch his head. “I guess I need to be talking to your brother.”
Bobby stood in the kitchen doorway and watched Dean struggle to talk to Ben like everything was okay. By the look on Ben’s face, the kid wasn’t buying a word of it, but he was playing the same stoic card that Dean always had. When Dean turned to see him, Bobby gave him a nod.
Momentarily Dean stopped mixing up Mary’s formula and turned his full attention to Ben. “How about you get settled upstairs and uh...I’ll be up in a little bit, okay?”
“Sure,” Ben replied. The boy looked uneasy as he peeked out of the kitchen towards Sam and then back to his dad. “You sure you’ll be okay alone?”
While Dean’s mouth opened, nothing came out. He was obviously struggling like hell just to keep it together. Bobby stepped in with a hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“He ain’t gonna be alone,” Bobby promised. “I’m gonna keep a real close eye on him. Now you get on upstairs and get some fresh blankets in your little sister’s crib.”
“Okay.”
Ben’s eyes went once more to Dean who tried to crack a smile. With a little effort, Ben returned one that was equally sad before turning and heading up the stairs. Dean leaned to watch Ben go, keeping an eye to make sure Sam didn’t follow.
“He’s really your brother, Dean.”
The words brought a storm of emotions to Dean’s face. It was what Dean had wanted, what he’d been killing himself trying to get, but Bobby could see that Dean couldn’t believe it anymore than he could.
“Angels? Why now?” Dean asked. “Why is all this happening now?”
“I wish I could tell you.”
Dean turned his attention back to the formula, nearly knocking the container over with his shaking hands. “Damn it!”
“I got this,” Bobby said as he shooed Dean away.
The boy looked like he was going to argue but was too tired to do it. Dean walked a few steps away before leaning back against the counter. His eyes looked up past the ceiling as he took in several deep breaths. Carefully he readjusted Mary’s weight in his arms. He clutched her tightly to his chest and placed a soft kiss on her head before burying his cheek against her hair.
Bobby put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “Who the hell am I kidding, Bobby?” Dean’s desperate eyes pleaded to him. “If Lisa’s gone...I can’t do this.”
“Don’t you even think it. I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told your daddy. It’s family first and we’ll figure out the rest.”
Swaying Mary in his arms, Dean walked away. “Yeah, because my dad did such a bang up job.”
“Your stubborn ass father never listened to me. You’re not him, Dean.”
“I know. He was twice the man I’ll ever be and he still couldn’t swing it.”
“Boy, you’ve got the thickest damn skull of anyone I’ve ever met!” Bobby declared as he slammed the pot on the stove.
Dean startled and turned back to Bobby with a question in his hurt eyes. The tears were so close to falling that Bobby could barely stand to look at him without losing it himself.
“There ain’t no one, and I mean no one, who’d give half of what you’ve given in the name of family,” Bobby explained. “John loved you boys, he really did, but he was the hunt.”
Suddenly Dean looked real interested in the grungy tiles of the kitchen floor. “I told Ben everything my dad told me, Bobby. Now go ahead and tell me how much better of a father I am.”
“Did you beat it into his head? Did you make him responsible for his family while you drowned yourself in self-pity or did you tell him what he needed to know in case something happened to you?” Bobby glared daggers into Dean who didn’t so much as peep a word of contradiction. “That’s what I thought.”
The kitchen fell into silence aside from Mary’s soft mutterings. When Dean raised his head a tear track was trying to cut through the smear of blood over his face. “If I hadn’t been chasing a dead demon Lisa would still be alive.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes. “Did you see a body?”
“What?” Dean’s face wrinkled in confusion. When he spoke Bobby could barely make out the words. “I saw her die, Bobby.”
“You saw her get attacked. Were you lying when you said there was no body?”
“No, but, Sam...”
“Sam might be your brother, but he ain’t right. He don’t know what’s going on and until you’re holding her body in your arms there’s still a chance. Don’t you go giving up. Your kids need you. Now give me my grandchild and hit the shower.”
Instead of handing his daughter over, Dean wrapped his arms more fully around her. “If there’s a chance Lisa’s out there, I’m not gonna go have private time with Mr. Bubbles.”
“Dean, how’d you feel stitching up your dad?” Dean blinked at the question, his jaw clenching. “Ben doesn’t need to be seeing his daddy caked in blood. You can tell him you’re fine all you want, but you look like you got run over by a Mac truck.”
Reluctantly Dean unfolded his arms from Mary and transferred her to Bobby. She giggled as she leaned against Bobby’s flannel, reaching up to play with his beard. She was one of the prettiest little blonds he’d ever laid eyes on. Here she was a bright bundle of possibilities, just like the broken young man standing in front of him had once been. He wasn’t going to watch the next generation of Winchesters be as damned as the last two.
“We’re gonna figure this out,” Bobby promised Dean. “Just go take a couple minutes to get yourself together first. You know I got the kids until then.”
~~~
It wasn’t that Dean didn’t trust Bobby with his kids. Bobby was the only one outside of Lisa he’d ever even consider leaving them with. It was just that having his kids out of his sight right now was more than Dean could take. Somehow, seeing his brother hurt nearly as bad.
Sam being back, it was supposed to fix everything. In his mind Dean had always held onto the thought that if only he could get Sam back then the world would be all with the sunshine and puppies. That moment was here and he was just confused and bordering on sick. He wasn’t sure what of his emotions were about Sam and what was about Lisa.
His brother sat on the worn, stained cushions of Bobby’s couch with his hands folded, elbows resting on his knees. Physically it was Sam, but on another level Dean didn’t even recognize the guy. There was a hardness and detachment there that was the opposite of how Dean thought of his brother.
“How long?” Dean finally asked. Sam looked up and raised a questioning brow. “How long was it for you in the cage?”
Sam shrugged. “Not long.”
As he stepped closer Dean nailed Sam with a skeptical glare. “So time down there...?”
“Same as hell I guess.”
“It would’ve been over two hundred years, Sam. You telling me that ain’t long in hell? Save it for someone who hasn’t been there.”
Sam had another thing coming if he thought he was getting away with playing the a-okay card. In full Technicolor detail Dean knew first hand what demons did to the soul that sent them back to the pit. They’d surely broken out the good china for the one that had sent Lucifer packing.
“I’ve been back for almost two years, Dean.”
For a long moment Dean just stared at Sam, his face a mask of disbelief. Obviously he’d hit his head harder than he’d thought or the gunshots had damaged his hearing. “Excuse you?”
“Whatever pulled me out, it did it pretty damn fast.”
It might as well have been a sucker punch straight to his bruised ribs. “Where’ve you been, freakin’ Antarctica?”
With his expression remaining unreadable, Sam met Dean’s eyes. “I’ve been on the road. Hunting.”
Dean had to grab a seat before his legs collapsed from beneath him. He rubbed his hands over his swimming head. Over a dozen times he’d considered risking the entire world to free Sam and that whole time his brother had just been going around like it was business as usual.
“Alone? Did your phone card expire?”
While his eyes were still neutral, Sam sat a little straighter on the couch. “I tried to call. You changed your number.”
“Last month, Sam. I let the old cell phone number go two weeks ago. We’re talking about two years. You get out of hell you call your damn brother!” Sam was unfazed and Dean was within inches of strangling him until another thought hit him. “Was this your way of finally getting rid of me?”
Dean wanted the words to sound spiteful. He wanted to look angry. By the pitiful look Sam was sending him he knew he only sounded as uselessly pathetic as he was.
“Finally getting you out of hunting. You got a family, Dean, a real family. It’s what you wanted.”
“You got no right to tell me what I wanted!” Dean shot back. He jumped out of the chair to pace in front of Sam. “If you’d come, Lisa would still be alive, Ben would still have a mom and Mary would’ve never been...”
Knowing full well that he shouldn’t have brought that girl into this world didn’t stop Dean from chocking on the words. She, Ben and Lisa had become his world and he wasn’t all that interested in living in a world that didn’t have them in it.
“I’ve seen you with Mary.” Sam’s tone was so calm Dean again wanted to smack him. “You love that baby more than anything.”
“Damn straight. That’s why I’d rather she’d never been born than been born a Winchester. She’s not even six months old and they’re already after her, Sam! I couldn’t save you; I can’t save her.”
By the look on Sam’s face Dean might as well have been speaking Swahili. “Dean, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m alive.”
“Surviving isn’t enough. I’m not gonna let them be us all over again.”
“And that’s why you ain’t never gonna make the same mistakes your daddy did,” Bobby said.
Dean turned quickly to see Bobby standing in the doorway with Mary rested sleepily against him and Ben stood at his side. Bobby’s hand was on Ben’s shoulder and he gave it a squeeze. “You’re a damn lucky kid to have that man for your father.”
“Bobby...”
“I don’t wanna hear nothing out of you. You’re supposed to be in the shower. You got a fresh set of clothes waiting for you on the bed, now git. Your brother needs some time with his niece and nephew.”
His brother. Sam was back. Lisa was gone. Mary and Ben were practically orphans. It was too much to process. Standing lightheaded in the living room, Dean hung in the space between too numb to feel and so flooded with emotion that it hurt just to exist.
“Yeah,” he muttered before quickly turning away.
Upstairs Dean grabbed the clothes from the bed and headed straight into the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he tossed the clothes onto the counter. He hesitated before turning on the sink and splashing cold water over his face. With more force than needed he scrubbed the blood from his cheeks and brow. He patted his face dry before settling on the edge of the tub. The toilet would’ve been more comfortable, but even he couldn’t summon a prayer on the john.
His eyes shifted up to the ceiling. He hadn’t heard from Castiel since the angel had renewed his full out dick of the Lord status. Even if no one would listen to his prayers for Sam, maybe they’d at least listen about innocent kids and their mom.
“Castiel?” His tone wavered, the words barely a whisper. “I need you, man. Lisa, she’s gone and Sam...I’m gonna lose them all. I just need something, anything. Cas, please.”
Dean didn’t know how long he’d sat waiting on the edge of the tub, but it was long enough for his ass to start going numb. He didn’t know why he bothered. Typical dick.
“You son of a bitch, I’m drowning here!” Dean hissed. “You can’t take two goddamn seconds out of your kiss ass cloud hopping to send me a raft?” He swiped at his cheeks. Blaming Castiel would be easy, but it wasn’t fair. Dean had managed to screw this up all on his own. “I’m sorry. I just need to know if she’s alive.” His eyes fell closed. “Please let her be alive.”
It wasn’t like the butt load of silence he got in reply surprised him. “Forget it. I’ll figure something out.”
Grunting as he stood, Dean tried to work some of the feeling back into his thighs. He started to shrug off his over shirt when the phone in his pocket rang. After a quick glance to the number he didn’t recognize he shove the phone against his ear.
“Cas?”
“Winchester.”
Unless Cas had dumped his Jimmy suit that voice sure as hell didn’t belong to his angel. “Who is this?”
“Father Reed of St. Peter’s Church.”
“Look, padre, if this is about my donation...”
“It’s about your wife.”
His body went rigid. He was afraid to ask in case he had heard the man wrong. At the same time he knew he hadn’t. There was a chill in the man’s tone. This wasn’t a Good Samaritan call.
“You better pray she’s alive you sick bastard.”
Father Reed’s voice remained monotone. “She’s being cared for, but her stitches can be removed far easier than they were applied.”
Dean’s grip on the phone was almost hard enough to crush it. “What do you want?”
“Does it matter? Whatever it is, you’ll give it.” The man’s voice was distant like he was holding the phone away from himself. “Speak to him.”
“Dean?” The voice was weak, but it was unquestionably Lisa’s. Her next words were spoken so quickly he could barely make them out. “Don’t you even think about...”
In the next moment it was again Father Reed talking. “Come to your neighborhood St. Peter’s Church prepared to surrender yourself to God’s will.”
The man hung up before Dean could pull together a reply. Tentative relief hit him so fast it left him paralyzed. He stood frozen with the phone still to his ear. There was a hundred ways for him to screw this up, but it wasn’t over. Lisa was still alive.
“Your life raft sucks ass,” he muttered, glaring up at the ceiling. “But thanks.”
Leaving the bathroom, Dean jogged down the stairs. He froze at the base of the steps. In Bobby’s cluttered living room his brother sat on one end of the couch awkwardly holding Mary in his arms, staring into her eyes with the awe she deserved. Ben sat between Sam and Bobby almost smiling. For the first time Sam almost looked okay. They all did.
Even if he didn’t come back, they’d be all right. Lisa was the one the kids needed and Bobby and Sam, they could protect her. Worse case scenario, even with Lisa gone Bobby would be twice the parent Dean could ever be.
“Awfully dry hair for a shower,” Bobby said.
Dean stood for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights before pushing himself forward. Seeing him, Sam again stiffened. Dean tried not to notice.
“Just talked to Cas, we got a plan.”
“For what?” Bobby asked.
“To save Lisa.” Dean looked up from the floor to meet Bobby’s eyes. “She’s alive, Bobby.”
Bobby shoved off the couch and pulled Dean into his arms. Trying not to let his desperation show, Dean clutched Bobby back, burying his head against his shoulder. It was the closest thing to goodbye he was going to get to say.
Pulling back, Bobby clutched Dean’s shoulders. “You gonna start listening to me now?”
“Probably not.”
With a chuckle, Bobby’s hand came up to touch Dean’s cheek. “You okay, son?”
Dean’s eyes flicked past Bobby to his brother and kids. “Yeah.”
“So what do we need to do?” Sam asked.
“I’m meeting Cas there, but it’s gotta be just me.”
Dean walked over to Sam and held his arms out to take Mary. His throat tightened as her joyful eyes found his. He tried to force a smile to match hers and tried just as hard to keep his breath steady when his hand brushed against Sam’s as they made the transfer.
“You be a good girl for, daddy, okay?” he whispered to Mary. When he spoke to the others he didn’t dare look up. “So can you guys handle the kids?”
Sam shot him a look. “You’re going after these people alone while we baby sit?”
“Dude, I’m not going alone. Cas will be there.”
Part of Dean believed that just because he had to. With Sam the likelihood of getting Lisa out alive was non-existent. If he went alone it was one step up from not a chance. His only option was to pray that Castiel was planning on sending more than a phone call.
Choosing his words carefully, Dean looked between Sam and Bobby. “So what do we actually know about these guys?”
“Nothing good,” Bobby said. “We know they want a restart on the apocalypse and we’re pretty damn sure they got the book that’ll give them the closest chance at it.”
“How sure are we about this book?”
“You said it was in your truck, right?” Bobby asked. “Well, Rufus, he went over to take care of the bodies and he checked the truck. It wasn’t there.”
“Yeah, but I mean the ritual. Are we talking about fruit loops with delusions of grandeur or are we really talking Apocalypse Now Redux?”
Sam stood and walked closer. Quickly Dean shifted his eyes away from Sam’s penetrating look. “What did Castiel say?"
“He wasn’t in a real chatty mood,” Dean replied. “You know angels. I just wanna know if we need smite first and ask questions later.”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
Bobby nodded in agreement. “It’d be my vote too. This thing was scribed by demons. We know it can crack into hell. We just don’t know how far.” Dean hugged his baby one last time before laying her into Bobby’s arms. “Dean...”
“Yeah, Bobby?”
“You be careful. These kids need you as much as they need their mom.”
“I know.” Dean had gotten damn good at lying. After a careful breath he looked to his brother. “Sam, I’m glad you’re back. Even if you didn’t want me to know.”
“It wasn’t like that, Dean.”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever. Seriously, it doesn’t matter.” His eyes went to the only person in the room that was giving him the evil eye. “Ben, I need to talk to you upstairs.”
Ben hopped off the couch and followed after him. “What’s really going on?” Ben asked when they were alone in the bedroom. “Cas is the angel, right?”
“That’s right.” Dean kneeled down so that he was at eye level with Ben. “I haven’t heard from him.”
For a long moment Ben just stared at him. “But you said...”
“I lied, Ben, and I need you to do the same unless Cas shows up and then you have to tell him to meet me at the St. Peter’s Church, you got it?”
“Yeah, but what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to get Mom back. Ben, no matter what it takes, I’m gonna bring your mom home.”
“What about my dad?”
Dean faltered. It took him a minute to figure out who Ben was even talking about. Of course the kid was his son, but Ben had never referred to him as anything other than his name. Without having words, Dean pulled Ben into his arms.
“I’ll take care of Mary,” Ben said into his ear, “but Dad, I want you to come back too.”
Continued to Chapter 8
Summary: Two years after losing his brother, Dean has settled down and started a new family, but he’s never forgotten the family he left behind and his past has not forgotten him.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Violence, ritual abuse and nudity with children present, but not involved. Distorted uses of biblical quotes/Christian doctrine/ceremony.
Spoilers: Through early Season 6
Word Count: 4,160 for this chapter
Author’s Note: Diverges from canon about two minutes before the end of ‘Swan Song’ (no Sam spying on Dean and Lisa).
Written for spn_reversebang. The beautiful art featured along with this story was illustrated by puguita, whose art prompt and bountiful creativity inspired the story. All her illustrations can be found together at the art master post.
A million worlds of thanks to the truly awesome agent_jl36 and ebony_quill for their scene edits and the tremendously kind durtydeefla82 for taking the time to do a read through and edits for the whole shebang on extremely short notice.
The story master post can be found here.
~~~
Continued from Chapter 6
Taking Dean’s second phone call of the night had damn near killed Bobby. It had been disjointed and hard to make out, every other word nearly ending in a choked sob. The boy had been an emotional basket case before the attack. He wasn’t up to dealing with anything like this. Despite the clipped sentences the main points had still come through loud and clear.
Yet no amount of preparing could make Bobby ready for the sight of the boy standing on his doorstep. Dean vacantly stared at the dirt beneath his feet. Blood smeared his face and his averted eyes were red and sad enough to tell the tale. His shoulders were slumped but his fingers gripped a shotgun like his life depended on it. No, like his family’s did.
On Dean’s back little Mary sat in her carrier looking confounded as she played with Mr. Stitches. She’d never been over here without that bear. Hell, Bobby had been part of the emergency surgery to stitch the bear up with dental floss after a run in with some torn up sheet metal. It was hard to think that happy family was the same fractured one standing silently in front of him now.
Bobby barely recognized Ben. The kid was usually smiling with all the strength and confidence of his daddy. Now he was emulating Dean’s despair. Ben hung back, but by the looks he kept shooting over to Sam, Bobby was pretty sure Dean had told the kid to stay to the side.
It was déjà vu enough to make Bobby hate the world all over again. Nearly thirty years ago John Winchester had showed up at his door with a sullen little boy and an oblivious, beautiful baby that should’ve had the whole world ahead of them.
Like an idiot, Bobby had told John that at least he’d hit rock bottom, wasn’t nowhere to go but up. Damn it if hadn’t been nothing but downhill since then. Bobby would have literally given anything for Dean to not have to walk the same path John had, but here the boy was.
Finally Bobby took in Sam with a wary gaze. Sam clutched a pistol in his hand with his eyes locked disapprovingly on his brother. Bobby didn’t know what to think, but he knew one thing for damn sure. Right now Dean was the most exposed he’d ever been and Bobby wasn’t about to let anything take advantage of that.
Bobby gave a nod to Dean, his eyes full of apologies he couldn’t trust himself to say. As Bobby stepped out of the way Dean pulled his son to his side, ruffled the kid’s hair and didn’t once take his eyes off Sam as he had Ben enter the house in front of him.
From the doorway Bobby watched Dean and his kids head for the kitchen. He made sure they were well out of earshot before his eyes focused in on Sam.
More than anything, he wanted this to be Sam standing in front of him - for Sam, for Dean, for the whole damn world, but it just wasn’t possible. Dean had scoured every last inch of this planet looking for a way, had made Bobby do the same. They’d read everything and asked everyone. There just wasn’t any way that wasn’t begging for an apocalypse.
“If you even think of playing that boy,” Bobby said with a motion towards Dean, “I’ll make hell feel like a damn picnic.”
“Good to see you too Bobby,” Sam said. “Dean already gave me the spiel. I’m sorry to disappoint you guys, but it’s me. I don’t know how, but it’s really me.”
“We’ll just see about that now won’t we?”
Sam followed Bobby’s eyes towards the ceiling and quirked a brow at the devil’s trap painted there. With a bored sigh, Sam stepped forward out of the circle. Bobby went on to do the whole drill plus a few extra and Sam didn’t so much as flinch at a one of it which either meant it was actually Sam or something a hell of a lot worse than they’d yet tangoed with.
“Sam?” Bobby couldn’t do much but stare in disbelief as he tried to get his head on straight. “How the...”
“I told you, Bobby, I don’t know.”
The boy didn’t sound like he much cared either. Bobby supposed there was no need to be looking a gift horse in the mouth, so long as it wasn’t really a Trojan horse in disguise.
“Well, it’s good to have you back, son.” Bobby lifted his cap to scratch his head. “I guess I need to be talking to your brother.”
Bobby stood in the kitchen doorway and watched Dean struggle to talk to Ben like everything was okay. By the look on Ben’s face, the kid wasn’t buying a word of it, but he was playing the same stoic card that Dean always had. When Dean turned to see him, Bobby gave him a nod.
Momentarily Dean stopped mixing up Mary’s formula and turned his full attention to Ben. “How about you get settled upstairs and uh...I’ll be up in a little bit, okay?”
“Sure,” Ben replied. The boy looked uneasy as he peeked out of the kitchen towards Sam and then back to his dad. “You sure you’ll be okay alone?”
While Dean’s mouth opened, nothing came out. He was obviously struggling like hell just to keep it together. Bobby stepped in with a hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“He ain’t gonna be alone,” Bobby promised. “I’m gonna keep a real close eye on him. Now you get on upstairs and get some fresh blankets in your little sister’s crib.”
“Okay.”
Ben’s eyes went once more to Dean who tried to crack a smile. With a little effort, Ben returned one that was equally sad before turning and heading up the stairs. Dean leaned to watch Ben go, keeping an eye to make sure Sam didn’t follow.
“He’s really your brother, Dean.”
The words brought a storm of emotions to Dean’s face. It was what Dean had wanted, what he’d been killing himself trying to get, but Bobby could see that Dean couldn’t believe it anymore than he could.
“Angels? Why now?” Dean asked. “Why is all this happening now?”
“I wish I could tell you.”
Dean turned his attention back to the formula, nearly knocking the container over with his shaking hands. “Damn it!”
“I got this,” Bobby said as he shooed Dean away.
The boy looked like he was going to argue but was too tired to do it. Dean walked a few steps away before leaning back against the counter. His eyes looked up past the ceiling as he took in several deep breaths. Carefully he readjusted Mary’s weight in his arms. He clutched her tightly to his chest and placed a soft kiss on her head before burying his cheek against her hair.
Bobby put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “Who the hell am I kidding, Bobby?” Dean’s desperate eyes pleaded to him. “If Lisa’s gone...I can’t do this.”
“Don’t you even think it. I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told your daddy. It’s family first and we’ll figure out the rest.”
Swaying Mary in his arms, Dean walked away. “Yeah, because my dad did such a bang up job.”
“Your stubborn ass father never listened to me. You’re not him, Dean.”
“I know. He was twice the man I’ll ever be and he still couldn’t swing it.”
“Boy, you’ve got the thickest damn skull of anyone I’ve ever met!” Bobby declared as he slammed the pot on the stove.
Dean startled and turned back to Bobby with a question in his hurt eyes. The tears were so close to falling that Bobby could barely stand to look at him without losing it himself.
“There ain’t no one, and I mean no one, who’d give half of what you’ve given in the name of family,” Bobby explained. “John loved you boys, he really did, but he was the hunt.”
Suddenly Dean looked real interested in the grungy tiles of the kitchen floor. “I told Ben everything my dad told me, Bobby. Now go ahead and tell me how much better of a father I am.”
“Did you beat it into his head? Did you make him responsible for his family while you drowned yourself in self-pity or did you tell him what he needed to know in case something happened to you?” Bobby glared daggers into Dean who didn’t so much as peep a word of contradiction. “That’s what I thought.”
The kitchen fell into silence aside from Mary’s soft mutterings. When Dean raised his head a tear track was trying to cut through the smear of blood over his face. “If I hadn’t been chasing a dead demon Lisa would still be alive.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes. “Did you see a body?”
“What?” Dean’s face wrinkled in confusion. When he spoke Bobby could barely make out the words. “I saw her die, Bobby.”
“You saw her get attacked. Were you lying when you said there was no body?”
“No, but, Sam...”
“Sam might be your brother, but he ain’t right. He don’t know what’s going on and until you’re holding her body in your arms there’s still a chance. Don’t you go giving up. Your kids need you. Now give me my grandchild and hit the shower.”
Instead of handing his daughter over, Dean wrapped his arms more fully around her. “If there’s a chance Lisa’s out there, I’m not gonna go have private time with Mr. Bubbles.”
“Dean, how’d you feel stitching up your dad?” Dean blinked at the question, his jaw clenching. “Ben doesn’t need to be seeing his daddy caked in blood. You can tell him you’re fine all you want, but you look like you got run over by a Mac truck.”
Reluctantly Dean unfolded his arms from Mary and transferred her to Bobby. She giggled as she leaned against Bobby’s flannel, reaching up to play with his beard. She was one of the prettiest little blonds he’d ever laid eyes on. Here she was a bright bundle of possibilities, just like the broken young man standing in front of him had once been. He wasn’t going to watch the next generation of Winchesters be as damned as the last two.
“We’re gonna figure this out,” Bobby promised Dean. “Just go take a couple minutes to get yourself together first. You know I got the kids until then.”
~~~
It wasn’t that Dean didn’t trust Bobby with his kids. Bobby was the only one outside of Lisa he’d ever even consider leaving them with. It was just that having his kids out of his sight right now was more than Dean could take. Somehow, seeing his brother hurt nearly as bad.
Sam being back, it was supposed to fix everything. In his mind Dean had always held onto the thought that if only he could get Sam back then the world would be all with the sunshine and puppies. That moment was here and he was just confused and bordering on sick. He wasn’t sure what of his emotions were about Sam and what was about Lisa.
His brother sat on the worn, stained cushions of Bobby’s couch with his hands folded, elbows resting on his knees. Physically it was Sam, but on another level Dean didn’t even recognize the guy. There was a hardness and detachment there that was the opposite of how Dean thought of his brother.
“How long?” Dean finally asked. Sam looked up and raised a questioning brow. “How long was it for you in the cage?”
Sam shrugged. “Not long.”
As he stepped closer Dean nailed Sam with a skeptical glare. “So time down there...?”
“Same as hell I guess.”
“It would’ve been over two hundred years, Sam. You telling me that ain’t long in hell? Save it for someone who hasn’t been there.”
Sam had another thing coming if he thought he was getting away with playing the a-okay card. In full Technicolor detail Dean knew first hand what demons did to the soul that sent them back to the pit. They’d surely broken out the good china for the one that had sent Lucifer packing.
“I’ve been back for almost two years, Dean.”
For a long moment Dean just stared at Sam, his face a mask of disbelief. Obviously he’d hit his head harder than he’d thought or the gunshots had damaged his hearing. “Excuse you?”
“Whatever pulled me out, it did it pretty damn fast.”
It might as well have been a sucker punch straight to his bruised ribs. “Where’ve you been, freakin’ Antarctica?”
With his expression remaining unreadable, Sam met Dean’s eyes. “I’ve been on the road. Hunting.”
Dean had to grab a seat before his legs collapsed from beneath him. He rubbed his hands over his swimming head. Over a dozen times he’d considered risking the entire world to free Sam and that whole time his brother had just been going around like it was business as usual.
“Alone? Did your phone card expire?”
While his eyes were still neutral, Sam sat a little straighter on the couch. “I tried to call. You changed your number.”
“Last month, Sam. I let the old cell phone number go two weeks ago. We’re talking about two years. You get out of hell you call your damn brother!” Sam was unfazed and Dean was within inches of strangling him until another thought hit him. “Was this your way of finally getting rid of me?”
Dean wanted the words to sound spiteful. He wanted to look angry. By the pitiful look Sam was sending him he knew he only sounded as uselessly pathetic as he was.
“Finally getting you out of hunting. You got a family, Dean, a real family. It’s what you wanted.”
“You got no right to tell me what I wanted!” Dean shot back. He jumped out of the chair to pace in front of Sam. “If you’d come, Lisa would still be alive, Ben would still have a mom and Mary would’ve never been...”
Knowing full well that he shouldn’t have brought that girl into this world didn’t stop Dean from chocking on the words. She, Ben and Lisa had become his world and he wasn’t all that interested in living in a world that didn’t have them in it.
“I’ve seen you with Mary.” Sam’s tone was so calm Dean again wanted to smack him. “You love that baby more than anything.”
“Damn straight. That’s why I’d rather she’d never been born than been born a Winchester. She’s not even six months old and they’re already after her, Sam! I couldn’t save you; I can’t save her.”
By the look on Sam’s face Dean might as well have been speaking Swahili. “Dean, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m alive.”
“Surviving isn’t enough. I’m not gonna let them be us all over again.”
“And that’s why you ain’t never gonna make the same mistakes your daddy did,” Bobby said.
Dean turned quickly to see Bobby standing in the doorway with Mary rested sleepily against him and Ben stood at his side. Bobby’s hand was on Ben’s shoulder and he gave it a squeeze. “You’re a damn lucky kid to have that man for your father.”
“Bobby...”
“I don’t wanna hear nothing out of you. You’re supposed to be in the shower. You got a fresh set of clothes waiting for you on the bed, now git. Your brother needs some time with his niece and nephew.”
His brother. Sam was back. Lisa was gone. Mary and Ben were practically orphans. It was too much to process. Standing lightheaded in the living room, Dean hung in the space between too numb to feel and so flooded with emotion that it hurt just to exist.
“Yeah,” he muttered before quickly turning away.
Upstairs Dean grabbed the clothes from the bed and headed straight into the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he tossed the clothes onto the counter. He hesitated before turning on the sink and splashing cold water over his face. With more force than needed he scrubbed the blood from his cheeks and brow. He patted his face dry before settling on the edge of the tub. The toilet would’ve been more comfortable, but even he couldn’t summon a prayer on the john.
His eyes shifted up to the ceiling. He hadn’t heard from Castiel since the angel had renewed his full out dick of the Lord status. Even if no one would listen to his prayers for Sam, maybe they’d at least listen about innocent kids and their mom.
“Castiel?” His tone wavered, the words barely a whisper. “I need you, man. Lisa, she’s gone and Sam...I’m gonna lose them all. I just need something, anything. Cas, please.”
Dean didn’t know how long he’d sat waiting on the edge of the tub, but it was long enough for his ass to start going numb. He didn’t know why he bothered. Typical dick.
“You son of a bitch, I’m drowning here!” Dean hissed. “You can’t take two goddamn seconds out of your kiss ass cloud hopping to send me a raft?” He swiped at his cheeks. Blaming Castiel would be easy, but it wasn’t fair. Dean had managed to screw this up all on his own. “I’m sorry. I just need to know if she’s alive.” His eyes fell closed. “Please let her be alive.”
It wasn’t like the butt load of silence he got in reply surprised him. “Forget it. I’ll figure something out.”
Grunting as he stood, Dean tried to work some of the feeling back into his thighs. He started to shrug off his over shirt when the phone in his pocket rang. After a quick glance to the number he didn’t recognize he shove the phone against his ear.
“Cas?”
“Winchester.”
Unless Cas had dumped his Jimmy suit that voice sure as hell didn’t belong to his angel. “Who is this?”
“Father Reed of St. Peter’s Church.”
“Look, padre, if this is about my donation...”
“It’s about your wife.”
His body went rigid. He was afraid to ask in case he had heard the man wrong. At the same time he knew he hadn’t. There was a chill in the man’s tone. This wasn’t a Good Samaritan call.
“You better pray she’s alive you sick bastard.”
Father Reed’s voice remained monotone. “She’s being cared for, but her stitches can be removed far easier than they were applied.”
Dean’s grip on the phone was almost hard enough to crush it. “What do you want?”
“Does it matter? Whatever it is, you’ll give it.” The man’s voice was distant like he was holding the phone away from himself. “Speak to him.”
“Dean?” The voice was weak, but it was unquestionably Lisa’s. Her next words were spoken so quickly he could barely make them out. “Don’t you even think about...”
In the next moment it was again Father Reed talking. “Come to your neighborhood St. Peter’s Church prepared to surrender yourself to God’s will.”
The man hung up before Dean could pull together a reply. Tentative relief hit him so fast it left him paralyzed. He stood frozen with the phone still to his ear. There was a hundred ways for him to screw this up, but it wasn’t over. Lisa was still alive.
“Your life raft sucks ass,” he muttered, glaring up at the ceiling. “But thanks.”
Leaving the bathroom, Dean jogged down the stairs. He froze at the base of the steps. In Bobby’s cluttered living room his brother sat on one end of the couch awkwardly holding Mary in his arms, staring into her eyes with the awe she deserved. Ben sat between Sam and Bobby almost smiling. For the first time Sam almost looked okay. They all did.
Even if he didn’t come back, they’d be all right. Lisa was the one the kids needed and Bobby and Sam, they could protect her. Worse case scenario, even with Lisa gone Bobby would be twice the parent Dean could ever be.
“Awfully dry hair for a shower,” Bobby said.
Dean stood for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights before pushing himself forward. Seeing him, Sam again stiffened. Dean tried not to notice.
“Just talked to Cas, we got a plan.”
“For what?” Bobby asked.
“To save Lisa.” Dean looked up from the floor to meet Bobby’s eyes. “She’s alive, Bobby.”
Bobby shoved off the couch and pulled Dean into his arms. Trying not to let his desperation show, Dean clutched Bobby back, burying his head against his shoulder. It was the closest thing to goodbye he was going to get to say.
Pulling back, Bobby clutched Dean’s shoulders. “You gonna start listening to me now?”
“Probably not.”
With a chuckle, Bobby’s hand came up to touch Dean’s cheek. “You okay, son?”
Dean’s eyes flicked past Bobby to his brother and kids. “Yeah.”
“So what do we need to do?” Sam asked.
“I’m meeting Cas there, but it’s gotta be just me.”
Dean walked over to Sam and held his arms out to take Mary. His throat tightened as her joyful eyes found his. He tried to force a smile to match hers and tried just as hard to keep his breath steady when his hand brushed against Sam’s as they made the transfer.
“You be a good girl for, daddy, okay?” he whispered to Mary. When he spoke to the others he didn’t dare look up. “So can you guys handle the kids?”
Sam shot him a look. “You’re going after these people alone while we baby sit?”
“Dude, I’m not going alone. Cas will be there.”
Part of Dean believed that just because he had to. With Sam the likelihood of getting Lisa out alive was non-existent. If he went alone it was one step up from not a chance. His only option was to pray that Castiel was planning on sending more than a phone call.
Choosing his words carefully, Dean looked between Sam and Bobby. “So what do we actually know about these guys?”
“Nothing good,” Bobby said. “We know they want a restart on the apocalypse and we’re pretty damn sure they got the book that’ll give them the closest chance at it.”
“How sure are we about this book?”
“You said it was in your truck, right?” Bobby asked. “Well, Rufus, he went over to take care of the bodies and he checked the truck. It wasn’t there.”
“Yeah, but I mean the ritual. Are we talking about fruit loops with delusions of grandeur or are we really talking Apocalypse Now Redux?”
Sam stood and walked closer. Quickly Dean shifted his eyes away from Sam’s penetrating look. “What did Castiel say?"
“He wasn’t in a real chatty mood,” Dean replied. “You know angels. I just wanna know if we need smite first and ask questions later.”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
Bobby nodded in agreement. “It’d be my vote too. This thing was scribed by demons. We know it can crack into hell. We just don’t know how far.” Dean hugged his baby one last time before laying her into Bobby’s arms. “Dean...”
“Yeah, Bobby?”
“You be careful. These kids need you as much as they need their mom.”
“I know.” Dean had gotten damn good at lying. After a careful breath he looked to his brother. “Sam, I’m glad you’re back. Even if you didn’t want me to know.”
“It wasn’t like that, Dean.”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever. Seriously, it doesn’t matter.” His eyes went to the only person in the room that was giving him the evil eye. “Ben, I need to talk to you upstairs.”
Ben hopped off the couch and followed after him. “What’s really going on?” Ben asked when they were alone in the bedroom. “Cas is the angel, right?”
“That’s right.” Dean kneeled down so that he was at eye level with Ben. “I haven’t heard from him.”
For a long moment Ben just stared at him. “But you said...”
“I lied, Ben, and I need you to do the same unless Cas shows up and then you have to tell him to meet me at the St. Peter’s Church, you got it?”
“Yeah, but what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to get Mom back. Ben, no matter what it takes, I’m gonna bring your mom home.”
“What about my dad?”
Dean faltered. It took him a minute to figure out who Ben was even talking about. Of course the kid was his son, but Ben had never referred to him as anything other than his name. Without having words, Dean pulled Ben into his arms.
“I’ll take care of Mary,” Ben said into his ear, “but Dad, I want you to come back too.”
Continued to Chapter 8