(no subject)
I guess you could call it a self-evaluation but all I know is for once in my life I am content with what I will never understand.
Sure I still have thousands of questions. I still wonder why my mom had to leave me when I was so little and why I was handed over to a father who never showed interest in me after I hit the age if ten. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter. I thank people like this for forcing me to involuntarily grow into the person I am now. Independent, strong, determined, loyal. Occasionally my legs will give out and i'll fall flat on my face, but I know I'll always be able to stand again soon enough.
I have been known to be quite forgiving. Some would call it ignorance, I call it generosity and optimism. People are generally good. There is no use in holding a grudge, it will get you no where. People make mistakes, believe me-I'm the queen of them. I don't shut anyone out, not intentionally at least. I am always burning for a good conversation. and I don't mean one of those petty talks about school or work or the weather. I mean I real conversation about hearts and heads and tears and smiles. The kind where you walk away from them feeling new or overcome by something you've never felt before. Like your blood is flowing smoother and your heart isn't working so hard anymore.
and people,
people to have these conversations with. People who are genuine and selfless. People who will spot you two dollars or spot you their heart when you keep running into the same wall and destroy your own. Someone who don't have to bring you flowers everyday or take you out or spit out chiche words to let you know they care about you. People who wont call you just looking for a party but people who will call you to invite you sit on their couch and watch tv or go to lunch or simply call, god forbid, just to talk. People who think it's okay that you believe in God or evolution or don't care that you think George Bush is an amazing man or that you live in an apartment or a mansion or don't have a home at all. People who wont force you to see things their way but will understand that you have your own brain and emotions and accept that. Someone you don't have to change for. Someone to learn from.
Sometimes I think it's hard for people to accept love others give to them. They don't understand just how much they're actually worth. I know that I do settle for less than I ought to but sometimes I feel like I see something no one else can. I put faith into things people disregard. I appreciate things people would call pointless. Like when someone brushes the hair out of your eyes or gives yout he warmer banket.Or when the sun's shinning or the wind is blowing. I appriciate when strangers smile or sing in the grocery store. When someone tells you to have a good day or when I have to stop at red lights and a car rolls up next to me and I can make faces with the four year old kids in the back seat.
I guess the biggest point of this entry is that I have grown up. By no means am I old, or anywhere near being an adult, but I've grown up.
I can finally take care of myself, but I would love if someone offered to help anyways.
Sure I still have thousands of questions. I still wonder why my mom had to leave me when I was so little and why I was handed over to a father who never showed interest in me after I hit the age if ten. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter. I thank people like this for forcing me to involuntarily grow into the person I am now. Independent, strong, determined, loyal. Occasionally my legs will give out and i'll fall flat on my face, but I know I'll always be able to stand again soon enough.
I have been known to be quite forgiving. Some would call it ignorance, I call it generosity and optimism. People are generally good. There is no use in holding a grudge, it will get you no where. People make mistakes, believe me-I'm the queen of them. I don't shut anyone out, not intentionally at least. I am always burning for a good conversation. and I don't mean one of those petty talks about school or work or the weather. I mean I real conversation about hearts and heads and tears and smiles. The kind where you walk away from them feeling new or overcome by something you've never felt before. Like your blood is flowing smoother and your heart isn't working so hard anymore.
and people,
people to have these conversations with. People who are genuine and selfless. People who will spot you two dollars or spot you their heart when you keep running into the same wall and destroy your own. Someone who don't have to bring you flowers everyday or take you out or spit out chiche words to let you know they care about you. People who wont call you just looking for a party but people who will call you to invite you sit on their couch and watch tv or go to lunch or simply call, god forbid, just to talk. People who think it's okay that you believe in God or evolution or don't care that you think George Bush is an amazing man or that you live in an apartment or a mansion or don't have a home at all. People who wont force you to see things their way but will understand that you have your own brain and emotions and accept that. Someone you don't have to change for. Someone to learn from.
Sometimes I think it's hard for people to accept love others give to them. They don't understand just how much they're actually worth. I know that I do settle for less than I ought to but sometimes I feel like I see something no one else can. I put faith into things people disregard. I appreciate things people would call pointless. Like when someone brushes the hair out of your eyes or gives yout he warmer banket.Or when the sun's shinning or the wind is blowing. I appriciate when strangers smile or sing in the grocery store. When someone tells you to have a good day or when I have to stop at red lights and a car rolls up next to me and I can make faces with the four year old kids in the back seat.
I guess the biggest point of this entry is that I have grown up. By no means am I old, or anywhere near being an adult, but I've grown up.
I can finally take care of myself, but I would love if someone offered to help anyways.