Let the Games Begin!
Well...It's Monday. The Monday before Thanksgiving. I missed my dental appointment this morning, due to the fact that I didn't sleep well last night, probably due to stress.
My Cousin got here today. That's a good thing. My grandmother, and mother are both being bitchy. Those are not good things.
Tomorrow is Tuesday. "D-Day." The day I find out if I can get my catheters out in time for Thanksgiving, which is...
Thursday. Dusty's first Thanksgiving with the more "conservative" side of my family. God, I hope he makes it, and nothing goes wrong, and he doesn't get sick between now and than, and can go with us, without a hitch. This is what is making me the most nervous. I really REALLY want this Thanksgiving to be extra special. It is the Thanksgiving before I move in with him. I want my WHOLE family to know him. To love him. As much as I do, only not in the same way, of course!
"D-Day" is important because I want to feel "whole" for the first time in 3 years. I have a closet full of clothes that I have not, and will not wear until this situation is resolved. I want to wear one of those outfits with my "new hair" on Thursday, because Thursday is importent to me. I can't even put into words how much this holiday, this year, will mean to me.
I wonder if Dusty knows how much this means to me? I wonder if it means as much to him? Sometimes I don't know if he feels things as deeply as I do. He's not as verbal about his feelings as I am, so it's hard to tell. I wish he could see himself the way I see him. The way most people who are lucky enough to know him see him. He thinks if he saw himself the way we do, that it would make him "conceited." Maybe he has a point.
I wish I knew he felt the same depth of respect for me. I wish I knew exactly WHAT he thinks about me. But, that would require being more verbal. (See above paragraph.)
Mom is about to irritate me to death. GOD, I SWEAR she is one of the most anal, uptight people I know! Damn! GRRRRR! (Deep breath.)
That's it. I'm done rambling. Those of you that have been praying, and thinking positively, please keep it up, especially tomorrow. Tomorrow, as I said, is "Big Day #1. Second only to Thanksgiving, which is Big Day #2, but we'll deal with that Wednesday night.
Goodnight All!
My Cousin got here today. That's a good thing. My grandmother, and mother are both being bitchy. Those are not good things.
Tomorrow is Tuesday. "D-Day." The day I find out if I can get my catheters out in time for Thanksgiving, which is...
Thursday. Dusty's first Thanksgiving with the more "conservative" side of my family. God, I hope he makes it, and nothing goes wrong, and he doesn't get sick between now and than, and can go with us, without a hitch. This is what is making me the most nervous. I really REALLY want this Thanksgiving to be extra special. It is the Thanksgiving before I move in with him. I want my WHOLE family to know him. To love him. As much as I do, only not in the same way, of course!
"D-Day" is important because I want to feel "whole" for the first time in 3 years. I have a closet full of clothes that I have not, and will not wear until this situation is resolved. I want to wear one of those outfits with my "new hair" on Thursday, because Thursday is importent to me. I can't even put into words how much this holiday, this year, will mean to me.
I wonder if Dusty knows how much this means to me? I wonder if it means as much to him? Sometimes I don't know if he feels things as deeply as I do. He's not as verbal about his feelings as I am, so it's hard to tell. I wish he could see himself the way I see him. The way most people who are lucky enough to know him see him. He thinks if he saw himself the way we do, that it would make him "conceited." Maybe he has a point.
I wish I knew he felt the same depth of respect for me. I wish I knew exactly WHAT he thinks about me. But, that would require being more verbal. (See above paragraph.)
Mom is about to irritate me to death. GOD, I SWEAR she is one of the most anal, uptight people I know! Damn! GRRRRR! (Deep breath.)
That's it. I'm done rambling. Those of you that have been praying, and thinking positively, please keep it up, especially tomorrow. Tomorrow, as I said, is "Big Day #1. Second only to Thanksgiving, which is Big Day #2, but we'll deal with that Wednesday night.
Goodnight All!