*sigh* Mistakes..and more mistakes..
Well..lots to update about. I'm in Canada. I decided to come up here and stay with my parents for awhile, with Lilly, of course. My mom was going to go down to California to see Lilly and me, but due to some..events that happened, I decided it'd be better for me and Lilly to be up here.
Adam and I broke up..again. The weddings off, unfortunately. I really don't know what to say. It's been a day, I'm still a little shocked. Tuesday, he was telling me how he would never leave me, and he would prove that, but i guess soemthing changed. i just don't know what. im hurt, sad, confused, but theres nothing i can do. I guess I was stupid again. That doesn't surprise me, i guess i just have to learn from my mistakes this time. Even so, if he wanted to get back together, I would. i know..its a stupid thing, but everything tells me he's worth it, and that we're meant to be together. Jamie said to me that sometimes love is just putting up with someone. you can't expect something back. That's very true, but sometimes I can't help wanting him to love me back. I will always be there for him, theres no doubt in that. He's my best friend and he always will be, relationship or no relationship. But I can't help the longing I have for him. When we got back together, I thought i was dreaming, I guess I was. I don't regret it though. For the times I was happy, that makes up for everything that's ever happened. I have to be thankful that we won't lose touch with each other, we still have Lilly. Not that I think we would lose touch without her, but she helps us stay in touch. He does have to see her. I guess we'll have to figure the whole joint custody thing out again. *sigh* Why must this all be so complicated?
Through all this, I can't help thinking of what Clayton said to me a couple days ago. Reagan, you're making a mistake, with all of this. He is going to hurt you, like he did before. He doesn't love you. He's on the rebound, he's going for the first person he knows has feelings for him, and that person is you. I know most of that isn't true, but..it just keeps coming to mind. I'm ignoring him for the most part though. It's not like he treated me like a princess. He almost killed Lilly..and hurt me, many times. Adam treated me right, I have no reason to believe he was using me or whatever clayton seems to be referring to. This has turned out to be longer than I expected, so I'm going to go.
-R.
Adam and I broke up..again. The weddings off, unfortunately. I really don't know what to say. It's been a day, I'm still a little shocked. Tuesday, he was telling me how he would never leave me, and he would prove that, but i guess soemthing changed. i just don't know what. im hurt, sad, confused, but theres nothing i can do. I guess I was stupid again. That doesn't surprise me, i guess i just have to learn from my mistakes this time. Even so, if he wanted to get back together, I would. i know..its a stupid thing, but everything tells me he's worth it, and that we're meant to be together. Jamie said to me that sometimes love is just putting up with someone. you can't expect something back. That's very true, but sometimes I can't help wanting him to love me back. I will always be there for him, theres no doubt in that. He's my best friend and he always will be, relationship or no relationship. But I can't help the longing I have for him. When we got back together, I thought i was dreaming, I guess I was. I don't regret it though. For the times I was happy, that makes up for everything that's ever happened. I have to be thankful that we won't lose touch with each other, we still have Lilly. Not that I think we would lose touch without her, but she helps us stay in touch. He does have to see her. I guess we'll have to figure the whole joint custody thing out again. *sigh* Why must this all be so complicated?
Through all this, I can't help thinking of what Clayton said to me a couple days ago. Reagan, you're making a mistake, with all of this. He is going to hurt you, like he did before. He doesn't love you. He's on the rebound, he's going for the first person he knows has feelings for him, and that person is you. I know most of that isn't true, but..it just keeps coming to mind. I'm ignoring him for the most part though. It's not like he treated me like a princess. He almost killed Lilly..and hurt me, many times. Adam treated me right, I have no reason to believe he was using me or whatever clayton seems to be referring to. This has turned out to be longer than I expected, so I'm going to go.
-R.