services
the wake was aweful. it took me like 15 minutes to actually work up the courage to go in and see her. finally jess grabbed me and we went in together. you had to walk through this hallway first, and all the posters we made for lexi were lining the way. i was already balling. i had to stop like 3 times before we actually got up there. it didn't even look like lexi. i must have gone up like 10 times, but it didn't change. it kinda put me at ease though, oddly. it's not here going into that box. her body, sure. but she is elsewhere. a better place. her family was so strong. i don't know how they managed to stand up there the whole time. i met a lot of her friends i had never gotten to meet. they all seem really nice. i just tried to be there for everyone and be as strong as i could. i managed to only break down a couple of times throughout the 5 hours i was there. afterwards me, geoff, rhiannon, ciara, cassie, and morgan (rhiannon's sister) went to friendly's to get ice cream.
the funeral was bad too. beforehand, close friends and family showed up at the funeral home for the 'final goodbye' before they sealed the coffin. i got there pretty early, basically nobody was there yet. i peaked in through the back of the room and jon was standing there all by himself so i went in to be with him. we walked up to the casket together and kneeled in front of her. i put one arm around him and the other on her hand. god she was so cold. when we got up he had tons of tears in his eyes. i just instinctively grabbed him and pulled him into a long hug and we just cried for a while. then i went out front to be with other people. her immediate family came in shortly after. all of a sudden you could hear someone break down histerically yelling. i later found out it was her grandmother. it was the most aweful noise ever. broke my heart.
i broke down during the church service during the communion as the preist was talking about "resurection." i was sitting between cassie and lexi's friend sage. i just started weeping during the service. my whole body was shaking and i couldn't stop. they both had their hands on my back as i knelt, squeezing the pentacle in my hand as hard as i could.
the burial was short. i was actually really suprised. but then again i've never been to one. i stood behind her family and just put my hand on her step-dad's shoulder. then i saw jon and he looked absolutely wrecked, so i stood next to him for the rest of the service. afterwards i got pulled into a circle consisting of jon, jess, sage, carissa, jared, sarah, and heidi. they told me they were going to be doing a wiccan ceremony for lex on saturday, which she would have wanted. i was gonna go home tomorrow night, but i decided i'm gonna stay for this because it's important to her.
after that we went back to the church for a reception. we ate and talked and actually managed to laugh outside with the group from the circle and a few others. nobody wanted to go home just yet, so me, logan, anthony, jon, jared, and sarah decided to go chill at rec for a while. it was nice. jon is so sweet. he actually talks when you get him alone in a smaller group. i feel so bad for him =[
that's it i guess. later.
the funeral was bad too. beforehand, close friends and family showed up at the funeral home for the 'final goodbye' before they sealed the coffin. i got there pretty early, basically nobody was there yet. i peaked in through the back of the room and jon was standing there all by himself so i went in to be with him. we walked up to the casket together and kneeled in front of her. i put one arm around him and the other on her hand. god she was so cold. when we got up he had tons of tears in his eyes. i just instinctively grabbed him and pulled him into a long hug and we just cried for a while. then i went out front to be with other people. her immediate family came in shortly after. all of a sudden you could hear someone break down histerically yelling. i later found out it was her grandmother. it was the most aweful noise ever. broke my heart.
i broke down during the church service during the communion as the preist was talking about "resurection." i was sitting between cassie and lexi's friend sage. i just started weeping during the service. my whole body was shaking and i couldn't stop. they both had their hands on my back as i knelt, squeezing the pentacle in my hand as hard as i could.
the burial was short. i was actually really suprised. but then again i've never been to one. i stood behind her family and just put my hand on her step-dad's shoulder. then i saw jon and he looked absolutely wrecked, so i stood next to him for the rest of the service. afterwards i got pulled into a circle consisting of jon, jess, sage, carissa, jared, sarah, and heidi. they told me they were going to be doing a wiccan ceremony for lex on saturday, which she would have wanted. i was gonna go home tomorrow night, but i decided i'm gonna stay for this because it's important to her.
after that we went back to the church for a reception. we ate and talked and actually managed to laugh outside with the group from the circle and a few others. nobody wanted to go home just yet, so me, logan, anthony, jon, jared, and sarah decided to go chill at rec for a while. it was nice. jon is so sweet. he actually talks when you get him alone in a smaller group. i feel so bad for him =[
that's it i guess. later.