Ramblings of a scrawny dork
Okay, I'm hoping this doesn't come out sounding all vain and shit, but I was just pondering something. Growing up, I was always a skinny lad and have never been much for working out. I was never really interested in sports, or girls (go figure). I was a church kid throughout jr. hi and high school and basically just hung out with friends from my youth group. I was always pretty bright, although I often worked to downplay it so as not to be seen as too much of a nerd. To the world around me in high school I was pretty much a scrawny dork. The jocks picked on me and the thugs all threatened to beat me up, just because they could. So, like most high school kids, I had self-esteem issues (and still do).
Fast forward. Now I am away from my old high school and church crowd, and I am out as a gay young adult. Somehow I went from 'scrawny dork' to a 'yer so cute' slender twink. How did this happen? I am the same Chris I have always been, but now all of a sudden I can go into a gay bar and people notice me, 30-somethings plus offer me good money to sleep with them (but no, I don't play that game), and some gay guys my age find me sudddenly 'hot'. What gives? Why do gay guys seem to see me so differently than the rest of the world? Why are some of the less attractive guys out there suprised when I talk to them?
When I go out to a club, I usually don't make the first move on guys, not because I am stuck up, but because, like most everyone else, the thought of rejection terrifies me. Maybe it's irrational, but hey, it is what it is. I'm like most everyone else. I can list a whole slew of things I don't like about my appearance, my personality, etc. (which vanity and insecurity prevent me from listing here). What I find amusing is, that as I talk to other boys that *I* find attractive, they often react the same way to bars, and to online coversations as well. They want to be approached so they don't risk the rejection either. It's not a matter of being stuck up for me. It's more a matter that growing up in straight America, I was never popular or sought after. Now suddenly in 'gay America' things are all different. Talk about confusing....
Fast forward. Now I am away from my old high school and church crowd, and I am out as a gay young adult. Somehow I went from 'scrawny dork' to a 'yer so cute' slender twink. How did this happen? I am the same Chris I have always been, but now all of a sudden I can go into a gay bar and people notice me, 30-somethings plus offer me good money to sleep with them (but no, I don't play that game), and some gay guys my age find me sudddenly 'hot'. What gives? Why do gay guys seem to see me so differently than the rest of the world? Why are some of the less attractive guys out there suprised when I talk to them?
When I go out to a club, I usually don't make the first move on guys, not because I am stuck up, but because, like most everyone else, the thought of rejection terrifies me. Maybe it's irrational, but hey, it is what it is. I'm like most everyone else. I can list a whole slew of things I don't like about my appearance, my personality, etc. (which vanity and insecurity prevent me from listing here). What I find amusing is, that as I talk to other boys that *I* find attractive, they often react the same way to bars, and to online coversations as well. They want to be approached so they don't risk the rejection either. It's not a matter of being stuck up for me. It's more a matter that growing up in straight America, I was never popular or sought after. Now suddenly in 'gay America' things are all different. Talk about confusing....