Apr 16, 2006 23:56
Well today was an intresting one.I have no idea how to explain my feelings to ne one ne more. I feel as even tho i dont really know my own bf that well bc we dont really "talk" much liek the otehr day i guess he told tina he NEVER wants kids and tol me that is a big thing if i am going to be with him fer a while.Because i do want kids one day that is really important to me.I love kids. and if he doesnt want kids ever than does that mean he never wants to get married?and if i try to talk to him about this ill feel dumb bc he will prolly be like its too soon to talk about all this but if that is how he feels i wanna know b4 i put ne more of my heart into it.bc one day i do want to get married and i DO want to have kids.Sometimes i also feel taht dan is two dif people.like sometimes he can be the sweetest person in the world and the best bf and sometimes i feel like he does nto even really,truely love me.Like he is sooooo cockey sometimes! and him telling tina that he never wanted to have kids and that i was fine with it wow i dont know if he really meant taht of if he was just trying to look kool.and then tina also tells me that the reason that him and his ex broke up was bc she didnt want him to go to canada and that if i asked him not to go that he would go ne ways. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?????I just dont know if i can fully trust him yet im not saying taht i think he will cheat on me i just think that he lies a lot about his past and sometimes about loving me.he says sweet things a lot but what u say and what u do are two different things. Like i have never made love with him only had sex.That bothers the hell out of me for once i would like to kiss alot and hug and look at eachother and go slow with making love and have him tell me he loves me while looking into my eyes and such things of this nature.And i have no way of talking to him about all of this bc he may take it the wrong way or tell me im being dumb.we have been dating fer about 5 months now and i dont know what he wants to do with his life.Relationships are tooooo damn complicated.Oh well one day ill have to talk to him about all of this fer now im dont writing about it