Fic: What Doesn't Kill Me 1/2
Just a little two-shot I’m writing between chapters for my other story. The beginning is a little rambly, but it does heat up. I just couldn’t get this idea out of my head, even if it is somewhat unlikely.
Done with school for the semester, so more for What Rachel Knows is coming, the second part of this, and possibly a sequel It Happened One Night.
What Doesn’t Kill Me: A Two-Shot
Rachel Barbra Berry - McKinley High School’s New Directions’ female lead and a future Broadway star, had a plan. Or rather, she had another plan.
The fact was, they needed Kurt. Not just as the twelfth member and one of the better singers, but he is one of them and they need him to be complete. She may not be especially close to him, they are definitely not best friends, but she respects him and sees a little bit of herself in him. Like she told him, they really are quite similar. The problem is, she is a very quick thinker.
She’s not being arrogant or anything. It’s just…she tends to think before she acts, even if, sometimes, she acts quickly enough that it doesn’t always show. Pros and Cons lists, for instance, are a staple in her life and she tends, before any major decision, to make them, even if they are just mental lists, and this does helps her reflect on her actual reasons for her actions.
For instance, when she told Finn about Quinn’s indiscretion with Noah, and the horrible lie that followed, she had a mental lists that she was concocting even as she talks with him. On the con side (why she shouldn’t tell him) were the obvious reasons. She wasn’t actually a part of the relationship, so was it her secret to tell? Would the following drama affect their chances at regionals? What would happen to Noah and Finn’s relationship? Was there even the slightest chance that she was wrong?
All of that were fine. The problems came with her pro list (why she should tell him). Honesty is the best policy. He’s your friend and he deserves to know. All of the stress of the secret has been damaging three of her team’s vocalists. He wouldn’t need to lie about a disability to have a job anymore. And, yes, the first thing on her list was that Finn would break up with Quinn and turn to Rachel for comfort. The deciding factor, the one part that really made her decision for her, occurred when she was talking to him. This lie was hurting him so much.
The stress and pressure was not just bad for glee club, but it was also tearing Finn apart. And that tipped the scale. She didn’t have many friends. Finn was basically it. So above everything else, she would help the only friend she had, especially since his other friends weren’t.
Unfortunately, things didn’t happen like they planned. He really was heart-broken (which was completely understandable), but also so angry. She had never seen such anger with him, hadn’t known he was capable of it really. For a moment, when he was yelling and kicking at chairs in the choir room, she wanted to take it all back. He deserved to know, but…
And when she decided to purposely fail the duet competition, of course she had a mental pro/con list. And, regrettably, that list did include items like taking Quinn off the market so she wouldn’t be an option for Finn and show people she can lose gracefully. And, yes, having enough people to compete in Sectionals and possibly end up winning Nationals was also there too. However, so was encouraging her new teammate and showing him how great glee could be. She just naturally thought of all the possibilities and compared them. She had even added that it would be good for Quinn to be shown that glee supports her even when she is not pregnant and an outcast. That, just because she had her popularity back, didn’t mean glee still wasn’t a vital part of her day. Just because she thought out all of her possibilities and her reasons didn’t mean she was selfish, just smart. It was smart to make the most informed choice possible.
Selfish was choosing an option that had more cons than pros because of a pro that particularly profited her. Which she had done in the past.
This was different though. She did care about Kurt, more than just as the twelfth member, and she knew what it was like to be him, tortured and tormented for some uncontrollable part of himself. And, while she persevered and held strong in the face of it, she could give speeches on how hard it was sometimes. She didn’t want other people feeling like that, especially not a teammate, if there was even the slightest possibility she could help. And she knew, even though there was the general air of intolerance and bullying at McKinley, that it was the Karofsky situation causing most of the problems.
What was worse, though, is that it seemed to be escalating. Her first idea did not pan out, though she hopes the duet at least helped a little. She also hopes that it wasn’t Finn’s reluctance to participate that caused her plan to fail.
She is not stupid - she’s actually in the top five percentile at their school - so of course she is aware that Finn is not perfect and neither is their relationship, though she really doesn’t like to let people in on this. He can, she knows, be cowardly, thoughtless, and even hurtful. He lacks perception and self-awareness, and he is as obsessed with being seen as the leader and the nice guy as he is with popularity in general. It’s funny at times because, despite popular opinion about his intelligence, he does display as startling amount of emotional intelligence that he tends to ignore these days in favor of that popularity. He had always been able to, with a few notable exceptions, read the emotions of those around him and was sensitive enough to act accordingly, but know seems to play the ignorant card to get out of doing the right thing, when Rachel knows he knows better. Sometimes Rachel wonders if it was the effect of everything happening last year, his dip in popularity and all the baby drama, or if their relationship really is toxic.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be liked or thought about in a certain manner- it was why she created the Run, Joey, Run video and she, more than anyone, knows that need to be showered with accolades and applause, but, once again, it is the matter of selfishness. Finn had to choose between the easy choice that benefitted him, or the hard choice that stop’s his brother from feeling terrorized at school. Finn, once again, let selfish desire control his actions, or rather his inactions, and that was the only reason he wasn’t there for Kurt.
Rachel has flaws too. Some of them, in fact, are very similar to Finn’s, if shown in a somewhat different manner, and some of them are the complete opposite. Rachel, as Finn said, or tried to say, on the first day of school, was controlling. She was attention seeking and selfish. She talked too much about things nobody else cared about. She was ambitious and craved applause and renown, but lacked the social grace, and probably that emotional intelligence that Finn had, to get it. She could be manipulative and clever, using any means necessary (crack houses and “rumors” about pedophilia included) to get what she wanted. She dressed weird and acted annoying and had no friends. She knows about these flaws because her peers have hurtled comments about them at her since she started school. She has made it a point to be self-aware and completely honest with herself, partly because she figured it would help her in her goals in the long run and partly to try and figure out what was wrong with her that nobody liked her. She has analyzed her actions to that end and although she could never complexly figure it out, she knows that some self-delusion, while it may have shielded her feelings at time, would have just hindered her growth as a person and one-day star.
Her and Finn both have their shares of flaws, everybody does, but Finn stays with her despite her flaws, so she tries to look past his. Mr. Shuester once said that she would find somebody one day who would like everything about her that she hates, and she knows Finn isn’t there yet, but he might someday. In return, she tries to be that person for him. It’s not as though she should like every flaw of his, though. She should also try and help him grow and be a better person, just like he makes her want to be better sometimes.
So, yes, when he failed to help Kurt in his time of need, she still stood up for him in front of the rest of glee club. She was on his side and had his back, trying to help him achieve what is important to him. But, when they were basically alone, she still let him know how she felt about the situation. She knows he wasn’t just late to the party, knows that he allowed Mike and Artie to try and stand up alone to Karofsky, Sam jumping in when things started to get out of control. She is disappointed in him, and she told him so, not to make him feel bad about himself, but because, out of all of them, Finn is the one who should be standing up for Kurt the most. They are brothers. She talked to him about it, privately, so that he would think about his actions, reflect on them closely, and learn something, maybe make a different choice in the future.
She doesn’t want him to grow, by the way, for her. She wants him to grow for him. Finn, truthfully and pathetically, is all she really has. She is clingy and needy with him, sometimes, because, for her, he is more than just a boyfriend, he is her best and only friend, and it is that part of their relationship that she treasures the most. She thinks, sometimes, that she would be okay if they broke up, as long as they remained friends, but she knows that really wouldn’t happen. When she had Jesse, she still had Finn because he wanted to be with her and was willing to fight for her. The fact that he cared about her so much, that he loved her enough, that he didn’t sleep with Santana when he had the chance meant the world to her. It meant that he loved her enough that, even when she was with another man, he would choose being alone to being with someone who wasn’t her. She thought that was incredible.
Sometimes, though, she wondered where that Finn went. When her and Jesse had their less than amicable break-up, she really would have preferred to not go into another relationship right away. She is self-aware enough to know that, between Jesse and Shelby, she was a little messed up, still is really, and that’s probably why she is taking things with Finn very, very slow. Jesse got a lot further than Finn ever did in a much shorter time period, even if she didn’t give him her virginity. Sometimes, though, and this is going to sound really bad, when the relationship drama is just too much, she feels like the only reason she’s dating him, that she’s making out with him, is so she won’t lose him as a friend. She loves him, she really does, but she doesn’t really know if she’s in love with him the way she thought she was last year. And that not knowing is the real reason she can only go so far with him physically.
At the beginning of the year, she tried to get him to chose her over football. She really didn’t care about the sport of his popularity, she just wanted to see if he would chose her like Noah did and like Jesse at first appeared to. She would have told him to go back to the football team if he had, but she was feeling lost, remembering last year when he was the only one who chose football over glee. She wanted to be the only thing he needed because, that was true, she could stand him being the only thing she had. Her being enough for him is the only way him having t be enough for her would be okay. But it wasn’t. She wasn’t.
Considering his flaws and fluctuating popularity, she doesn’t know if Finn would have really made all that much of a difference in her Kurt-vention (that’s a Kurt intervention), but he was one of the more important options. Him and Sam, who only jumped in at the last minute and she doesn’t know if this was a personal choice or if Quinn, with all her feminist beliefs, didn’t tell her the plan. Artie is in a wheelchair and Mike is quiet and in the background, so those two confronting Karofsky by themselves may have made things worse. Ego is a powerful thing and his wouldn’t let those two alone get him to leave Kurt alone. That’s why, despite Quinn’s speech, she needed the guys to confront him. It wouldn’t be too bad if he stopped because one of the most popular guys in school and his friends, football team jocks, pushed at him to stop, even if Noah could only be there in spirit. But, without Finn and Sam only joining at the last minute, they really didn’t stand a chance.
There was absolutely no way he would have stopped if the female members had done anything, his ego wouldn’t have allowed it.
Now Rachel would have to step into her secondary plan. Even though it was less likely to work, she had started with the first plan because it was mostly non-violent (they were threatening violence, but it was Karofsky that had made it happen) and, if Karofsky had listened to reason, wouldn’t have hurt anyone in the short or long run. Now she had to escalate things and, this plan, was potentially life ruining. She hated to do it, but Kurt really was worth it and it was only as much as Karofsky deserved.
=======
The plan was ready and just in time. Kurt was, apparently planning on actually switching schools to get away from Karofsky and she couldn’t let that brute chase Kurt away. Kurt would be gone soon, though, so it was lucky that everything was aligning perfectly to allow her to pull of her plan a little earlier than normal.
“Plan “Bait and Ditch” alpha is a go,” she whispered to herself during her homeroom, ignoring the worried glance Tina shot her. She continued examining her timetable, a cross referencing sheet with Karofsky’s class schedule and a very important visiting superintendent. She would have to plan this just right. The second the bell rang signaling they had six minutes to get to their first period class, she had shot out of the room like a rocket.
“Did you see her face,” Tina asked her boyfriend, concern painting her expression.
“What,” he asked, not having been sitting next to Rachel like Tina had been, but ready to listen to whatever she had observed.
“She’s planning something. The last time I saw that look was when she called the girls together and before that an Asian got sent to a crack house,” Tina explained, half hoping that whatever her plan was would only effect those in glee club. Mike pulled a worried expression.
“Maybe she has a plan to replace Kurt already,” he offered, hoping to put Tina’s mind at ease, even though he doubted that was the situation.
“We can only hope,” she said as they left their homeroom. They gave each other a quick goodbye kiss, before separating to different classes, Mike heading towards the front of the building while Tina was going the opposite direction.
---
Rachel was rushing. Normally she wasn’t one to run in the hallways, but she had a very limited timeline to stick to and she had to be in front of the newly reinstated Figgins’ office in less than a minute. She gave a sigh of relief when the office came into sight and a triumphant smirk when she saw the superintendent, a tall, skinny black women who, Rachel knew from experience in protests she had led, had a terrific no-nonsense attitude. At the other end of the hallway, Karofsky appeared, separating from his friends at the corner. Perfect.
She adjusted all of her very thick clothing, the fluffy winter coat was only acceptable when one realized it was almost winter in Ohio, but it really belonged in her locker by now, and cleared her face. As Karofsky was passing directly in front of the glass office, Rachel intentionally ran into him, just a shoulder to shoulder brush that most people would have ignored. Rachel didn’t offer the normal apology and could only hope Karofsky would play his part correctly.
“Watch it, Freak,” he grumbled, half-heartedly, giving her a light shove. It was his first day back, Kurt’s first day of absence, and he still couldn’t act like a gentlemen. Rachel set her face in anger.
“You watch it, Jerk,” she snarled, hiding the triumph that blossomed as his face shifted to shock then anger.
“What did you say to me?” he asked incredulously, not quite believing she had the audacity to speak to him in such a manner. Still, his disbelief did not prevent him from taking a menacing step in her direction, and Rachel steadied herself. This would be a little scary, possibly painful, but was really for the best. She swallowed and stood up straight, glare in place.
“I believe you heard me, Karofsky, and it was a rather simple sentence so you shouldn’t have had too much trouble grasping the meaning,” she spit out, sarcastic and biting, doing her best to channel Santana Lopez.
“You’re pushing it, Berry. You better walk away before I get angry,” he snarled, even closer than before and face turning red. This was the moment, here is where she had to make things look natural, but push him over the edge. She knew she was drawing a crowd, was counting on it, but the bell would ring soon. She figures most of the students would stay to see the end of the confrontation, which means teachers would come looking and finish this before she had concluded her plan. She steeled her nerves, not even allowing herself the reprieve of a deep breath. This was it. She really wished plan one had worked.
“Like you made Kurt walk away,” she starts, building up steam. His body tenses at the mention of Kurt. “It may not seem like it at times, but Kurt was my friend and you bullied and threatened him until he had no choice but to run from you. That is the last straw. You can pick on the glee kids all you want, mock us and push us around, but I am not backing down. You want to try and attack me like you did Kurt, go ahead, but I’ll attack right back.”
His eyes are glaring and he is right next to her and she really wished she was taller. This is the part where he pushes her, and he does, against the lockers, trying to intimidate her without actually attacking her.
“Like you could,” he baits her, but she is prepared, ready. Because she really does know how to manipulate a situation. She may get messed up sometimes, trying to figure out how people work and why they dislike like her. But she does know how to push peoples buttons. She is largely nonviolent, but sometimes she really wants to get revenge on people. The best revenge, though, is when they don’t know it’s revenge. Sometimes she just lets all the worst aspects of her personality out, exaggerated and playing it up, and she gives them what they expect, but certainly don’t want. She may or may not have been pushing Quinn’s buttons for ages. And one thing she has learned, what her former plan also relied on, is the popularity obsessed tormenters were all ego and, honestly, could be so easily pushed around with public opinion.
So she chose to provoke by attacking his ego, by making him worry about public opinion. The fact that he chose Kurt to bully the most gave her the most information about what made him tick. She didn’t know why he was so homophobic, but she didn’t care the reasons at this time. All she knew was that it was the rope he was giving her to hang with him, perfect fodder to turn his incredulous disbelief into boiling uncontrollable rage.
“Maybe not physically,” she speaks, low so only the two of them can hear, “but I was the one who stole Finn Hudson from Quinn Fabray. I was the one who, in my freshman year, didn’t get the solo from the glee club teacher and had him fired for being a pedophile.” She quirks her eyebrow at him, face hopefully showing only malicious glee - and she was thankful his frame was blocking the surrounding crowd from seeing that expression, it was meant only to spur him forward. She pushed away from him at that moment and he stumbled, not expecting. She had to be ready cause this was it. She turned, face clear, and shouted.
“Just because you couldn’t control your closeted desires around Kurt, doesn’t mean the rest of us are going to continue to take your repressed hostility,” she says, clear and loud for the whole hallway to hear. Everyone falls silent and Karofsky freezes for just a moment before he is screaming at her.
“What did you say?” he yells, a tinge of laughter in his tone, but she can see an honest fear in his eyes that startles her. It doesn’t stop her though, and she wonders what Karofsky honestly expects her answer to be.
“Everyone else treats us all like scum, but you put so much focus on Kurt that he had to transfer to get away from you. I have two gay dads, I’ve read literature. The type of homophobia I see coming from you screams self-hating closet case. I don’t care. I -” and she’s cut off. She doesn’t know if any of her words have even a hint of truth to them, in her experience, this area seems to have a shadow of homophobia falling on it. But his reaction, his exploding anger as he shoves her hard and fast, pushing to the floor as he yells gibberish, tells her, at least, that it was a good area to attack.
Surprisingly, the students are quick to react. She may not have a very high opinion of her classmates, but, no matter how much they dislike her, this is not the sort of situation that you just watch with awe. Maybe at first, but this isn’t two students fighting. This isn’t the time when you form a ring and shout juvenile chants. This is a boy, a large jock, attacking a tiny girl. He is only on her for a second, only the initial shove and a partial shove in, when he is pulled off her. She notices that Mike Chang was one of them doing the pulling and is honestly a little surprised to see Trevor, one of the band boys, also helping pull Karofsky away.
What really surprises her, though, is Quinn at the front of the crowd, eyes wide open in shock. It makes sense that she was there. Like Mike, Rachel is pretty sure that Quinn has a class in the general area. Standing rigid and staring, the other girl looks like she’s in shock, and Rachel doesn’t know how much of the fight she had seen. Maybe all of it or maybe just the end. She seems to shudder out of her shock and, even though the two aren’t really friends, she immediately makes her way to Rachel’s side.
Teachers are, by this time, drawn out to the hallway from the commotion, and Rachel is pleased to see that this includes Figgins and the superintendent. Mike, the only gleek besides Quinn that she can see, shoves Karofsky away to be held back by a couple of hockey players and jumps to her side.
“Shit, Rachel, are you okay?” he asks, face a perfect picture of concern. Quinn is silent as she has an uncharacteristic expression of distress. She smiles unsteadily at him and allows the two of them to help her up as she cradles her ribs. She hurts, but it’s not that bad and it is, after all, entirely her fault at this point, so she sucks it up.
“I’m - I’m fine,” she gasps and waits for Figgins to walk over. He is stuck, just for amount, seemingly unable to decide what he should do first, attend to her, yell at Karofsky, or dismiss the lingering students. The superintendent takes the decision out of his hands.
“Everybody to their classes, this isn’t a TV show,” she shouts to the crowd, face stern with her hands on her hips. Everybody listens. She turns to Karofsky, still being held by the hockey boys as Trevor glares. They release him as she storms up, a fierce scowl glaring down at the boy. “You are to go to the principal’s office and stay there until I return. Your father is being called in immediately.”
Karofsky slinks into the office, face a mixture of terror and rage, and the superintendent grabs one of the teachers. Quietly telling the man to go and sit with the boy. Finally, she turns to Rachel and Mike.
“I’m Mrs. Johnson, the superintendent, and I can guarantee you that we will get to the bottom of this, but first let’s get you to the nurse,” she assures kindly, face much more gentle now. Rachel, eyes still on the floor, nods and gathers her things. Mike, of course, helps her. She feels a little bad about that, since she did plan most of this, but she really can’t tell him that. Mrs. Johnson nods at Quinn, no doubt assuming the two girls are friends, “Can you help her to the nurses office while I make some arrangements with the other boy? I’ll be right in.”
At Quinn’s nod, Mrs. Johnson turns to Mike and asks gently, “I don’t want to tear you away, but would you mind coming with me and explaining the situation. I will of course get…” and she turns to Rachel who quickly introduces herself softly, “Rachel’s story, but I think her welfare is most important right now, but still want to hear both sides before talking to the parents.” Mike, one of the more moral of the football players, is quick to agree and the two head to Figgins’ office.
Quinn nods easily and is quick to grab her books and bag and the two head to the nurses office in silence. She doesn’t really feel like talking, and Quinn doesn’t seem to know what to say. The two normally don’t talk and anything they say now would just be really awkward. Still, she is grateful for the other girl’s presence. They may not get along normally, even arguing earlier this week, but there is no doubt Quinn has a presence. She holds the door open for Rachel as they enter the nurses’ area, though she is nowhere to be found, and helps her settle into one of the empty cots. It’s only when they are seated that Quinn speaks.
“Are you okay?” she asks quietly, and Rachel can only bring herself to nod, not quite up to talking to the other girl. “I never, I mean, I knew he had shoved Kurt and everything, but that was so far out of line. With all those witnesses and everything, and so soon after the suspension, there is no way he’s not getting expelled.” Quinn’s voice is low and there is a definite note of incredulity there, as if she doesn’t quite understand how she ended up alone with Rachel Berry in the nurses office. Rachel keeps her eyes on the floor and tries not to get her hopes up. This may have been her plan all along, but she knew better than to count her chickens before they hatched.
Quinn looks at Rachel, a glint in her eye, and Rachel shifts awkwardly. Quinn probably wasn’t the best one to be helping her here.
“Why did you do that?” the older girl asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice.
“Hmm,” Rachel tried to avoid the question, hoping not to get into it right now. She would be ready when Mrs. Johnson started asking questions. She was, after all, the victim, so Mrs. Johnson would be gentle and tender and not out looking for motives. Plus, her nerves were a little shot right now, and she just really wanted some recovery time.
“You know how crazy Karofsky can be. There is a reason Kurt transferred, after all, why would you antagonize him like that,” Quinn asked again, eyes pinning Rachel down. She knew she really couldn’t evade the question, so she let out a sigh and looked Quinn straight in the eye.
“I am so sick of him and all these other jock jerks who get to do whatever they want and have absolutely no consequences. I don’t normally say anything, Quinn, because he is a bigoted, short-tempered male who is twice my size. That is why I tried to get the other males to reason with him earlier. Not because I don’t believe I am equal to them or because I want my boyfriend to fight my battle, but because this is apparently the end result of confronting him myself,” she spoke, as clearly as possible. “I am sick of sitting around, though, and letting them walk all over me. I have enough of it from people I have to get along with, I won’t take it from him any longer.”
“Wait,” Quinn starts, a stricken look on her face, “Are you saying you stood up to him because of what I said earlier. I mean, I stand by it, but I wasn’t telling you to pick a fight with him.” Rachel rolled her eyes. Trust her to make all of Rachel’s actions revolve around her.
“I could care less about what you said before, Quinn. I know who I am and what my worth is and I chose the first plan specifically because I knew the only non-violent way to get through Karofsky’s thick head was through threats from someone he would have a legitimate reason to back off from. I had to take his ego into consideration. Even if Santana went after him, and I hear she has razor blades in her hair, his ego wouldn’t allow him to be stopped by a girl. Of course, it would have worked better if Sam and Finn would have been a part of it from the start,” and Rachel may or may not be rambling by the end. Quinn has a funny look on her face, wary, and Rachel gets worried. “What?”
“First plan. What does that mean?” Quinn asks suspiciously, and Rachel can’t stop herself from freezing up. Crap. Of course, out of everyone, it would have to be Quinn who had a class close by and sent to help her to the nurses. Just about anyone else in glee club wouldn’t have noticed that tiny slip or, if they had, wouldn’t care enough to bring it up.
“I…uh,” Rachel starts, knowing she has to say something, anything, but her normally wonderful mind is just not coming up with anything. This is why she plans! Details and consistencies! Her skill with improvisation really isn’t the best! She should schedule some more improv classes!
She quickly grabbed her planner from her book bag and put in a little notation for the future, writing it down just in case her memory fails her. Quinn’s giving her another weird look, so she hastily puts the planner away.
“Did you plan this?” Quinn asks calmly, even though her face is still tinged with disbelief. Rachel, still not sure what to say, gives a hesitant, jerky nod. Almost immediately, Quinn chokes out a short, disbelieving laugh, and, for a moment, she’s not looking at Rachel, “Why?”
Rachel takes a deep breath. She doesn’t really know what to say, she wasn’t exactly planning on telling anyone that this was planned. This could ruin everything. But maybe, just maybe, if she could just articulate it well enough, Quinn won’t rat her out. Why could Quinn always see through her plans?
“It was for Kurt,” Rachel starts, and Quinn almost immediately frowns. She looks like she wants to say something, so Rachel lets her interrupt. She figures it will just be a denial that Rachel would do something for someone else, like the accusations from Finn and even Kurt in the past, and would rather get it out of the way.
“Kurt’s transferring. How is you getting Karofsky to beat you up going to help?” Quinn asks, and it’s not really the question she was expecting, but it’s an easy enough question to answer. In fact, it’s easy enough that she rolls her eyes a little in response.
“It was, like, two hits and the actual violence wasn’t the goal. What comes next is the goal. He was suspended for his problems with Kurt and, on his first day back, he gets into a physical altercation with another student, a small, female student, right in front of the principal’s office on the day the superintendent is visiting. He’s getting expelled. This was Kurt’s first day not going to McKinley and I don’t think he’s officially enrolled at Dalton yet, though he might be getting started. I’m ninety percent sure that, at this point, Kurt can still come back without having wasted his parents’ honeymoon money,” Rachel says, very quickly, and it leaves Quinn staring at her in astonishment.
The entire time, Rachel had been sitting down on one of the nurses’ cots, but Quinn had stayed standing, preferring to look down on the other girl. After the speech, though, she moves and sits softly right next to Rachel. She doesn’t, however, look at the other girl.
“How long did this take you to plan?” Quinn asked softly, and Rachel’s brow furrowed. Quinn could be so confusing sometimes, and, right now, Rachel was having a hard time getting a read on her.
“Uh, not, not long. I came up with it during the initial brainstorming session, but put it on the back burner. Why?” Rachel asked, and this was really a conversation now. Rachel hoped they could finish it up before the superintendent came in. Or the nurse, wherever she was, if they even had one.
“I just, me and Santana and the jocks and- everyone here has been… harsh towards you for such a long time. If you could so easily come up with a plan like this…why didn’t you before, like with me or the jocks? At least try to get us to back off a little,” Quinn questions, still not looking at her. Rachel blinks, she really didn’t expect the question, nor is it something she readily has an answer to. She had honestly never thought about it.
“Quinn…if this plan works, and there is no guarantee that it will, Karofsky is going to be expelled. If he’s lucky, he’ll be the one going to a new school. His family will think less of him, he, most likely, won’t be able to talk with his friends as much, and his time on the football team is definitely gone. His life is basically ruined. I tried something less drastic before this, but, that failed. And the less drastic method would have failed on you for much the same reasons,” Rachel explains, and, while she had never given much thought to it, it is the truth. She would much rather become friends with these people than get revenge on them. Quinn should know that.
“After all, I believe in second chances and forgiveness. I wouldn’t want to take the possibility away.” Quinn still isn’t looking at her, but she is ringing her hands together in a somewhat nervous fashion.
“Then why did you do it. If second chances are so important, if you believe in forgiveness or whatever, then why did you follow through with this?” Quinn asks harshly. Rachel doesn’t get why she keeps questioning, especially when the answers obvious.
“I will admit that I am slightly regretful that it has come to this, and I can’t predict how the other jocks and bullies will react to this, but no matter what, Kurt was more important. Kurt mattered.” Rachel says, and her voice is not timid or questioning. It is strong and clear because this was one thing she was absolutely sure of. For the first time since she sat down, Quinn lifts her head and looks at her.
“Aren’t you?”
Rachel is taken aback, not sure how to answer. Of course Rachel believed she mattered, that she was important, but it was different. The entire school thought so little of Rachel, not just the homophobic jocks. The problem, therefore, was probably with her. And besides, Rachel could take it. The taunts and abuse. Slushee showers and egg pelting. She was strong enough to withstand them. She would come out stronger. She would survive.
She was about to tell Quinn exactly this, when the door open and the two girls jerked away from each other, Quinn jumping off the cot. The superintendent had returned carrying a manila folder. Rachel shot a nervous glance at the standing Quinn, hoping she wouldn’t blow her plan.
Done with school for the semester, so more for What Rachel Knows is coming, the second part of this, and possibly a sequel It Happened One Night.
What Doesn’t Kill Me: A Two-Shot
Rachel Barbra Berry - McKinley High School’s New Directions’ female lead and a future Broadway star, had a plan. Or rather, she had another plan.
The fact was, they needed Kurt. Not just as the twelfth member and one of the better singers, but he is one of them and they need him to be complete. She may not be especially close to him, they are definitely not best friends, but she respects him and sees a little bit of herself in him. Like she told him, they really are quite similar. The problem is, she is a very quick thinker.
She’s not being arrogant or anything. It’s just…she tends to think before she acts, even if, sometimes, she acts quickly enough that it doesn’t always show. Pros and Cons lists, for instance, are a staple in her life and she tends, before any major decision, to make them, even if they are just mental lists, and this does helps her reflect on her actual reasons for her actions.
For instance, when she told Finn about Quinn’s indiscretion with Noah, and the horrible lie that followed, she had a mental lists that she was concocting even as she talks with him. On the con side (why she shouldn’t tell him) were the obvious reasons. She wasn’t actually a part of the relationship, so was it her secret to tell? Would the following drama affect their chances at regionals? What would happen to Noah and Finn’s relationship? Was there even the slightest chance that she was wrong?
All of that were fine. The problems came with her pro list (why she should tell him). Honesty is the best policy. He’s your friend and he deserves to know. All of the stress of the secret has been damaging three of her team’s vocalists. He wouldn’t need to lie about a disability to have a job anymore. And, yes, the first thing on her list was that Finn would break up with Quinn and turn to Rachel for comfort. The deciding factor, the one part that really made her decision for her, occurred when she was talking to him. This lie was hurting him so much.
The stress and pressure was not just bad for glee club, but it was also tearing Finn apart. And that tipped the scale. She didn’t have many friends. Finn was basically it. So above everything else, she would help the only friend she had, especially since his other friends weren’t.
Unfortunately, things didn’t happen like they planned. He really was heart-broken (which was completely understandable), but also so angry. She had never seen such anger with him, hadn’t known he was capable of it really. For a moment, when he was yelling and kicking at chairs in the choir room, she wanted to take it all back. He deserved to know, but…
And when she decided to purposely fail the duet competition, of course she had a mental pro/con list. And, regrettably, that list did include items like taking Quinn off the market so she wouldn’t be an option for Finn and show people she can lose gracefully. And, yes, having enough people to compete in Sectionals and possibly end up winning Nationals was also there too. However, so was encouraging her new teammate and showing him how great glee could be. She just naturally thought of all the possibilities and compared them. She had even added that it would be good for Quinn to be shown that glee supports her even when she is not pregnant and an outcast. That, just because she had her popularity back, didn’t mean glee still wasn’t a vital part of her day. Just because she thought out all of her possibilities and her reasons didn’t mean she was selfish, just smart. It was smart to make the most informed choice possible.
Selfish was choosing an option that had more cons than pros because of a pro that particularly profited her. Which she had done in the past.
This was different though. She did care about Kurt, more than just as the twelfth member, and she knew what it was like to be him, tortured and tormented for some uncontrollable part of himself. And, while she persevered and held strong in the face of it, she could give speeches on how hard it was sometimes. She didn’t want other people feeling like that, especially not a teammate, if there was even the slightest possibility she could help. And she knew, even though there was the general air of intolerance and bullying at McKinley, that it was the Karofsky situation causing most of the problems.
What was worse, though, is that it seemed to be escalating. Her first idea did not pan out, though she hopes the duet at least helped a little. She also hopes that it wasn’t Finn’s reluctance to participate that caused her plan to fail.
She is not stupid - she’s actually in the top five percentile at their school - so of course she is aware that Finn is not perfect and neither is their relationship, though she really doesn’t like to let people in on this. He can, she knows, be cowardly, thoughtless, and even hurtful. He lacks perception and self-awareness, and he is as obsessed with being seen as the leader and the nice guy as he is with popularity in general. It’s funny at times because, despite popular opinion about his intelligence, he does display as startling amount of emotional intelligence that he tends to ignore these days in favor of that popularity. He had always been able to, with a few notable exceptions, read the emotions of those around him and was sensitive enough to act accordingly, but know seems to play the ignorant card to get out of doing the right thing, when Rachel knows he knows better. Sometimes Rachel wonders if it was the effect of everything happening last year, his dip in popularity and all the baby drama, or if their relationship really is toxic.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be liked or thought about in a certain manner- it was why she created the Run, Joey, Run video and she, more than anyone, knows that need to be showered with accolades and applause, but, once again, it is the matter of selfishness. Finn had to choose between the easy choice that benefitted him, or the hard choice that stop’s his brother from feeling terrorized at school. Finn, once again, let selfish desire control his actions, or rather his inactions, and that was the only reason he wasn’t there for Kurt.
Rachel has flaws too. Some of them, in fact, are very similar to Finn’s, if shown in a somewhat different manner, and some of them are the complete opposite. Rachel, as Finn said, or tried to say, on the first day of school, was controlling. She was attention seeking and selfish. She talked too much about things nobody else cared about. She was ambitious and craved applause and renown, but lacked the social grace, and probably that emotional intelligence that Finn had, to get it. She could be manipulative and clever, using any means necessary (crack houses and “rumors” about pedophilia included) to get what she wanted. She dressed weird and acted annoying and had no friends. She knows about these flaws because her peers have hurtled comments about them at her since she started school. She has made it a point to be self-aware and completely honest with herself, partly because she figured it would help her in her goals in the long run and partly to try and figure out what was wrong with her that nobody liked her. She has analyzed her actions to that end and although she could never complexly figure it out, she knows that some self-delusion, while it may have shielded her feelings at time, would have just hindered her growth as a person and one-day star.
Her and Finn both have their shares of flaws, everybody does, but Finn stays with her despite her flaws, so she tries to look past his. Mr. Shuester once said that she would find somebody one day who would like everything about her that she hates, and she knows Finn isn’t there yet, but he might someday. In return, she tries to be that person for him. It’s not as though she should like every flaw of his, though. She should also try and help him grow and be a better person, just like he makes her want to be better sometimes.
So, yes, when he failed to help Kurt in his time of need, she still stood up for him in front of the rest of glee club. She was on his side and had his back, trying to help him achieve what is important to him. But, when they were basically alone, she still let him know how she felt about the situation. She knows he wasn’t just late to the party, knows that he allowed Mike and Artie to try and stand up alone to Karofsky, Sam jumping in when things started to get out of control. She is disappointed in him, and she told him so, not to make him feel bad about himself, but because, out of all of them, Finn is the one who should be standing up for Kurt the most. They are brothers. She talked to him about it, privately, so that he would think about his actions, reflect on them closely, and learn something, maybe make a different choice in the future.
She doesn’t want him to grow, by the way, for her. She wants him to grow for him. Finn, truthfully and pathetically, is all she really has. She is clingy and needy with him, sometimes, because, for her, he is more than just a boyfriend, he is her best and only friend, and it is that part of their relationship that she treasures the most. She thinks, sometimes, that she would be okay if they broke up, as long as they remained friends, but she knows that really wouldn’t happen. When she had Jesse, she still had Finn because he wanted to be with her and was willing to fight for her. The fact that he cared about her so much, that he loved her enough, that he didn’t sleep with Santana when he had the chance meant the world to her. It meant that he loved her enough that, even when she was with another man, he would choose being alone to being with someone who wasn’t her. She thought that was incredible.
Sometimes, though, she wondered where that Finn went. When her and Jesse had their less than amicable break-up, she really would have preferred to not go into another relationship right away. She is self-aware enough to know that, between Jesse and Shelby, she was a little messed up, still is really, and that’s probably why she is taking things with Finn very, very slow. Jesse got a lot further than Finn ever did in a much shorter time period, even if she didn’t give him her virginity. Sometimes, though, and this is going to sound really bad, when the relationship drama is just too much, she feels like the only reason she’s dating him, that she’s making out with him, is so she won’t lose him as a friend. She loves him, she really does, but she doesn’t really know if she’s in love with him the way she thought she was last year. And that not knowing is the real reason she can only go so far with him physically.
At the beginning of the year, she tried to get him to chose her over football. She really didn’t care about the sport of his popularity, she just wanted to see if he would chose her like Noah did and like Jesse at first appeared to. She would have told him to go back to the football team if he had, but she was feeling lost, remembering last year when he was the only one who chose football over glee. She wanted to be the only thing he needed because, that was true, she could stand him being the only thing she had. Her being enough for him is the only way him having t be enough for her would be okay. But it wasn’t. She wasn’t.
Considering his flaws and fluctuating popularity, she doesn’t know if Finn would have really made all that much of a difference in her Kurt-vention (that’s a Kurt intervention), but he was one of the more important options. Him and Sam, who only jumped in at the last minute and she doesn’t know if this was a personal choice or if Quinn, with all her feminist beliefs, didn’t tell her the plan. Artie is in a wheelchair and Mike is quiet and in the background, so those two confronting Karofsky by themselves may have made things worse. Ego is a powerful thing and his wouldn’t let those two alone get him to leave Kurt alone. That’s why, despite Quinn’s speech, she needed the guys to confront him. It wouldn’t be too bad if he stopped because one of the most popular guys in school and his friends, football team jocks, pushed at him to stop, even if Noah could only be there in spirit. But, without Finn and Sam only joining at the last minute, they really didn’t stand a chance.
There was absolutely no way he would have stopped if the female members had done anything, his ego wouldn’t have allowed it.
Now Rachel would have to step into her secondary plan. Even though it was less likely to work, she had started with the first plan because it was mostly non-violent (they were threatening violence, but it was Karofsky that had made it happen) and, if Karofsky had listened to reason, wouldn’t have hurt anyone in the short or long run. Now she had to escalate things and, this plan, was potentially life ruining. She hated to do it, but Kurt really was worth it and it was only as much as Karofsky deserved.
=======
The plan was ready and just in time. Kurt was, apparently planning on actually switching schools to get away from Karofsky and she couldn’t let that brute chase Kurt away. Kurt would be gone soon, though, so it was lucky that everything was aligning perfectly to allow her to pull of her plan a little earlier than normal.
“Plan “Bait and Ditch” alpha is a go,” she whispered to herself during her homeroom, ignoring the worried glance Tina shot her. She continued examining her timetable, a cross referencing sheet with Karofsky’s class schedule and a very important visiting superintendent. She would have to plan this just right. The second the bell rang signaling they had six minutes to get to their first period class, she had shot out of the room like a rocket.
“Did you see her face,” Tina asked her boyfriend, concern painting her expression.
“What,” he asked, not having been sitting next to Rachel like Tina had been, but ready to listen to whatever she had observed.
“She’s planning something. The last time I saw that look was when she called the girls together and before that an Asian got sent to a crack house,” Tina explained, half hoping that whatever her plan was would only effect those in glee club. Mike pulled a worried expression.
“Maybe she has a plan to replace Kurt already,” he offered, hoping to put Tina’s mind at ease, even though he doubted that was the situation.
“We can only hope,” she said as they left their homeroom. They gave each other a quick goodbye kiss, before separating to different classes, Mike heading towards the front of the building while Tina was going the opposite direction.
---
Rachel was rushing. Normally she wasn’t one to run in the hallways, but she had a very limited timeline to stick to and she had to be in front of the newly reinstated Figgins’ office in less than a minute. She gave a sigh of relief when the office came into sight and a triumphant smirk when she saw the superintendent, a tall, skinny black women who, Rachel knew from experience in protests she had led, had a terrific no-nonsense attitude. At the other end of the hallway, Karofsky appeared, separating from his friends at the corner. Perfect.
She adjusted all of her very thick clothing, the fluffy winter coat was only acceptable when one realized it was almost winter in Ohio, but it really belonged in her locker by now, and cleared her face. As Karofsky was passing directly in front of the glass office, Rachel intentionally ran into him, just a shoulder to shoulder brush that most people would have ignored. Rachel didn’t offer the normal apology and could only hope Karofsky would play his part correctly.
“Watch it, Freak,” he grumbled, half-heartedly, giving her a light shove. It was his first day back, Kurt’s first day of absence, and he still couldn’t act like a gentlemen. Rachel set her face in anger.
“You watch it, Jerk,” she snarled, hiding the triumph that blossomed as his face shifted to shock then anger.
“What did you say to me?” he asked incredulously, not quite believing she had the audacity to speak to him in such a manner. Still, his disbelief did not prevent him from taking a menacing step in her direction, and Rachel steadied herself. This would be a little scary, possibly painful, but was really for the best. She swallowed and stood up straight, glare in place.
“I believe you heard me, Karofsky, and it was a rather simple sentence so you shouldn’t have had too much trouble grasping the meaning,” she spit out, sarcastic and biting, doing her best to channel Santana Lopez.
“You’re pushing it, Berry. You better walk away before I get angry,” he snarled, even closer than before and face turning red. This was the moment, here is where she had to make things look natural, but push him over the edge. She knew she was drawing a crowd, was counting on it, but the bell would ring soon. She figures most of the students would stay to see the end of the confrontation, which means teachers would come looking and finish this before she had concluded her plan. She steeled her nerves, not even allowing herself the reprieve of a deep breath. This was it. She really wished plan one had worked.
“Like you made Kurt walk away,” she starts, building up steam. His body tenses at the mention of Kurt. “It may not seem like it at times, but Kurt was my friend and you bullied and threatened him until he had no choice but to run from you. That is the last straw. You can pick on the glee kids all you want, mock us and push us around, but I am not backing down. You want to try and attack me like you did Kurt, go ahead, but I’ll attack right back.”
His eyes are glaring and he is right next to her and she really wished she was taller. This is the part where he pushes her, and he does, against the lockers, trying to intimidate her without actually attacking her.
“Like you could,” he baits her, but she is prepared, ready. Because she really does know how to manipulate a situation. She may get messed up sometimes, trying to figure out how people work and why they dislike like her. But she does know how to push peoples buttons. She is largely nonviolent, but sometimes she really wants to get revenge on people. The best revenge, though, is when they don’t know it’s revenge. Sometimes she just lets all the worst aspects of her personality out, exaggerated and playing it up, and she gives them what they expect, but certainly don’t want. She may or may not have been pushing Quinn’s buttons for ages. And one thing she has learned, what her former plan also relied on, is the popularity obsessed tormenters were all ego and, honestly, could be so easily pushed around with public opinion.
So she chose to provoke by attacking his ego, by making him worry about public opinion. The fact that he chose Kurt to bully the most gave her the most information about what made him tick. She didn’t know why he was so homophobic, but she didn’t care the reasons at this time. All she knew was that it was the rope he was giving her to hang with him, perfect fodder to turn his incredulous disbelief into boiling uncontrollable rage.
“Maybe not physically,” she speaks, low so only the two of them can hear, “but I was the one who stole Finn Hudson from Quinn Fabray. I was the one who, in my freshman year, didn’t get the solo from the glee club teacher and had him fired for being a pedophile.” She quirks her eyebrow at him, face hopefully showing only malicious glee - and she was thankful his frame was blocking the surrounding crowd from seeing that expression, it was meant only to spur him forward. She pushed away from him at that moment and he stumbled, not expecting. She had to be ready cause this was it. She turned, face clear, and shouted.
“Just because you couldn’t control your closeted desires around Kurt, doesn’t mean the rest of us are going to continue to take your repressed hostility,” she says, clear and loud for the whole hallway to hear. Everyone falls silent and Karofsky freezes for just a moment before he is screaming at her.
“What did you say?” he yells, a tinge of laughter in his tone, but she can see an honest fear in his eyes that startles her. It doesn’t stop her though, and she wonders what Karofsky honestly expects her answer to be.
“Everyone else treats us all like scum, but you put so much focus on Kurt that he had to transfer to get away from you. I have two gay dads, I’ve read literature. The type of homophobia I see coming from you screams self-hating closet case. I don’t care. I -” and she’s cut off. She doesn’t know if any of her words have even a hint of truth to them, in her experience, this area seems to have a shadow of homophobia falling on it. But his reaction, his exploding anger as he shoves her hard and fast, pushing to the floor as he yells gibberish, tells her, at least, that it was a good area to attack.
Surprisingly, the students are quick to react. She may not have a very high opinion of her classmates, but, no matter how much they dislike her, this is not the sort of situation that you just watch with awe. Maybe at first, but this isn’t two students fighting. This isn’t the time when you form a ring and shout juvenile chants. This is a boy, a large jock, attacking a tiny girl. He is only on her for a second, only the initial shove and a partial shove in, when he is pulled off her. She notices that Mike Chang was one of them doing the pulling and is honestly a little surprised to see Trevor, one of the band boys, also helping pull Karofsky away.
What really surprises her, though, is Quinn at the front of the crowd, eyes wide open in shock. It makes sense that she was there. Like Mike, Rachel is pretty sure that Quinn has a class in the general area. Standing rigid and staring, the other girl looks like she’s in shock, and Rachel doesn’t know how much of the fight she had seen. Maybe all of it or maybe just the end. She seems to shudder out of her shock and, even though the two aren’t really friends, she immediately makes her way to Rachel’s side.
Teachers are, by this time, drawn out to the hallway from the commotion, and Rachel is pleased to see that this includes Figgins and the superintendent. Mike, the only gleek besides Quinn that she can see, shoves Karofsky away to be held back by a couple of hockey players and jumps to her side.
“Shit, Rachel, are you okay?” he asks, face a perfect picture of concern. Quinn is silent as she has an uncharacteristic expression of distress. She smiles unsteadily at him and allows the two of them to help her up as she cradles her ribs. She hurts, but it’s not that bad and it is, after all, entirely her fault at this point, so she sucks it up.
“I’m - I’m fine,” she gasps and waits for Figgins to walk over. He is stuck, just for amount, seemingly unable to decide what he should do first, attend to her, yell at Karofsky, or dismiss the lingering students. The superintendent takes the decision out of his hands.
“Everybody to their classes, this isn’t a TV show,” she shouts to the crowd, face stern with her hands on her hips. Everybody listens. She turns to Karofsky, still being held by the hockey boys as Trevor glares. They release him as she storms up, a fierce scowl glaring down at the boy. “You are to go to the principal’s office and stay there until I return. Your father is being called in immediately.”
Karofsky slinks into the office, face a mixture of terror and rage, and the superintendent grabs one of the teachers. Quietly telling the man to go and sit with the boy. Finally, she turns to Rachel and Mike.
“I’m Mrs. Johnson, the superintendent, and I can guarantee you that we will get to the bottom of this, but first let’s get you to the nurse,” she assures kindly, face much more gentle now. Rachel, eyes still on the floor, nods and gathers her things. Mike, of course, helps her. She feels a little bad about that, since she did plan most of this, but she really can’t tell him that. Mrs. Johnson nods at Quinn, no doubt assuming the two girls are friends, “Can you help her to the nurses office while I make some arrangements with the other boy? I’ll be right in.”
At Quinn’s nod, Mrs. Johnson turns to Mike and asks gently, “I don’t want to tear you away, but would you mind coming with me and explaining the situation. I will of course get…” and she turns to Rachel who quickly introduces herself softly, “Rachel’s story, but I think her welfare is most important right now, but still want to hear both sides before talking to the parents.” Mike, one of the more moral of the football players, is quick to agree and the two head to Figgins’ office.
Quinn nods easily and is quick to grab her books and bag and the two head to the nurses office in silence. She doesn’t really feel like talking, and Quinn doesn’t seem to know what to say. The two normally don’t talk and anything they say now would just be really awkward. Still, she is grateful for the other girl’s presence. They may not get along normally, even arguing earlier this week, but there is no doubt Quinn has a presence. She holds the door open for Rachel as they enter the nurses’ area, though she is nowhere to be found, and helps her settle into one of the empty cots. It’s only when they are seated that Quinn speaks.
“Are you okay?” she asks quietly, and Rachel can only bring herself to nod, not quite up to talking to the other girl. “I never, I mean, I knew he had shoved Kurt and everything, but that was so far out of line. With all those witnesses and everything, and so soon after the suspension, there is no way he’s not getting expelled.” Quinn’s voice is low and there is a definite note of incredulity there, as if she doesn’t quite understand how she ended up alone with Rachel Berry in the nurses office. Rachel keeps her eyes on the floor and tries not to get her hopes up. This may have been her plan all along, but she knew better than to count her chickens before they hatched.
Quinn looks at Rachel, a glint in her eye, and Rachel shifts awkwardly. Quinn probably wasn’t the best one to be helping her here.
“Why did you do that?” the older girl asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice.
“Hmm,” Rachel tried to avoid the question, hoping not to get into it right now. She would be ready when Mrs. Johnson started asking questions. She was, after all, the victim, so Mrs. Johnson would be gentle and tender and not out looking for motives. Plus, her nerves were a little shot right now, and she just really wanted some recovery time.
“You know how crazy Karofsky can be. There is a reason Kurt transferred, after all, why would you antagonize him like that,” Quinn asked again, eyes pinning Rachel down. She knew she really couldn’t evade the question, so she let out a sigh and looked Quinn straight in the eye.
“I am so sick of him and all these other jock jerks who get to do whatever they want and have absolutely no consequences. I don’t normally say anything, Quinn, because he is a bigoted, short-tempered male who is twice my size. That is why I tried to get the other males to reason with him earlier. Not because I don’t believe I am equal to them or because I want my boyfriend to fight my battle, but because this is apparently the end result of confronting him myself,” she spoke, as clearly as possible. “I am sick of sitting around, though, and letting them walk all over me. I have enough of it from people I have to get along with, I won’t take it from him any longer.”
“Wait,” Quinn starts, a stricken look on her face, “Are you saying you stood up to him because of what I said earlier. I mean, I stand by it, but I wasn’t telling you to pick a fight with him.” Rachel rolled her eyes. Trust her to make all of Rachel’s actions revolve around her.
“I could care less about what you said before, Quinn. I know who I am and what my worth is and I chose the first plan specifically because I knew the only non-violent way to get through Karofsky’s thick head was through threats from someone he would have a legitimate reason to back off from. I had to take his ego into consideration. Even if Santana went after him, and I hear she has razor blades in her hair, his ego wouldn’t allow him to be stopped by a girl. Of course, it would have worked better if Sam and Finn would have been a part of it from the start,” and Rachel may or may not be rambling by the end. Quinn has a funny look on her face, wary, and Rachel gets worried. “What?”
“First plan. What does that mean?” Quinn asks suspiciously, and Rachel can’t stop herself from freezing up. Crap. Of course, out of everyone, it would have to be Quinn who had a class close by and sent to help her to the nurses. Just about anyone else in glee club wouldn’t have noticed that tiny slip or, if they had, wouldn’t care enough to bring it up.
“I…uh,” Rachel starts, knowing she has to say something, anything, but her normally wonderful mind is just not coming up with anything. This is why she plans! Details and consistencies! Her skill with improvisation really isn’t the best! She should schedule some more improv classes!
She quickly grabbed her planner from her book bag and put in a little notation for the future, writing it down just in case her memory fails her. Quinn’s giving her another weird look, so she hastily puts the planner away.
“Did you plan this?” Quinn asks calmly, even though her face is still tinged with disbelief. Rachel, still not sure what to say, gives a hesitant, jerky nod. Almost immediately, Quinn chokes out a short, disbelieving laugh, and, for a moment, she’s not looking at Rachel, “Why?”
Rachel takes a deep breath. She doesn’t really know what to say, she wasn’t exactly planning on telling anyone that this was planned. This could ruin everything. But maybe, just maybe, if she could just articulate it well enough, Quinn won’t rat her out. Why could Quinn always see through her plans?
“It was for Kurt,” Rachel starts, and Quinn almost immediately frowns. She looks like she wants to say something, so Rachel lets her interrupt. She figures it will just be a denial that Rachel would do something for someone else, like the accusations from Finn and even Kurt in the past, and would rather get it out of the way.
“Kurt’s transferring. How is you getting Karofsky to beat you up going to help?” Quinn asks, and it’s not really the question she was expecting, but it’s an easy enough question to answer. In fact, it’s easy enough that she rolls her eyes a little in response.
“It was, like, two hits and the actual violence wasn’t the goal. What comes next is the goal. He was suspended for his problems with Kurt and, on his first day back, he gets into a physical altercation with another student, a small, female student, right in front of the principal’s office on the day the superintendent is visiting. He’s getting expelled. This was Kurt’s first day not going to McKinley and I don’t think he’s officially enrolled at Dalton yet, though he might be getting started. I’m ninety percent sure that, at this point, Kurt can still come back without having wasted his parents’ honeymoon money,” Rachel says, very quickly, and it leaves Quinn staring at her in astonishment.
The entire time, Rachel had been sitting down on one of the nurses’ cots, but Quinn had stayed standing, preferring to look down on the other girl. After the speech, though, she moves and sits softly right next to Rachel. She doesn’t, however, look at the other girl.
“How long did this take you to plan?” Quinn asked softly, and Rachel’s brow furrowed. Quinn could be so confusing sometimes, and, right now, Rachel was having a hard time getting a read on her.
“Uh, not, not long. I came up with it during the initial brainstorming session, but put it on the back burner. Why?” Rachel asked, and this was really a conversation now. Rachel hoped they could finish it up before the superintendent came in. Or the nurse, wherever she was, if they even had one.
“I just, me and Santana and the jocks and- everyone here has been… harsh towards you for such a long time. If you could so easily come up with a plan like this…why didn’t you before, like with me or the jocks? At least try to get us to back off a little,” Quinn questions, still not looking at her. Rachel blinks, she really didn’t expect the question, nor is it something she readily has an answer to. She had honestly never thought about it.
“Quinn…if this plan works, and there is no guarantee that it will, Karofsky is going to be expelled. If he’s lucky, he’ll be the one going to a new school. His family will think less of him, he, most likely, won’t be able to talk with his friends as much, and his time on the football team is definitely gone. His life is basically ruined. I tried something less drastic before this, but, that failed. And the less drastic method would have failed on you for much the same reasons,” Rachel explains, and, while she had never given much thought to it, it is the truth. She would much rather become friends with these people than get revenge on them. Quinn should know that.
“After all, I believe in second chances and forgiveness. I wouldn’t want to take the possibility away.” Quinn still isn’t looking at her, but she is ringing her hands together in a somewhat nervous fashion.
“Then why did you do it. If second chances are so important, if you believe in forgiveness or whatever, then why did you follow through with this?” Quinn asks harshly. Rachel doesn’t get why she keeps questioning, especially when the answers obvious.
“I will admit that I am slightly regretful that it has come to this, and I can’t predict how the other jocks and bullies will react to this, but no matter what, Kurt was more important. Kurt mattered.” Rachel says, and her voice is not timid or questioning. It is strong and clear because this was one thing she was absolutely sure of. For the first time since she sat down, Quinn lifts her head and looks at her.
“Aren’t you?”
Rachel is taken aback, not sure how to answer. Of course Rachel believed she mattered, that she was important, but it was different. The entire school thought so little of Rachel, not just the homophobic jocks. The problem, therefore, was probably with her. And besides, Rachel could take it. The taunts and abuse. Slushee showers and egg pelting. She was strong enough to withstand them. She would come out stronger. She would survive.
She was about to tell Quinn exactly this, when the door open and the two girls jerked away from each other, Quinn jumping off the cot. The superintendent had returned carrying a manila folder. Rachel shot a nervous glance at the standing Quinn, hoping she wouldn’t blow her plan.